The Moviesite Updates, 26 April 2012
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Ian Douglas
Apr 26, 2012, 8:12:53 AM4/26/12
to movies...@googlegroups.com
hi
For those of you taking a maxi weekend break, enjoy and take care :-)
The big release this week is the SuperHeroes in The Avengers, which has
received positive ratings from the press as well.
Note that there are previews all over all day on Tuesday for the upcoming
Battleship, which many people seem keen to see, presumably because Rihanna
puts in an appearance.
M O V I E S
Released 26 April 2012
3 (13 L) (Bolly/Tollywood ... not sure which)
* The Avengers (10 V)
* The Avengers (3D) (10 V)
* A Million Colours (16 VPD)
* Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (13 L)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
Added US Top Ten. The other industry news on this page is
updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, NuMetro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Woodlands, and Labia cinemas, and SK and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
Forthcoming attractions for 4 and 11 May
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/
This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the gals)
Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
DVDs and BluRays:
Titles and details up later at
http://www.moviesite.co.za/videos/new.htm
(being held up by the Film and Publications Board site not working properly)
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like
to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the
salesman,
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy
clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she
approached the salesman again and said,
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f... ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f... ing stupid!"
_________________
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, and yes, we copied
Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
_________________
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 239 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little
Fokker in sight."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's
house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at
our house."
"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and
she knows how to cook!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person drives a
race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could
it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Can you cry under water?
A. No, the water pressure doesn't allow it.
Q. How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
A. They need to own over one million in assets. It's all in the wallet
Q. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
A. A lot of money does grow on trees - the stuff that's made of paper
Q. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
A. Because sandwich meat isn't real meat - it's the defrosted compressed
interiors of frozen dinosaurs which are regularly mined in the Antarctic
Q. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny" for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
A. Two cents is worth a penny - American money is usually worth half of ours
Q. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?
A. Only in bad TV shows. In reality you have to wear the regulation costume of
your chosen faith - so you need to think what you look good in.
Q. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
A. Because it's in disguise
Q. What did cured ham actually have?
A. A case of living pig
Q. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
A. No, you're being silly.
Q. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?
A. Cos when babies sleep they look incredibly contented - they dont have to do
*anything* for themselves
Q. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
A. Being silly again
Q. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
A. Yes
Q. Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
A. TV's are smaller - not everyone can get in.
Q. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
A. To check it will still be there when they go down
Q. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America?
A. There are always far more good women than good men (silly question)
Q. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.
A. They don't want to spoil the surprise
Q. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
A. They don't - they're too busy dying
Q. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
A. Ask an American - only they have the poor taste to say "panties"
--
P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site.
For those of you taking a maxi weekend break, enjoy and take care :-)
The big release this week is the SuperHeroes in The Avengers, which has
received positive ratings from the press as well.
Note that there are previews all over all day on Tuesday for the upcoming
Battleship, which many people seem keen to see, presumably because Rihanna
puts in an appearance.
M O V I E S
Released 26 April 2012
3 (13 L) (Bolly/Tollywood ... not sure which)
* The Avengers (10 V)
* The Avengers (3D) (10 V)
* A Million Colours (16 VPD)
* Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (13 L)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
Added US Top Ten. The other industry news on this page is
updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, NuMetro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Woodlands, and Labia cinemas, and SK and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
Forthcoming attractions for 4 and 11 May
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/
This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the gals)
Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
DVDs and BluRays:
Titles and details up later at
http://www.moviesite.co.za/videos/new.htm
(being held up by the Film and Publications Board site not working properly)
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like
to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the
salesman,
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy
clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she
approached the salesman again and said,
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f... ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f... ing stupid!"
_________________
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, and yes, we copied
Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
_________________
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 239 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little
Fokker in sight."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's
house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at
our house."
"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and
she knows how to cook!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person drives a
race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could
it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Can you cry under water?
A. No, the water pressure doesn't allow it.
Q. How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
A. They need to own over one million in assets. It's all in the wallet
Q. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
A. A lot of money does grow on trees - the stuff that's made of paper
Q. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
A. Because sandwich meat isn't real meat - it's the defrosted compressed
interiors of frozen dinosaurs which are regularly mined in the Antarctic
Q. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny" for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
A. Two cents is worth a penny - American money is usually worth half of ours
Q. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?
A. Only in bad TV shows. In reality you have to wear the regulation costume of
your chosen faith - so you need to think what you look good in.
Q. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
A. Because it's in disguise
Q. What did cured ham actually have?
A. A case of living pig
Q. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
A. No, you're being silly.
Q. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?
A. Cos when babies sleep they look incredibly contented - they dont have to do
*anything* for themselves
Q. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
A. Being silly again
Q. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
A. Yes
Q. Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
A. TV's are smaller - not everyone can get in.
Q. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
A. To check it will still be there when they go down
Q. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America?
A. There are always far more good women than good men (silly question)
Q. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.
A. They don't want to spoil the surprise
Q. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
A. They don't - they're too busy dying
Q. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
A. Ask an American - only they have the poor taste to say "panties"
--
P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site.
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