6/2 Puns
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3FD033DF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Forecast: 4 actors.
> >
> > Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
> >
> > Overcast: Cloudy actors.
> >
> Telecast: Greek actors a long way away.
Casting: Bell actors.
Subplot: Grave of a merman or mermaid.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419436AF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Antiperspirant: Ant that stops sweat.
> >
> > Antiseptic: Ant that disinfects.
> >
> > Antiseptic: Ant/tick crossbreed in the 9th month.
> >
> > Antismut: Prudish ant.
> >
> > Instant: Ant that comes immediately.
> >
> > Itinerant: Wandering ant.
> >
> > Jubilant: Ant jumping up and down for joy.
> >
> > Pants: Ants with good jeans.
> >
> > Saturant: Ant on the 7th day.
> >
> > Rant: Ant that talks on and on.
>
> Belligerant: Soldier ant.
Militant: Ant terrorist.
Anthrax: Deadly ant tracks.
Antidote: Ant that cures poisoning.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419436FC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Errant: Ant that makes mistakes.
> >
> > Expectorant: Ant spit.
> >
> > Irritant: Annoying ant.
> >
> > Pregnant: Expectant ant.
> >
> > Remnant: Left over ant.
>
> Antacid: HCOOH.
Antique: Old ant artifact.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41943721...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Radiant: Shinging ant.
> >
> > Stagnant: Ant/deer crossbreed that stands still.
> >
> > Tridants: 3 ants under water.
>
> Prime Radiant: Glowing formicida working for Hari Seldon.
>
> (Azimov's Foundation stories.)
Psycho History: Chronicle of the insane.
Tim Bruening
"Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
news:10p9h17...@corp.supernews.com...
> While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store.
> On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with
> the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise.
>
> One evening as the manager was leaving I expressed my concern
> to him about our safety, being two women working alone at
> night.
>
> "Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving of his hand. "If you
> see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan
> knows karaoke."
Karaoke: The singing candidate Bush Bushwhacked last November.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> news:o5t9p0hlg167hqcso...@4ax.com...
> > On Fri, 12 Nov 2004 01:35:33 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
about:
> >
> > >On Fri, 12 Nov 2004 01:29:21 -0000
> > >"ldd3" <spamle...@kent.ac.uk> wrote:
> > >
> > >> > > What would be merlins widest spell?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > (it's about tv :-) )
> > >> > >
> > >> > The one that informs you that this isn't a riddle group?
> > >>
> > >> yeah i know, but i know it's a pun and i'm gettign
desperate....sorry
> > >>
> > >Well, shoot it out, son!
> > >
> > Michael Moore's latest 'epic' exposing Las Vegas ... Sin-arama
Holiday?
> >
> Or is that a choice exercised by a peasant who wants to be a knight
and has
> to make up his mind between buying the required metal suit, or instead
> spending the money on a knight with a prostitute!
Peasant: Rural ant.
Pheasant: Game bird ant.
Suburban: To ban mermaids.
Tim Bruening
Skit: Snake cat.
Skittish: Scardy snake cat.
Smitten: Snake glove in love.
Smut: Pornographic snake dog.
Tim Bruening
James King wrote:
> In article <407031E8...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>, Tim Bruening
> <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
>
> > Bahrain: Sheep falling from the sky.
>
> Brings new meaning to having the wool pulled over your eyes.
>
> > Singapore: Musical skin.
>
> Singapore: the truth.
>
> James King (poor musician)
Bahrain: Weather forcast by Scrooge.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40A5DB43...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Michael Balarama wrote:
> >
> > > "Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse," said the
> > > farmer. "You work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on
> > > you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster."
> > >
> > > "NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."
> >
> > Is he getting a little hoarse?
> >
> Nope, but he's travelled to a smelly Scottish island and has stared peeing
> from a funny place: Shitland Poe Knee.
Poe Knee: A knee that rhymes?
Vincent: A penny that paints Van Gohs.
Van Goeh: A van that paints.
Tim Bruening
Stan Kegel wrote:
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > "alohacyberian" tweaked:
> > >Stan Kegel wrote:
> > >> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > >> >, Stan Kegel tweaked:
> > >> > >Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > >> > >> Stan Kegel wrote:
> > >> > >> > Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > >> > >> > > Stan Kegel wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > >Stan Kegel tweaked:
> > >> > >> > > > > >Megan Waves wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > > >> Stan Kegel wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > > >> >alohacyberian wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > > >> >> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > > >> >> > Stan Kegel tweaked:
> > >> > >> > > > > >> >> > >Anger: Barbed ire
> > >> > >> > > > > >> >> > Berate: Comb pension
> > >> > >> > > > > >> >> Compact: Compensation law
> > >> > >> > > > > >> >Disinheritance: A leading cause of ill will
> > >> > >> > > > > >> Excommunicated: What I get instead of an alimony
check.
> > >> > >> > > > > >Fallen woman: A mother who neglected to pick up
some toys
> > >> > >> > > > > Grampian: A hard hill to climb
> > >> > >> > > > > (wasn't what you thought I'd say ...!)
> > >> > >> > > > Hair Transplant: Reseeding for the receding
> > >> > >> > > It: Nearly a tit
> > >> > >> > Janitor: Floor flusher
> > >> > >> Kaftan: A tanning of the feet and head only (see: golfer's
tan)
> > >> > >Laplander: A clumsy guy on a bus or train
> > >> > Moor: All of a Twist
> > >> Nobility: Lack of aptitude
> > >Pianist: The one who drank the most beer. KM
> > Quietude: Shut the Rap up!
> Raincoat: Thunderware
Salmonella: Salmon flavored vanilla. Makes me sick to think about it.
TD: Tea drunk by demons.
Using: Do you sing?
Vomit: Thrown up glove.
Warming: Violent Chinese vase.
Tim Bruening
Dr Tormento wrote:
> Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in
> news:2x2oc.7722$Qy2....@newssvr24.news.prodigy.com:
>
> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >
> >> On Sat, 08 May 2004 15:44:28 GMT, Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net>
> >> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >>
> >>>J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>>I've just finished an exhaustive list of all the sites dealing with
> >>>>tree harvesting ... it's my link on logs.
> >>>>
> >>>
> >>>You have a b'log?
> >>
> >>
> >> You're kiln me with these ... <G>!
> >>
> > I have to axe you a question: How do you cut trees and avoid slipping
> > your lumbar disc?
>
> No need to bark at him.
Don't bark up the wrong dogwood tree.
Tim Bruening
headdr wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:405BED7B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Static: Electric tic.
> >
> > Dramatic: Tic in a play.
> >
> > Lunatic: Insane tic.
> >
> > Ticker: Dog parasite.
> >
> > Fleecing: Singing parasite.
> >
> If crabs were part of creation, then Adam and Eve were lousy.
> That's why they had to Flea from Eden.
> Adam was heard to say, "That really bugged me."
> Eve said, "I think we both have something to crab about."
In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were truly snakebitten!
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> Cybe R. Wizard wrote:
> > On Sat, 17 Jan 2004 22:18:29 +1030
> > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >
> >>
> >> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >> news:o33h009d0nue10flq...@4ax.com...
> >>> On 16 Jan 2004 12:59:22 -0800, art...@yahoo.com (artyw) found these
> >>> unused words floating about:
> >>>
> >>>> One of my students says that he is from the United Arab Emirates,
> >>>> but I think it is a Dubaious claim.
> >>> Would that be in Aden a good grade?
> >>
> >> Yemen play much gulf?
> >>
> > No, but I Saudi Arabia bowl on TV yesterday.
>
> Bah! Rain stopped play.
Bahrain: Rain of sheep.
Tim Bruening
Bucknell: Musical male deer or musical American currency.
Colby: Black bee used as fuel.
Cowell: Healthy bovine.
Kent Drive: Superman at the golf course.
Purdue: Price of morning moisture.
Radcliffe: Radioactive rock formation.
Villanova: Exploding criminal star.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> Kathy wrote:
> > "Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> > news:vro0oki...@corp.supernews.com...
> >>
> >> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> >> news:DaPub.26844$qu.1...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >>> Entrepreneur who suffers from the most terrible flatulence: Business
> >>> typhoon.
> >>
> >> I think I smell something big....
> >>
> > Must be the Fartune 500 companies.
>
> My company runs on an over-draft.
Drafting: Bell forced into the military.
Drafting: Cold windy bell.
Draft Ting: Chinese forced into the military.
Draft Ting: Cold windy Chinese.
Tim Bruening
Mao-Sedung: Mouse poop.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Sun, 6 Jun 2004 22:27:40 -0400, "Kathy" <tn5kt...@cogeco.ca> found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >news:a69c46fe.04060...@posting.google.com...
> >> "Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:<10c405f...@corp.supernews.com>...
> >> > was sent this:
> >> > A farmer had a cow, Bessie. She was difficult, kicking over the milk
> >> > pail and refusing to come in at night. Well, Bessie got pregnant. After
> >> > she gave birth, she changed. "Bessie's really mellowed out," the
> >> > farmer told his wife. "What do you think happened?" "That's easy," she
> >> > replied. "Don't you know, Bessie's been decalf-inated!"
> >>
> >> How cheesy.
> >
> >Udder nonsense.
> >
> Bulling for you ...
Bullying: A bell that harasses people and beats them up.
Tim Bruening
Isobar: Where isos drink.
Isotherm: Warm isos.
Tim Bruening
Ring.
Minority: Tea drunk by blacks, Asians, Latinos, etc.
Mitosis: Don't step on MITOSIS!
Mitten: Glove # 10.
Tim Bruening
Migrant: Ant that moves.
Militant: Aggressive ant.
Milker: Cow-dog.
Milking: King cow.
Mitring: Glove ring.
Tim Bruening
Opacity: Unseeable town.
Operant: Ant surgeon.
Operate: Surgical costs.
Opine: Donut tree.
Optic: Tic with 20/20 vision.
Tim Bruening
Opossum: Mammal that does math.
Optima: The best Mom.
Optometry: Tree with 20/20 vision.
Tim Bruening
Ousting: Bell that topples governments.
Outing: Bell that exposes gays.
Outright: Opposite of Outleft.
Outrode: Exit road.
Tim Bruening
Obscurity: Tea that makes one anonymous.
Oddity: Strange tea.
Oratory: Talking British Conservative.
Tim Bruening
Oviod: Lack of the letter O.
Permute: Price of silence.
Pertest: Price of an exam.
Tim Bruening
Palema wrote:
> J. A. Mc. wrote:
>
> > On Sat, 08 May 2004 15:44:28 GMT, Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> found
> > these unused words floating about:
> >
> >
> >>J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>
> >>
> >>>I've just finished an exhaustive list of all the sites dealing with tree
> >>>harvesting ... it's my link on logs.
> >>>
> >>
> >>You have a b'log?
> >
> >
> > You're kiln me with these ... <G>!
> >
> I have to axe you a question: How do you cut trees and avoid slipping
> your lumbar disc?
B'log: Bees who cut down trees.
Tim Bruening
Directory: List of British Conservatives.
Imitator: Copy potato.
Indicatory: Mark of a British Conservative.
Laudatory: To praise a British Conservative.
Lavatory: British Conservative bathroom.
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> headdr wrote:
> >"David Reihmer" <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> >news:simwah-D46F99....@netnews.attbi.com...
> >> In article <05d6rv4kppjnomgce...@4ax.com>,
> >> Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote:
> >> > Have you ever shooed a fly? No, they don't make Nikes that
small.
> >> Unless they're forgeries, but that would be unfarrier - I tried
to shoe
> >> a horsefly once, but I couldn't anneal down that far.
> >Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
>
> That's a phallacy.
Shoe Ting: Musical footwear or Chinese cobbler or a bell with soul.
Shoot Ting: Musical gun or Chinese gunman.
Tim Bruening
Forecast: 4 actors.
Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
Overcast: Cloudy actors.
Tim Bruening
Braking: King of donkeys.
Cracking: Drug lord.
Flaking: Snow lord.
Hiking: Lord of the mountains.
Liable: Fibbing male cow.
Liking: Satan.
Tim Bruening
Typing: Secretary bell.
Flapping: Flying bell.
Sleeping: Bell doing the Zs.
Starting: Astronomical bell.
Starting: Acting bell.
Starting: Beginning bell.
Tim Bruening
P Stashio Nutz wrote:
> In article <20040805194650.38da2fe4@WizardsTower>, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> writes:
>
> >On Fri, 06 Aug 2004 00:24:11 GMT
> >"KIMEVANS" <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote:
> >> "startum" <sta...@anonymizer.com> wrote in message
> >> news:aKrQc.11312$Ri5....@sea-read.news.verio.net...
> > > "Harry Marmoset" <harry_m...@msn.com> wrote in message
> >> > news:Xns953C5887CD548h...@209.25.157.130...
> Hear about the hand gun exhibitionist?
>
> He was showing everyone his Glock
Glocker: Gun dog.
Tim Bruening
"Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> So then, quick as a flash, Alan shoots back:
> >On Fri, 13 Feb 2004 23:49:08 -0800, Larry Krzewinski
> ><Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote:
> >
> >>On Sat, 14 Feb 2004 04:34:29 GMT, mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller)
> >>wrote:
> >>
> >>>>>>Do you have good genes?
> >>>>>
> >>>>>XX
> >>>>
> >>>>Anyone ever notice that women's genes and bottles of poison come
> >>>>marked the exact same way?
> >>>
> >>>Just like your signature.
> >>
> >>Got to, baby. You should see the size of my "pen!"
> >
> >Alcatraz or Sing Sing?
>
> Well since he thinks he's talking to a baby, must be his playpen.
Playpen: Fake writing device.
Open: Used to write your way to freedom.
Aspen: How donkeys write.
Pending: How a bell writes.
Happen: Pen that makes things occur.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> news:108i6qu...@corp.supernews.com...
> > A young man walked into an insurance office to purchase
> > coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused
> > him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"
> >
> > "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the
> > same thing?"
> >
> >
> I walked into a motorcycling accessories shop to purchase
> coverage for my new motorcycle.
>
> It was a big green canvas thing with eyelets round the edge to tie it down
> round the machine!
>
> Lien times: When you're so skint you owe money on everything you posses!
Icycle: Frozen bike.
Tim Bruening
Percy: Price of an ocean.
Permit: Glove price.
Perot: Price of a canoe or row boat trip.
Tim Bruening
Fade Ding: Chinese growing fainter.
Faint Ting: Chinese becoming unconscious.
Indict Ting: Chinese grand jury.
Loot Ting: Chinese thieves.
Tim Bruening
Contact Ting: Chinese meeter.
Contact Ting: Against polite Chinese.
Contract Ting: Chinese deal maker.
Contract Ting: Against Chinese trains.
Pocket Ting: Where Chinese store their pens.
Shoot Ting: Chinese gunman.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
"Ghost of the Ex New Mr. Humor" wrote:
> Q: What beverage did the late conductor of the Chicago Symphony
Orchestra
> drink when he visited Harlem ?
>
> A: Soul tea!!!
>
> HH: Soul tea. Sol-ti. The late Sir George Solti was the conductor of
the
> Chicago Symphony Orchestra. You eat soul food (and soul tea) in
Harlem. Get
> it??? Ha ha ha!!!
Sole Tea: Tea from shoes.
Boot Rear: A drink that kicks you in the arse.
Cialis: Ocean that gives you a woody.
Tim Bruening
Jenni Saqua wrote:
> "Dr Tormento" wrote ...
> > "Jenni Saqua" wrote :
> > > "J. A. Mc." wrote ...
> > >> On 08 Jul Dr Tormento found these
> > >> unused words floating about:
> > >>
> > >> >Hauke Reddmann originally wrote :
> > >> >
> > >> >> Here at the uni I always pass the Enten-Apotheke
> > >> >> (Ducks Pharmacy Store). I never was in it, though.
> > >> >> They are just quacks!
> > >> >
> > >> > Do they have a web site?
> > >>
> > >> A Merganser through Google should confirm the drake URL.
> > >>
> > > When I arrived at their website, a notice said, "No Peking, Duck
site
> > > closed." ...
> >
> > Obviously they had problems with their bills.
> >
> They've paddled bankruptcy before, according to records.
Abduct: To kidnap Muslim waterfowl.
Conduct: Criminal waterfowl.
Deduct: To take the price of the waterfowl off your taxes.
Reduct: To hunt waterfowl again.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41858C0C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > > On Fri, 20 Aug 2004 22:58:41 +0930, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > <Co...@optusnet.XCAPScom.au> found these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >David Reihmer quoted.......
> > > >> In article <Xns954B4D7C719...@199.184.165.239>,
> > > >> Dr Tormento <re...@togroup.com> wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >>> "Jenni Saqua" <mar...@awol.com> wrote in
> > > >>> news:412528b0$0$44241$d36...@news.calweb.com:
> > > >>>
> > > >>>> "J. A. Mc." wrote...
> > > >>>>> On Thu, 19 Aug "Nehmo Sergheyev"
> > > >>>>> found these unused words floating about:
> > > >>>>>
> > > >>>>>> You could see Judge Thompson wasn't an even-handed judge. He was
> > > >>>>>> so hard on crime!
> > > >>>>>
> > > > >>>>> Kept a bowl of his favourite fruit nearby ... cumquats.
> > >>>>>
> >>>> Bizarre. Isn't he the same judge that got so irate over the current
> > >>>> Foster Farms commercials? He's now facing charges of choking chicken/s...
> > > >>>
> > > >>> Don't ask him to bang the gavel...
> > > >>
> > > >> A former law professor once said of him: "He'll make a great
> > > >> magistrate 'r judge. I've seen the way he handles motions in his
> > > >> legal briefs and subpoenas, and will be a great asset to the penal
> > > >> system."
> > > >
> > > I'm accused of being a solicitor because I'm always court without my briefs
> > > >
> > > Defending knickers ... ???
> >
> > Knickers: Basketball dogs.
>
> Bloomers: Azure seas.
Groomers: Oceans getting married.
Loomers: Oceans weaving.
Roomers: To rent out an ocean.
Blooming: Blue Chinese vase.
Tim Bruening
"Keith E." wrote:
> Wed, 03 Nov 2004 22:10:19 -0800 was a day just like any other,
> until Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote:
> >On Wed, 03 Nov 2004 20:50:28 -0500, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
> >
> >>>> Nemo, you just gotta learn to speak English. <g>
> >>>
> >>>I took RSA English in 1965. Things change - especially the English language;
> >>>or would 'deteriorate' be a better word?
> >>>
> >>>Praps if books like the Oxford English Grammar had continued to be a book of
> >>>rules instead of as over the last few editions excusing bad usage as "the
> >>>evolution of the language," arguments such as these would not occur.
> >>
> >>And your post would have been written in Anglo-Saxon English.
> >
> >Nemo,
> >All language constantly evolves as words go in and out of use. There
> >are scholars that study the evolution of languages. English has
> >changed much since Shakespeare's time. It will continue to change in
> >our lifetimes. You may consider its change deterioration but it
> >evolves to suit the circumstances of the era in which it is spoken.
>
> I still hate ebonics.
Ebonic: Pastries for Nick on the Internet.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189B826...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> >
> > > There is a pecking order in here, so your Raven is deferred.
> >
> > Peck King: King of sexy birds.
>
> News item:
>
> A nudist colony has opened in China. The Prime Minister has gone to Peking.
To conduct a strip search?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189B8DA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > On the news today - everyone will have one in ten years' time.
> > >
> > > Sabrina fans started whaling and gnashing their teeth and throwing
> > > themselves off buildings and under buses because they mis-heard.
> > >
> > > They thought they were going to be Hide-dem-titty Cards!!!
> >
> > Identity: Tea that makes you reveal your true name.
>
> Identity: A woman with tall teeth and large breasts.
Anonymity: A glove that hides your name.
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189AF4E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41870B1C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > So then, Larry Krzewinski turns to the guy and says:
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>You mean 20 years old with hair and without Doreen? No can
> do.
> > > > >>>>>>>>Doreen has hair. It's just not obvious with all the curlers.
> > > > >>>>>>>For your sake I hope that you're talking about the hair on her
> > > head!
> > > > >>>>>>Of course! Now, the curler iron, well that's a different story.
> > > > >>>>>>I'll never let myself run out of Viagra again!
> > > > >>>>>Weren't you even a little curious when Doreen asked for that
> > > vibrating
> > > > >>>>>curling iron for Christmas?
> > > > >>>>She told me it would improve her head.
> > > > >>>Orally?
> > > > >>O'Really!
> > > > >>(Her roommate Aura Lee was Irish)
> > > > >
> > > > >See, my post was supposed to taken as ambiguously as possible. I
> > > > >guess that you can't win 'em all.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: After the bell.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: Mailed bell.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: Bell on the Internet.
> > > >
> > > > Watcher: Knight of security.
> > >
> > > Cross-post: Angry poison-pen letters.
> >
> > Piston: 2,000 pounds of urine.
> >
> Car Biretta: Worn by a priest when he's driving.
Carbon: Automotive pastry.
Tim Bruening
> Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Virginity: Tea drunk by those who have never made love.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Sat, 12 Jun 2004 12:30:09 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> found these unused
> words floating about:
>
> >Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >> On Fri, 11 Jun 2004 11:44:10 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> >>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Nope, no chance. No chance at all. He's a nice guy
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> but his sense of humor is, shall we say, a little off
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the beaten track.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Beaten track....yeah, he should be hit with a railroad
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> tie.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I see that you're back in training, eh?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Get off my cabose.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is that a small caboose, conductor?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> I just listen to the music. Greg's the one in charge
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> of bands.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> You appear to be on the wrong track.
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> I was engineering a switch.
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> You're just trying to derail this thread.
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> It all ties together somehow.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Maybe you should choo choose another topic.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Maybe some one will coach me on it.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> Not me. Get someone else to teach you how to choo choo.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> I don't want to schedule anything that sounds atj.
> >>>>
> >>>> Don't worry. The alt.support.gay-lesbian newsgroup holds clinics.
> >>>> They don't sound atj at all.
> >>>
> >>> You saying I'm a happy lesbian ?
> >>> I can live with that.
> >>
> >> No. I don't think you're all that choo choo choosy.
> >
> >Like I care if the woman is ugly or beautiful since
> >they all have the same stuff.
> >
> Still it's better if they have more stuff and nonsense.
Nonsense: No pennies!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40CAC4FB...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Confirmatory: British Conservatives running a criminal company.
>
> Abbreviatory: A Conservatives with high lung capacity.
>
> Adjudicatory: A Conservative who's been circumcised.
>
> Affirmatory: A Conservative who's been working out.
>
> Alleviatory: A Conservative disguised as a tree.
>
> Amendatory: A Conservative repair man.
Creamatory: Thow a pie at a British Conservative.
Tim Bruening
Converse: Against music or poetry.
Converse: Poetry written by prison inmates
Conrail: The Great Train Robbery.
Contact: Doesn't believe in politeness.
Contort: Criminal lawyers, or being against lawsuits.
Contrail: A prisoner escape route or being against logging trails.
Probate: Favoring the fishing industry.
Profile: In favor of computers.
Tim Bruening
Circuit: An electrical knight.
Purloin: A price for each sex act.
Sirloin: A very sexy knight.
Surround: A very fat knight.
Survive: A living knight.
X-Mas: What happens at an alien church.
ET: What aliens drink.
Congest: Against jokes.
Conquest: Against adventures.
Hiku: A government overthrow in a mountainous nation.
Baku: A sheep revolution.
Tim Bruening
Defer: To remove one's hair.
Prefer: Before you grow hair.
Refer: To grow hair again.
Tim Bruening
Firmamit: Celestial glove.
Kismit: Glove with a destiny.
Linimit: Medicated glove.
Ornamit: Small ceramic glove.
Peppermit: you take a stack of 'em and throw them.. like in a
snow ball fight.. and the other person looks at-choo and catches one in
the face and on account of the pepper, goes Kachoo!
Testamit: Entrance exam to bible school. Glove used to swear there-on...
Tim Bruening
Crossing: A musical religious symbol.
Hissing: Song made by a snake.
Icing: A frozen song.
Massing: A heavy song.
Missing: A girl who can't carry a tune.
Musing: A singing cow or cat.
Passing: A musical mountain path.
Passing: Sung by cars as they pass each other.
Rising: A song that makes you soar.
Tim Bruening
Analysing: Singing from the wrong end with a Descant voice.
Arising: A very strange and twisted song.
Buck-passing: Song by the father of a stag.
Bunsing: A US fart! (An animal found at the Cape of Good Hope,
resembling the ferret, but twice as large. When pursued, it emits an
intolerable stench.)
Ceasing: A shanty. (No, not the African tribe!)
Ceasing: A song sung by a mermaid.
Reflute: To play music again.
Refruit: The tree has grown more oranges for me to pick.
Tim Bruening
Conduct: Electrical waterfowl.
Conduct: Against ducks or pipes.
Deduct: 4th waterfowl in the alphabet.
Reduct: To quack again.
Overload: The higher part of a mine.
Irrelevant: Having nothing to do with a pachyderm's auditory organs.
Impeccable: Resistant to birds' beaks.
Sincere: One who can discern misbehavior.
Tim Bruening
Congregate: Gate that attracts a crowd.
Conjugate: Gate that is good with verbs.
Mitigate: External portal festooned with gloves.
Imitation: Pointing out an Indian glove manufacturer.
Remit Again: Sad WW2 Song by Vera Lynn.
Tim Bruening
Inquest: Member of cast of adventure film.
Bequest; Entomological adventure.
Conquest 2: Jimmy Durante searching for his missing rhinal organ.
Interrupt Request: To start another subroutine.
Ole-Factory: A factory that manufactures perfumes, or a factory
constructed long ago.
Perfume: Unit of pricing of pollution.
Perfume: Unit of pricing of anger.
Tim Bruening
Dungeoness: Female gaoler (US: jailer) Two peoples divided by a common
whassname, er, thingy, er, oojimaflip . . .
Empire: Big burning heap of typographical standard spaces.
Umpire: A big burning heap of electrical sub-stations.
Bison: What you cook a podding in.
Pudding Bison: A pregnant one. (UK slang for pregnant: being in the
Pudding Club) two peoples div . . oh, sod it!
What's a Hindu? It lays iggs! (Noah Fence.)
Antidote: An ant that cures poison victims.
Aspie: A urinating donkey.
Biplane: An aircraft that mates with both genders.
Deacon: A criminal demon.
D. Mon: Between D. Sun and D. Tues.
D. Tain: A demon prison guard.
Enormous: A very big rodent.
Giant: Very big ant.
Gigantic: Very big tick.
Incredible: An unbelievable male cow.
Tim Bruening
Vulnerable: Easily defeated bull.
Trouble: Another mean bull.
Kabul: Afghan Bull.
Frantic: Excitable tic.
Romantic: A tic in love.
Rustic: Oxygenated iron tic.
Attic: A high tic.
Tim Bruening
Dung Shao Ping. Sewage farm worker stating that he has finished making a
number of domestic purchases.
African Polly Titian who uses huge amounts of electricity: Mega Watty.
Renaissance Italian composer who invented stabilisation for sheep, had
no hair and did paintings into wet plaster on walls: Giro Lambo Fresco
Baldy!
Double: 2 bulls.
Parable: 2 more bulls.
Noble: Zero bulls.
Tremble: Bull at the San Andreas Fault.
Tim Bruening
Circuit: An electrical Knight.
Circulation: A library or spinning Knight.
Circus: A swearing Knight.
Sirloin: Knight of Sex.
Serpent: Snake Knight.
Servant: Plumping Knight.
Servile: Very Evil Knight.
Surface: Knight of many disguises.
Surmount: Very tall Knight.
Surprise: A knight in charge of game shows.
Surrender: The Knight of Destruction.
Surrender: Knight of Meat Processing.
Surround: Very fat Knight.
Surgeon: An operating Knight.
Surtax: Knight in charge of the IRS.
Sir, do you like fur?
Furgot: The fur is not fake.
Tim Bruening
ADD: A condition that compels you to do math.
Bipolar: Farewell to the Arctic.
D. Fine: A demon that issues parking tickets.
DAMP Symdrome: Condition that makes you sweat.
Down Syndrome: A disease that makes you sink.
NT: Favorite tea of neurotypicals.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42300070...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Molton: 2,000 pound underground mammal.
> >
> > Monastic: Parasite in a religion dormitory.
> >
> > Motile: More floor covering.
> >
> > Neaten: Clean 10.
> >
> > Neatness: Clean Loch Ness monster.
> >
> Very tidy: The River Severn.
>
> http://www.severn-bore.co.uk/default.htm
>
> Except during the first and third quarters of the moon. Then it's not so
> tidy. Still quite neap though.
Tidy: Clean neckwear.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42300160...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Highness: Royal Scottish monster.
> >
> > Meanness: Brutal Scottish monster.
> >
> > Niceness: Kind Scottish monster.
> >
> > Paleness: Albino Scottish monster.
> >
> > Scantiness: Rare Loch Ness monster.
> >
> or he's wearing tiny, frilly, ladies underwear - or would that be
> queerness?
Queerness: A gay Scottish monster.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> news:WKudnXCrnKN...@pcisys.net...
> >
> >
> > "fubwat" <fub...@fubwat.karoo.co.uk> wrote in message
> > news:zxGdnafWYI5...@karoo.co.uk
> > > "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > > news:M-GdnakjV9r...@pcisys.net...
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> "fubwat" <fub...@fubwat.karoo.co.uk> wrote in message
> > >> news:8FCdncNCU8l...@karoo.co.uk
> > >>> "Mel" <m...@atj.faq.com> wrote in message
> > >>> news:6l7n21hctbnme1spt...@4ax.com...
> > >>>> On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 17:02:38 GMT, "Douglas D. Anderson"
> > >>>> <d...@rr.rochester.com> wrote in message
> > >>>> <OIGWd.60246$vK5....@twister.nyroc.rr.com>:
> > >>>>>"Mel" <m...@atj.faq.com> wrote
> > >>>>>No doubt you'll have to look up what the natives
> > >>>>>of South Africa ate _before_ maize was brought back
> > >>>>>there. Probable some ugly
> > >>>>>looking tubers and grubs.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> they ate cattle, idiot.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> --
> > >>>> smash yer modem, reboot, kill yerself
> > >>>> Mel the Defiler
> > >>>> member, ATJ regs
> > >>>> webmaster of ABIGFAG.com
> > >>>> http://www.atjfaq.com/
> > >>>
> > >>> Thought you were dead
> > >>
> > >> Naw, he just don't bathe too often.
> > > Are you measuring often in decades?
> >
> > The clueless twat is about 37, so logic
> > would say he's had one so far in his life.
> >
> >
> Ugly-looking tubers and grubs? Yeah! ATJ is full of 'em!
>
> Odin yet?
> Norse not!
Odin: Loud letter between N and P.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Omit: Circular or donut shaped glove.
nemo
> > > Antiperspirant: Ant that stops sweat.
> > >
> > > Antiseptic: Ant that disinfects.
> > >
> > > Antiseptic: Ant/tick crossbreed in the 9th month.
> > >
> > > Antismut: Prudish ant.
> > >
> > > Instant: Ant that comes immediately.
> > >
> > > Itinerant: Wandering ant.
> > >
> > > Jubilant: Ant jumping up and down for joy.
> > >
> > > Pants: Ants with good jeans.
> > >
> > > Saturant: Ant on the 7th day.
> > >
> > > Rant: Ant that talks on and on.
> >
> > Belligerant: Soldier ant.
>
> Militant: Ant terrorist.
>
> Anthrax: Deadly ant tracks.
>
> Antidote: Ant that cures poisoning.
>
Antidotes and mares eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy . . .
Well they'd need an antidote alright - silly buggers!
Dead snake in a field of curly ferns: Bracken Strictor!
West Indian/Irish Calypso singer and poisoner: Cy O'Nide.
(It's in bracken)
nemo
> > > Errant: Ant that makes mistakes.
> > >
> > > Expectorant: Ant spit.
> > >
> > > Irritant: Annoying ant.
> > >
> > > Pregnant: Expectant ant.
> > >
> > > Remnant: Left over ant.
> >
> > Antacid: HCOOH.
>
> Antique: Old ant artifact.
>
Anne Teak: 100-year-old woman.
nemo
> > > Radiant: Shinging ant.
> > >
> > > Stagnant: Ant/deer crossbreed that stands still.
> > >
> > > Tridants: 3 ants under water.
> >
> > Prime Radiant: Glowing formicida working for Hari Seldon.
> >
> > (Azimov's Foundation stories.)
>
> Psycho History: Chronicle of the insane.
>
Chronickel: Time-travelling five cent coin.
nemo
> > While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store.
> > On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with
> > the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise.
> >
> > One evening as the manager was leaving I expressed my concern
> > to him about our safety, being two women working alone at
> > night.
> >
> > "Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving of his hand. "If you
> > see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan
> > knows karaoke."
>
> Karaoke: The singing candidate Bush Bushwhacked last November.
>
Nuttin to be proud of with your dumb, corrupt version of democracy!
Ju Jitzu: Unarmed combat popular in Israel - and in Oystralieh of course,
except over there it's known as Unarmed Wombat!
nemo
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > news:o5t9p0hlg167hqcso...@4ax.com...
> > > On Fri, 12 Nov 2004 01:35:33 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
> about:
> > >
> > > >On Fri, 12 Nov 2004 01:29:21 -0000
> > > >"ldd3" <spamle...@kent.ac.uk> wrote:
> > > >
> > > >> > > What would be merlins widest spell?
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > > (it's about tv :-) )
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > The one that informs you that this isn't a riddle group?
> > > >>
> > > >> yeah i know, but i know it's a pun and i'm gettign
> desperate....sorry
> > > >>
> > > >Well, shoot it out, son!
> > > >
> > > Michael Moore's latest 'epic' exposing Las Vegas ... Sin-arama
> Holiday?
> > >
> > Or is that a choice exercised by a peasant who wants to be a knight
> and has
> > to make up his mind between buying the required metal suit, or instead
>
> > spending the money on a knight with a prostitute!
>
> Peasant: Rural ant.
>
> Pheasant: Game bird ant.
>
> Suburban: To ban mermaids.
>
Rural: Land where loud lions live.
nemo
>
> Skit: Snake cat.
>
> Skittish: Scardy snake cat.
>
> Smitten: Snake glove in love.
>
> Smut: Pornographic snake dog.
Scrapegoat: The farmer's takin it out on a lead for some exercise, but he's
failed to notice it's got no legs!
nemo
>
> James King wrote:
>
> > In article <407031E8...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>, Tim Bruening
> > <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> >
> > > Bahrain: Sheep falling from the sky.
> >
> > Brings new meaning to having the wool pulled over your eyes.
> >
> > > Singapore: Musical skin.
> >
> > Singapore: the truth.
> >
> > James King (poor musician)
>
> Bahrain: Weather forcast by Scrooge.
UAEn't ever gonna get the hang of sounding the H in the middle, is you? H
ain't silent in Arabic, even in the middle or at the end of a word.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=UAE&r=66
Emirate: How much you pay an Arab ruler.
nemo
> > >
> > >
> > > Michael Balarama wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse," said the
> > > > farmer. "You work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on
> > > > you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster."
> > > >
> > > > "NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."
> > >
> > > Is he getting a little hoarse?
> > >
> > Nope, but he's travelled to a smelly Scottish island and has stared
peeing
> > from a funny place: Shitland Poe Knee.
>
> Poe Knee: A knee that rhymes?
>
> Vincent: A penny that paints Van Gohs.
>
> Van Goeh: A van that paints.
GoGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!
Phonetic poseur!
nemo
>
> Stan Kegel wrote:
>
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > "alohacyberian" tweaked:
> > > >Stan Kegel wrote:
> > > >> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > >> >, Stan Kegel tweaked:
> > > >> > >Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > > >> > >> Stan Kegel wrote:
> > > >> > >> > Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > > >> > >> > > Stan Kegel wrote:
> > > >> > >> > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > >> > >> > > > >Stan Kegel tweaked:
> > > >> > >> > > > > >Megan Waves wrote:
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> Stan Kegel wrote:
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> >alohacyberian wrote:
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> >> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> >> > Stan Kegel tweaked:
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> >> > >Anger: Barbed ire
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> >> > Berate: Comb pension
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> >> Compact: Compensation law
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> >Disinheritance: A leading cause of ill will
> > > >> > >> > > > > >> Excommunicated: What I get instead of an alimony
> check.
> > > >> > >> > > > > >Fallen woman: A mother who neglected to pick up
> some toys
> > > >> > >> > > > > Grampian: A hard hill to climb
> > > >> > >> > > > > (wasn't what you thought I'd say ...!)
> > > >> > >> > > > Hair Transplant: Reseeding for the receding
> > > >> > >> > > It: Nearly a tit
> > > >> > >> > Janitor: Floor flusher
> > > >> > >> Kaftan: A tanning of the feet and head only (see: golfer's
> tan)
> > > >> > >Laplander: A clumsy guy on a bus or train
> > > >> > Moor: All of a Twist
> > > >> Nobility: Lack of aptitude
> > > >Pianist: The one who drank the most beer. KM
> > > Quietude: Shut the Rap up!
> > Raincoat: Thunderware
>
> Salmonella: Salmon flavored vanilla. Makes me sick to think about it.
>
> TD: Tea drunk by demons.
>
> Using: Do you sing?
>
> Vomit: Thrown up glove.
>
> Warming: Violent Chinese vase.
War Ming Pan: A shallow muddy depression in the ground where they fight and
keep their beds warm.
nemo
>
>
> Dr Tormento wrote:
>
> > Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in
> > news:2x2oc.7722$Qy2....@newssvr24.news.prodigy.com:
> >
> > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >
> > >> On Sat, 08 May 2004 15:44:28 GMT, Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net>
> > >> found these unused words floating about:
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>>I've just finished an exhaustive list of all the sites dealing with
> > >>>>tree harvesting ... it's my link on logs.
> > >>>>
> > >>>
> > >>>You have a b'log?
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> You're kiln me with these ... <G>!
> > >>
> > > I have to axe you a question: How do you cut trees and avoid slipping
> > > your lumbar disc?
> >
> > No need to bark at him.
>
> Don't bark up the wrong dogwood tree.
Or the wrong logwood tree - or you'll dye!
http://www.botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/l/logwoo39.html
Good for the bowels too.
nemo
> > > Static: Electric tic.
> > >
> > > Dramatic: Tic in a play.
> > >
> > > Lunatic: Insane tic.
> > >
> > > Ticker: Dog parasite.
> > >
> > > Fleecing: Singing parasite.
> > >
> > If crabs were part of creation, then Adam and Eve were lousy.
> > That's why they had to Flea from Eden.
> > Adam was heard to say, "That really bugged me."
> > Eve said, "I think we both have something to crab about."
>
> In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were truly snakebitten!
Funny venom too. It turned them into Freemasons! It says they made aprons
for themselves!
nemo
>
> Bucknell: Musical male deer or musical American currency.
>
> Colby: Black bee used as fuel.
>
> Cowell: Healthy bovine.
>
> Kent Drive: Superman at the golf course.
>
> Purdue: Price of morning moisture.
>
> Radcliffe: Radioactive rock formation.
>
> Villanova: Exploding criminal star.
Villa Lobos: A musical house with a very short head-of-household.
Householder: Someone with extreeeeemy strong arms.
nemo
>
>
> Sheila Dundee wrote:> > > news:vro0oki...@corp.supernews.com...
> > >>
> > >> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > >> news:DaPub.26844$qu.1...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >>> Entrepreneur who suffers from the most terrible flatulence: Business
> > >>> typhoon.
> > >>
> > >> I think I smell something big....
> > >>
> > > Must be the Fartune 500 companies.
> >
> > My company runs on an over-draft.
>
> Drafting: Bell forced into the military.
>
> Drafting: Cold windy bell.
>
> Draft Ting: Chinese forced into the military.
>
> Draft Ting: Cold windy Chinese.
There was a girls' PT teacher at my school called Miss Tingley.
I think she used to wear hessian knickers!
nemo
> Mao: What cats say.
>
> Mao-Sedung: Mouse poop.
Mousy Dung??
What happened when the Mao Sea Weed?
nemo
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On Sun, 6 Jun 2004 22:27:40 -0400, "Kathy" <tn5kt...@cogeco.ca> found
> > these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >
> > >news:a69c46fe.04060...@posting.google.com...> > >news:<10c405f...@corp.supernews.com>...
> > >> > was sent this:
> > >> > A farmer had a cow, Bessie. She was difficult, kicking over the
milk
> > >> > pail and refusing to come in at night. Well, Bessie got pregnant.
After
> > >> > she gave birth, she changed. "Bessie's really mellowed out," the
> > >> > farmer told his wife. "What do you think happened?" "That's easy,"
she
> > >> > replied. "Don't you know, Bessie's been decalf-inated!"
> > >>
> > >> How cheesy.
> > >
> > >Udder nonsense.
> > >
> > Bulling for you ...
>
> Bullying: A bell that harasses people and beats them up.
Norman Chapman, Freddie Stevens and David Thursfield!!! They were the
bullies at Richard Cobden school in the 50s.
See? I still remember the buggers' names, 43 years later! If I ever win the
Lottery, I'll hire larrrrrrge people to track 'em down and sort 'em out!
:o(((((((((((((((((((((((
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
http://www.rcobden.camden.sch.uk/
It's probably better there nowadays.
nemo
> Irides: Ride on the Information Superhighway.
>
> Isobar: Where isos drink.
>
> Isotherm: Warm isos.
Oktapus: Eight legged cat that measures cloud cover.
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/dictionary/DictionaryResults.aspx?refid=1861684616
nemo
> Minoring: Less important than a Major Ring, which is beneath a General
> Ring.
>
> Minority: Tea drunk by blacks, Asians, Latinos, etc.
>
> Mitosis: Don't step on MITOSIS!
>
> Mitten: Glove # 10.
I refuse to be suede by the number of times these puns are posted!
nemo
>
> Migrant: Ant that moves.
>
> Militant: Aggressive ant.
>
> Milker: Cow-dog.
>
> Milking: King cow.
>
> Mitring: Glove ring.
Gauntlet: Very small thin glove especially from disease or hunger and also
quite bruised from people throwing it down every time they have a
disagreement!
nemo
>
> Opacity: Unseeable town.
>
> Operant: Ant surgeon.
>
> Operate: Surgical costs.
>
> Opine: Donut tree.
>
> Optic: Tic with 20/20 vision.
Compound eyes: What insects use to have a look around an enclosure.
nemo
> Opportune: Music that knocks.
>
> Opossum: Mammal that does math.
>
> Optima: The best Mom.
>
> Optometry: Tree with 20/20 vision.
Optomist: Cheerful fog you can't see through.
nemo
>
> Ousting: Bell that topples governments.
>
> Outing: Bell that exposes gays.
>
> Outright: Opposite of Outleft.
>
> Outrode: Exit road.
Exit: Why there are bits of shell and slimy puddles of yolk and white all
over the floor.
nemo
> Obesity: Fattening tea.
>
> Obscurity: Tea that makes one anonymous.
>
> Oddity: Strange tea.
>
> Oratory: Talking British Conservative.
Horror Tory: Still Margaret Thatcher, and the sooner she is - the better!
nemo
> Observant: Ant that finds things.
>
> Oviod: Lack of the letter O.
>
> Permute: Price of silence.
>
> Pertest: Price of an exam.
Hexamination: An Indian set fire to with a very early camping stove/portable
military stove fuel.
Would you believe that when I first became a telephone engineer, we still
had to carry around solid copper soldering irons and tins of Meta Fuel,
another camping stove fuel, instead of electric soldering irons! - and on
the apparatus floors in the exchanges, there were still small gas ovens
dotted about for heating up larger non-electric irons for use on the
apparatus.
Considering the constant arcing and sparking from the Strowger equipment, it
would have been extremely easy to blow up an exchange just by leaving the
gas turned on when you went home!
Lucky there weren't any teyrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsts about in those days.
Not only was everything out of the Ark in Post Office Telephones in those
days, but the silly buggers were *proud* of it too and you got told off
rotten for suggesting anything should be modernised!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hexamine
Versatile stuff.
nemo
>
>
> Palema wrote:
>
> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >
> > > these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > >
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>>I've just finished an exhaustive list of all the sites dealing with
tree
> > >>>harvesting ... it's my link on logs.
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >>You have a b'log?
> > >
> > >
> > > You're kiln me with these ... <G>!
> > >
> > I have to axe you a question: How do you cut trees and avoid slipping
> > your lumbar disc?
>
Leafcutter bees on steroids???
nemo
>
> Directory: List of British Conservatives.
>
> Imitator: Copy potato.
>
> Indicatory: Mark of a British Conservative.
>
> Laudatory: To praise a British Conservative.
>
> Lavatory: British Conservative bathroom.
Laboratory: The choice we have at elections - especially now the Lib Dems
are in such a mess again!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/uk_politics/2006/kennedy_resignation/default.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4684964.stm
nemo
>
> Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
>
> > headdr wrote:
> > >"David Reihmer" <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > >news:simwah-D46F99....@netnews.attbi.com...
> > >> In article <05d6rv4kppjnomgce...@4ax.com>,
> > >> Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote:
> > >> > Have you ever shooed a fly? No, they don't make Nikes that
> small.
> > >> Unless they're forgeries, but that would be unfarrier - I tried
> to shoe
> > >> a horsefly once, but I couldn't anneal down that far.
> > >Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
> >
> > That's a phallacy.
>
> Shoe Ting: Musical footwear or Chinese cobbler or a bell with soul.
>
> Shoot Ting: Musical gun or Chinese gunman.
Shooting Gallery: Target range where the targets are young ladies with bells
on.
nemo
>
> Forecast: 4 actors.
>
> Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
>
> Overcast: Cloudy actors.
Castration: That actors are eunuchs.
nemo
>
> Braking: King of donkeys.
>
> Cracking: Drug lord.
>
> Flaking: Snow lord.
>
> Hiking: Lord of the mountains.
>
> Liable: Fibbing male cow.
>
> Liking: Satan.
Satanic Verses: Book that led to lots of people letting out a big fat
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
A Boo Hamza Al Maserati has got seven years in gaol/jail!!! Bloody good job!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4690224.stm
nemo
>
> Typing: Secretary bell.
>
> Flapping: Flying bell.
>
> Sleeping: Bell doing the Zs.
>
> Starting: Astronomical bell.
>
> Starting: Acting bell.
>
> Starting: Beginning bell.
Starting Pistol: The fee you have to pay to get urinated upon and the
beginning of a race.
nemo
>
> P Stashio Nutz wrote:
>
> > In article <20040805194650.38da2fe4@WizardsTower>, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> writes:
> >
> > >On Fri, 06 Aug 2004 00:24:11 GMT
> > >"KIMEVANS" <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote:
> > >> "startum" <sta...@anonymizer.com> wrote in message
> > >> news:aKrQc.11312$Ri5....@sea-read.news.verio.net...
> > > > "Harry Marmoset" <harry_m...@msn.com> wrote in message
> > >> > news:Xns953C5887CD548h...@209.25.157.130...
> > Hear about the hand gun exhibitionist?
> >
> > He was showing everyone his Glock
>
> Glocker: Gun dog.
Gum dog: It's got no teeth.
nemo
>
>
> "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
>
> > So then, quick as a flash, Alan shoots back:
> > >On Fri, 13 Feb 2004 23:49:08 -0800, Larry Krzewinski
> > ><Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote:
> > >
> > >>On Sat, 14 Feb 2004 04:34:29 GMT, mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller)
> > >>wrote:
> > >>
> > >>>>>>Do you have good genes?
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>>XX
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Anyone ever notice that women's genes and bottles of poison come
> > >>>>marked the exact same way?
> > >>>
> > >>>Just like your signature.
> > >>
> > >>Got to, baby. You should see the size of my "pen!"
> > >
> > >Alcatraz or Sing Sing?
> >
> > Well since he thinks he's talking to a baby, must be his playpen.
>
> Playpen: Fake writing device.
>
> Open: Used to write your way to freedom.
>
> Aspen: How donkeys write.
>
> Pending: How a bell writes.
>
> Happen: Pen that makes things occur.
Biro: A line of pens for sale.
nemo
> > > A young man walked into an insurance office to purchase
> > > coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused
> > > him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"
> > >
> > > "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the
> > > same thing?"
> > >
> > >
> > I walked into a motorcycling accessories shop to purchase
> > coverage for my new motorcycle.
> >
> > It was a big green canvas thing with eyelets round the edge to tie it
down
> > round the machine!
> >
> > Lien times: When you're so skint you owe money on everything you posses!
>
> Icycle: Frozen bike.
Trycycle: Bike with outrigger wheels for kids to learn on without falling
over.
nemo
>
> Percy: Price of an ocean.
>
> Permit: Glove price.
>
> Perot: Price of a canoe or row boat trip.
Dry Rot: Price of a sour wine that's corked.
nemo
> Blood Ding: Chinese vampire.
>
> Fade Ding: Chinese growing fainter.
>
> Faint Ting: Chinese becoming unconscious.
>
> Indict Ting: Chinese grand jury.
>
> Loot Ting: Chinese thieves.
Dingo: A bell that's being run off with by an Australian wild dog.
nemo
>
> Contact Ting: Chinese meeter.
>
> Contact Ting: Against polite Chinese.
>
> Contract Ting: Chinese deal maker.
>
> Contract Ting: Against Chinese trains.
>
> Pocket Ting: Where Chinese store their pens.
>
> Shoot Ting: Chinese gunman.
Shun Ting: Chinese railwayman who runs a marshalling yard.