an apology by way of clarification
Connor McMorran
Dear everyone,
It has been brought to my attention that some of the things that I said at the film club meeting could have been insulting, belittling, or otherwise offensive in some way. If this is the case, I can only offer my sincere apologies. This was in no way my intention. I have explained many times that one aspect of my autism is an inability to be clear in explaining myself without having something concrete written down in front of me. Another way it affects me is a general inability to understand the ways in which people respond to various situations (this is true whether in the context of negative or positive responses). So, if my phrasing was unclear or in any way abrasive, please understand this was not my intent, and I apologise completely.
As such, I think it is important to clarify what I was trying to say. It has been told to me that proclaiming that I was speaking from an educated perspective was an attack, a way to dismiss or demean other people. This is categorically untrue, and I will try to explain what I mean. I hold a PhD in Film Theory and Analysis, it is something I have studied academically for close to half my life, it is something I am trained in as a specialist and an expert, and something I have subsequently taught at university. Simultaneously, I know relatively or practically nothing about many of the fields of interest and study that other people at the film club are themselves knowledgeable about – history, literature, psychiatry, pedagogy, foreign languages, how to effectively run a cinema, how to function in social spaces, the list is quite significant. Of the varieties of fields collected under STEM, I know absolutely nothing. Even when people try to explain it to me, it remains baffling. It might as well be magic and witchcraft, as far as the limits of my understanding are concerned. The point is this – I do not think, and would never wish to suggest, that I am superior in any way to anyone. At the same time, I am an expert in the field of critical theory, philosophy, film history, and analysis. This is a fact, just as it is a fact that others are educated and knowledgeable in their respective fields. To say that I am speaking from an educated perspective is a fact about me, nothing more, and carries no inherent criticism of others. I hope this is clear.
The reason that I stated this fact is ultimately to do with the tricky notion of subjectivity, and the idea that all opinions are equal when it comes to a response to an artwork, a film, whatever. This, to be clear, I fundamentally agree with. All opinions are equal. But here is what I’m trying to get at. The statements I make about films are not, and cannot simply be reduced to, opinion. The analysis I offer during post-film discussions are not opinions, because they are not based in pure subjectivity. They are attempts at outlining a central thesis, placing the film into a particular context – theoretical, socio-cultural, political – and attempting to prove this thesis through evidence both in the film as a text, and through linking it to wider elements, such as certain philosophies or theoretical frameworks. They are subjective in that they come from within me, but I am aiming to position my argument in a more structured, more ‘objective’ space. It is not about my response, my likes or dislikes, what resonated within me. It’s about trying to provide proof to an analysis.
This is important because I think it is essential that we acknowledge that hierarchies of knowledge do exist. If we reduce everything down to pure subjectivity, then there are only opinions, and no knowledge base matters. Everything becomes flat. If this is true, why study anything? Why specialise and become an expert? I am not saying that I am infallible. I am not saying that my analysis of the film is the singular and only possible reading. But I am saying that if my expertise is nullified by being considered only an opinion, then it simultaneously nullifies the effort involved in becoming an expert. I would not reduce comments about history, psychiatry, and so on, to opinion, because I understand that such statements are likewise coming from an educated perspective.
All this said, I have come to understand that, quite frankly, I lack the social functionality to exist in such a space. It is already a stressful and exhausting thing to speak, which I know nobody is asking me to do, but I offer my comments up precisely because I am an expert and want to provide, I hope, a reading of the film which other people might not have considered, or a theoretical or philosophical approach that may help others to understand their own responses. When I receive ‘challenges’ or statements that sideline my analysis as nothing more than opinion, this is obviously a frustrating and stress inducing thing. Again, to be clear, I am not saying that I am never wrong, or that people can’t provide counter-points to what I say. If you remember, on Monday Dominic rightly pointed out the lack of specificity in how I was using the term ‘white guilt’, so I then attempted to clarify it further. What I mean is, if opinion is the defining element of discourse, and my approach creates tension with this, then something must change, and it is not the film club that must change.
So, finally, I end with two points. First: a re-emphasis on the reason for this message, an apology. I do not and never intend to make people feel annoyed, uncomfortable, or otherwise offended or belittled. If that occurred as a result of my actions or words, I am truly sorry. Second: I clearly struggle to fit into the parameters of the film club, both as a social situation and at the level of discourse. Thus, I will be taking an indefinite break from the film club. I do not wish to make people feel awkward. This is not as a result of any particular person or particular statement. It is just a conclusion arrived at through logic and contemplation, which, ultimately, is the only way that things make sense to me in this world.
If you read all this, I hope it goes some way to rectifying things. If you didn’t, I don’t blame you, but I hope you might reconsider. I tried very hard to be clear.
Best wishes to you all,
Connor
Dominic Wilson
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-font-kerning:0pt;mso-ligatures:
none;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Hi Connor,
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-font-kerning:0pt;mso-ligatures:
none;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I’m so sorry to hear that you feel this way.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-font-kerning:0pt;mso-ligatures:
none;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">I must say I am disappointed by your decision
to take an indefinite break from film club. I do not think that you fail to fit
into the parameters of the film club, which are, after all, contingently
defined by the attendance on any particular night. Most of the people in the
discussion understand your social limitations and, while I can only speak from
my perception, I think it would be possible to overestimate the degree of
offence caused. I, for one, value your expertise and it helps me to inform my
own understanding of the film. I personally like to see you there and I think
the film club would be made the poorer for your absence.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-font-kerning:0pt;mso-ligatures:
none;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">You may or may not know that I have social
limitations of my own and I understand, at least to some extent, the stress
caused by such situations. I hope you will reconsider, but if not, I would like
to thank you for your previous contributions.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-font-kerning:0pt;mso-ligatures:
none;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Best Wishes,
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-font-kerning:0pt;mso-ligatures:
none;mso-fareast-language:EN-GB">Dominic
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Connor McMorran
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