Here's one of mine - drinking a Bud out of a paper bag in the parking
lot during my daughter's trombone lesson. It was just one of those
days, and it did taste so very good.
Warm Regards,
Claire
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Just curious, how long was he suspended?
i
The Vice Principal suspended him for 3 days, so I took him to a baseball game
at the staduim. I didn't feel the need to punish him, because if the school
had stepped in the first 12 times I complained, I wouldn't have had to tell
my son to take up for himself.
The bully's mom came to my house to tell me how my son was violent. I told
her if she didn't want to
find out where he get's it from she better leave my door step. I also
informed her that if she was any type of mother, she would have been here way
before my boy had to defend himself. She was only here now because my son got
the best of hers.
Y'Hellloooo!? I was inclined to be 'on your side' (as my son went through this,
to a lesser extent, including a day's suspension) until I saw this. That's
called - a threat. What bullies do. What well grounded adults - don't do.
I don't care if it's an insult. "Consider the source", as they say. You don't
respond with a threat. Sticks and stones.
>I also
>informed her that if she was any type of mother, she would have been here way
>before my boy had to defend himself. She was only here now because my son got
>the best of hers.
>
My experience is also that most usually the apple hasn't fallen far from the
tree, and the only feasible approach is to teach kids how to deal with bullying,
including, as necessary, and only as necessary, physical action, taking the
school actions as a cost of the business, so to speak.
But, as an adult, you should have the maturity to deal with it without that sort
of thing, partly because you have the *options* at hand not to have to do that
sort of thing (you could have simply excused said mom from your property, for
example), and access to the force of the law if needed as a last resort.
But to threaten and become a bully yourself? That dog don't hunt. Makes me
wonder what your son *has* learned from you, and what the real story really is.
Banty
Bud? tasted good? it must have been a very hot day & a very
cold Bud, because Bud is pretty tasteless "beer".
anyway, other than hiding the beer in a bag (i'd hide Bud fer
sure!), why is this a 'bad parenting moment"? aren't parents
allowed a drink of beer?
puzzled
lee
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'On me' exactly how? Not to be a tough guy (or tough chickie)?? Where would
being a tough chick get me?? Other than to be a really bad example to my boy as
to how to handle things, and a fact of my having threatened a person with
physical harm should things ever get to the point of someone going to the law?
So WHAT if some crazy hag comes yelling at me stupidly?? If necessary, I can
call the law to help evict her from my property. I needn't lift a finger - her
standing there being a crazy person for all to see is plenty enough
entertainment. Sticks and stones. All I need to do is firmly tell her we won't
put up with it.
In case you missed my message, what's 'on you' is that clearly you're inclined
to threaten and bully yourself, which tells me something about how most likely
*your* apples haven't fallen far from the tree.
Banty
So, say what you want to say, I don't care. I do know that Brendon is going
to keep his hands to himself, and his mom is not going to come to my house
again unless she comes correct. Deal with it!
>She should have been an adult and not come to my house AFTER her kid got what
>he was dishing out. If you are the type of person to stand by while some
>crazy hag, who can't or won't controll her son who is twice your sons size
>stand there and tell you you are wrong for letting your kid defend himself,
>that's on you.
Why is her opinion of you so important that you'd make threats?
Nan
Hmmm...this seems to be your usual manner of behavior.
Apple, tree, hello.
Banty
>Nan wrote:
>>>She should have been an adult and not come to my house AFTER her kid got what
>>>he was dishing out. If you are the type of person to stand by while some
>>>crazy hag, who can't or won't controll her son who is twice your sons size
>>>stand there and tell you you are wrong for letting your kid defend himself,
>>>that's on you.
>>
>>Why is her opinion of you so important that you'd make threats?
>>
>>Nan
>Who did I threaten?
The mother, according to your own words.
I'm wondering why, if she's a "crazy hag" according to you, that you'd
even care about her opinion of you.
Nan
Kiesha weighs like 300lbs, and is big as all hell. I weigh 145lbs, and I'm
little. She thought she was going to bully me. Sorry it didn't go that way.
Would you rather she pushed me around, and I cower before her?
>Banty wrote:
>>>>>>>>> that I told him he could not have. It was so loud that I scared myself.
>>>>>>>>>Another time a bully was picking on my child, and I told him to haul off an
>>[quoted text clipped - 39 lines]
>>>to keep his hands to himself, and his mom is not going to come to my house
>>>again unless she comes correct. Deal with it!
>>
>>Hmmm...this seems to be your usual manner of behavior.
>>
>>Apple, tree, hello.
>>
>>Banty
>Any parent that doesn't get fired up when thier kid comes home beat up has
>got a problem. You have got a problem, Banty. I am a good mother who happens
>to love her son, but am not going to let some woman bully me. Love me or hate
>me, that's on you.
It is perfectly possible for a mother to stand up to a bully and not
let herself or her son be bullied. She even get 'fired up' without
making threats against the mom. The fact that you cannot see this and
in fact reject the whole proposition does NOT make you a good mother.
It makes you a person that I would not want to have as a neighbor and
your son is probably not one that I would want to have in school with
my child.
Because of your own words here (which is all I have to go on), I
believe that your son was originally the one that was at fault - I
don't think he was being bullied at all, and probably the reason that
the school didn't take any action was because no action was justified.
>Do you tell your son to go in a corner and cry when a bully picks on him? If
>so, you're a bad mother who is setting you son up to be walked on, and beat
>down his whole life. But to each his own.
You are setting up a false dichotomy. It is NOT the case that either
the child fights or goes off in the corner and cries - doomed to a
whole life as a doormat.
I know Banty doesn't tell her son to go into a corner and cry - she
has personal experience with bullies and knows the various ways that
one can deal with them. The only person I can envision telling a
child something like that would be an overbearing and controlling
father in a dismissive bullying way - implying that his son was weak.
My son was suspended once for fighting, but in his case it wasn't
because of a bully. His teacher told me about it. There was a boy in
his class (this was in HS) who had a physical defect. This boy
thought my son was laughing and making fun of him, when in fact my son
was completely unaware of this other boy who was sitting in back of
him. As they left the classroom to change classes, the other boy said
something to my son in anger, and finished up with "If you want to
fight put down your books" My son, not understanding where all this
was coming from, but hearing "put down your books", put his books
down, at which point the other boy cold cocked him. What I told him
was - "you shouldn't have put your books down".
>Nan wrote:
>>>>>She should have been an adult and not come to my house AFTER her kid got what
>>>>>he was dishing out. If you are the type of person to stand by while some
>>[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
>>>>Nan
>>>Who did I threaten?
>>
>>The mother, according to your own words.
>>
>>I'm wondering why, if she's a "crazy hag" according to you, that you'd
>>even care about her opinion of you.
>>
>>Nan
>Because she was at my doorstep and in my face.
So?
> She poked me in my shoulder.
So?
>If I were less of a person I may have poked her back.
So you lowered yourself to her level anyway, by threatening her.
> She just thought I was
>going to be scared and back down, but I didn't.
I don't think either Banty or I am advocating that you back down to a
bully. But, you behaved badly. Just as badly as her and her son and
now you're vehemently defending your bad behavior, and becoming
insulting to us in the process.
>She didn't have a problem when her kid was picking on my kid until my kid
>fought back. I guess she though she was going to bully me, but that didn't
>happen.
So she's an idiot.
>Kiesha weighs like 300lbs, and is big as all hell. I weigh 145lbs, and I'm
>little. She thought she was going to bully me.
Yeah, that's what you keep saying.
> Sorry it didn't go that way.
>Would you rather she pushed me around, and I cower before her?
Actually, my opinion is that you handled it badly. After all, that is
the title of this thread. So you posted to a 'naughty mom behavior'
thread which shows me that you believe it was bad. But you've been
defending your actions.
A better reaction on your part would have been to shut the door in
Kiesha's face. If she wouldn't leave, call the police.
But it's difficult for anyone to believe you try to handle things in a
civil manner when your cursing and insulting in this thread are so
evident.
Look, I'm not criticizing your choice to tell your son to defend
himself. I did much the same with my son when he had his own bully
issue and the school didn't take action to help. But you didn't
exactly teach your child a good lesson when you threatened the bully's
mom, either.
Nan
False dilemma. If you'd read, you'll see that I (and truth be told, even the
school authorities, although they needed to levy the day's out of school
suspension) tacitly allowed my son to take care of a bully problem physically,
as there was no other way for a kid. And he's a black belt in marial arts, now,
too. And, depending on the particulars, there are many other other ways to
handle things, too.
See the problem isn't that - the *problem* is your attitude about how to deal
with the bully-boy's mom. If you showed even one iota of what you're showing us
here, to the school when you were trying to handle it with them, I can see how
things weren't being solved to your satisfaction. Given that the younger boy's
mom was behaving more like a guest on the Rickie Lake show than a civilized
human being raising a civilized son, I can bet that they figured (knew?) that
this was a two-to-tango situation.
This tough-chickie strut-and-threat stuff leads you nowhere. Not in parenting,
not on Usenet, not in life.
Banty
If you would have done it different, kudos to you. You have no right to judge,
nor did you bother to tell how you have been naughty, so again, you have no
right to judge.
Congratulations to you and your son.
Make sure to monitor his behaviour and to prevent him from becoming a
bully.
Sometimes, violence is necessary and commendable.
i
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So you don't think your son knows how you acted?
Yeah, everyone looses their temper. But you're defending your action.
>What is insulting is for somebody who doesn't even know to say I am a bad mom!
I haven't read all the posts carefully, so I haven't seen anyone say
that about you. I have seen you say it, though.
>If you would have done it different, kudos to you. You have no right to judge,
Actually, you asked me for my opinion. I gave it to you.
>nor did you bother to tell how you have been naughty, so again, you have no
>right to judge.
Participation in the original post isn't necessary in order to respond
to someone else.
I guess I could say I've yelled at my kids on occasion. Feel better
now?
Nan
>What ever.... When a Kiesha comes to your door, go and call the Police. Don't
>be surprised if there is damage done to your properity. If you let people
>think they can screw with you, they WILL screw with you. That is the cold
>hard truth of the world we live in.
So why is violence the ONLY way to handle the Keisha's of the world?
Nan
Anyone who reacts to violence and name-calling with more
violence and name-calling has a problem in my book.
> You have got a problem, Banty. I am a good mother who happens
> to love her son, but am not going to let some woman bully me. Love me or hate
> me, that's on you.
> Do you tell your son to go in a corner and cry when a bully picks on him? If
> so, you're a bad mother who is setting you son up to be walked on, and beat
> down his whole life. But to each his own.
There's a *whole* lot of territory in between being
a doormat and being violent, threatening and verbally abusive.
Even my grandmother knew that two wrongs don't make a right.
Best wishes,
Ericka
That's terrible. I have pictures of Whino in the park in my head
right now. Not trying to judge but that is the picture I'm getting.
Did anyone see you. If they did they must have thought you had a
serious drinking problem.
GovernessJoy
http://123kidsoftheworld.blogspot.com
> On Oct 17, 8:34 am, Claire <cpeter...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> Time for true confessions here - name a time when you did
>> something that is not on the list of Best Practices as a
>> parent.
>> Here's one of mine - drinking a Bud out of a paper bag in
>> the parking lot during my daughter's trombone lesson. It
>> was just one of those days, and it did taste so very good.
> That's terrible. I have pictures of Whino in the park in
> my head right now. Not trying to judge but that is the
> picture I'm getting. Did anyone see you. If they did they
> must have thought you had a serious drinking problem.
would you be meaning 'wino', one who drinks an excess of
wine? or did you mean someone who whines too much? maybe the
OP has a kid like that, so she needs that mid-day beer...
if i saw a soccer mom drinking from a paper bag, i wouldn't
assume she had a drinking problem. i wouldn't even assume that
the contents of the bag were alcoholic. there are parents who
don't want their kids to drink sodapop that do the same thing,
hiding that illicit Pepsi in the bag ;)
lee
Someone tried that line on my once before ... and I didn't buy it
then, either. Many years ago, at Logan Airport, I refused to get into
a cab with a driver who was consuming a beverage out of a paper bag
and wouldn't show it to me. The dispatcher assured me it was soda or
water, and wouldn't let me take the next cab back. Yeah. Right.
I assumed that Claire's point was that she was going to drive
immediately after finishing the beer, which -- even assuming no
impairment at all on her part (which, of course, I do) -- might not be
the best thing to model for her child.
But hey, show me the person who hasn't done something less than
perfect in front of their kids, and I'll show you a childless person.
Barbara
I frankly like the image of Whino park -- a bunch of people standing
around saying, "can you belieeeeeve the cost of filling up the Hummer?
Gas prices have just -- Got -- To -- Stop rising. It's not faaaaair,"
"I went to buy it, but they were all oooooout.," and "I don't waaaaant
to hear about tax increases for child health care -- it's mmmmy money,
and they should just stay healthy."
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
Caledonia
I live in SE Louisiana, and down here the only problem with that story is
the "hide it in a paper bag" part. Public beer drinking is pretty common
down here.
When my daughter went into Jr. High, she was being intimidated by a bully
(another girl). Threatening to beat her up, etc. I told her to call the
bully on it. "Fine, get off at my bus stop and we'll settle this right
now."
Gulp. Very stupid of me. Fortunately, it worked, and the bully backed off.
They became friends, even.
--
Where we are weak, harshness and fear will not make us strong;
where we are strong, gentleness and forebearance will not make us weak. --
Jamie