Amber's MWK Notes :)

[Karen Broadhead]

Good morning Beautiful Mothers! 😄 

We are so blessed to have each other. 

Amber takes the best and cutest notes at MWK ON Tuesdays. Wanted to share with you 💜 

[Lisa & Lloyd Peterson]

Those are so awesome! I needed that boost today!

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[Julie Dunford]

Wow!! Thanks so much!! So helpful:)

Julie Dunford

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[Leslie Hansen]

Thank you so much!  Love this-  Its going in my notebook!

Leslie

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[Angie Bennett]

Thank you for sharing your talent!  My notes are usually not readable later!  These are perfect.

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Angie

We ask that you be sensitive to those who are reaching out and try to handle unsubscribing behind the scenes, as at times when we get multiple requests to unsubscribe via the actual email thread, it can often shut down the mothers who need this help the most. As they feel responsible for the people leaving, which is not accurate, but hard to counter that feeling. If you need help unsubscribing, please do not post that to the group. You can simply email mofsofh+u...@googlegroups.com and be automatically unsubscribed. Or email us at wearemoth...@gmail.com We love you and hate to see you go, but understand and celebrate for you, if you have moved on and are no longer in need of our services. There are more options posted below and you have a variety of ways to receive your emails, you just need to go in and change your settings on the Group website. For which there is a link below also.

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[Bonnie Porter]

Are there any women who could help my daughter? She left her husband last week over porn and an addiction to stealing that led to him being fired. Tonight they met with the bishop. My daughters bishop told her to "quit making irrational choices and is she sure she's praying" because she is separating. He told her to put filters on the computer and monitor her husband. She is so upset. What is your thought on that. It's not her job to fix him. She is so frustrated. He told her by leaving she is making it easy for him to give into his addictions. 5+ years of her being in Counsling with him and trying to be supportive hasn't helped him. Any advice?

Sent from my iPhone

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[Harmony Tapia]

My heart and prayers go to you and your daughters family. I was in a marriage of 17 years with the incredible painful revealing of his porn addiction 13 years after we were married which had lead to cheating and unspeakable acts that damaged our marriage to the core.  When the decision came to leave it was with the most intense amount of guidance from my Heavenly Father. I didnt make the decision out of anger which kept me from any regret and also sent the message to my exhusband that i was serious. I went to the temple and prayed with all my strength to know what to do. My advice to your daughter is to ask with sincerity what is best, with the willigness to do whatever Heavenly Father tells her, even if it requires her stay and be his inspiration. She should be 100% sure with no shred of doubt the direction she should go. If she continually convenes with The Lord he will strengthen her and provide the path that leads to her peace and happiness because of her obedience and she will have no regret. Even if after she is told to stay and her efforts prove fruitless she should still have no regret for obeying the Lords will. All experiences create strength. I would not be able to sit here and type this advice if i didnt endure the terrible heartache that i now find helpful to other women. As far as the bishop... She is definitely not responsible for his decisions. Her leaving is a consequence of her husband's  decisions and her husband also has a choice how he deals with her absence. She IS NOT responsible for how he handles his heartache just as he is not responsible for how she handles hers. When i divorced my exhusband his addictions spiraled out of control and he lost everything within 2 years..  I NOT ONCE took responsibilty for his decisions and i never will. 

Now...

A key factor that is missing from your explanation is ... where is his heart? Is he broken and humble? Is he willing to fight with all his strength to save his marriage? 

These are questions that will influence her decision and also the Lord's advice. Only her Father in Heaven knows whats best for her. Seek his loving council and trust with all your soul. Study the atonement and plead for his comfort that will give you a clear mind to make the right decision. 

I hope this helps! 

-------- Original message --------

From: Bonnie Porter <bonni...@gmail.com>

Date: 8/17/16 9:17 PM (GMT-08:00)

To: Mof...@googlegroups.com

Subject: Re: Amber's MWK Notes :)

[beckyclement]

I have one thing to say and it is my favorite quote. "When the spirit speaks, the discussion is over." If your daughter has had the confirmation of the spirit to leave. That is all she needs.

Super frustrating appointment with the Bishop!!

Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

[Bonnie Porter]

His heart is good and he is remorseful......she has been there before. She wants proof he is working on it. The story is of course way more than I put in here. She doesn't want a divorce and is willing to go back provided he can change.

Sent from my iPhone

[Steve or Sherry LAWSON]

Many bishops do not understand betrayal trauma and therefore give counsel that doesn't line up with the expert advise, I'm afraid. You might look at the letters to bishops on the healing with worth blogspot that she could share with the bishop. It go to the lds website on pornography as there are also letters to leaders there, I believe that should help the bishop to understand this problem better.

There's also the free download online called sitting in a rowboat throwing marbles at a tank that has essays on pornography addiction for the wife, for the lds population, and possibly one to church leaders too. 

It sounds like she is creating safety for herself though and that is the most important thing to do first.

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

[Steve or Sherry LAWSON]

Also, separation is very appropriate when a woman is so hurt, certainly doesn't always lead to divorce. It can actually facilitate healing for both parties and help heal the marriage. Is your daughter seeking a confirmation or are you just wanting to encourage her? If she doesn't know, there is a worth group that is free through life changing services specifically for wives dealing with betrayal trauma. It's a wonderful support group and helps women learn to start their own recovery from the trauma.

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

On Wed, Aug 17, 2016 at 11:17 PM, Bonnie Porter

<bonni...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Debra DeGraw]

Hi Bonnie,

 

Last night I did a presentation for my Stake, for all of our Bishops.  I was able to explain in great detail exactly what has been/is happening to (us) as wives and ex-wives of Porn/Sex addicts.  Bishops are essentially like "deer in headlights" , they have had no training relative to any of "this", and they are simply overwhelmed and uneducated...  Several Stakes throughout the country are now (finally) recognizing that their "Bishops" are on the front-lines, with no ammunition/tools!  Many Stakes are slowly initiating training, (such as last night) ... 

 

Attached is a letter written by Dr. Adam Moore addressed to Bishop's/religious leaders; this was one part of my presentation with our Bishops last night.  This letter has the potential to truly change how our Bishop's respond, from the very first initial contact.

 

I would encourage you, "and everyone else”, to give a copy of this letter to your own Bishop.  He will thank you!   

 

Below is an immediate resource for your daughter with contact information:

 

The W.O.R.T.H. Group online, and or in person, is a free, LDS faith based, therapist led, support group for women healing from betrayal trauma caused by a spouse’s sexual addictions and/or sexual misbehavior's. Contact via email at Worthg...@gmail.com, or call (970) 471-2618. 

 

Also, she can go to:  http://healingwithworth.blogspot.com/  where she can find volumes of information that can help her.

 

Hope this helps... praying for her... and for us all.

Debra DeGraw

Healing With Worth healingwithworth.blogspot.com betrayal, trauma, PTSD, pornography, addiction, resources, LDS, marriage, repair, healing, WORTH, life, changing, services,

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From: mof...@googlegroups.com <mof...@googlegroups.com> on behalf of Bonnie Porter <bonni...@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, August 17, 2016 9:17 PM

To: Mof...@googlegroups.com
Subject: Re: Amber's MWK Notes :)

[MONA AGAMEZ]

I would simply recommend that you get to counsel outside of your bishop.... They maybe chosen of God but not trained in all things. They are only human. 

If I had not listened to my bishop I would've gotten help for my son far sooner. When I ask him for guidance he shrugged it off and told me I was overreacting. I could've saved my son some significant consequences had we provided intervention sooner when I first inquired.

Sent from my iPhone

On Aug 19, 2016, at 2:40 PM, Debra DeGraw <degr...@msn.com> wrote:

Hi Bonnie,

 

Last night I did a presentation for my Stake, for all of our Bishops.  I was able to explain in great detail exactly what has been/is happening to (us) as wives and ex-wives of Porn/Sex addicts.  Bishops are essentially like "deer in headlights" , they have had no training relative to any of "this", and they are simply overwhelmed and uneducated...  Several Stakes throughout the country are now (finally) recognizing that their "Bishops" are on the front-lines, with no ammunition/tools!  Many Stakes are slowly initiating training, (such as last night) ... 

 

Attached is a letter written by Dr. Adam Moore addressed to Bishop's/religious leaders; this was one part of my presentation with our Bishops last night.  This letter has the potential to truly change how our Bishop's respond, from the very first initial contact.

 

I would encourage you, "and everyone else”, to give a copy of this letter to your own Bishop.  He will thank you!   <OutlookEmoji-😊.png>

<Adam Moore Letter_to_My_Church_Leader.pdf>