The Moviesite updates, 12 January 2024
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Ian Douglas
Jan 12, 2024, 5:58:47 AMJan 12
to movies...@googlegroups.com
Hi all
Back to school shopping, as we get going post-holidays. So nothing new for
the kiddies this week.
From Hollywood, we have the musical version of the teen classic, Mean Girls,
which is based on the stage play version. Reviews have been reasonable for
this type of film. However the AgeRes is 16.
From India, the Tamil action adventure, Captain Miller, and the Hindi
thriller Merry Christmas.
Enjoy. :-)
New this week
* Mean Girls (16 LSVPD)
* Captain Miller (Probably 16 LV)
* Merry Christmas (Probably 16 V)
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
Forthcoming attractions
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the home page poster
https://www.moviesite.co.za/
List of all movies showing
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Showtimes
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Enjoy :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men were washed ashore during WWI.
Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast of an
uninhabited island. As the older veteran worked to build a makeshift camp,
the younger soldier managed to salvage a radio, and quickly telegraphed an
SOS with their coordinates.
To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, confirming that it
could arrive at their position in approximately two weeks.
The old vet sighed and shook his head, saying he'd rather take his chances
swimming out to the wrecked ship and trying to repair it.
The young soldier scoffed.
"You'd really rather play with that old mine craft all day?"
The older man shrugged. "It's better than a fortnight."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My dad works for a company that makes bicycle wheels.
Well, he's the spokesman.
The HR Department is also in charge of Retirement.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I invented a steam-powered phone...
but I kept getting too many mist calls.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A telemarketer just called me during dinner and she couldn’t stop coughing
and sneezing.
I’m so sick of these cold calls.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I managed to hide the fact that I was colourblind from everyone I knew for
a very long time.
But they eventually caught me blue handed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I tied a thread to two G-strings and tried throwing it into the wind.
But two thongs don't make a kite.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I ordered a Chicken and an Egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I could name myself after any Egyptian god, I'd be Set.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is wandering deep in the forest when he comes upon a strange looking
pub...
The man walks inside and is immediately greeted by the barkeep.
"What can I get you?" the barkeep asks.
"I'll just have a beer," the man replies.
"Unfortunately, the guy who just left drank our last beer," the barkeep says.
"However, I do have another drink I can offer you... the Elixir of the Forest
Elves."
"What's that?" the man inquires.
"Ah," the barkeep responds. "It's a potent mix of dragon blood, unicorn hair,
and fairy tears."
The man thinks for a moment. "Alright, I'll try one of those."
The barkeep gets to work behind the bar, mixing the mystical ingredients:
lights flash, colors change, smoke billows. He returns with a goblet, its
contents bubbling out of the sides.
Intrigued, the man takes a nervous sip.
"Geez," the man exclaims. "That tastes horrible."
"Yes," says the barkeep. "Why do you think the last guy drank all the beer?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles
of whiskey and two loaves of bread.
"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy is out running in the park.
He sees an older man sitting on a bench with an upset look on his face.
The guy waves it off and continues his run.
Another lap later, he sees an older woman sitting on that same bench with
the older guy, both of them looking upset. Again, the runner waves it off,
but this time his curiosity has been piqued.
Every time he passes by them, the runner still sees that its occupants look
upset. When he finishes his final lap, he decides to stop.
"Okay, I've been running laps by this bench here," the runner says.
"And every time I've passed by it, I see you two sitting there looking upset.
What's going on?"
The man answers. "Come, sit down and we'll explain why."
So the runner looks at his watch. "Yeah, sure, I'm done with my run anyway."
He sits down on the bench next to the man and woman. "So, what's the problem?"
"The problem?" the woman asks. "They just painted this bench."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Best exercise to lose weight:
Simply turn your head to the right and then to the left.
Repeat this exercise every time you're offered food.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last Valentine's Day my wife updated me with a call from work.
She told me, "You know three of the girls here in the office have just
received large bouquets of flowers from their men. They're just absolutely
beautiful."
I said, "Yeah, that's probably why the got the flowers."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My new job requires to carry a long sword and wear plate mail.
Looks like I'm working the Knight Shift.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chuck Norris went skydiving once but unfortunately his parachute failed to
open.
So the next day he went and got a refund.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My socially inept friend just finished his PhD in Palindromic Studies.
Now I can finally call him Dr. Awkward.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bread is like the sun.
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde woman is caught in a snowstorm
She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told
her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to
come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of
the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her
dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want
to follow me over to Best Buy now?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the
front camera.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare
their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or
romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend."
Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
--
webm...@moviesite.co.za
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site. Ph. (021) 975-7273
Back to school shopping, as we get going post-holidays. So nothing new for
the kiddies this week.
From Hollywood, we have the musical version of the teen classic, Mean Girls,
which is based on the stage play version. Reviews have been reasonable for
this type of film. However the AgeRes is 16.
From India, the Tamil action adventure, Captain Miller, and the Hindi
thriller Merry Christmas.
Enjoy. :-)
New this week
* Mean Girls (16 LSVPD)
* Captain Miller (Probably 16 LV)
* Merry Christmas (Probably 16 V)
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
Forthcoming attractions
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the home page poster
https://www.moviesite.co.za/
List of all movies showing
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Showtimes
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Enjoy :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men were washed ashore during WWI.
Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast of an
uninhabited island. As the older veteran worked to build a makeshift camp,
the younger soldier managed to salvage a radio, and quickly telegraphed an
SOS with their coordinates.
To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, confirming that it
could arrive at their position in approximately two weeks.
The old vet sighed and shook his head, saying he'd rather take his chances
swimming out to the wrecked ship and trying to repair it.
The young soldier scoffed.
"You'd really rather play with that old mine craft all day?"
The older man shrugged. "It's better than a fortnight."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My dad works for a company that makes bicycle wheels.
Well, he's the spokesman.
The HR Department is also in charge of Retirement.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I invented a steam-powered phone...
but I kept getting too many mist calls.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A telemarketer just called me during dinner and she couldn’t stop coughing
and sneezing.
I’m so sick of these cold calls.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I managed to hide the fact that I was colourblind from everyone I knew for
a very long time.
But they eventually caught me blue handed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I tied a thread to two G-strings and tried throwing it into the wind.
But two thongs don't make a kite.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I ordered a Chicken and an Egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I could name myself after any Egyptian god, I'd be Set.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is wandering deep in the forest when he comes upon a strange looking
pub...
The man walks inside and is immediately greeted by the barkeep.
"What can I get you?" the barkeep asks.
"I'll just have a beer," the man replies.
"Unfortunately, the guy who just left drank our last beer," the barkeep says.
"However, I do have another drink I can offer you... the Elixir of the Forest
Elves."
"What's that?" the man inquires.
"Ah," the barkeep responds. "It's a potent mix of dragon blood, unicorn hair,
and fairy tears."
The man thinks for a moment. "Alright, I'll try one of those."
The barkeep gets to work behind the bar, mixing the mystical ingredients:
lights flash, colors change, smoke billows. He returns with a goblet, its
contents bubbling out of the sides.
Intrigued, the man takes a nervous sip.
"Geez," the man exclaims. "That tastes horrible."
"Yes," says the barkeep. "Why do you think the last guy drank all the beer?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles
of whiskey and two loaves of bread.
"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy is out running in the park.
He sees an older man sitting on a bench with an upset look on his face.
The guy waves it off and continues his run.
Another lap later, he sees an older woman sitting on that same bench with
the older guy, both of them looking upset. Again, the runner waves it off,
but this time his curiosity has been piqued.
Every time he passes by them, the runner still sees that its occupants look
upset. When he finishes his final lap, he decides to stop.
"Okay, I've been running laps by this bench here," the runner says.
"And every time I've passed by it, I see you two sitting there looking upset.
What's going on?"
The man answers. "Come, sit down and we'll explain why."
So the runner looks at his watch. "Yeah, sure, I'm done with my run anyway."
He sits down on the bench next to the man and woman. "So, what's the problem?"
"The problem?" the woman asks. "They just painted this bench."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Best exercise to lose weight:
Simply turn your head to the right and then to the left.
Repeat this exercise every time you're offered food.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last Valentine's Day my wife updated me with a call from work.
She told me, "You know three of the girls here in the office have just
received large bouquets of flowers from their men. They're just absolutely
beautiful."
I said, "Yeah, that's probably why the got the flowers."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My new job requires to carry a long sword and wear plate mail.
Looks like I'm working the Knight Shift.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chuck Norris went skydiving once but unfortunately his parachute failed to
open.
So the next day he went and got a refund.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My socially inept friend just finished his PhD in Palindromic Studies.
Now I can finally call him Dr. Awkward.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bread is like the sun.
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde woman is caught in a snowstorm
She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told
her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to
come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of
the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her
dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want
to follow me over to Best Buy now?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the
front camera.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare
their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or
romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend."
Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
--
webm...@moviesite.co.za
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site. Ph. (021) 975-7273
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