The Moviesite updates, 7 July 2023

[Ian Douglas]

Hi all

Only two new movies this week, and both for the adults. There are already
several blockbusters on circuit, so a bit of a breather.

First up is the female-friendly road trip, Joy Ride, which his found favour
with press and public alike.

Counter programming for that is the next episode in the Insidious series,
dishing out more horror.

Next week sees Tom Cruise and The Biggest Stunt in Movie History. It's
technically opening on Friday but there are shows most places on Wednesday
and Thursday, so get in early ...

There is a Cannes Wrap-up 2023 at Mall of Africa on Wednesday.

Enjoy. :-)

New this week

* Joy Ride (16 LNSVDP)
* Insidious: The Red Door (16 LVH)

https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

Forthcoming attractions
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the home page poster
https://www.moviesite.co.za/


List of all movies showing
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Showtimes
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Enjoy :-)

Cheers, Ian

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Bono and the Edge walk in a bar

And the bartender says, "not U2 again!"

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I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.

If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and
get it for you.

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Women say they like a man who is "funny" and "spontaneous"

But you knock on their bedroom window at midnight wearing a clown costume
and suddenly it's all screaming and throwing things and police sirens.

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Why do all hot dogs look the same no matter where you see them?

They’re in bred

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Home repair is an addiction.

You're always looking for the next fix.

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If you lose one sense, apparently your other senses are enhanced.

This is why people with no sense of humour have a heightened sense of
self-importance.

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How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One...or two...?

One...or two...?

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My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

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The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies."

I replied, "Well, tell him he's really good - I haven't got any kids!"

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There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake...

For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of
that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with
three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted
as their squires polished armour, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.

The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with
2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened
their weapons as the squires polished armour and prepared dinner.

The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his
sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon,
while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to
cook while he prepared the knight's armour.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms
had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons
and jousting) and could not fight.

The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time
for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled,
a solitary figure limped from the carnage.

The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten,
bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to
the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

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I used to have a rare psychological disorder that made me think I was
various bodies of water.

I'm well now.

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Inflation in the USA is so high at this point that...

- I received a predeclined credit card in the mail.

- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

- Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.

- McDonald's is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.

- Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.

- Moms and Dad's in Beverly Hills let go of their nannies and finally
learned their child's names.

- A busload of Yanks were apprhended sneaking into Mexico.

- A picture is now only worth 100 words.

- The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

- I called a car dealer to get the book value on my used car. They asked if
the gas tank was full or empty

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Spoke to my Doctor about getting artificial knees.

It came down to a set of titanium replacements made in Tokyo or a set made
in Taipei.

So its Japan knees vs. Taiwan knees.

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I used to run a dating service for chickens.

But I was struggling to make hens meet.

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Every morning when I go out of my house, a bike comes out of nowhere and
tries to attack me.

It’s a... vicious cycle.

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11:38 - Arrived at crime scene.

11:38 - Examined body. Signs of a struggle.

11:38 - Found murder weapon in drain.

11:38 - Realised watch was broken.

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I have panic attacks every time I use a two letter word.

I get scared just... thinking about it.

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Just paid £2000 for a limo service and they never supplied a driver.

All that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

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I went on a date with a red head once.

It was going smoothly and we talked for a long while over some beers.

She kept spinning her hair around her finger and looked at me smiling.

I took it as a good sign but turns out it was just a red hair ring.

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Today I found out that you can hear the blood flowing through your veins.

You just have to listen varicosely.

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I'll do Algebra, I'll do Trigonometry. Heck, I'll even do statistics.

But graphing is where I draw the line!

Actually, graphing is fine, but calculus is my limit.

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