The Jo Blo Files
MC
have ever seen. If you want a little laff, or if you just want to feel
better about your own shit, you have to see what's posted here...
http://www.joblo.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=9
A new sample, copied and pasted, exactly as it appears there. And by the
way, every comment on it was positive.
+++
[Screen is still black. We can hear the sound of beeping in the
background. We then hear a voice.]
CARRIE
[v.o]
That will be 45.27 please.
[FADE IN: We can now visibly see Carrie. She is working the supermarket
check out aisle, wearing her unifromal apron. She is about 16 and looks
very tired.]
WOMAN
[fumbling through her purse]
45.27? Oh, dear. Bill told me not to go over 35 dollars.
[She pulls out a dollar bill]
I only have a 100 dollar bill.
[Carrie gives her a deep look, snatching the bill away from her.]
CARRIE
I don靖 get it.
WOMAN
Get what?
CARRIE
Get how you people just sit there and give the cashier a 100 dollar bill
and just expect them to give you your change.
WOMAN
Well, yes, that零 what one WOULD expect.
CARRIE
[while getting the change]
See, that零 exactly what I雋 talking about. You big shots would rather
just sit there and give us the 100 dollar bill instead of just brining
the right change in the first place. I mean you people act like you have
an army of m just stahsed away at your house somewhere. Do you KNOW
what I could with 100 bucks. Do you really? I could not come to this
hellhole of a job for entire month the way this place is paying me. The
cashier零 already had a bad day. Every day we have to put up with crying
babies, people that bring in tons of food for you to ring up, little
whining brats that keep bugging their mommies to get them that Snickers
bar they want and a manager that basically burns you to the stake when
you mess up just once. Then here you come with your 100 dollar bill,
just sitting there watching us get the change, not having to do anything
at all, but go home and feed the little ungrateful snotnosed kid who you
bought all the crap for.
[in a saracstic cheerful voice]
And guess what? You get to do it again next week.
WOMAN
[takes her change]
You know, you靶e got alot of nerve.
CARRIE
I雋 a teenager and I雋 a girl. I雋 allowed to bitch every once and
awhile.
[hands her her grocery bags]
Have a nice day.
[Cut to black. Title card reads 蛋uvenile.淫
--
As the radius of knowledge expands,
so does the circumference of ignorance. lbert Einstein
Paulo Joe Jingy
MC wrote:
I'm telling you folks, this is some of the best bad screenwriting you
have ever seen. If you want a little laff, or if you just want to feel
better about your own shit, you have to see what's posted here...http://www.joblo.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=9
A new sample, copied and pasted, exactly as it appears there. And by the
way, every comment on it was positive.
Remember this April 4, 2001 post, by Chris Bateman? *Somebody*
might just have to put it up at joblo's site and see how it does.
I'll bet they like it over there..
----------
I will post 3 pages and tell me what you think. I need to make some
changes
still but I want you to be brutally honest.
3 DAYS LATE
A screenplay by
Amen Satbirch
CAST:
JOHN MCALISTER - Bruce Willis
LANCE VEGA - Nicholas Cage
BIG SCARY MIKEY - Jean Claude Van Damme
SCENE 1. TOMS HOUSE
We
see a man is in his living room, he has a checkered shirt
on and his jeans on. His name is JOHN MCALISTER and he's 30
years old, from Chicago.
The
camera PANS up to a birds eye view of his house as he
sits down. We hear his voice as a voice over.
JOHN
(VOICE OVER)
My name is John McAlister PI. I've lived
in this godforsaken house, in this
godforsaken city nearly all my life and
it's time to move on damn it
We see Tom stand back up and then we quickly cut to
SCENE 2. TOMS BEDROOM
We
see John packing a suitcase in his bedroom. The bedroom is
nice but city like and we can tell John looks like he should
be in the country..
He
finds it hard to close the suitcase so he sits on it to
close it.
He closes it.
We see him walks out.
SCENE 3. A CAR
John
is driving a green car and he is driving quiet quickly
and is overtaking everyone. He suitcase is in the back and he
looks mad. He's sick of the city.
SCENE 3. COUNTRYSIDE
Tom
has gone to the countryside, it looks really piecefull
compared to the city. He has calmed down now and looks quite
happy.
We
see a big house with a for sale sign outside it, he pulls
up outside. And parks the car.
We
see him run up the steps and the camera goes to the inside
of the door so when it opens we are looking at John.
JOHN (CONT'D)
Hi. I came about the house. I'm a private
investigator.
The
camera spins round quickly with a whoosh sound effect to
reveal a thin and odd looking man who is LANCE VEGA.
LANCE
Hi I am Lance Vega, I am moving out in a
week so you've come at the right time
man.
He invites him in and we see them close the door in our face.
SCENE 4. LANCES LIVING ROOM
JOHN
I really like the house, it's great. When
can I move in?
LANCE
I have a spare room you can stay in until
I move out man. That's no problem.
JOHN
Cool.
John sips his coffee.
JOHN (CONT'D)
So what do you do for a living?
LANCE
Oh nothing much.
FREEZE FRAME
JOHN
(VOICE OVER)
Nothing much huh?
If i would have took a bit longer to find
out what he did I wouldn't have got into
this goddamn mess in the first place.
SCENE 5. A WAREHOUSE (later in the story)
John and Lance are holding guns pointing at eachother.
LANCE
PUT THE FUCKING GUN DOWN NOW! OR ALL
SHOOT YOU YOU FUCKER.
JOHN
FUCK YOU FUCKER.
SCENE 6. LANCES LIVING ROOM (present)
LANCE
So you'ra PA huh?
JOHN
PI! I said PI. I have my own assistant
man.
They laugh.
-------------
This is my first script so i would like to know what i am doing wrong,
if
anytihng.
Thanks
Amen
----------
--
Paulo Joe Jingy
He's back--so it's back!
http://harb.reallysucks.com
MC
Paulo Joe Jingy <pauloj...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Remember this April 4, 2001 post, by Chris Bateman? *Somebody* might just
> have to put it up at joblo's site and see how it does. I'll bet they like
> it over there..
>
> ----------
> I will post 3 pages and tell me what you think. I need to make some changes
> still but I want you to be brutally honest.
>
>
> 3 DAYS LATE
>
> A screenplay by
>
> Amen Satbirch
I forgot this. In its own way it is a masterpiece.
--
As the radius of knowledge expands,
so does the circumference of ignorance. --Albert Einstein
stace
co...@ca.inter.net wrote on 7/12/02 3:42 AM:
> In article <3D2E867D...@yahoo.com>,
> Paulo Joe Jingy <pauloj...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>> Remember this April 4, 2001 post, by Chris Bateman? *Somebody* might just
>> have to put it up at joblo's site and see how it does. I'll bet they like
>> it over there..
>>
>> ----------
>> I will post 3 pages and tell me what you think. I need to make some changes
>> still but I want you to be brutally honest.
>>
>>
>> 3 DAYS LATE
>>
>> A screenplay by
>>
>> Amen Satbirch
>
> I forgot this. In its own way it is a masterpiece.
OMYGOD!
I wasn't around for this one. So did this writer get humiliated by y'all to
the point where he killed himself online, or what?
Stace
--
You can access MWS and screenwriting FAQs at
http://www.communicator.com/faqs.html; brought to you by Rich Wilson.
Before asking the group a question, why don't you check the archives by
going here http://groups.google.com/advanced_group_search and typing
misc.writing.screenplays in the Newsgroup field, in addition to your
Keyword.
Achtung
teenagers.
"MC" <co...@ca.inter.net> wrote in message
news:cope-4B8FF9.1...@newsfeeder.total.net...
> an army of Oem just stahsed away at your house somewhere. Do you KNOW
> what I could with 100 bucks. Do you really? I could not come to this
> hellhole of a job for entire month the way this place is paying me. The
> cashier零 already had a bad day. Every day we have to put up with crying
> babies, people that bring in tons of food for you to ring up, little
> whining brats that keep bugging their mommies to get them that Snickers
> bar they want and a manager that basically burns you to the stake when
> you mess up just once. Then here you come with your 100 dollar bill,
> just sitting there watching us get the change, not having to do anything
> at all, but go home and feed the little ungrateful snotnosed kid who you
> bought all the crap for.
> [in a saracstic cheerful voice]
> And guess what? You get to do it again next week.
>
> WOMAN
> [takes her change]
> You know, you靶e got alot of nerve.
>
> CARRIE
> I雋 a teenager and I雋 a girl. I雋 allowed to bitch every once and
> awhile.
> [hands her her grocery bags]
> Have a nice day.
> [Cut to black. Title card reads 蛋uvenile.淫
>
> --
> As the radius of knowledge expands,
> so does the circumference of ignorance. >
> MWS FAQ http://www.communicator.com/faqs.html
MC
stace <st...@sk.sympatico.ca> wrote:
> OMYGOD!
>
> I wasn't around for this one. So did this writer get humiliated by y'all to
> the point where he killed himself online, or what?
>
> Stace
It was a practical joke -- it contained every single amateur mistake you
could think of, and I am proud to say it fooled me completely!
Dena Jo
> > I wasn't around for this one. So did this writer get humiliated by y'all
to
> > the point where he killed himself online, or what?
>
> It was a practical joke -- it contained every single amateur mistake you
> could think of, and I am proud to say it fooled me completely!
Chris was a very clever and very cute kid. Not in the way that Doug is
cute, of course, but still cute.
--
Dena Jo
Dena Jo
> It was a practical joke -- it contained every single amateur mistake you
> could think of, and I am proud to say it fooled me completely!
Why, yes. If I recall correctly, you were a dummy-butt.
--
Dena Jo
new...@virtual.com
>Chris was a very clever and very cute kid. Not in the way that Doug is
>cute, of course, but still cute.
A surprising thing happened to me this morning at the hospital, Dena
Jo. My diagnosis came back and they said that I hadn't actually been
cute all this time. Man, am I relieved! (Thought I was locked into
"cuteness" for the duration. Phew!)
BTW, Chris can be very cute at times. Please spread the word.
Doug
Welcome to the New World Order...
Dena Jo
> A surprising thing happened to me this morning at the hospital, Dena
> Jo. My diagnosis came back and they said that I hadn't actually been
> cute all this time.
I dunno, Doug. I'd get a second opinion if I were you. You're gonna trust
C*n*di*n health care?
--
Dena Jo
new...@virtual.com
You've got a point, Dena Jo. C*n*di*n health care keeps shrinking and
shrinking.
Fortunately for me, I self medicate... And it's Friday too!
I see a trip to the beer store in my immediate future...
Dena Jo
> I see a trip to the beer store in my immediate future...
Drink one for me....
--
Dena Jo
D C
----------
In article <agmt93$muhs2$1...@ID-139412.news.dfncis.de>, "Dena Jo"
<den...@cs.com> wrote:
He was a fink and a screwball and a liar - kind of reminds
me of someone . . .
new...@virtual.com
>Doug:
>
>> I see a trip to the beer store in my immediate future...
>
>Drink one for me....
I can do better than that.
spam]@world.std.com Blair P. Houghton
supermarket checker.
--Blair
"Don't even fade it."
Black Ops
<blair[no spam]@world.std.com (Blair P. Houghton)> wrote in message
news:Gz6Ewo...@world.std.com...
Former? Like they've already moved on to their highly paid screenwriting
career?
spam]@world.std.com Blair P. Houghton
>
><blair[no spam]@world.std.com (Blair P. Houghton)> wrote in message
>news:Gz6Ewo...@world.std.com...
>> I got a hundred bucks says it was written by a former
>> supermarket checker.
>
>Former? Like they've already moved on to their highly paid screenwriting
>career?
Former. Like "you'll never work in this business again."
--Blair
"Hey. It'd work on a bagger."
Plugboy
Still a hankering for me, ain't ya Dana ;-)
How goes things anyhoo?
(PS: How shameless is it that I actually did a search for my own name
in google groups? :-p)
Chris Bateman
test...
"Plugboy" <plug...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:e75cd26b.02072...@posting.google.com...
-----= Posted via Newsfeed.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
http://www.newsfeed.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
-----== 100,000 Groups! - 19 Servers! - Unlimited Download! =-----
Dena Jo
> > Chris was a very clever and very cute kid. Not in the way that Doug is
> > cute, of course, but still cute.
>
>
> Still a hankering for me, ain't ya Dana ;-)
So Bateman's back. How could I possibly resist that? Even if you did
misspell my name...
--
Dena Jo
Chris Bateman
Doh!
Sorry Dona, it won't happen again.
"Dena Jo" <den...@cs.com> wrote in message
news:ahrtc5$vg1mk$1...@ID-139412.news.dfncis.de...
Dena Jo
For some reason, your posts don't show up on all servers.
Dena Jo