If Alan can do it, I Can Do It! **** CONTEST ****
Jeffrey Schwartz
entrants.....
Rules: The more outrageous, unlikely and fantastic the better, but all
entries must have a starting theme even, and all that derives from the
starting event must be internally self-consistant even if it's objectively
BS.
Contest to be closed and voted on on April First (of course, so apt) and the
person with the most votes wins the title of "Official Paul Bunyan of
Misc.Survivalism"
--------
My survival community was founded by a group of people from New Mexico. It
was founded in 1948, after they found wreckage they should not have found...
Realizing the world was in continuing danger from Invasion, they used the
captured Vorlon technology to create a number of safe hideaways. In order to
prevent the Invaders from knowing how much technology had been captured, the
secrets of small-scale fusion power and matter/energy converision and
replication were kept secret. If this knowledge were revealed, the Invaders
would just escalate the arms race when the Battle finally comes.
Our Community has a number of different secret locations, well hidden from
observers. We use holographic and other technical means to prevent the
detection of our bases, including a modified version of the 'stealth field'
that the alien ships use. We have no need to farm or garden - a simple well
draws water from deep in the earth. The water is then shattered into it's
component quarks and reassembled as whatever we need - food,clothing, tools,
weapons.
For the most part, we don't carry what you would call 'weapons'. Our access
to fantastic alien technology has allowed us to use what we call 'shields'.
These marvelous devices are about the size of a paperback book, and fit
easily in a belt pouch. A shield will deflect .50 BMG bullets at the top
end, and punches and kicks at the lower end of the scale. With these, we are
totally defended.Our shields can, of course, be used in other ways - by
using a mental command, the shield generator will reconfigure the shape of
the shield into a bar of pure force, which will penetrate any material
object within line-of-sight.
As you can see, we have no need of what you call 'guns', 'gardens', or
'work'.
Our groups were planned for the re-population of the earth after the Alien
Invasion is defeated. Because of that, our normal 'family' consists of one
man and three women, to allow rapid breeding and repopulation. With three
women, children can be cared for in rotating 8 hour shifts, while a second
woman is sleeping and a third providing 'companionship' for her husband. The
men, of course, us special alien nano-technology to eliminate the need for
sleep, allowing them to care for and protect the women and children 24/7.
This keeps us from being surprised in the event of a sneak attack.
Rather than do-it-yourself vasectomies to minimize population growth, we
rely on the injected nanotechnology. Here, the sperm cells are killed when
entering the vas deferens, thus allowing normal sexual operation with total
contraceptive control. Since the alien technology responds to mental
commands, fertility is controlled by the simple subvocalization of a
keyword.
We have no need to obey the rules that you 'Americans' follow, since our
bases are totally self sufficent and capable of synthizing anything we wish.
We do, however, travel among you, holding down cover jobs and operating like
every day joes in order to keep watch for alien spies.
This connection to the internet is supported by the simple method of one of
us being rich enough to own an ISP outright. This is only fair, since much
of the technology that the 'net uses was derived from samples of the
spacecraft that was downed in 1946 - those samples were given to DARPA for
experimentaiton, and the attempt at recreating an alien computer network
using Earth technology is what the first networks were.
Alan Connor
Jeffry says that I am making it all up.
Notice that instead of proof, he offers nothing but word games.
I can describe, right off the top of my head, how to do anything that I
claim to do.
I know stuff, and Jeffrey can write fantasy stories.
Jeffrey can watch TV and I can live off the land....
Perhaps he needs to find a more appropriate newsgroup for his ravings?
Just a thought....
---------------------------------------------
The bullshit posted about me and my people on this group is just incredible.
Have these people ever even HEARD of logic or honesty? Apparently not.
To set the record straight.
(Nothing posted on the Usenet is in and of itself proof of anything. But I obviously know more
about living directly from the Land than any 50 of these couch pototoes, which is one heck of
a lot more evidence in support of my claims than they offer in support of theirs. They all claim
that they KNOW I am lying, but not one of them can produce even my location, which they would
have to have in order to have observed how I live and determine that it was not as I claimed.
They talk out of their asses and expect rational adults to mistake those assholes for mouths.
Pretty silly.)
I live in a little village up in the mountains that is materially self-sufficient in the basics.
We don't need anything that you have, and want even less.
Your laws have no meaning here, and because we don't need or want what you have, you have no way
of obtaining a handle on us.
Our paths do not cross in the real world, because our cultures are so radically different. Water
and oil, actually....
What we have achieved is only remarkable to stupid people, and I mean that literally, and not as
a gratuitous insult:
For 99.999% of Human history, people have lived on the Earth without your culture. Millions still
do, and in relative plain sight of you: Such people can be seen on your TV and in your magazines,
like National Geographic, and on the Web.
And we have/had the incredible advantage of being able to select the most useful ways and technologies
of many of these cultures; the best of what they had/have to offer.
I am not even claiming to be one of the founders of the culture I have joined. The founders were
members of "Hippy Communes" in the late 60's. They did all the real work. I only had to 'go to
school' here to learn these ways. Pretty cushy, actually. It was a wonderful experience.
We don't engage in brutality, killing or maiming, ever. Period. When you can say the same thing,
you can criticize our defensive strategies and tactics.
Which we only need because we are surrounded by brutal imperialists, the Americans, who claim that
their country is "free", but will not permit people to live outside of their earth-raping, war-making,
de facto-slave creating economy.
That's not 'freedom'. Without the right of non-participation, there is no freedom.
So we have to remain invisible, in the real world, to the Americans, the people we have left behind
culturally, if not geographically.
This is not difficult. They look constantly, from satellites and aircraft and trucks for squatters on
what they call their "Public Lands", but they look only for people that are dependent on their
economy, or live as the 'Native Americans' or 'Pioneers' lived.
We don't live like any of those cultures. The average American could drive or walk within 50 yards
of one of our settlements and see nothing but 'wilderness'. (Not that they are built near roads or
the very few hiking trails used by Americans.)
We put out no smoke, our buildings are covered with living soil and plants and have no windows. There
are no vehicles or domestic animals or engines. Nothing that an American would recognize as a path.
The gardens are spread out over many, many acres, sometimes even on the other side of a ridge. They
look like natural plant communities. No one who knows the mountain west of 'North America' is surprised
to see domestic plants, especially food plants, out in the forest: The miners and trappers and home-
steaders of a previous era left such plants all over the place, from their gardens, and many have
went feral. Contemporary homesteaders have contributed even more species to the pool, usually un-
wittingly. Farmers and ranchers too: The critters carry the seeds away and the cattle and sheep
spread domestic and Eurasian seeds everywhere. (Noxious Weeds, the bad ones are called, and are a
huge problem on the 'Public Lands'. Talk to your Forest Service.)
To avoid putting out an infrared signature, we use big clockwork motors to mix our outgoing air, 1:20
with ambient air before dispersing it through multiple outlets.
To avoid being spotted by ground-probing radar, we minimize the use of metals, and keep any metallic
objects in charcoal-lined containers when not in use, and well spread out.
Outside, we always wear full camoflauge and remain under the trees for the most part.
The routes we choose to travel on are never those that the typical American or Deer would choose.
Americans almost never wander farther than 50 yards from their vehicles, and that includes Rangers and
Poachers. I have not seen a an American hiker in these thousands of acres of National Forest since
I have been here. They stay on a limited number of more-or-less developed and well-utilized trails.
Most Deer Butchers kill from the roads.
We never cross paths with Americans in the real world unless we choose to.
AC
Newbie
You been spying on us ?
Alan Connor
<snip an absurd post where this genious compares survival skills to an encounter with aliens>
How about a REAL contest, Jeffrey? Anyone can run their mouth on the Usenet.
Why don't you and I get together with a couple of camera crews up in the
N. Rockies? We don't tell them anything about our backgrounds or where
we ran across each other.
I'll pay for half the cost with grade AA organic bud.
At the sound of the whistle, we'll each undress and head off bare-ass
naked and with empty hands in different directions with our respective
camera crews following along and recording everything important.
10 days later we'll knock off and head for home, the videos to be posted
on a website for anyone to see, edited by an impartial third party.
I'll have a clean, comfortable home, a full pantry, hot showers, soap,
light and heat, comfortable footwear and clothing, cooking facilities,
and the amount of food stored away that I would have had to put away
during that period if I was going to spend the winter comfortably there.
What would you have?
My guess would be an empty stomache, a filthy body, a cold ass, and a
couple of squirrel hides staked out in front of a shelter that Fred
Flinstone would turn his nose up at and that you share with all manner
of vermin.
And you'd be starving, sleep-deprived and suffering from exhaustion because
of all the predators and scavengers your kills and cooking of them would
attract in the night.
Anyone can sling shit on the Usenet. Not everyone is a survivalist worthy
of the name.
Those that have any doubt here are welcome to look over our respective
posts...
------------
How about it, Jeffrey?
Are you anything more than the big mouth you seem to be?
I don't think so.
AC
Jeffrey Schwartz
"Alan Connor" <zzz...@xxx.yyy> wrote in message
news:0gn7c.51121$aT1....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
> On Sun, 21 Mar 2004 14:05:40 -0500, Jeffrey Schwartz
<jeffrey...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
> I'll pay for half the cost with grade AA organic bud.
I don't do bud, Alan. No interest in it.
You're the only drug user in this conversation.
Other than that, a contest could be interesting. My job and life preclude
taking 10 days off in the Rockies, though. We'll have to come up with
something that fits the schedule.
How about this - I'm in the Central Florida area. If anyone else is in this
area, let's go out in the Ocala national forest for a weekend. A non-Jeff
poster can report on how I do for the weekend.
Similarly, you agree to spend a weekend in your chosen terrain with someone
on the NG who's known and who can make an obejctive report on how your
weekend goes?
Jim Dauven
Alan Connor wrote:
<snipped>
>
> I can describe, right off the top of my head, how to do anything that I
> claim to do.
<snipped more stuff>
> The bullshit posted about me and my people on this group is just incredible.
>
> Have these people ever even HEARD of logic or honesty? Apparently not.
>
> To set the record straight.
><snipped>
> I live in a little village up in the mountains that is materially self-sufficient in the basics.
>
> We don't need anything that you have, and want even less.
<snipped>
> We don't engage in brutality, killing or maiming, ever. Period. When you can say the same thing,
> you can criticize our defensive strategies and tactics.
>
> Which we only need because we are surrounded by brutal imperialists, the Americans, who claim that
<snipped>
> We put out no smoke, our buildings are covered with living soil and plants and have no windows. There
> are no vehicles or domestic animals or engines. Nothing that an American would recognize as a path.
>
He you walk over the same ground more than 5 times in a week It is a
path that can be recognized. And as for no smoke what about all that
wood gas you are making????
> The gardens are spread out over many, many acres, sometimes even on the other side of a ridge. They
> look like natural plant communities. No one who knows the mountain west of 'North America' is surprised
> to see domestic plants, especially food plants, out in the forest: The miners and trappers and home-
> steaders of a previous era left such plants all over the place, from their gardens, and many have
> went feral. Contemporary homesteaders have contributed even more species to the pool, usually un-
> wittingly. Farmers and ranchers too: The critters carry the seeds away and the cattle and sheep
> spread domestic and Eurasian seeds everywhere. (Noxious Weeds, the bad ones are called, and are a
> huge problem on the 'Public Lands'. Talk to your Forest Service.)
>
How do you keep the deer, elk, badgers, and wandering domestic cow out
them???
> To avoid putting out an infrared signature, we use big clockwork motors to mix our outgoing air, 1:20
> with ambient air before dispersing it through multiple outlets.
>
What about the stoves, the wood gas creation equipment, heating
equipment for hot water etc. That smoke is pretty hot
200 to 300 degree even at 20 to one that it a output of 10 degrees
over outside air temps. Plenty for modern IR sensor platforms.
> To avoid being spotted by ground-probing radar, we minimize the use of metals, and keep any metallic
> objects in charcoal-lined containers when not in use, and well spread out.
>
> Outside, we always wear full camoflauge and remain under the trees for the most part.
>
> The routes we choose to travel on are never those that the typical American or Deer would choose.
Hey you create a new tail and a deer will use it I will guarantee you.
Not to mention hunters in the fall hunting season.
>
> Americans almost never wander farther than 50 yards from their vehicles, and that includes Rangers and
> Poachers. I have not seen a an American hiker in these thousands of acres of National Forest since
> I have been here. They stay on a limited number of more-or-less developed and well-utilized trails.
> Most Deer Butchers kill from the roads.
News to me I hunt and I am often found miles from the nearest road.
And guess what I find that I have plenty of company as there are
usually other hunters around. If you checked your fish and game laws
it is illegal to shoot game from or across a public road.
The DEA is always flying air patrols over the forests to find illegal
pot growing operations, as pot gives off a unique IR signature. That
is why most growing operations are going indoors, where they use
grow lights powered by diesel generators. (The power company started
telling the DEA of abandoned houses or barns that used a lot of power
but nobody was around.
>
> We never cross paths with Americans in the real world unless we choose to.
>
What about your phone line and your phone bill and your ISP bill Alan.
> AC
Still full of shit.
The independent
gadflyx
or you can just admit youre a Barnes and Nobles employee who still lives
with mommy.
Jim Dauven
You name the time and place and I will meet you. Under the conditions
that you have laid out.
The Independent
The Watcher
(snip)
>Just a thought....
You flatter yourself and you abuse the word "thought" at the same time. :/
Myal
news:crGdnSOQaJA...@comcast.com:
EEeeewwww
Who the hell would want to follow a fat naked guy around a camping area ?
Myal
> At the sound of the whistle, we'll each undress and head off bare-ass
> naked and with empty hands in different directions with our respective
> camera crews following along and recording everything important.
>
alan is a closet poofter ?
Myal
> On Sun, 21 Mar 2004 14:05:40 -0500, Jeffrey Schwartz
> <jeffrey...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
> Jeffry says that I am making it all up.
>
> Notice that instead of proof, he offers nothing but word games.
>
> I can describe, right off the top of my head, how to do anything that
> I claim to do.
>
Ok alan , you claim your woodgas generators dont make tar .
Describe how you do it .
Jeffrey Schwartz
"Myal" <dum...@hotmail.net> wrote in message
news:10799145...@proxy.cnn.net.au...
>
>
> EEeeewwww
> Who the hell would want to follow a fat naked guy around a camping area ?
Well, I'm not fat, and I'd be wearing clothes.... because I'm a person, not
an animal :)
Strider
I think that he was talking about AlanC.
Are you allowing for Alan's medical supervision? I don't think they
let him out alone.
Strider
Jeffrey Schwartz
"Strider" <str...@usit.net> wrote in message
news:cngs501l496e4r6ge...@4ax.com...
It's his call.
I'm perfectly willing to meet an M.S. person, in real life, and hang out for
a weekend and let them develop an opinion of me.
Is Alan?
Strider
<jeffrey...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
>"Strider" <str...@usit.net> wrote in message
>news:cngs501l496e4r6ge...@4ax.com...
>> On Sun, 21 Mar 2004 20:34:33 -0500, "Jeffrey Schwartz"
>> <jeffrey...@comcast.net> wrote:
>>
>> >
>> >"Myal" <dum...@hotmail.net> wrote in message
>> >news:10799145...@proxy.cnn.net.au...
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> EEeeewwww
>> >> Who the hell would want to follow a fat naked guy around a camping area
>?
>> >
>> >Well, I'm not fat, and I'd be wearing clothes.... because I'm a person,
>not
>> >an animal :)
>> >
>>
>> I think that he was talking about AlanC.
>>
>> Are you allowing for Alan's medical supervision? I don't think they
>> let him out alone.
>>
>> Strider
>
>It's his call.
>
>I'm perfectly willing to meet an M.S. person, in real life, and hang out for
>a weekend and let them develop an opinion of me.
>
>Is Alan?
>
Well since you mentioned it, it's been a cold, sloppy winter here in
Tennessee, how about if I run on down to FL and stay for a week or two
at your place? ;=)
Strider
KB9WFK
How about posting some pics of your little operation then? Feel free
to pixelate out anyones face. The pics won't give away your secret
location. You can get shots of your woodgas generator, that nifty
unit you just described to hide your IR signature, a hidey hole or
two, your CO generator, cloth weaving setup and some clothes made with
it, a sample home -outside and interior, a few shots of your
'garden'... This is called proof and it is easy to do. As they say,
'show me the money' and I'll start believing you. Until then, not a
chance.
You haven't given more than crude drawings (on the web page) and
descriptions that anyone can google for on the web. Anyone can claim
to be doing the things you claim. ONLY someone actually doing them
can post photographic evidence of it. Again, no need for location
reference shots. I don't care about being able to find you. Tight
photos of the above will in no way jeopardize your secrecy but they
will go a long way to proving your stories.
kb9wfk
Sue
wrote:
Can and camera and film be made from stuff found in the forest? Or a
digital so no film necessary? <G>
Sue
>
>kb9wfk
North
<jeffrey...@comcast.net> said:
>
>How about this - I'm in the Central Florida area. If anyone else is in this
>area, let's go out in the Ocala national forest for a weekend. A non-Jeff
>poster can report on how I do for the weekend.
>Similarly, you agree to spend a weekend in your chosen terrain with someone
>on the NG who's known and who can make an obejctive report on how your
>weekend goes?
>
Jeff, You forgot to remind Alan that he cannot use one of his many
sockpuppets to make the report.
Frank White
zzz...@xxx.yyy says...
>
>On Sun, 21 Mar 2004 14:05:40 -0500, Jeffrey Schwartz
<jeffrey...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
>Jeffry says that I am making it all up.
EVERYone says you're making it all up, Alan you moron!
>Notice that instead of proof, he offers nothing but word games.
You're talking about yourself again, dufus.
>I can describe, right off the top of my head, how to do anything that I
>claim to do.
Describe your self administered vascetomy. Post pictures.
Including views of your face.
>I know stuff, and Jeffrey can write fantasy stories.
You know squat, and Jeff can write fantasy stories like
nobody's business.
>Jeffrey can watch TV and I can live off the land....
Jeff can watch TV and you live with your mother.
>Perhaps he needs to find a more appropriate newsgroup for his ravings?
Perhaps you need to have your meds increased.
Alan you ignorant slut.
FW
North
You do not need to pay for your half in pot. I will pay your half.
Remove the naked part, and allow each of us 1 backpack of our
choosing. You may have whatever you want, and I can have what ever I
want.
EXECPT FOOD, both of us must live off the land from the get go.
Lets make it 30 days or longer. The winner will be the one who fairs
the best and is able to stock for winter.
Frank White
zzz...@xxx.yyy says...
Alan you ignorant slut. You have made this offer repeatedly
before, and everytime somebody says "I'm game, fatso" you
immediately change the subject. You have no more ability
to survive in the wild than you do to tell the truth, and
if you were naked in the woods I'm sure you'd immediately
break down into tears and start screaming for your mommie
to come save you. And I'mm sure all the bears and deer
and other forest animals would joint in because they didn't
want a scuzzy sleeze like yourself in their forest, either,
Alan you ignorant slut!
Good night and good news.
FW
KB9WFK
>On Mon, 22 Mar 2004 03:15:48 GMT, KB9WFK <kb9...@triggerEarthlink.net>
>wrote:
>
>>On Sun, 21 Mar 2004 20:15:08 GMT, Alan Connor <zzz...@xxx.yyy> wrote:
>>nothing new
>>
>>
>>How about posting some pics of your little operation then?
snip
>
>Can and camera and film be made from stuff found in the forest? Or a
>digital so no film necessary? <G>
>Sue
>>
There is no way he will even touch this post unless he does his usual
bit of ignoring everything in it and just writing some crap about how
great he is. He will not reply to ANYTHING I suggested, let alone
actually follow through with taking and posting the pics. There is
only one (1) reason for that. HE CAN'T. He has nothing to take
pictures of.
I've been reading his posts from other groups as well and am now just
sick of him. I'm looking for a filter now that will let me just
filter out anything with his name in the subject line or body. Unless
he follows through with my suggestion I am going totally on the AC
wagon. I can only play Kick the Cat for so long. Even a dead cat is
only fun to kick for so long.
kb9wfk
Sue
wrote:
LOL. You're right, of course. Not that I ever post on topic, but
this place has turned into misc.alanconnor.
Sue
>
>
>kb9wfk
Frank White
jeffrey...@comcast.net says...
>
>The Spring 2004 Paul Bunyan Contest is now open.... Calling all
>entrants.....
>
>
>Rules: The more outrageous, unlikely and fantastic the better, but all
>entries must have a starting theme even, and all that derives from the
>starting event must be internally self-consistant even if it's
objectively
>BS.
>
>Contest to be closed and voted on on April First (of course, so apt) and
the
>person with the most votes wins the title of "Official Paul Bunyan of
>Misc.Survivalism"
Right.
I'm going to blatantly steal the setting of the anime show
"Tenchi Muyo"...
It all started when I opened that mysterious door down in the
basement that had been locked for as long as I remembered. I
was curious about what could possibly be in there, and now
that I'd inherited the house, I was about to find out.
I was expecting almost anything. An empty room, trash, a
lumber room full of rare treasures...
I wasn't quite prepared to be suddenly grabbed and shoved
in between a pair of generous, shapely breasts while
an oddly familar voice said above my head "At LAST! You've COME!"
With desperate strength borne of panic I pushed myself free -
warm, soft, and scented, yes, but you could SUFFOCATE in there -
and looked up to see a heart-stoppingly lovely elven face framed
by azure hair, and a pair of golden eyes looking at me.
"R-Ry-RYOUKO?!?" I shrieked, identify the anime character from
the Tenchi Muyo show. "You... RYOUKO???"
"Yep. Wanna have sex?" she said, grabbing her tunic and pulling
it open.
I did the only logical thing possible when cartoon characters
show up in real life and offer themselves to you. I turned and
took off at full speed.
Pity there was a wall there.
I woke up in my bed with my hands chained to the headboard. There
was almost immediately the crack of a whip, and I looked down in
shock to see the other main female lead from Tenchi Muyo, Ayeka,
at the foot of my bed. Ayeka was a dark blue haired, red eyed
beauty who normally had a refined, regal air as befitted the
future Queen of a vast interstellar empire. But now she was
wearing a domatrix outfit and wielding a whip. "Call me
Princess!" she demanded, and drew back for another swing.
I yanked my hands free - the chains had been looped so loosely
around my wrists they were obviously just for show - and ran
past Ayeka out the bedroom door. "Wait! You can whip ME, if
that's what you want" she shouted after me, but I was too busy
freaking out to pay much attention.
In the next room a little 7 year old girl with light blue hair
looked up at me as I burst into the room. "Hi! Wanna see my
Cabbit?" Sasami - Ayeka's little sister - asked brightly, holding
up what looked like a cross between a cat and a rabitt. "Mya!"
Ryo-oh-ki the cabbit said happily. "Wanna have a three way?
I'm actually 700 years old you know; that's legal everywhere
except Massachusetts."
I let out yet another scream and took off again. The way things
were going, I was not terribly suprised when, exploding out of
Sasami's room, I immediately ran into someone at the top of
the stairs as they were just coming out of the bathroom wearing
nothing but a towel. I just had a chance to see gorgeous deep
blue eyes, a huge main of blonde hair, and lots and LOTS of
tanned skin, and then Mihoshi and I were falling DOWN the stairs,
the towel long gone and she landing on top of me with each
bounce. We reached the bottom of the stairs, me MUCH the
worse for wear and she dazed and her eyes spirals, I heaved
myself to my feet and staggered forward... then stopped.
Thinking.
I was running into female anime characters from one of my
favorite shows, all of them sexually interested in me and
behaving weirdly. This was about five million unbelieveable
things all in one, and I had no idea what was going on.
There was one MORE female character from the show I hadn't
meet yet, and I figured if anyone could tell me what was
going on, it would be her. So I stalked forward, turned the
corner... and there she was. A thirteen year old kid with
massive red hair, typing on a hologram of a computer keyboard
floating in mid air.
Washuu. The greatest scientific genius in the universe.
I sprang forward, grabbed her by the lapels of the high
school uniform she wore, and lifted her up so we were face to
face. "What's. Going. On. Here?" I asked.
She immediately changed into a gorgeous 30 year old version
of her younger self, grabbed my head, and laid a kiss on
me that would have been illegal in 26 states. By the time
we broke I was rubbery legged, and she said, 'Hey! Weird as
all this is, compared to the stuff Alan Connor posts, it's
COMPLETELY NORMAL."
I couldn't really argue with that.
"Now let's shake the dew off this lilly," she said,
grabbing me in a place I am VERY MUCH not accustomed to be
grabbed at.
I started screaming again...
FW
Jamie Hart
"Jeffrey Schwartz" <jeffrey...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:67udnWx07M_...@comcast.com...
> The Spring 2004 Paul Bunyan Contest is now open.... Calling all
> entrants.....
>
>
> Rules: The more outrageous, unlikely and fantastic the better, but all
> entries must have a starting theme even, and all that derives from the
> starting event must be internally self-consistant even if it's objectively
> BS.
>
> Contest to be closed and voted on on April First (of course, so apt) and
the
> person with the most votes wins the title of "Official Paul Bunyan of
> Misc.Survivalism"
>
I'll take a swing at that.
<Begin>
I am a member of a unique survival community, one of the largest in the
world, it was founded in October 1972 and has attracted participants from
nearly every developed country.
Even before our group was formed, some visionaries realised that the human
race was threatened, not by soem outside force, rather from within, national
borders create friction, there's always someone who wants to take what you
have, usually at the point of a gun. They realised that to survive, mankind
needed to go beyond those petty differences, to realise that "them folks is
jist like us." and act accordingly.
My group is so secret that most of the members do not even know what they
are members of. We have an active misinformation department which has been
completely successful, enabling us to hide in the midst of the general
population with them being, in most cases, completely ignorant of who we are
and what we are doing. In fact, we're so successful at misinformation that
when I identify my group your first reaction is bound to be "but they're not
a survival community". Well, you keep believing that, it's what we want.
This internet connection I'm using is at an ISP run by some of our members,
in fact there are some of us working for every ISP and telecoms company in
the entire world, we also have members who specialise in growing food,
making it unnecessary for me personally to grow my own food. It is grown
largely by other members and brought to me by still others.
We have no need to own weapons as we have infiltrated your puny armies, in
fact more soldiers, marines etc. are members of my community than are not.
The aim of my survival group is to allow mankind to be prepared to survive
any natural or man made disaster, we do this mainly by making sure that
every member has access to whatever information they need on almost any
subject imaginable.
My survival community is "The users of the Internet".
<End>
Ok, I'm not great at writing. So sue me *shrug*
Jeffrey Schwartz
>
> Well since you mentioned it, it's been a cold, sloppy winter here in
> Tennessee, how about if I run on down to FL and stay for a week or two
> at your place? ;=)
>
> Strider
Place isn't that big, but if you want to borrow the couch for a few days,
that could be arranged
Could be fun :)
Jeffrey Schwartz
"Frank White" <fwhite*NOSPAM*@colfax.com> wrote in message
news:c3lvn0$jlf$7...@news.fsr.net...
> In article <67udnWx07M_...@comcast.com>,
> jeffrey...@comcast.net says...
> >
> >The Spring 2004 Paul Bunyan Contest is now open.... Calling all
> >entrants.....
> >
> >
> >Rules: The more outrageous, unlikely and fantastic the better, but all
> >entries must have a starting theme even, and all that derives from the
> >starting event must be internally self-consistant even if it's
> objectively
> >BS.
> >
> >Contest to be closed and voted on on April First (of course, so apt) and
> the
> >person with the most votes wins the title of "Official Paul Bunyan of
> >Misc.Survivalism"
>
> Right.
>
> I'm going to blatantly steal the setting of the anime show
> "Tenchi Muyo"...
>
Points for sheer surprise at seeing Anime here....
But blatently stolen (grin)
Thank's for joining the game.
I figure if Alan can post a continuning Paul Bunyan Tale, why can't the rest
of us?
Jeffrey Schwartz
"Jamie Hart" <theodor...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:c3mac6$28p6l3$1...@ID-137266.news.uni-berlin.de...
I liked it. Good twist ending.
That's two entries so far.... come on, gang.
A Survivalist should be able to tell Paul Bunyan stories around the campfire
in order to reduce stress and enlighten the kiddies.
Right now, Alan Conner is telling the biggest one.... so he has demonstrated
_one_ survival skill :)
Frank White
jeffrey...@comcast.net says...
>
>
>"Frank White" <fwhite*NOSPAM*@colfax.com> wrote in message
>news:c3lvn0$jlf$7...@news.fsr.net...
>> In article <67udnWx07M_...@comcast.com>,
>> jeffrey...@comcast.net says...
>> >
>> >The Spring 2004 Paul Bunyan Contest is now open.... Calling all
>> >entrants.....
>> >
>> >
>> >Rules: The more outrageous, unlikely and fantastic the better, but
all
>> >entries must have a starting theme even, and all that derives from
the
>> >starting event must be internally self-consistant even if it's
>> objectively
>> >BS.
>> >
>> >Contest to be closed and voted on on April First (of course, so apt)
and
>> the
>> >person with the most votes wins the title of "Official Paul Bunyan of
>> >Misc.Survivalism"
>>
>> Right.
>>
>> I'm going to blatantly steal the setting of the anime show
>> "Tenchi Muyo"...
>>
>
>Points for sheer surprise at seeing Anime here....
We all have wide ranging interests.
Except Alan. Whose a one note loony.
>But blatently stolen (grin)
THAT'S the word I was trying to spell!
>Thank's for joining the game.
My pleasure.
Whoops, I forgot the end-game.
"So we all live here together now. Three stunning beautiful
adult women, one whacked out mad scientist who's got Peter
Pan syndrome ("I'd been an adult. And gotten my heart broken
because of the things adults say are important. I'm going to
stay a child forever now, and never grow up, because children
have more sense. Unless I want sex"), a little girl destined
to become a goddess, and one of the cutest little creatures
in existance, who can become an extremely attractive mature
humanoid furry with a thought. All of them hot for my bod,
for some reason I don't understand. We don't need to use
any outside resources, because Washuu's lab - which exists
in a trans-dimensional pocket that holds several whole
planets, all of them under her control - supplies everything,
and she can hack into any computer system in the world at will.
I don't need weapons, because ALL these girls are supernaturally
powerful and could take on the combined military might of the
whole Earth and win without breaking a sweat. What I need is
Bromide, because desipe non-stop efforts at seduction on all
their parts, I don't dare have sex with any ONE of them because
it will set off a jealousy war of Earth destroying proportions.
I'd ask WAshuu to come up with a way for me to have sex with
ALL of them, but I'm too much of a gentleman.
Besides, she'd probably be able to do it.
And all this is STILL more believeable than anything Alan has
ever written!!!"
>I figure if Alan can post a continuning Paul Bunyan Tale, why can't the
rest
>of us?
Next up, I explore the chances of a survivalist in the Neon Genesis
Evangelion universe.
Which, if you've seen the end of that anime series, you know
are non-existant. But that doesn't mean I won't try!
FW
Mark Pilcher
>From: Sue seb...@thegrid.net
>Can and camera and film be made from stuff found in the forest? Or a
>digital so no film necessary? <G>
>Sue
Sue, I think you're onto AC's scam. He's trying to aggravate someone into
sending him a free digital camera. I think I'm going to emulate him in hopes of
getting a free digital camera of my own:
Here in our hidden compound near Shangri-La, we've established a fountain of
youth, a magic beanstalk, for shelter we live in shoes and pumpkin shells, but
alas, every once in a while we have to go to market, to market, to buy a fat
hen. For food we eat hens and pat-a-cakes. Anyone wanting photographic evidence
of same e-mail me for an adress to send the digital camera to.
;-)
Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore because rough men stand ready to
do violence on her behalf.
Alan Connor
I'm not afraid of firearms.
Not afraid of you.
If you knew the exact coordinates of my village, I wouldn't even bother telling anyone here.
Whoever was on watch at the time could deal with you and your friends like swatting a fly on a
cold day.
What you'd get for your trouble is the privelege of walking back to the nearest American town without
your guns or dogs while we splashed wine all over your vehicles' interiors and planted roaches
in the ashtrays before pushing them into ravines.
Which is, of course, why you don't even TRY to track us down.
Because if you did, you might have to do something besides run your mouth on the Usenet.
I applaud your common sense.
AC
Offbreed
> You do not need to pay for your half in pot. I will pay your half.
> Remove the naked part, and allow each of us 1 backpack of our
> choosing. You may have whatever you want, and I can have what ever I
> want.
> EXECPT FOOD, both of us must live off the land from the get go.
> Lets make it 30 days or longer. The winner will be the one who fairs
> the best and is able to stock for winter.
I have another month on layoff status.
Hey Alan, you want to come up to Prince of Wales Island and make the
Honker Divide trip? I can get transportation up to the Coffman Cove
end for you. Winner is the one who survives it with nothing more than
what he's carrying.
Oh, yeah. You still have me "killfiled"?
Offbreed
> I've been reading his posts from other groups as well and am now just
> sick of him. I'm looking for a filter now that will let me just
> filter out anything with his name in the subject line or body.
http://texturizer.net/thunderbird/
That's 7.5M, so you will probably want broadband. It's not real great
and the ng function is klutzy, but adequate, and free.
How To Install
The official releases don't have installers, which means that you need
to install Mozilla Thunderbird manually. If you're using Windows, you
can download an unofficial installer which takes care of this whole
process, including the creation of application shortcuts. If you're
not using Windows, or if you prefer to download the official binaries,
the instructions are as follows:
Once you have downloaded the compressed (zipped) file, use Winzip or
gzip to uncompress Mozilla Thunderbird to an empty folder. Navigate to
the folder you placed the files in. If you're running Windows, start
the Thunderbird.exe file (the one with the envelope icon). If you're
running Linux, start the Thunderbird script.
Note: Do not unzip Mozilla Thunderbird to a directory that already
contains a previous version of Mozilla Thunderbird. Either delete the
existing directory, move it out of the way or create a new directory.
If you install Mozilla Thunderbird on top of an existing Mozilla
Thunderbird or Mozilla directory you will have problems.
KB9WFK
How about posting some pics of your little operation then? Feel free
to pixelate out anyones face. The pics won't give away your secret
location. You can get shots of your woodgas generator, that nifty
unit you just described to hide your IR signature, a hidey hole or
two, your CO generator, cloth weaving setup and some clothes made with
it, a sample home -outside and interior, a few shots of your
'garden'... This is called proof and it is easy to do. As they say,
'show me the money' and I'll start believing you. Until then, not a
chance.
You haven't given more than crude drawings (on the web page) and
descriptions that anyone can google for on the web. Anyone can claim
to be doing the things you claim. ONLY someone actually doing them
can post photographic evidence of it. Again, no need for location
reference shots. I don't care about being able to find you. Tight
photos of the above will in no way jeopardize your secrecy but they
will go a long way to proving your stories.
kb9wfk
KB9WFK
<Offbre...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>KB9WFK wrote:
>
>> I've been reading his posts from other groups as well and am now just
>> sick of him. I'm looking for a filter now that will let me just
>> filter out anything with his name in the subject line or body.
>
>http://texturizer.net/thunderbird/
>
>That's 7.5M, so you will probably want broadband. It's not real great
>and the ng function is klutzy, but adequate, and free.
>
>How To Install
snip
Thanks. I'll give that a look. I wish i did have broadband but it
isn't available where I am yet.
kb9wfk
Jamie Hart
"Alan Connor" <zzz...@xxx.yyy> wrote in message
news:I_G7c.52193$aT1....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
> On Mon, 22 Mar 2004 09:07:17 -0000, Jamie Hart
<theodor...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> I'm not afraid of firearms.
>
> Not afraid of you.
>
> If you knew the exact coordinates of my village, I wouldn't even bother
telling anyone here.
>
If I knew the coordinates of Bellingham, Washington you wouldn't tell the
group? Don't suppose they need either of us to tell them.
> Whoever was on watch at the time could deal with you and your friends like
swatting a fly on a
> cold day.
>
Rather a long way for them to come, but if you insist, I'll have a welcome
party here for them. BTW in case you've missed it the last 4 times I've put
it into a reply to you, I live in the UK.
> What you'd get for your trouble is the privelege of walking back to the
nearest American town without
> your guns or dogs while we splashed wine all over your vehicles' interiors
and planted roaches
> in the ashtrays before pushing them into ravines.
>
Alan, your memory is pathetic, I've told you more than once that I don't own
any guns. I don't have a dog at the moment either.
As for the wine, what kind of talk is that, why on earth (or whatever planet
you're on) would you want to waste wine by tipping it all over my vehicle.
Shit if you don't want the stuff just send it to me, no need to open it
first.
> Which is, of course, why you don't even TRY to track us down.
>
Listen, numb nuts (oops that's a bit cruel to a man who's supposedly had a
DIY vasectomy), I don't try to track you down for two very simple reasons.
1. I live in a different country, I don't have the money or the time to
bother with a shitwad like you.
2. I am enjoying watching you squirm, we've got you so wound up you've
resorted to cutting and pasting your replies to avoid making any more
mistakes.
> Because if you did, you might have to do something besides run your mouth
on the Usenet.
>
Tell you what Alan, you come find me. Oh, I forgot, I've already invited
you over to do your survival challenge here, three times in fact. Wonder
why you never responded, maybe it's because then you'd have to do something
besides run your mouth on usenet (note: it is not and never has been known
as "the Usenet").
> I applaud your common sense.
>
I squeeze my pimples at your grandmother.
Alan Connor
>
Thanks for proving once again how cheap talk is.
Sure is amusing to watch you motor-mouthed cowards weasel out of doing anything
by claiming that I am a fraud.
Pretty convenient.
But If you really believed I was a fraud, you would just killfile me.
The fact that you seem to be oblivious of this obvious fact, does nothing more
than prove that you are dumb as a brick.
Or that you are lying about not believing me.
No other choices exist.
Run along little boy. Go play with your steel penises and pretend that you are
a Big Bad Warrior.
You ever bother us, and we'll take those guns away from you and beat you black and blue
with them.
The only real warriors in your society are called "Unconventional Forces".
Perhaps 1% of their training involves guns.
If that.
Any moron can buy a gun and butcher a deer once a year that has no fear of people because they
have been protected for the previous 10-1/2 months.
If you think that makes you a warrior, then you are indeed as stupid as you seem to be.
Stay home and run your mouth on the Usenet, couch-potato. Bother us and you'll get your ass kicked
and your guns disappeared and your vehicles trashed.
AC
The Watcher
(snip)
>You ever bother us, and we'll take those guns away from you and beat you black and blue
>with them.
Non-brutally, of course. :/
>
>The only real warriors in your society are called "Unconventional Forces".
There are NONE in your "society" of the mind.
>
>Perhaps 1% of their training involves guns.
>
Ah, so you're an expert on unconventional forces.
>If that.
>
>Any moron can buy a gun and butcher a deer once a year that has no fear of people because they
>have been protected for the previous 10-1/2 months.
>
Earlier you said none of us could shoot those "dumb animals". Hard to keep the
lies straight, isn't it?
Sue
LOL. This is great!
Sue
North
>>
>
>Thanks for proving once again how cheap talk is.
>
Oh No !! I'm dead serious. I'll take you up on your offer. I'll even
pay for the film crew and all. Including your transit, Bus, air, what
ever you wish.
If you really want to do this, I'm game.
Just say the word here to the post and I'll reply with an e-mail addy
that you can contact me at.
North.
Myal
> But If you really believed I was a fraud, you would just killfile me.
We dont need to killfile you , remember , ? You set your killfile to global
and killfiled everyone on every group you post to .
Whats up fella , get sick of talking to yourself ?
Myal
news:405f47f8$0$10149$cc9e...@news.dial.pipex.com:
> Listen, numb nuts (oops that's a bit cruel to a man who's supposedly
> had a DIY vasectomy),
ROTFL!!
Jeffrey Schwartz
>
> "Alan Connor" <zzz...@xxx.yyy> wrote in message
> news:0gn7c.51121$aT1....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
> > On Sun, 21 Mar 2004 14:05:40 -0500, Jeffrey Schwartz
> <jeffrey...@comcast.net> wrote:
> >
> > I'll pay for half the cost with grade AA organic bud.
>
>
> You're the only drug user in this conversation.
>
>
> Other than that, a contest could be interesting. My job and life preclude
> taking 10 days off in the Rockies, though. We'll have to come up with
> something that fits the schedule.
Frank White
says...
You realize you'll never hear from him on this, don't you?
I would suggest the alteration that both of you have cell
phones with you in the event of injury, accident, or, in
Alan's case, so he start screaming for help after the
first few hours because he's all alone in the big scary
woods and he needs his MOMMY!
FW
Offbreed
> On Mon, 22 Mar 2004 11:03:49 -0800, Offbreed <Offbre...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
> Thanks for proving once again how cheap talk is.
>
> Sure is amusing to watch you motor-mouthed cowards weasel out of doing anything
> by claiming that I am a fraud.
Weasel out? Just checking to see if you are a liar about having me
killfiled.
Honker Divide, dipsquat. When can I expect you to show up? Has to be
soon enough so I can get back to work.
Rules are,
1) Anything you can carry.
2) Put in at the Cofman Cove end at Hatchery Lake
3) Out at Thorne Bay
4) We are on our own between
North
said:
>>If you really want to do this, I'm game.
>>Just say the word here to the post and I'll reply with an e-mail addy
>>that you can contact me at.
>>
>>North.
>
>You realize you'll never hear from him on this, don't you?
>
Ayup.
pyotr filipivich
<dum...@hotmail.net> from posting to misc.survivalism the following:
>Alan Connor <zzz...@xxx.yyy> wrote in
>
>> At the sound of the whistle, we'll each undress and head off bare-ass
>> naked and with empty hands in different directions with our respective
>> camera crews following along and recording everything important.
>>
>
>alan is a closet poofter ?
Nope. He's completely out of the closet. Running down the street waving his
hands kind of "out of it."
--
pyotr filipivich
"Do not argue with the forces of nature, for you are small,
insignificant, and biodegradable."