What's Wrong with this Scene?
elanders
scene
ed/ric/whatever...
The Hunchback
The coach pulled in front of the small cottage and stopped. A woman got
out, went into the cottage, quickly emerged, then tossed a gold coin to
the driver. She opened the door of the coach and the Hunchback got out.
The driver cracked his whip and took off.
“And here we are,” said Lady Teasley. The Hunchback was too bewildered
to respond. It was a squat, thatched-roof cottage with flower beds of
lilac bushes, acacia and herbs grown wild for they had not been tended
in months. Unkempt grass was knee-high and growing onto the pathway.
Honeysuckle and rose plants vined up the wall in mad profusion;
marigolds, primrose, and Spanish lavender blossomed. The lavender
smelled like she did. She plucked a flower and tossed it to him. He
caught it not knowing what to do. “Sniff it!” she said. He looked from
it to her in bewilderment. She made a mock frown and said, “What a sad
boy you are.” He looked down at his broken shoes.
She reached under a flowerpot and pulled out a long key. She put in the
keyhole and swung open the oak door. “My holiday cottage!” she said as
she waltzed in. They were in the main room. She walked to the brick
fireplace and kicked the cold embers with her toe. “You’ll have to start
a fire straight away if we’re to take a bath.” She took him through the
bedroom. Everywhere there was dust so she took a feather duster in her
hand and dusted as she went. A tremendous walnut bed with thick mattress
took up half the room. Despite the dust, he could smell her lavender on
the sheets. Then they were on the back porch. In the center of patio was
a massive wooden bathtub large enough for four people. She pointed to a
stack of cordwood nearby. A woodmen’s ax was learning against the
weather-beaten stack. “There’s a wheelbarrow somewhere. Bring in enough
of the wood to start a fire for our bath water.”
Soon there was a roaring fire inside and hung above the fire a huge
black kettle filled with bubbling water. The Hunchback used the
wheelbarrow to haul the kettle to the patio then lifted it and poured
the steaming water into the tub. She watched the first time he did this
and said, “I’ve never known a man so strong.” He grunted and went back
into the house. As he tended the water she went to her tiny stone
smokehouse out back and returned with a leg of mutton which she placed
on the kitchen table. She looked prayerfully at the mutton but it was no
use. Its rancid smell was slowly filling the kitchen. Cursing now, she
wrapped it up and left the house with it.
Just as the sun began to set the tub was full with steaming water. She
came out of the bedroom dressed in a linen smock. She and armful of
thick white towels. She pointed at him: “Well, take off your clothes,
love.” He looked at her as if she had just asked him to lay an egg. No
woman except his mother had seen his naked Hunchback body. She ignored
this, slipped out of her smock and was at once naked before him. He
looked at her breasts, reared his head and gushed, “AHHHH.” He looked
down from her breasts, down the slender curvature of her waist, past
pear-shaped hips to the wedge of dark brown between her thighs. His
nostrils flared and his mouth began to water. She watched him with great
concentration, taking in his every breath, blink, shudder. Studying him
like this, she waited for the exact instant then said, “Touch me!”
He shook his head.
A lifetime of forbidding himself the pleasure of touching a woman was
not so easy overcome. Cautiously now, she took a step toward him. He
jumped and appeared ready to run to the woods. She stopped and looked
out over the yard. In back of the yard was the forest. If he ran there
she might never catch him.
“Right, if you don’t want to touch me, at least take off your clothes
and get in the water so I can wash you.” He shook his head. “Hurry –
I’m getting chilled!” she said, crisscrossing her arms over her heaving
breasts. He shook his head. “Well, at least pick me up and put me in the
tub.” This seemed reasonable to him. Lifting people is what he did for
a living. He could lift her into the tub. He could do that. She waited;
he came forward. He swept her up like she was a doll. “Take off your
clothes and get in with me,” she whispered in his ear. He looked at
her in animal fright. He heaved her into the tub with a splash. She
looked back at him her eyes twinkling now. She splashed a handful of
water on his face, “C’mon, scaredy cat!” He reared back. She splashed
another handful of water on his face. He smiled. “Take off your
clothes, love – or must I undress you myself!” He blinked but did
nothing. Irritated now she got out of the tub, grabbed him roughly and
began shucking his clothes off. He began whimpering at the knowledge
she'd soon see his naked hunchback. Once he was naked he immediately
climbed into the tub. As he climbed in she laughed deliciously and gave
him a hard slap on the bum.
She didn't mind his stench. His rank smell excited her the way the
stench of a wild boar excites the hunter. Never before had she seen a
man as savagely muscled as he. She looked at him wondrously and the more
she looked the more she was in awe. He was the creature all humanity
descended from, a beast man. Knowing he could not escape, she sprung
through the water like a crocodile at him. She grabbed his hump with
both hands and held on to it like it was put there for a woman to hold
on to. She hooked her legs around his massive thighs. She beat her
thin lips into his thick lips so hard she drew blood. She was at him,
cursing, biting, savaging him for his transgressions. He took it
disbelievingly, shocked, paralyzed at her savagery. She jumped off him
and slammed him against the wall of the tub so violently it caused a
wave of water to splash out the tub and rain onto the patio. “Don’t ever
run from me again! Now here! Wash yourself! Wash yourself!” And she
began scrubbing the front of his body and when finished there, spun him
around and scrubbed his back. She was talking to him as she did this,
whispering into his ear vile things: “You’re not a man. You’re an ape,
you hear that? A bloody ape! You smell like a forest animal! You have
more hair than a bear! You are a bear—Eeee-yaaah!” Then she was out of
the tub and pulling him out by his ears. They were knocking things
down as they went. “Look at that! You're breaking all my pretty things,
you woolly mammoth!” Such was her madness now she didn’t bother with the
towels; instead she dragged him into the bedroom leaving a trail of
water in their wake. Then she wrestled him to the bed. Then she began
screeching – “Drill me, you monster! By God's blood, drill me!” But he
did nothing. She cursed him again, this time with the vilest words she
could think of, but he did nothing. Then she smacked him, hard, with
front of her hand then the back, but he did nothing. Then she reached
for the nightstand, picked up an oil lamp smashed it into his
Neanderthal skull, but he did nothing. Totally disgusted and unable to
think of anything else to do now, she spit on him. Big mistake, that.
Getting spit on was the one thing the Hunchback hated. He roared like an
enraged bear, bucked so high she flew two feet above him, then slammed
her to the mattress and rolled atop her. She screamed for her life but
it was too late. The head of the beast was at her brown tuft, probing,
butting to get in. She caught her breath the spread her legs wide, wider
than she had ever spread them before, so wide she took him in, swallowed
him so deeply they but gasped in wonderment.
“Oooh!” he bellowed. He did not know what was happening. “Aaaah! …Oooh …
Aaaah….”
She whispered in his ear that it was all right, that he shouldn't stop,
that she wanted more, that it was all right. And he slammed his massive
hips into her again, this time because he wanted to do it more than he
had ever wanted to do anything before–“Oooh!” He slammed his hips into
again and again, and once so hard the great walnut bed shuddered and
collapsed, the chairs shook, the pewter fell from the shelves, and then
the bed was on an incline but he would not stop … could not stop until
the explosion came, came like a cloud burst, his howl like thunder. He
opened his mouth to scream and they screamed together. And then the
burst came spitting and spewing into her enough sulfur and seed for 1000
hunchback babies.
The next morning Lady Teasley was up daybreak. Still in the bed, the
Hunchback slept like a corpse. She put on her checkered skirt and
wide-brimmed sun bonnet, got her egg basket and left the house barefoot.
Farmer Brown, her nearest neighbor, lived a mile down the road. When
she got to the farm she bought eggs, cheese, bacon and bread.
Mrs. Brown handed her the egg-laden basket back. “So, Lady Teasley, how
long will you be on holiday this time?”
Lady Teasley smiled. “Permanently, I should think.”
Over-hearing this, Farmer Brown turned to her: “Permanently? Lady
Teasley? But how?”
“Love finds a way,” said Lady Teasley, after which she giggled.
Stan (the Man)
@FUSE.NET:
> I'm thinking with my history, no kindness will be spared critiquing this
> scene
Wrong. No minutes will be wasted reading it.
<...>
--
Stan
Bill Penrose
> I'm thinking with my history, no kindness will be spared critiquing this
> scene
I think your history is well established here.
DB
elanders
C'mon, Bill, I was especially looking forward to your comments.
Those links you posted are crap. None of those forums are any good.
What's wrong with you people?
What's the net for if not constructive criticism?
Why all the anal retentiveness?
ricland
serenebabe
> I'm thinking with my history, no kindness will be spared critiquing this scene
>
> ed/ric/whatever...
<...>
Even the nice people, though, will tell you that this isn't a place to
post work for critiques. I mean, unless the general consensus of the
group changed, I'm pretty sure that's not what we're hear for. Am I
right?
--
It's All About We! (the column)
http://www.serenebabe.net/ - new 12/21
serenebabe
> On 2008-12-23 10:04:40 -0500, elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com> said:
>
>> I'm thinking with my history, no kindness will be spared critiquing this scene
>>
>> ed/ric/whatever...
> <...>
>
> Even the nice people, though, will tell you that this isn't a place to
> post work for critiques. I mean, unless the general consensus of the
> group changed, I'm pretty sure that's not what we're hear for. Am I
> right?
Oh, god. HERE for. And I know correcting it even makes it worse, but,
Jesus, "hear?" Have I no brain cells working?
$Zero
>What's Wrong with this Scene?
not offensive enough.
not horny enough.
plus, no redeeming social value.
-$Zero...
and getting other's approval is what percentage?
http://groups.google.com/group/misc.writing/msg/9a80414ebb74c442
elanders
Thanks.
Finally some help.
ed
Bill Penrose
> Those links you posted are crap. None of those forums are any good.
>
> What's wrong with you people?
Find a mirror, pal. I get lots of constructive criticism, but I get it
from communities that I've built up over time, and who treat each
other with respect.
DB
elanders
I've tried that and it doesn't work. No one gives honest critiques
because they want to be your friend. You learn nothing. You guys don't
like me, so you're not going to spare my feelings.
See what I'm getting at?
ed
Alan Hope
>You guys don't
>like me, so you're not going to spare my feelings.
>See what I'm getting at?
Nobody cares enough about you to read your stuff in the first place.
You caused that problem yourself.
gekko
was slithy with the news:Xns9B7D71F7C87...@199.45.49.11
Reading what?
--
gekko
Work is pretty rough. Anymore, when I leave for a party I
instinctively bring along my ID badge.
elanders
> elanders goes:
>
>> You guys don't
>> like me, so you're not going to spare my feelings.
>
>> See what I'm getting at?
>
> Nobody cares enough about you to read your stuff in the first place.
> You caused that problem yourself.
>
>
There you go again, Alan, messing up my threads with your canned,
freeze-dried, ready-to-serve melodrama.
This isn't about caring. Where do you get hack crap like that from?
Writing ain't about group masturbation. It's not about stoking that
guy's prick while he strokes yours.
If you want that, Alan, go to Greenwich Village any Saturday night.
In other words, Alan, you miss the whole point of the exercise.
And to you young writers out there, "caring" is a weasel word you must
expunge from your vocabulary. At least in the context this Alan Hope
likes to throw it around.
And in the future, Alan, I'd appreciate it if you save your sermons for
Sunday, Ok?
Go save somebody else's soul.
God bless you too, pal.
Ed
elanders
> Twas brillig, and "Stan (the Man)" <stanI...@rvckids.us.INVALID>
> was slithy with the news:Xns9B7D71F7C87...@199.45.49.11
> when in misc.writing they said:
>
>
>> elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com> wrote in
>> news:17cdd$4950fe12$4ad7fee9$4558 @FUSE.NET:
>>
>>> I'm thinking with my history, no kindness will be spared
>>> critiquing this scene
>> Wrong. No minutes will be wasted reading it.
>>
>> <...>
>
> Reading what?
>
>
The tattoo on your forehead ...?
ricland
Bill Penrose
> See what I'm getting at?
Not at all. I've sometimes come home from meetings of my live crit
group red-faced and humiliated, particularly because I know what I've
been told is true. Because of these times, when I do get praise, I
know it's sincere.
But I throw cold water on my face and go back to the computer. A good
crit group is hard to find. Often, there is a test of some kind before
joining. But the ones I've belonged to have been invaluable. Besides,
I've accumulated some good friends who aren't afraid to stomp and gut
my best work, if it deserves it. They're like diamonds, and I
cultivate them.
DB
elanders
You have a history of short-circuiting things you don't like around
here. This is partly why this group is useless.
Over the years you've been asked to stop doing this, but you haven't.
I suppose we'll just have to wait until you die before this group changes.
ric
Ray Haddad
wrote:
>You have a history of short-circuiting things you don't like around
>here. This is partly why this group is useless.
Bill Penrose? Are you joking?
>Over the years you've been asked to stop doing this, but you haven't.
Perhaps you could point out when this has happened, other than you
asking just now.
>I suppose we'll just have to wait until you die before this group changes.
Or you. You just got here 5 minutes ago and began spamming the group.
Don't expect a camp of followers, mate. Deal.
--
Ray
gekko
<elan...@zoomtown.com> wrote:
wake me when you say something funny.
--
gekko
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while
bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato (427-347 B.C.)
John Ashby
"gekko" <Miz....@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9B7D9C88D...@217.68.187.32...
>A writer is someone who has written today. elanders
> <elan...@zoomtown.com> wrote:
>
>
>> gekko wrote:
>>> Twas brillig, and "Stan (the Man)"
> <stanI...@rvckids.us.INVALID>
>>> was slithy with the news:Xns9B7D71F7C87...@199.45.49.11
>>> when in misc.writing they said:
>>>
>>>
>>>> elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com> wrote in
>>>> news:17cdd$4950fe12$4ad7fee9$4558 @FUSE.NET:
>>>>
>>>>> I'm thinking with my history, no kindness will be spared
>>>>> critiquing this scene
>>>> Wrong. No minutes will be wasted reading it.
>>>>
>>>> <...>
>>>
>>> Reading what?
>>>
>>>
>>
>> The tattoo on your forehead ...?
>>
>> ricland
>>
>
> wake me when you say something funny.
>
rip van gekkle
john
Towse
> Or you. You just got here 5 minutes ago and began spamming the group.
> Don't expect a camp of followers, mate. Deal.
Ed/Ric/Eric has been here before. The music is the same. The dance
hasn't changed a bit. Still the Monster Mash.
Or is it the Frug?
--
Sal
Ye olde swarm of links: thousands of links for writers, researchers and
the terminally curious <http://writers.internet-resources.com>
elanders
Five minutes go...?
How about 15 years ago.
Seriously.
When did you get here?
Ed
elanders
> Ray Haddad wrote:
>
>> Or you. You just got here 5 minutes ago and began spamming the group.
>> Don't expect a camp of followers, mate. Deal.
>
> Ed/Ric/Eric has been here before. The music is the same. The dance
> hasn't changed a bit. Still the Monster Mash.
>
> Or is it the Frug?
>
>
>
The real funny thing is how you guys have worked so hard at keeping this
group filled with borderline schizophrenics like yourselves. Whenever
someone normal comes along and says, "Hey, can you help me with my
manuscript?" you spring into action.
Only thing, you don't spring into action with help. You spring into
action to run the poor bastard out of the group.
And heaven forbid a published writer should come here. That's when you
declare a dire emergency and work overtime to send him packing.
This crap has been going on here for the past 20 years.
The strange thing is that you old pricks haven't died off yet.
ed.
Towse
Frug it is.
$Zero
> elanders wrote:
> > Towse wrote:
> >> Ray Haddad wrote:
>
> >>> Or you. You just got here 5 minutes ago and began spamming the group.
> >>> Don't expect a camp of followers, mate. Deal.
>
> >> Ed/Ric/Eric has been here before. The music is the same. The dance
> >> hasn't changed a bit. Still the Monster Mash.
>
> >> Or is it the Frug?
>
> > The real funny thing is how you guys have worked so hard at keeping this
> > group filled with borderline schizophrenics like yourselves. Whenever
> > someone normal comes along and says, "Hey, can you help me with my
> > manuscript?" you spring into action.
>
> > Only thing, you don't spring into action with help. You spring into
> > action to run the poor bastard out of the group.
>
> > And heaven forbid a published writer should come here. That's when you
> > declare a dire emergency and work overtime to send him packing.
>
> > This crap has been going on here for the past 20 years.
>
> > The strange thing is that you old pricks haven't died off yet.
>
> Frug it is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSO4Y9ygPIw
-$Zero...
349 Mondays.
that's all.
i just like the title.
and the implications.
http://groups.google.com/group/misc.writing/msg/3f5bb12196f36d29
If you're not reading MRB, you're not alone!
http://MustReadBloggers.com
Towse
> On Dec 23, 5:55 pm, Towse <s...@towse.com> wrote:
>> elanders wrote:
>>> Towse wrote:
>>>> Ray Haddad wrote:
>>>>> Or you. You just got here 5 minutes ago and began spamming the group.
>>>>> Don't expect a camp of followers, mate. Deal.
>>>> Ed/Ric/Eric has been here before. The music is the same. The dance
>>>> hasn't changed a bit. Still the Monster Mash.
>>>> Or is it the Frug?
>>> The real funny thing is how you guys have worked so hard at keeping this
>>> group filled with borderline schizophrenics like yourselves. Whenever
>>> someone normal comes along and says, "Hey, can you help me with my
>>> manuscript?" you spring into action.
>>> Only thing, you don't spring into action with help. You spring into
>>> action to run the poor bastard out of the group.
>>> And heaven forbid a published writer should come here. That's when you
>>> declare a dire emergency and work overtime to send him packing.
>>> This crap has been going on here for the past 20 years.
>>> The strange thing is that you old pricks haven't died off yet.
>> Frug it is.
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSO4Y9ygPIw
Have you no sense of history?
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC5WSd4Az9w>
Bill Penrose
> I suppose we'll just have to wait until you die before this group changes.
Don't hold your breath. I have a lifetime subscription to
immortality.
DB
elanders
Oh, you're so excruciatingly clever, Bill.
Ninety-five percent of the posts in this forum have absolutely nothing
to do with writing, yet no one is quicker at short-circuiting a post
that does, than you, Bill -- and you've been doing it for the past 15 years.
And to you newbies who've only been here for the past 5 to 10 years, it
wasn't always like this.
Bill Penrose has to work real hard to turn this group into a wasteland.
Real hard.
Ed
Ejucaided Redneck
> Have you no sense of history?
> <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC5WSd4Az9w>
God bless Bob Fosse.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0NX-ZINtqw
Although since December '06 I've only been able to watch the entirety of
"All That Jazz" one time. Forgot about that scene where they show a
clip of an actual open heart procedure. Ain't but a few seconds long
but I don't want to look at that again. . .
--
In America only the successful writer
is important, in France all writers are
important, in England no writer is important
and in Australia you have to explain
what a writer is."
--Geoffrey Cottrell
--
http://bobsloansampler.com/
Now available: "Nobody Knows, Nobody Sees"
MISSING MOUNTAINS: http://www.windpub.com/books/missing.htm
Ray Haddad
>Ray Haddad wrote:
>
>> Or you. You just got here 5 minutes ago and began spamming the group.
>> Don't expect a camp of followers, mate. Deal.
>
>Ed/Ric/Eric has been here before. The music is the same. The dance
>hasn't changed a bit. Still the Monster Mash.
>
>Or is it the Frug?
Compared to some, Sal, he's a real newbie. You know it, too.
--
Ray
Alan Hope
>Alan Hope wrote:
>> elanders goes:
>>> You guys don't
>>> like me, so you're not going to spare my feelings.
>>> See what I'm getting at?
>> Nobody cares enough about you to read your stuff in the first place.
>> You caused that problem yourself.
>There you go again, Alan, messing up my threads with your canned,
>freeze-dried, ready-to-serve melodrama.
>This isn't about caring. Where do you get hack crap like that from?
Who's critiquing your stuff? Oh that's right, nobody.
>Writing ain't about group masturbation. It's not about stoking that
>guy's prick while he strokes yours.
Still, nobody cares enough to read your dreadful prose. If they cared,
they might. If they cared some more, they might feel like telling you
what's wrong with it, or how to fix it.
Forget it, man. You're an asshole. Who would put himself out for even
a minute?
>If you want that, Alan, go to Greenwich Village any Saturday night.
I don't want anything. You do.
>In other words, Alan, you miss the whole point of the exercise.
I don't care about the point of your exercise, asshole. To me it
doesn't even have one.
>And to you young writers out there, "caring" is a weasel word you must
>expunge from your vocabulary. At least in the context this Alan Hope
>likes to throw it around.
>And in the future, Alan, I'd appreciate it if you save your sermons for
>Sunday, Ok?
I'll pin you down and fucking shoot my sermons down the back of your
throat, and you'll swallow and go yum-yum, okay?
>Go save somebody else's soul.
>God bless you too, pal.
Weak finish.
Alan Hope
And you're not writing any better than you were all those years ago,
so obviously your charms are not working on anybody else either.
Alan Hope
You didn't even realise he'd been here before. The n00b here is you,
Haddad.
elanders
You're out of order, buddy.
Name-calling should be beneath you.
I don't do it because I have other tools I use to make my point.
Most writers do.
Ed/ric/whatever...
elanders
And you're just as adolescent as you were years ago.
When are you going to grow up, Alan?
ricland
Ray Haddad
You wish.
--
Ray
Towse
> Towse wrote:
>
> > Have you no sense of history?
>
> > <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC5WSd4Az9w>
>
> God bless Bob Fosse.
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0NX-ZINtqw
>
> Although since December '06 I've only been able to watch the entirety of
> "All That Jazz" one time. Forgot about that scene where they show a
> clip of an actual open heart procedure. Ain't but a few seconds long
> but I don't want to look at that again. . .
Yah. Fosse. Amazing stuff he did. You could look at his routines and
think, "I could've choreographed that!" but you didn't, did you. The
athleticism. The originality. The mix of dance styles.
The guy was an original not a pale copy of someone else.
This is a good clip: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBBoQxLQ9Rk>
Chicago - cell block tango: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkRO9qnHwfc>
serenebabe
> Alan Hope wrote:
>> elanders goes:
>>
>>> You guys don't like me, so you're not going to spare my feelings.
>>
>>> See what I'm getting at?
>>
>> Nobody cares enough about you to read your stuff in the first place.
>> You caused that problem yourself.
>>
>
> There you go again, Alan, messing up my threads with your canned,
> freeze-dried, ready-to-serve melodrama.
>
> This isn't about caring. Where do you get hack crap like that from?
>
> Writing ain't about group masturbation. It's not about stoking that
> guy's prick while he strokes yours.
Of course it isn't about group masturbation. I, for one, haven't made a
real effort to ever find a decent crit group (like you seem to be
seeking). I've pretty much only had the kind of experiences you've
talked about where no matter what I write people sit around and tell me
what they like about it.
There are two issues here. One is that this group for many, many years
(Sylvia probably knows the history best, or if you want a more balanced
view, try Towse) has been firmly anti-crit. It's in some official-like
document or documents, even (charter?). As Bill has said to you a few
times, there are decent crit groups available. (In fact, he sent me
links to them at least three times and I maybe asked him for them more
than that...)
The second issue is that for someone to give you good criticism,
they're going to have to respect you. The respect (not necessarily
*like*) will only come when you behave respectfully. So, it's not about
"caring," but rather about a mutual respect.
--Heather
PS I'm pretty sure Alan doesn't believe in souls.
>
> If you want that, Alan, go to Greenwich Village any Saturday night.
>
> In other words, Alan, you miss the whole point of the exercise.
>
> And to you young writers out there, "caring" is a weasel word you must
> expunge from your vocabulary. At least in the context this Alan Hope
> likes to throw it around.
>
> And in the future, Alan, I'd appreciate it if you save your sermons for
> Sunday, Ok?
>
> Go save somebody else's soul.
>
> God bless you too, pal.
>
> Ed
--
It's All About We! (the column)
http://www.serenebabe.net/ - new 12/21
serenebabe
Okay, here's another comma issue. No comma in this sentence makes it
read (to me) like, "I use name-calling because I don't have other tools
to make my point." Which, I'm pretty sure, is exactly not what you are
trying to say.
"I don't do it, because I have other tools I use to make my point." No?
Although that's pretty funny because you sure seem to enjoy
name-calling. So, maybe my original reading of it was right?
>
> Most writers do.
>
> Ed/ric/whatever...
serenebabe
I don't think you've been reading all the posts. Not everyone is a nut-job.
I suppose Sylvia could come in here and give cites where you and I have
exchanged posts before. But, my memory of characters in m.w is fuzzy. I
don't remember you. My impression is only based on the past week that
I've "seen" you and read your posts. You come across as hostile and
unwilling to listen. You also come across as a bit clueless about what
the newsgroup is for (again, somewhere someone has the "what is
misc.writing" link...).
Here: http://www.internet-resources.com/writers/mwriting/
serenebabe
Oh my god! You've opted to try and pick on *Bill* for short-circuiting
writing-releated threads?
Wow. You haven't read many posts at all, lately, have you?
And I thought *I* was the queen of not paying enough attention to the
group content...
elanders
And now it's "mutual respect."
You realize you're full of shit, right?
ricland
PJ
> The real funny thing is how you guys have worked so hard at keeping this
> group filled with borderline schizophrenics like yourselves. Whenever
> someone normal
Define "normal."
> comes along and says, "Hey, can you help me with my
> manuscript?" you spring into action.
>
> Only thing, you don't spring into action with help. You spring into
> action to run the poor bastard out of the group.
It appeared to me that you showed up with your fists swinging, and got
the sort of response one should expect, and deserves, in those instances.
> And heaven forbid a published writer should come here.
There are many published writers here, including me.
> That's when you declare a dire emergency and work overtime to send him packing.
Not so.
> This crap has been going on here for the past 20 years.
>
> The strange thing is that you old pricks haven't died off yet.
Sounds like you could badly use some holiday cheer, so merry Christmas.
If you get rid of that huge chip on your shoulder, you might look at
this group in a different way.
~ ~ ~
PJ
boots
>I'm thinking with my history, no kindness will be spared critiquing this
>scene
>
>ed/ric/whatever...
>
>
>The Hunchback
>
>The coach pulled in front of the small cottage and stopped. A woman got
>out, went into the cottage, quickly emerged, then tossed a gold coin to
>the driver. She opened the door of the coach and the Hunchback got out.
> The driver cracked his whip and took off.
I don't know what is wrong with the scene, but by the time I reach
this point you've already lost me.
The criticism to be found in MW is not criticism of peoples' writing,
it is criticism of people.
Go elsewhere for useful criticism of your writing, if you stay here be
prepared to wallow in the slop.
--
Don't read this crap... oops, too late!
[superstitious heathen grade 8]
gekko
elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com>, and the date, 24 Dec 2008, and even
the newsgroup in which i read this, misc.writing. There. You happy?
> You realize you're full of shit, right?
Prolly cuz you shit on her when she gave you "crit."
Oh, but wait. You only want "crit" from _some_ people. The people you
deem worthy, right?
--
gekko
Why are hail stones always the size of something else?
elanders
There's no rule that says you can't post work here. The notion that you
can't or shouldn't is a myth promoted by people with their own agenda.
In fact, years ago when people WERE posting their stuff here, this was a
robust and active newsgroup. Great things were being done here.
I don't remember exactly how it happened, but someone began grumbling
about how critiquing in a newsgroup was not good idea.
I no longer remember what his bullshit reason was but it caught on;
pretty soon everyone was saying it.
Now, had the group remained healthy after everyone stopped posting their
stuff, that would have been fine. But it didn't. Apparently, people left
because they felt the group served no real purpose. I could be wrong
about this, but you're welcome to tell us why you think the group declined.
ED
elanders
> This is an attribution line. In this, I'm expected to cite the author,
> elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com>, and the date, 24 Dec 2008, and even
> the newsgroup in which i read this, misc.writing. There. You happy?
>
>
>> You realize you're full of shit, right?
>
> Prolly cuz you shit on her when she gave you "crit."
>
> Oh, but wait. You only want "crit" from _some_ people. The people you
> deem worthy, right?
>
She didn't give me a crit.
Get your head out of your ass.
ED
Stan (the Man)
news:672f$4952641d$4ad7fee9$42...@FUSE.NET:
> boots wrote:
>> elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com> wrote:
>>
>>> I'm thinking with my history, no kindness will be spared critiquing
>>> this scene
>>>
>>> ed/ric/whatever...
>>>
>>>
>>> The Hunchback
>>>
>>> The coach pulled in front of the small cottage and stopped. A woman
>>> got out, went into the cottage, quickly emerged, then tossed a gold
>>> coin to the driver. She opened the door of the coach and the Hunchback
>>> got out.
>>> The driver cracked his whip and took off.
>>
>> I don't know what is wrong with the scene, but by the time I reach
>> this point you've already lost me.
>>
>> The criticism to be found in MW is not criticism of peoples' writing,
>> it is criticism of people.
>>
>> Go elsewhere for useful criticism of your writing, if you stay here be
>> prepared to wallow in the slop.
>>
>
>
> There's no rule that says you can't post work here. The notion that you
> can't or shouldn't is a myth promoted by people with their own agenda.
In fact there is. The posting guidelines. Of course, any dipshit with a
big mouth is free to ignore them. And the rest of us are free to use said
dipshit for a dart board. Do try to keep your whining down a bit, though.
It's a tad irritating.
> In fact, years ago when people WERE posting their stuff here, this was a
> robust and active newsgroup. Great things were being done here.
Nope. While there have always been occasional dumbfucks like you who chose
to ignore the posting guidelines, there was never a time when "people WERE
posting their stuff here."
> I don't remember exactly how it happened, but someone began grumbling
> about how critiquing in a newsgroup was not good idea.
Nonsense. Most anyone who posts a link to their work and asks for a
critique is treated politely and given a read by at least one or two
people who are qualified to do so.
> I no longer remember what his bullshit reason was but it caught on;
> pretty soon everyone was saying it.
You're about as clueless as they come, aintcha, coolbreeze?
> Now, had the group remained healthy after everyone stopped posting their
> stuff, that would have been fine. But it didn't. Apparently, people left
> because they felt the group served no real purpose. I could be wrong
> about this, but you're welcome to tell us why you think the group
> declined.
And you're welcome to kiss the group's collective ass. You're just another
noisy clown, just like the other noisy clowns who waddle in here from time
to time, honking their little clown horns, squirting their clown seltzer
bottles and screaming at the top of their clown lungs, "Post what *I* want
you all to post." You're being treated to the same back of the hand that
they all get. But, in your defense, at least you provide the entertainment
of squealing like a barnyard hog over it.
Do stick around and entertain us, clown. There's been a dearth of chew
toys around here of late. You're not exactly prime fare, but you'll do
until you waddle on out of here to lick your wounds and someone else comes
along.
--
Stan
elanders
Gee. A writer.
You can tell by the way he works the clown metaphor... and works it, and
works it, and works it.
In a few years he'll learn how to select a strong metaphor he doesn't
have to beat to death to make his point.
By the way, fella, why didn't you link to those posting guidelines you
say exist?
Wouldn't that be the intelligent way to make your point?
ED
gekko
elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com>, and the date, 24 Dec 2008, and even
the newsgroup in which i read this, misc.writing. There. You happy?
> She didn't give me a crit.
Oh, right. In addition to you determining who qualifies to "crit", you
get to define what constitutes "crit."
You're perfect for this group, snooks. Do not ever go away again.
Stan (the Man)
news:97e54$495272ab$4ad7fee9$11...@FUSE.NET:
Because:
A: You're already aware of them, but have chosen, like all the dumbfucks
before you, to ignore them, and B: You're too fucking stupid to bother
with beyond ridicule, and C: I like watching you squeal like a barnyard
hog.
--
Stan
gekko
author, elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com>, and the date, 24 Dec 2008,
and even the newsgroup in which i read this, misc.writing. There. You
happy?
> There's no rule that says you can't post work here.
Yes, there is, but do. Post work here. Lots and lots of it. Along
with your oh-so-refreshing and never-before-done-here snotty attitude
and bad jokes. Be extra crabby. No one, but NO one here is crabby.
It would be so refreshing. Seeing your boring "prose" and having you
be all crabby and obnoxious.
I'm so bored with all the politeness around here.
elanders
One thing, Mr. Writer: you've already used "baryard hog" and "dumbfuck"
and "fucking --" etcetera.
And not that I want you to worry about it too much, but as this
tete-a-tete continues and it becomes apparent your pa forced you to work
on the farm before you could finish high school, where are you going to
find the other words needed to make-up for your hillbilly vocabulary?
ED
elanders
Not to put too fine a point on it, gekko, but you fellows have a
tendency to repeat yourselves.
Is that one of the things Allan Hope brought back from his writing group
and shared with you?
ED
Ray Haddad
wrote:
>I'm so bored with all the politeness around here.
Wow! When you do sarcasm . . .
--
Ray
elanders
> This is an attribution line. In this, I'm expected to cite the author,
> elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com>, and the date, 24 Dec 2008, and even
> the newsgroup in which i read this, misc.writing. There. You happy?
>
>
>> She didn't give me a crit.
>
> Oh, right. In addition to you determining who qualifies to "crit", you
> get to define what constitutes "crit."
>
> You're perfect for this group, snooks. Do not ever go away again.
>
>
You know, pal, if you ever manage to find your voice as a writer, it's
going to shock you to learn you have absolutely nothing to say.
ED
gekko
Truth hurts, babe. Suck it up and move on.
elanders
> This is an attribution line. In this, I'm expected to cite the
> author, elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com>, and the date, 24 Dec 2008,
> and even the newsgroup in which i read this,
> misc.writing. There. You happy?
>
>
>> gekko wrote:
>>> This is an attribution line. In this, I'm expected to cite the
>>> author, elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com>, and the date, 24 Dec
>>> 2008, and even the newsgroup in which i read this, misc.writing.
>>> There. You happy?
>>>
>>>
>>>> She didn't give me a crit.
>>> Oh, right. In addition to you determining who qualifies to
>>> "crit", you get to define what constitutes "crit."
>>>
>>> You're perfect for this group, snooks. Do not ever go away
>>> again.
>>>
>>>
>> You know, pal, if you ever manage to find your voice as a writer,
>> it's going to shock you to learn you have absolutely nothing to
>> say.
>
> Truth hurts, babe. Suck it up and move on.
>
>
Here's a truth: I'm beginning to have second thoughts, gekko. The
general run of members in this group seem to be about your IQ.
Taking anything you have to say about writing seriously could obliterate
my career before it even gets started.
ricland
Ray Haddad
wrote:
You claim to have been writing for 20 years and your career is just
getting started? Oh, my.
Looks more like 20 years of 'writhing' to me.
--
Ray
elanders
You didn't tell us how long it took you to make the New York Times Best
Seller list.
ed
Ray Haddad
wrote:
>You didn't tell us how long it took you to make the New York Times Best
>Seller list.
Ah, and here we go with the belly-bucking contest. Right on schedule.
--
Ray
elanders
Get out here.
Aren't there some presents under your tree?
Ask your mother if you can open them early.
ED
Ray Haddad
wrote:
>Get out here.
>
>Aren't there some presents under your tree?
>
>Ask your mother if you can open them early.
I see you read only your own posts. Pay attention. It's already
Christmas Day in Australia.
Say, were you naughty or nice this year?
--
Ray
gekko
weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of elanders
<elan...@zoomtown.com>'s forgotten lore:
I see your issue now, pooks. You're seriously whacked. Is it drugs,
or are you, like, missing half your brain?
whudever. Stay. Forever. Here. Make this group new again. Give
us something different -- give us all your writing wisdom and your
writing wiles and your writing genius. Spoil us with your writing.
Be our writing ghod.
Do.
--
gekko
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
gekko
<r...@perthmagic.com>'s forgotten lore:
Rayferd! You stop that flaming this instant!
gekko
weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of Ray Haddad
<r...@perthmagic.com>'s forgotten lore:
Doesn't he just remind you of that cute little Skippy feller?
Stan (the Man)
$78...@FUSE.NET:
Pre-flounce alert!
--
Stan
Stan (the Man)
news:ddcb4$49527b69$4ad7fee9$15...@FUSE.NET:
Perfect fit for you, don't you agree? Of course you do.
> And not that I want you to worry about it too much, but as this
> tete-a-tete continues and it becomes apparent your pa forced you to work
> on the farm before you could finish high school, where are you going to
> find the other words needed to make-up for your hillbilly vocabulary?
So, tell me, dumbfuck, do you have enough self respect to be embarrassed
by that paragraph?
--
Stan
elanders
What the hell are you doing back here, Stan?
What? You steal some more one-liners from Grocho Marx?
ED
Just Me
> So, tell me, dumbfuck, do you have enough self respect to be embarrassed
> by that paragraph?
SHUT UP. Just SHUT UP, cop-face.
This is Christmas Eve. Or put it this way . . .
CHRISTMAS EVE. No fucking cops allowed.
Now here is the only thing worthy of attention . . . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmjGepjywMc&feature=related
Either listen up, and shut up, or may God himself put an end to your
stupid, smelly NOISE, forever . . .
--
JM http://bobbisoxsnatchers.blogspot.com
http://whosenose.blogspot.com
http://doo-dads.blogspot.com
http://jesusexegesis.blogspot.com
http://mackiemesser.zoomshare.com
And I don't mean maybe.
Stan (the Man)
news:dbf49373-bc34-4c61...@i24g2000prf.googlegroups.com:
>
>> So, tell me, dumbfuck, do you have enough self respect to be
>> embarrassed by that paragraph?
>
> SHUT UP. Just SHUT UP, cop-face.
Or . . . ?
> This is Christmas Eve. Or put it this way . . .
>
> CHRISTMAS EVE. No fucking cops allowed.
Or . . . ?
> Now here is the only thing worthy of attention . . . .
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmjGepjywMc&feature=related
Sorry, I don't click on links from big-mouth morons, Jerv.
> Either listen up, and shut up, or may God himself put an end to your
> stupid, smelly NOISE, forever . . .
Oh. God, eh? He thinks you're a moron too. He told me. Says He made you
that way. Punishment for somethingorother.
> --
> JM http://bobbisoxsnatchers.blogspot.com
> http://whosenose.blogspot.com
> http://doo-dads.blogspot.com
> http://jesusexegesis.blogspot.com
> http://mackiemesser.zoomshare.com
>
> And I don't mean maybe.
Sorry, I don't click on links from big-mouth morons, Jerv. And you seem to
have blown a plug. You're a bit more wild-eyed than usual. See what you
can do about that, 'k?
--
Stan
Just Me
wrote:
> Just Me <jpd...@gmail.com> wrote innews:dbf49373-bc34-4c61...@i24g2000prf.googlegroups.com:
>
>
>
> >> So, tell me, dumbfuck, do you have enough self respect to be
> >> embarrassed by that paragraph?
>
> > SHUT UP. Just SHUT UP, cop-face.
>
> Or . . . ?
>
> > This is Christmas Eve. Or put it this way . . .
>
> > CHRISTMAS EVE. No fucking cops allowed.
>
> Or . . . ?
ON Christmas Eve, We don't neeeeeeed no steeeenking badges.
Get it, copper?
Ray Haddad
wrote:
>Doesn't he just remind you of that cute little Skippy feller?
Heh.
He's certainly getting the same "cold shoulder" but with attitude.
--
Ray
elanders
Actually, I'm embarrassed by you, Stan.
I'm thinking you're the result of that one-night stand I had with a
lesbian chick at an Allman Brothers Concert.
She was so hammered she thought I was Cher.
ED
boots
Is a pekinese just a pomeranean that's had its face shoved in?
--
Don't read this crap... oops, too late!
[superstitious heathen grade 8]
Ray Haddad
wrote:
>She was so hammered she thought I was Cher.
I'm stone sober and you're still Cher.
--
Ray
gekko
forgotten lore:
Well now you've gone and spoilt your Christmas Surprise.
Merry Friggin' Christmas, little boots.
elanders
Forget about, Jerv.
I'm the one with a bead on your ass, Stan.
Now are you going to leave this newsgroup walking or do you want to go
out on a stretcher?
ED
boots
Buggery is disgusting. Well, I find it disgusting; apparently your
taste differs.
>Now are you going to leave this newsgroup walking or do you want to go
>out on a stretcher?
Have you been a cunt for a long time, or is this the result of a
recent head injury?
elanders
Tell us, boots, what exactly do you have against cunts?
You realize you came from one, right?
ED
Stan (the Man)
news:62775$4953522c$4ad7fee9$32...@FUSE.NET:
I suppose this is what passes for cleverness in your world, eh, dickweed?
Sad little clown. Sucks to be you, eh? Lissen, bozo, if you hope to stand
a chance of getting all the attention you so desperately seek, you're
going to have to move past boring. See, that's the cardinal rule of all
cardinal rules here. Thou shalt not bore. You, dickweed, are boring. Your
posts are a snooze and painful to read. You're verbose and boring. Did I
mention that you're boring? Stop being boring. 'K?
--
Stan
Stan (the Man)
> On Dec 25, 12:46 am, "Stan (the Man)" <stanINVA...@rvckids.us.INVALID>
> wrote:
>> Just Me <jpd...@gmail.com> wrote
>> innews:dbf49373-bc34-4c61-ba1e-6b11186f7
> 6...@i24g2000prf.googlegroups.com:
>>
>>
>>
>> >> So, tell me, dumbfuck, do you have enough self respect to be
>> >> embarrassed by that paragraph?
>>
>> > SHUT UP. Just SHUT UP, cop-face.
>>
>> Or . . . ?
>>
>> > This is Christmas Eve. Or put it this way . . .
>>
>> > CHRISTMAS EVE. No fucking cops allowed.
>>
>> Or . . . ?
>
> ON Christmas Eve, We don't neeeeeeed no steeeenking badges.
>
> Get it, copper?
Or . . . ?
Better pick it up a bit, dumbfuck, or I'm gonna relegate you to the trash
heap of mw dumbfucks.
--
Stan
Stan (the Man)
news:40dba$49539dd4$4ad7fee9$42...@FUSE.NET:
Awww, how cute. Little bozo thinks he's got juice. Another no-talent loser
jumps up and screams for attention. Ok, bozo, you've got my attention. You
continue making an ass of yourself and I'll keep smacking you like the
brainless twit you are. C'mon, get to it. The ng awaits its amusement. Try
to at least approach something intelligent, though, 'k? So far you're not
showing a whole lot of promise.
--
Stan
Dan Goodman
> Have you been a cunt for a long time, or is this the result of a
> recent head injury?
Likelier the result of a sex-change operation.
--
Dan Goodman
"I have always depended on the kindness of stranglers."
Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Expire
Journal http://dsgood.livejournal.com
Futures http://clerkfuturist.wordpress.com
Mirror Journal http://dsgood.insanejournal.com
Mirror 2 http://dsgood.wordpress.com
Links http://del.icio.us/dsgood
elanders
See, Stan, my plan is to show everyone how you don't belong here, then
move on to the next guy.
And you really don't belong here, do you?
I mean, there's no beer, cars that need fixing or any of your female
cousins here, so what possible interest could you have in this group, Stan?
ED
Ultraviolet
<>
> See, Stan, my plan is to show everyone how you don't belong here, then
> move on to the next guy.
>
> And you really don't belong here, do you?
>
> I mean, there's no beer, cars that need fixing or any of your female
> cousins here, so what possible interest could you have in this group, Stan?
He's a published writer. How about you?
Whatever happened to that piece you posted here ages ago that I liked?
Do anything with it?
--
UV
Stan (the Man)
news:8a4d6$4953b9f7$4ad7fee9$23...@FUSE.NET:
> Stan (the Man) wrote:
>> elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com> wrote in
>> news:40dba$49539dd4$4ad7fee9$42...@FUSE.NET:
>>
>>> Stan (the Man) wrote:
>>>> Just Me <jpd...@gmail.com> wrote in
>>>> news:dbf49373-bc34-4c61-ba1e-6b11186f7668
@i24g2000prf.googlegroups.com
>>>> :
You're just not cutting it, dickweed. Either get some help with your
insults or sit down. I told you, I don't play in the minors.
--
Stan
elanders
They're all boring, Stan, because I'm talking about you.
I mean, you're the guy who steals material from Jack Benny not me.
ED
elanders
> On Dec 25, 8:50 am, elanders <eland...@zoomtown.com> wrote:
>
> <>
>
>> See, Stan, my plan is to show everyone how you don't belong here, then
>> move on to the next guy.
>>
>> And you really don't belong here, do you?
>>
>> I mean, there's no beer, cars that need fixing or any of your female
>> cousins here, so what possible interest could you have in this group, Stan?
>
>
>
> He's a published writer. How about you?
>
> UV
You mean the jingles they put on bathroom tissue?
Well, sure, I guess you could call that published ... sort of.
No one actually reads that, though.
They do something else with it.
ED
elanders
You know, Stan, if you use "dickweed" once more you're going to have to
pay boots royalties.
Then again, I think he capitalizes it.
ED
Ultraviolet
> Ultraviolet wrote:
> > On Dec 25, 8:50 am, elanders <eland...@zoomtown.com> wrote:
>
> > <>
>
> >> See, Stan, my plan is to show everyone how you don't belong here, then
> >> move on to the next guy.
>
> >> And you really don't belong here, do you?
>
> >> I mean, there's no beer, cars that need fixing or any of your female
> >> cousins here, so what possible interest could you have in this group, Stan?
>
> > He's a published writer. How about you?
>
> > --
> > UV
>
> You mean the jingles they put on bathroom tissue?
Now you're making yourself look stoopid.
Whatever happened to that piece you posted here a while back? Start of
a detective novel, IIRC.
You do wish to discuss your writing, correct?
--
UV
elanders
You're a little confused.
The idea is you were supposed to top my gag.
ED
elanders
Oh, that piece.
Yeah, that was my first attempt at a novel. Completed it, sent it to a
publisher who called me back to say he liked it. Then after getting
three-quarters through, he emailed me to say he didn't like it.
He was vague. I put it in the attic and forgot about it.
My current project is the one I'm putting all my money on. Took me a
year to write it. It's ready for the publisher, just needs another
revision or two.
ED
gekko
read misc.writing, where i found elanders <elan...@zoomtown.com>
saying:
> gag
No fucking kidding. That is *totally* my reaction when I read your
stuff, too.
--
gekko
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are
doing it.
Stan (the Man)
news:da094655-f531-4d08...@y1g2000pra.googlegroups.com:
> On Dec 25, 9:05 am, elanders <eland...@zoomtown.com> wrote:
>> Ultraviolet wrote:
>> > On Dec 25, 8:50 am, elanders <eland...@zoomtown.com> wrote:
>>
>> > <>
>>
>> >> See, Stan, my plan is to show everyone how you don't belong here,
>> >> then move on to the next guy.
>>
>> >> And you really don't belong here, do you?
>>
>> >> I mean, there's no beer, cars that need fixing or any of your female
>> >> cousins here, so what possible interest could you have in this
>> >> group,
> Stan?
>>
>> > He's a published writer. How about you?
>>
>> > --
>> > UV
>>
>> You mean the jingles they put on bathroom tissue?
>
>
> Now you're making yourself look stoopid.
It's what he's got, UV. And don't fergodsakes chase him away. He promised
he's gonna make us all into silk purses. I want to see how that turns out.
> Whatever happened to that piece you posted here a while back? Start of
> a detective novel, IIRC.
>
> You do wish to discuss your writing, correct?
He also wishes to stamp his feet and bleat stoopid stuff. First things
first.
--
Stan
boots
Check your mirror for clues.
>You realize you came from one, right?
According to folklore I originated in (or near?) Adam's balls.
Don't believe everything you read in the funnypapers. Take your birth
certificate for example. See there where it says "live"? Oops.
It's fiction dude, the whole fucking lot of it, pure fiction.
Make up what you like.
boots
You have your folks confused. Someone else would need to collect
those royalties.
elanders
I'm not sure you understand how this works, Stan, so let me help you.
The idea is this: I write a snappy comeback, then you write a snappy
comeback.
Now I've been doing my part, but all you've been doing is telling us one
day soon you're going to deliver the mother of all snappy comebacks.
Well, that's nice and when you do that, be sure to let us know and we'll
give you a standing ovation.
Until then, however, why don't you be a good mate and hold up your part
of the deal?
I mean, you do know what a snappy comeback is, don't you?
And no "dickweed" is not a snappy comeback no matter how many times you
use it, Stan.
ricland
Stan (the Man)
Sure I do. You stamp your feet and bleat stoopid shit and everyone
smacks you around. Seems to be working like a well-oiled Swiss watch.
> The idea is this: I write a snappy comeback,
When might we expect that, dickweed?
then you write a snappy
> comeback.
>
> Now I've been doing my part, but all you've been doing is telling us one
> day soon you're going to deliver the mother of all snappy comebacks.
Well, no, dickweed. Do you really think making up nonsense qualifies as
cleverness. See, all you've been doing is twisting and squirming and
desperately trying to land a blow. Me, I've no interest in providing you
"snappy comebacks." My interest lies in continuing to smack you around
like a pinata. Kind of like striking out the pitcher, but what the heck,
you're the only real chew toy we've got at the moment and you seem so
willing to drop your panties and beg for it. Who am I to deny you?
> Well, that's nice and when you do that, be sure to let us know and we'll
> give you a standing ovation.
You're far from an "us" or a "we," dickweed. Unless, of course, you're
referring to all the other brain damaged jerkoffs who've crashed in
here, screaming at the top of their lungs, stamping their feet, waving
their arms and making asses of themselves.
> Until then, however, why don't you be a good mate and hold up your part
> of the deal?
Ohdear. I tell dickweed that he needs to give me something to work with,
so dickweed tells me to hold up my part. Dickweed, you'll never make it
by attempting to swipe other people's schtick. You look foolish enough
with your own puerile crap. As I told you, you're out of your league here.
> I mean, you do know what a snappy comeback is, don't you?
>
> And no "dickweed" is not a snappy comeback no matter how many times you
> use it, Stan.
It's quite enough that it pisses you off. That amuses me. That and the
fact that you seem intent on demonstrating that you're a moron. In that,
you succeed beyond your wildest dreams, dickweed.
Now, run along and look up the word "irony." Ask someone to explain to
you how it applies to how you're attempting to change the ng. Perhaps
then you'll understand all the ridicule being heaped you.
--
Stan
elanders
Nah, I'm not buying all that, Stan, and I doubt if anyone else is.
We're told you're a writer. Writers possess wit; at least the talented
ones do. I've given you ample opportunity to display your wit, but all
you've done is respond with your dickweed posts.
Repeating "dickweed" over and over, Stan, is not wit. It's a guy leaning
on a crutch, a guy with the vocabulary of a street urchin.
Writers write. No excuses. You've got the floor, Stan. Show your wit and
brilliance and if you can't do that, at least stop making those lame
excuses.
ED
elanders
And another thing, Stan.
This "dickweed" refrain of yours. It strikes me as juvenalia, something
kids in teen chatrooms throw around. Get me up to speed. Why do you
think it so excruciatingly clever?
And assuming there is something clever about it that we're all missing,
why can't you repeat this brilliance by coming up with another tour de
force?
Why can't you invent another one? Isn't that what great writers do?
Honestly, dickweed, do you really think people are rolling on the floor
laughing at it the way they were when you first used it five years ago?
ED