A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.
Blanche Nonken
Keltic
<bla...@newsguy.com> wrote:
>So the bartender gives it to her.
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks
up and says "What is this, some kind of fucking joke?"
Cheers, Keltic
Check out my movie reviews at:
http://comments.imdb.com/CommentsAuthor?104469
Father Luke
From my chair along the wall, I read Keltic write . . .
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks
up and says "What is this, some kind of fucking joke?"
Cheers, Keltic
Check out my movie reviews at:
http://comments.imdb.com/CommentsAuthor?104469
================\\=============================
A dwarf walks under a bar . . .
Father Luke
Check out Eric The Red Nosed Cunt ->
>http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/b47cb68d/bc/Red+Nosed+Friends+of+ACS/The+Original+Red+Nosed+Fool.jpg?bcDuvu7ATIVytkrf
Rich Guy
"Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
news:kelkrt80sq88m73tv...@4ax.com...
> So the bartender gives it to her.
A blind man walks into a bar and blames it on his dog.
PJ
: So the bartender gives it to her.
Guy walks into a bar, sits down, orders a shot and a beer. Drinks the
beer, pours the shot on his hand. Keeps doing this all night. Finally
the bartender says "hey Pal, why you wasting perfectly good drinks?"
Guy says "I'm trying to get my date drunk."
Ciao,
PJ
Peggy J. Parks
www.pjparks.com
Stan (the Man)
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Where's the bar tender."
Stan
PJ
After wondering how he can approach her, he gets up the nerve to
go talk to her. He says hi, my name is Jack and I was wondering
if I could buy you a drink. She looks at him, and the screams NO
I WILL NOT GO TO BED WITH YOU. The guy is so embarrassed he can
hardly stand it, and he skulks back to his stool. After a few
minutes she walks over to him and says I'm really sorry I had to
do that, but I'm a psychology student and I'm studying the
effects of embarrassment on people. The guy looks at her and
screams TWO HUNDRED BUCKS - YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!
Blanche Nonken
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender looks up and says "Hey, buddy. Why
the long face?"
PJ
: So the bartender gives it to her.
: A blind man walks into a bar and blames it on his dog.
:
:
: A horse walks into a bar. Bartender looks up and says
"Hey,
: buddy. Why the long face?"
Three-legged dog walks into a bar. Bartender says "Whattya
want dog?" Dog says "I'm lookin' for the guy who shot my
paw."
Peggy J. Parks
www.pjparks.com
Molly
> "Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com>
> : So the bartender gives it to her.
>
> Guy walks into a bar, sits down, orders a shot and a beer. Drinks the
> beer, pours the shot on his hand. Keeps doing this all night. Finally
> the bartender says "hey Pal, why you wasting perfectly good drinks?"
> Guy says "I'm trying to get my date drunk."
>
A rope goes into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry,
we don't serve ropes here."
The rope leaves, downcast. He meets another, older rope out on the
street. The older rope asks him what's wrong.
"That bartender wouldn't serve me a beer," says the young rope.
"What, you went in looking like that?" the old rope upbraided him. [HA!]
"You don't know how to get a drink?"
"No. How do I get a drink?" asks the young rope.
"I'll show you," says the old rope, and he ties himself into a knot and
fluffs the bit above the knot into a flattering style. Then he enters
the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender looks at him suspiciously. "Aren't you a rope?" he asks.
"No," says the old rope. "I'm a frayed knot."
Molly (groan)
Frank Raymond Michaels
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What's this, the start of a joke?"
---
FRM
Stan (the Man)
Magician walks down the street and turns into a bar.
Stan
Blanche Nonken
Bill Funke
of knowledge was interrupted by a cloud of electrons and a vision told
me they were from Keltic <kel...@SPAM.zip.com.au> leaving this
deathless prose in misc.writing:
>On Tue, 02 Oct 2001 20:03:50 -0400, Blanche Nonken
><bla...@newsguy.com> wrote:
>
>>So the bartender gives it to her.
>
>A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks
>up and says "What is this, some kind of fucking joke?"
Skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop."
Belle Harper
news:3bbb1faa...@enews.newsguy.com...
> >A horse walks into a bar. Bartender looks up and says "Hey, buddy. Why
> >the long face?"
>
> Magician walks down the street and turns into a bar.
>
> Stan
>
My 8-year-old's favorite:
A guy walks into a bar and says "OUCH!"
Haw haw haw,
Belle
Frank Reichenbacher
The fourth one ducks.
Frank Reichenbacher
"Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
news:kelkrt80sq88m73tv...@4ax.com...
Rich Guy
Martina Navratilova and Hanna Mandlikova walk hand-in-hand into a bar, and
the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't take hot cheques."
Rich Guy
Jenna Bush walks into a bar, and the bartender calls CNN.
Keltic
Man)) wrote:
>Magician walks down the street and turns into a bar.
A Zen master walks into a burger joint and says "Make me one with
everything"
Alan Hope
programme, like this one from Rich Guy, calling from misc.writing:
Gorilla walks into a bar. "Gimme a pint." Barman pours him a pint,
puts it down. "That'll be eighty-nine quid, squire." Gorilla huffs and
puffs, and pays up. He's drinking his pint when the barman comes over,
polishing a glass. "We don't get many gorillas in here," he says. "I'm
not surprised," Gorilla says. "Not with these fucking prices."
--
AH
Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little
>
> Three nuns walk into a bar.
>
> The fourth one ducks.
>
> Frank Reichenbacher
A Reindeer walks into a bar. Says, "How much for the Stout?" Bartender,
astounded at the talking Reindeer, but not averse to turning an easy
profit, woodsheds it: "Ten Dollars." Reindeer pays it, receives his
drink, starts drinking it up. Bartender wants to make Conversation,
says, "So... we don't get many Reindeer at this bar..." Reindeer says,
"Yup, and at Ten Dollars a Stout, you won't get many more, lemme tell
you."
Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little
Belle Harper wrote:
>
>
> My 8-year-old's favorite:
>
> A guy walks into a bar and says "OUCH!"
>
> Haw haw haw,
> Belle
I wuz gonna post that one, but wisely decided to read the whole thread
first. Looks like you AND Geno beat me to it.
--
N
Paul Martin
> So the bartender gives it to her.
Descartes walks into a bar in Paris. The bartender says, "Bon soir,
Renee. Would you like a beer?"
"I think not," says Descartes, and vanishes.
Paul
--
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only
the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to
teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
--Henry David Thoreau
Towse
Blanche Nonken wrote:
>
> So the bartender gives it to her.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender asks him, "What'll ya
have, grasshopper?"
The grasshopper answers, "I don't care. Anything to kill the pain. Being
a grasshopper is tougher than you could imagine these days!"
The bartender thinks for a bit and then suggests, "Maybe you'd like to
try this drink. It's named after you."
The grasshopper looks at the bartender ... "You have a drink called
Bruce?"
Sal
--
<http://www.towse.com>
dogbreath
>So the bartender gives it to her.
A bear walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender says it's against the law to serve beer to bears.
The bear gets angry. He looks around, sees a woman alone at a table
in the back of the bar, threatens to eat the woman if he's not served
a beer.
The bartender says he's sorry, but it's against the law to serve beer
to bears.
The bear goes to the back of the bar and eats the woman. Then he
again asks the bartender for a beer.
The bartender says he's sorry, but it's against the law to serve beer
to bears on drugs.
The bear asks what the bartender is talking about, claims he's not on
drugs.
The bartender points to the empty table at the back of the bar, and
explains that was a barbituate.
Kiddo
Blanche Nonken <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote:
> Kiddo, you taking notes?
Gonna work 'em all into my improv show this weekend.
Kiddo
Paul Martin
Suddenly six UVa engineering students burst in chanting "Two weeks! Two
weeks!" and order a couple of pitchers. The VCU student asks them what
they're celebrating.
"We put this jigsaw puzzle together in just two weeks!"
"Oh? It was that hard of a puzzle?"
"Yeah, the box said 5-10 years!"
Bob Sloan
>
> Blanche Nonken wrote:
> >
> > So the bartender gives it to her.
Guy walks in a bar carrying a paper sack, puts the sack on the bar and
orders two drinks. "Put a long straw in one of 'em," he tells the
bartender.
When the drinks are delivered he puts one end of the straw into the bag,
and the drink at the other end disappears.
This goes on for several rounds, in the course of which the guy explains
he's just back from the Amazon and this is the first civilized drinking
he's done in ten years.
After a while the bartender asks what's in the paper sack. The guy says
he's got a man ten inches tall, but he's real shy. The bartender offers
free drinks for the rest of the night if the little man will come out.
After much coaxing a tiny man emerges from the sack.
"Wow," the bartender says. "Can he talk?"
"Sure he can," the guy says. "Hey Fred, tell him about the time you
called that witchdoctor a cocksucker."
--
http://rlsloan.netbasix.com/
Stories, poetry, "Notes From the Top of the Hill,"
and some funny stuff.
Listen to MP3 "notes" at
http://www.morehead-st.edu/units/wmky/
TWO NEW AUDIO TAPES AVAILABLE...
Email for details
---AND BUY AMERICAN!!!--
--Uh, if you're an American, that is--
Molly
> Blanche Nonken wrote:
>
> > So the bartender gives it to her.
>
> Descartes walks into a bar in Paris. The bartender says, "Bon soir,
> Renee. Would you like a beer?"
>
> "I think not," says Descartes, and vanishes.
>
A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. Then Descartes walks in and
orders a beer as well. The bartender gives Descartes his beer first. The
horse snorts angrily and stalks out, muttering to himself .
"Darn," says the bartender. "Lost another customer. I shouldn't have put
Descartes before da horse."
Molly
Terje Johansen
Man walks down the the street. The street ouches, gets back up on his knees
and yells 'Watch where you are going, *sshole!'
-Terje
Molly
> So the bartender gives it to her.
Blanche, this is the most elegant 'walks into a bar' joke I've ever
heard. I've been trying it on workmates today, and the results are
hilarious. They wait for you to finish, then realize you *have*
finished, then think, get it, and cover their eyes and groan
dramatically, laughing. Works every time.
And I've got another one:
A rabbit walks into a pub and asks for a beer and a toastie.
"What kind of toastie?" asks the bartender.
"What have you got?"
"Cheese and ham, cheese and tomato, tomato and ham, tomato and pickles,
tomato and lettuce... anything you want, really."
"OK, I'll try a cheese and ham toastie and a beer," says the rabbit.
He eats the toastie and drinks the beer. "Mmm," he says. "That was good.
I think I'll have another one. Make it cheese and tomato this time. And
another beer."
Again the rabbit eats the toastie and drinks the beer.
"Those toasties are great stuff," he says. "I'll try tomato and lettuce
this time. And another beer."
He has a third toastie and another beer.
Finally the rabbit leaves the bar. He walks outside onto the street,
throws up violently, and collapses, groaning. His friend comes along.
"Hey man, what's wrong with you?" asks the friend.
The rabbit looks at him mournfully.
"Mixin m'toasties."
Molly
Blanche Nonken
> Blanche Nonken <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote:
>
> > So the bartender gives it to her.
>
> Blanche, this is the most elegant 'walks into a bar' joke I've ever
> heard. I've been trying it on workmates today, and the results are
> hilarious. They wait for you to finish, then realize you *have*
> finished, then think, get it, and cover their eyes and groan
> dramatically, laughing. Works every time.
And in Japan, no less. Wish you could videotape the results. <sigh>
> The rabbit looks at him mournfully.
>
> "Mixin m'toasties."
<whimper> I don't get it.
Towse
Bruce Diamond wrote:
>
> On Tue, 02 Oct 2001 20:03:50 -0400, Blanche Nonken
> <bla...@newsguy.com> hocked up and spat out:
>
> >So the bartender gives it to her.
>
> Hadda search "guy walks into a bar" on google. Results:
>
> Cartoons by Dave Banko
> http://home.mindspring.com/~dbanko/
>
> Fish joke
> http://www.explodingdog.com/pictures/twoeight/sothisguy.html
>
> Dial a joke - Five "walks into a bar" jokes
> http://members.aol.com/funchannel/walks.htm
>
> A whole BUNCH of bar jokes
> http://www.looniebin-of-jokes.com/bar.htm
>
> Some people have TOO much time on their hands...
> http://www.amherst.edu/~mtabbott/current_projects/joke_explication.html
>
> Irish pub jokes
> http://www.irishabroad.com/Culture/Pubs/jokes/
>
> Bruce (yeah, I'm bored, what of it? should I walk into a bar?)
Try the search using "walks into a bar" instead and you'll pull up a
zillion. Here's a start:
<http://www.bindle5.com/matt/ManWalksIntoABar.htm>
<http://www.michaelbader.de/goodies/a...walks_into_a_bar.html>
<http://www.theharp.com/jokes/Bar.html>
For the beer lovers in Oz, we bring you (from theharp.com)
...Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.
"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other.
"Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood
lite..."
S.
--
<http://www.towse.com>
GailSeery
>From: Blanche Nonken bla...@newsguy.com
>Date: 03/10/2001 01:03 GMT Daylight Time
>Message-id: <kelkrt80sq88m73tv...@4ax.com>
>
>So the bartender gives it to her.
>
>
sandwich, drinks the beer, takes out a gun and shoots a customer, then walks
out.
The next night the panda walks into the bar again and orders a pint of beer and
a sandwich. Once again it eats the sandwich, drinks the beer, takes out a gun
and shoots a customer, then walks out.
On the third night the bartender is ready. Before the panda can order he asks,
"Why are you killing my customers?" The panda takes out a dictionary and passes
it to the bartender. "Look it up," it says. "Look what up?" asks the bartender.
"Look up Panda". The bartender opens the dictionary and finds the page. He
reads; "Panda: eats shoots and leaves."
Gail
Molly
> m...@cwa.bai.ne.jp (Molly) wrote:
>
> > Blanche Nonken <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote:
> >
> > > So the bartender gives it to her.
> >
> > Blanche, this is the most elegant 'walks into a bar' joke I've ever
> > heard. I've been trying it on workmates today, and the results are
> > hilarious. They wait for you to finish, then realize you *have*
> > finished, then think, get it, and cover their eyes and groan
> > dramatically, laughing. Works every time.
>
> And in Japan, no less. Wish you could videotape the results. <sigh>
All my workmates yesterday were foreigners. We were having a meeting. It
was a very serious meeting, and a little levity was called for.
>
>
> > The rabbit looks at him mournfully.
> >
> > "Mixin m'toasties."
>
> <whimper> I don't get it.
Damn. I was really hoping that nobody would ask me to explain this one.
I can't spell the disease 'mixin m'toasties' is a pun for.
Now I'll have to look it up.
Myxomatosis!
(I didn't mean to imply it was as funny as your one, it was just another
'walks into a bar' joke.)
Molly
Bob Pastorio
> So the bartender gives it to her.
Irishman walks into a bar and orders two drinks. Drinks them both and
orders two more. Does this four times and leaves. Does this for months.
Finally the bartender asks what it's about that he orders two drinks,
drinks them both and leaves.
Irishman says his brother is away in the US of A and the second drink is
for him.
Next day, Irishman walks in and orders one drink. Bartender says,
"What's going on? You usually order two?"
"Ahh, me brother quit drinking"
Note the stereotypical Irishman. The joke doesn't work with Ukranian,
Ecuadorian or Thai protagonists. I'm still researching others. <sigh>
Such heavy burdens for a dramatist.
--
Bob Pastorio
http://www.pastorio.com
Blanche Nonken
> Note the stereotypical Irishman. The joke doesn't work with Ukranian,
> Ecuadorian or Thai protagonists. I'm still researching others. <sigh>
> Such heavy burdens for a dramatist.
Could work for Poles. There was a pre-war saying in Europe, "Drunk as a
Pole."
Blanche Nonken
> Myxomatosis!
>
> (I didn't mean to imply it was as funny as your one, it was just another
> 'walks into a bar' joke.)
Oh! Now I get it! Duh! Thank you.
Blanche Nonken
> I blame Blanche. She started this thread.
<snort> You got a problem with that?
PJ
:
: > I blame Blanche. She started this thread.
:
: <snort> You got a problem with that?
Blanche walks into a bar and the bartender asks her for a double
entendre. So she shows him her buns.
Ciao,
PJ
Peggy J. Parks
www.pjparks.com
Belle Harper
news:pmonrt4rsdkfb3ngn...@4ax.com...
<snip truckload of joke URLS>
> Bruce (yeah, I'm bored, what of it? should I walk into a bar?)
I'm going to have to google blonde jokes, then. Every year for the past five
years I've asked for a book of dumb blonde jokes for Christmas, and each
year no one can find one. All these years, we could've been googling.
Belle
Kate T. Lawrence
<belle...@mmcable.com> writes:
>
>I'm going to have to google blonde jokes, then. Every year for the past five
>years I've asked for a book of dumb blonde jokes for Christmas, and each
>year no one can find one. All these years, we could've been googling.
>
>Belle
>
>
Q) Why are there instructions on condoms?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
A) Because there are blonde men, too!
Love,
Katie @>-->--->----
<}}}><
Blanche Nonken
> "Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
> : Bruce Diamond <lbdi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
> :
> : > I blame Blanche. She started this thread.
> :
> : <snort> You got a problem with that?
>
> Blanche walks into a bar and the bartender asks her for a double
> entendre. So she shows him her buns.
Then a cop walked in. It was a real sticky situation, but I got off.
Ed
> > Blanche walks into a bar and the bartender asks her for a double
> > entendre. So she shows him her buns.
>
> Then a cop walked in. It was a real sticky situation, but I got off.
Heh. Heheh. <G>
Well, damn. I was about to stop following this thread.
-- Ed
Abintra Press! New CD!
http://abintrapress.tripod.com
Gerald Clough
>
> On Fri, 05 Oct 2001 14:19:40 -0400, Blanche Nonken
> Hot cross buns.
About that time, Santa walked in naked.
--
-----------------------------------------------------------
Clo...@Texas.Net
"Nothing has any value unless you know you can give it up."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Blanche Nonken
> On Fri, 05 Oct 2001 14:17:05 GMT, "PJ" <peggy...@home.com> hocked
> up and spat out:
>
> >"Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
> >: Bruce Diamond <lbdi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
> >:
> >: > I blame Blanche. She started this thread.
> >:
> >: <snort> You got a problem with that?
> >
> >Blanche walks into a bar and the bartender asks her for a double
> >entendre. So she shows him her buns.
>
> The bartender shouts, "I'm on a roll!"
>
> A customer yells, "Would you rather be on a danish? My name's Inga."
Cheesy humor.
Blanche Nonken
> On Fri, 05 Oct 2001 09:14:58 -0400, Blanche Nonken
> <bla...@newsguy.com> hocked up and spat out:
>
> >Bruce Diamond <lbdi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
> >
> >> I blame Blanche. She started this thread.
> >
> ><snort> You got a problem with that?
>
> No no no, you've got it all wrong. You do it like this:
>
> "Shut UP, Bruce!"
>
Oh, ok. "Shut UP, Bruce!"
>
> Bruce (capice?)
No, I drive a Saturn.
Paul Martin
Bruce Diamond wrote:
> On Fri, 05 Oct 2001 14:19:40 -0400, Blanche Nonken
> <bla...@newsguy.com> hocked up and spat out:
>
> An argument ensued. Temperatures flared. The situation heated up.
> Hot cross buns.
Only if someone sits on the stove.
Blanche Nonken
> >No, I drive a Saturn.
>
> Jupiter in the garage?
Haven't got a garage.
Paine Ellsworth
the bar, and at the other end there's a tiny piano being played by
a man who's only about a foot tall.
So she asks the bartender is it a toy, or what? He says no, that's
a real person over there. The woman is amazed, of course, and
asks the bartender where the little guy came from? "Well, there's
this old Chinaman across the street that grants wishes, and he
gave the little guy to me."
"Do you think the Chinaman would grant me a wish?" she asked.
"Doesn't hurt to ask," answered the bartender, "Just remember
that the old guy must be ninety years old and doesn't hear very
well."
So the woman hurried across and knocked on the Chinaman's
door. He let her in and told her that he'd grant her one wish. So
the woman wished for a million bucks! The old Chinaman smiled
and said, "Your wish is granted. It is right outside the door." She
ran outside to find the street filled with DUCKS. At least a million
ducks.
The woman threw up her hands and went back inside the bar.
"Did the Chinaman grant your wish?" asked the bartender.
"No, he got it all messed up. I asked for a million bucks and he
gave me a million DUCKS."
"I'm not surprised," frowned the bartender. "You think I wished
for a 12-inch pianist?"
--
Indelibly yours, (fiat lux)
Paine
http://paine_ellsworth.home.att.net/
oxo
Keltic <kel...@SPAM.zip.com.au> wrote in message
news:bp7lrtce2gtap2tnn...@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 02 Oct 2001 20:03:50 -0400, Blanche Nonken
> <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote:
>
> >So the bartender gives it to her.
>
> A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks
> up and says "What is this, some kind of fucking joke?"
>
> Cheers, Keltic
>
> Check out my movie reviews at:
> http://comments.imdb.com/CommentsAuthor?104469
Don May
<stars...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>"No, he got it all messed up. I asked for a million bucks and he
>gave me a million DUCKS."
>
>"I'm not surprised," frowned the bartender. "You think I wished
>for a 12-inch pianist?"
<G>
Don
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At home I am a nice guy: but I don't want the world
to know. Humble people, I've found, don't get very far.
--Muhammad Ali
PJ
: > :
: > : > I blame Blanche. She started this thread.
: > :
: > : <snort> You got a problem with that?
: >
: > Blanche walks into a bar and the bartender asks her for a
: >double entendre. So she shows him her buns.
:
: Then a cop walked in. It was a real sticky situation, but I got
: off.
They were sticky buns with pecans.
Blanche holds one out for the cop, and says "nice nuts."
PJ
: Bruce (time for a new joke thread? blonde jokes? aggie
: jokes? first-time writer jokes?)
Guy goes into a bar. Sees a huge jar stuffed with $20 bills. Asks
the bartender what's all that money for? Bartender says you can
win it. All of it. Guy says, how? Bartender says you gotta do
three things. First, see that 250 lb. bouncer over by the door?
You gotta knock him out with one punch. Guy looks over at the bozo
and grimaces. Asks what the other two things are. Bartender says
second thing is, back there in that locked room there's a vicious
baboon with an abscessed tooth. You gotta remove the tooth. Guy
grimaces again. Says how much worse can it get, what's third?
Bartender says ooooooooh, the third thing is the hardest. Probably
impossible even. There's a 60 year old prostitute upstairs who's
never been satisfied in her life. You gotta satisfy her. Guy says
what the hell, tosses his twenty into the jar, goes over to the
bouncer and bam! knocks him out with one punch. Gets the key to
the room, goes inside, slams the door, and the bartender hears
screaming and shrieking and slamming ... then silence. Guy comes
out looking pretty smug. Says all right, where's that prostitute
with the abscessed tooth?
Ba dum chhhh.
Blanche Nonken
> "Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
> : "PJ" <peggy...@home.com> wrote:
> :
> : > "Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote
> : > Bruce Diamond <lbdi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
> : > :
> : > : > I blame Blanche. She started this thread.
> : > :
> : > : <snort> You got a problem with that?
> : >
> : > Blanche walks into a bar and the bartender asks her for a
> : >double entendre. So she shows him her buns.
> :
> : Then a cop walked in. It was a real sticky situation, but I got
> : off.
>
> They were sticky buns with pecans.
>
> Blanche holds one out for the cop, and says "nice nuts."
But first I wrapped it. Always did prefer a tightly wrapped, neat
package.
PJ
: > : > :
: > : > : > I blame Blanche. She started this thread.
: > : > :
: > : > : <snort> You got a problem with that?
: > : >
: > : > Blanche walks into a bar and the bartender asks her for a
: > : >double entendre. So she shows him her buns.
: > :
: > : Then a cop walked in. It was a real sticky situation, but I
: > : got off.
: >
: > They were sticky buns with pecans.
: >
: > Blanche holds one out for the cop, and says "nice nuts."
:
: But first I wrapped it. Always did prefer a tightly wrapped,
: neat package.
<dying here>
Me too. 'specially if the guy's got a lotta dough.
Doh!!!!
<back atcha darlin'>
PJ
--
Peggy J. Parks
www.pjparks.com
Paine Ellsworth
> On Sat, 06 Oct 2001 09:33:09 GMT, "Paine Ellsworth"
>
> >"I'm not surprised," frowned the bartender. "You think I wished
> >for a 12-inch pianist?"
>
> repeating ourselves.
See? That's the trouble with UseNet. It's just the same ol' same
ol' all the time. Just like a bathroom wall.
> Bruce (time for a new joke thread? blonde jokes? aggie jokes?
> first-time writer jokes?)
How about "Bruce" jokes?
How many Bruces can fit into a glove?
>> (compartment!)
Yo! right!... How many Bruces can fit into a glove compartment?
(Couldn't get it right with hierophants, either.)
Lorrill Buyens
<ter...@online.no> ordered a misc.writing pizza with extra cheese,
but got this instead:
>
>"Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
>news:3t8mrtg56sa2h7tou...@4ax.com...
>> stan...@hotmail.com (Stan (the Man)) wrote:
>>
>> > On Wed, 03 Oct 2001 09:27:59 -0400, Blanche Nonken
>> > <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote:
>> >
>> > >"Rich Guy" <sire...@mindspring.com> wrote:
>> > >
>> > >>
>> > >> "Blanche Nonken" <bla...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
>> > >> news:kelkrt80sq88m73tv...@4ax.com...
>> > >> > So the bartender gives it to her.
>> > >>
>> > >>
>> > >> A blind man walks into a bar and blames it on his dog.
>> > >>
>> > >
>> > >A horse walks into a bar. Bartender looks up and says "Hey, buddy.
>Why
>> > >the long face?"
>> >
>> > Magician walks down the street and turns into a bar.
>>
>> Kiddo, you taking notes?
>
>Man walks down the the street. The street ouches, gets back up on his knees
>and yells 'Watch where you are going, *sshole!'
This a translation from the Norwegian version, or what? (I.e., I
Don't Get It.)
--
Lorrill Buyens
"A load of steaming horse shit could indeed keep a human afloat, for
a tall enough and broad enough load of steaming horse shit."
- Timothy McDaniel, defining waste-product dynamics in AFU
Support the Jayne Hitchcock HELP Fund
http://www.geocities.com/hollywood/6172/helpjane.htm
Lorrill Buyens
ordered a misc.writing pizza with extra cheese, but got this instead:
>On Wed, 03 Oct 2001 15:17:27 +1000, my daily meditation on the throne
>of knowledge was interrupted by a cloud of electrons and a vision told
>me they were from Keltic <kel...@SPAM.zip.com.au> leaving this
>deathless prose in misc.writing:
>>On Tue, 02 Oct 2001 20:03:50 -0400, Blanche Nonken
>><bla...@newsguy.com> wrote:
>>
>>>So the bartender gives it to her.
>>
>>A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks
>>up and says "What is this, some kind of fucking joke?"
>Skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop."
Guy walks into a bar and says "I'll have a pina colada, an' give the
guy on the end one, too." A few minutes later, he says "I'll have
another pina colada, but leave out the fruit this time." Guy on the
end stands up and says "*Well*! I didn't *ask* to be included in the
first place!"
Davida Chazan - The Chocolate Lady
the misc.writing Community News Flash, Blanche Nonken <bla...@newsguy.com>
reported:
>So the bartender gives it to her.
A vampire walks into a bar and asks for a glass of hot blood. The bartender
gives it to him.
A few moments later, another vampire walks into the same bar and asks for a
glass of hot blood, and again the bartender gives it to him.
A few minutes later, a third vampire walks into the bar and asks for a glass of
hot water. The bartender says "you're two buddies ordered hot blood, why aren't
you drinking hot blood as well". The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says
"I prefer tea".
(Sorry, you asked for it.)
--
Davida Chazan
<davida @ jdc . org . il>
*****
"Violence gnaws away at the basis of democracy...
peace truly doesn't only exist in prayers."
- Yitzhak Rabin z"l from his last speech on November 4, 1995
*****
Support the Jayne Hitchcock HELP Fund:
http://www.purpleducks.com/booksale/
~*~*~*~*~*~
Visit "Like Chocolate for Poetry"
http://pub58.ezboard.com/bdrchazan
Frank Raymond Michaels
<drch...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>(Please NOTE E-Mail address in my sig) On Tue, 02 Oct 2001 20:03:50 -0400 during
>the misc.writing Community News Flash, Blanche Nonken <bla...@newsguy.com>
>reported:
>
>>So the bartender gives it to her.
>
>A vampire walks into a bar and asks for a glass of hot blood. The bartender
>gives it to him.
>
>A few moments later, another vampire walks into the same bar and asks for a
>glass of hot blood, and again the bartender gives it to him.
>
>A few minutes later, a third vampire walks into the bar and asks for a glass of
>hot water. The bartender says "you're two buddies ordered hot blood, why aren't
>you drinking hot blood as well". The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says
>"I prefer tea".
>
>(Sorry, you asked for it.)
One of my very favorite jokes. Thank you, Davida.
----
FRM (Wipes sentimental tear...)