Should I tell my son that he will be circumcised?
Lisa
with an 8 year old son, Timmy. I've decided to have my little boy
circumcised when he has his tonsils out in 2 weeks. The doctor
recommends that I not tell Timmy about the circumcision. Timmy is not at
all worried about the tonsillectomy. It has been explained to him. He
isn't in any way frightened. I want to keep it that way. I don't want to
bring up anything that could possibly frighten him. He looks forward to
the tonsillectomy. I promised him that he will get some special presents
after it's all over and he's looking forward to it as much as he looks
forward to his birthday and Christmas.
Recently, I read a lot about circumcision. I have read about all the
pros and cons. I talked about it with the doctor. He feels it is a good
choice. He said that it would be good timing to have the circumcision
done at the same time that Timmy's tonsils are taken out. Timmy will be
put under for the tonsillectomy. So, the circumcision can be done at the
same time. Timmy is not at all worried about having his tonsils out. I
want it that way.
There is no medical need for the circumcision. Timmy does not have any
medical problems that would require it. I didn't have it done when he
was a baby. At the time he was born, I just didn't want to make any
decisions like that at the time. I could have done it a while ago. I
just never really thought about it and thought it was fine for him to be
uncircumsised.
I asked the doctor how I should handle the circumcision subject with
Timmy. I asked him if I should tell Timmy that it is going to be done or
not. The doctor said that the decision was mine to make, either way was
ok with him. He said that if I decided not to tell Timmy, he'd get the
word out to the nurses and others to make sure not to tell him so he
won't know it is going to happen.
I did discuss the possibility of telling Timmy. Suppose I tell him.
Suppose he gets scared, says he doesn't want it. Then suppose that he
gets all upset and frightened. Then, I might possibly reconsider it if
he was very much against it. I thought about this. If Timmy gets scared
or worried about it, and says he doesn't want it done, what good reason
is that for not doing it? I've read through all the literature. I think
it's best for him to have it done. I want my little boy circumcised. The
doctor said that I should not make the mistake of letting Timmy decide
against this. He said something like, "Look, you're his mother. He's an
8 year old boy for heaven's sake. You decide on his bedtime and most
everything else in his life. It is best for children that decisions and
responsiblity be put on their parent's shoulders. He's 8. An 8 year old
can't make this kind of a decision. You have to make this kind of
decision for him. That's why if it were me, I wouldn't tell him. Telling
him and possibly frightening him, it isn't worth it for his sake. Why
unnecessarily upset him?"
I am inclined to take the doctor's advice. It is more difficult with an
older child because things need to be explained to them. If this had
been done when he was a baby, it would have been easier then. But, I
have made the decision that I do want to have him circumcised. With
kids, distraction usually works. I believe I can convince him that he
should be happy it was done. So if he's mad at first, once I play it
down, and make light of it, and explain why he should be happy about it,
he'll be ok. Once it's done, it's done and over with.
I am not undecided about having it done. I want him to be circumcised. I
do have a doubt about whether he should be told or not.
I'm pretty decided that he won't be told. I am not totally confident of
it though. I have a little doubt. What do other people suggest on the
topic of telling him. Am I right not to tell him?
Lisa
Dora Hancock
let him make his own mind up.
Apart from the timing being convenient you haven't given any good reason for
the circumcision.
I agree that some decisions are too important to be left to a child although
I think I would consult an 8 year old on some of them but this is a decision
that is a personal preference on your part that only affects him.
For example I am a vegetarian. When my children were younger I decided what
they should eat. Now they are older, 4 and 5, I consider the choice to be
more of a joint one. Last summer my then 3 year old asked to eat meat at a
meal. I explained why I didn't want her to but when she insisted I let her.
When the children are 8 I expect them to be able to make their own decision
entirely about whether they are vegetarian or not.
Unless you have a compelling reason for this medical procedure I would wait
until you feel your son is old enough to make the decision and then leave it
to him. FWIW I think 8 is old enough and my son is not circumcised.
Dora
Luminaria
Leah C. J. Johnson
1) Tell Timmy. He is going to have to deal with the consequences, so he
should have at least a little time to prepare for it and a reason to trust
you.
2) If you insist on the tonsillectomy, have an ear nose and throat
specialist do it. If you insist on the circumcision, he's 8 years old, have
a urologist do it. Bonus: if they do the procedures simultaneously, he'll
spend less time under anesthesia.
More detailed response below.
"Lisa" <lis...@hushmail.com> wrote in message
news:3B378E6B...@hushmail.com...
> Should I tell my son that he will be circumcised? I am a single mother
> with an 8 year old son, Timmy. I've decided to have my little boy
> circumcised when he has his tonsils out in 2 weeks. The doctor
> recommends that I not tell Timmy about the circumcision.
To me, that recommendation would be a major red flag on the subject of
trusting that doctor. Circumcisions do not heal in the blink of an eye.
They require time and care to heal properly. How do you prepare Timmy for
that if you don't tell him? Are you going to be in the bathroom with him,
holding his penis so that he doesn't injure the open wounds and cleansing it
EVERY single time he has to go? If not it seems as though he's going to
have to take on a lot of responsibility in the form of caring for himself in
unusual circumstances. After all the consequences of an infection can be
terrible.
> Recently, I read a lot about circumcision. I have read about all the
> pros and cons. I talked about it with the doctor. He feels it is a good
> choice.
Ahem. To put it bluntly, unless he is doing the procedure for free, he is
PAID to feel it is a good choice.
> I asked the doctor how I should handle the circumcision subject with
> Timmy. I asked him if I should tell Timmy that it is going to be done or
> not. The doctor said that the decision was mine to make, either way was
> ok with him. He said that if I decided not to tell Timmy, he'd get the
> word out to the nurses and others to make sure not to tell him so he
> won't know it is going to happen.
And you TRUST this man?
> I did discuss the possibility of telling Timmy. Suppose I tell him.
> Suppose he gets scared, says he doesn't want it. Then suppose that he
> gets all upset and frightened. Then, I might possibly reconsider it if
> he was very much against it. I thought about this. If Timmy gets scared
> or worried about it, and says he doesn't want it done, what good reason
> is that for not doing it?
Suppose you don't tell him. Do you really think he isn't going to notice
when he wakes up? As long as you are on a 'suppose' fest, suppose the circ
doesn't bother him, but he never trusts you again because you didn't tell
him? You certainly know your son better than any of us or the doctor.
However, I have seen several times how seriously the bond of trust can be
damaged at this age by a parent acting in such a deceitful manner.
> I've read through all the literature. I think
> it's best for him to have it done. I want my little boy circumcised. The
> doctor said that I should not make the mistake of letting Timmy decide
> against this.
(the mistake of putting his profit margin at risk)
Did the doctor also say that you should not make the mistake of letting
Timmy decide -for- this, I wonder? Eeww, this doc really gives me the
creeps. Power trip and greed wrapped up in one nice little package. I
assume that he is not a urologist. Have you asked him (the doc) how he
would feel about you having a urologist perform the circ while he does the
tonsillectomy?
> He said something like, "Look, you're his mother. He's an
> 8 year old boy for heaven's sake. You decide on his bedtime and most
> everything else in his life. It is best for children that decisions and
> responsiblity be put on their parent's shoulders. He's 8. An 8 year old
> can't make this kind of a decision.
Technically, they can make the decision, but they just don't have the power
to enforce their decisions.
> You have to make this kind of
> decision for him. That's why if it were me, I wouldn't tell him. Telling
> him and possibly frightening him, it isn't worth it for his sake. Why
> unnecessarily upset him?"
Hmm, why [risk] unnecessarily upsetting him? Maybe because you -respect-
him at some level as a living, thinking, feeling entity, as opposed to an
inanimate object?
My 6 (that's right, six) year old decides her bedtime if it is not a school
night. She decides what she is going to wear each day ( I tell her if she
needs to change because it doesn't meet school dress code or isn't
appropriate to the weather, though that rarely happens). She is welcome to
make suggestions for dinner. It is entirely her decision if she wants
seconds of anything or not. At the salon she decides how she wants her hair
cut. She even has a pet parakeet that she is -responsible- for feeding,
watering, and playing with. Amazing how many decisions and how much
responsibility she is handling, isn't it? I've found on this particular
score children do a very good job of living DOWN to your expectations.
Does this doc have any kids of his own?
> I am inclined to take the doctor's advice. It is more difficult with an
> older child because things need to be explained to them. If this had
> been done when he was a baby, it would have been easier then. But, I
> have made the decision that I do want to have him circumcised. With
> kids, distraction usually works.
Usually. Sometimes. This does not seem like a likely candidate for 'out of
sight, out of mind, though.
> I believe I can convince him that he should be happy it was done.
Suppose you can't, then what?
> So if he's mad at first, once I play it
> down, and make light of it, and explain why he should be happy about it,
> he'll be ok.
And if he's not okay?
> Once it's done, it's done and over with.
Yep. And whatever the consequences are, you have to deal with them and live
with them, period.
Leah
Mama to Natalya and Shawn
Laura
penis sore, obviously he will notice it looks different. To not tell him in
advance could set you up for all kind of problems down the road. I mean he
TRUSTS you, but now the DR did this to him? Not anticirc fyi - personal
choice, our was circumcised as a baby. Perhaps there is another medical
professional you could talk to about this? Or if you know of any counseling
services? I think it needs to be presented to him in a very sensitive to
his feelings way. And if he bulks, be prepared to not do it. If it must be
done because of some medical problems he needs to know that reason in
advance.. Sometimes though, we moms get all in a panic over something but
our children handle it just fine.
Laura
"Lisa" <lis...@hushmail.com> wrote in message
news:3B378E6B...@hushmail.com...
Neal
How many mothers in this group post through SuperNews? You don't use
SuperNews unless you want complete autonomy.
On Mon, 25 Jun 2001 15:18:03 -0400, Lisa <lis...@hushmail.com> wrote:
>Should I tell my son that he will be circumcised? I am a single mother
>with an 8 year old son, Timmy. I've decided to have my little boy
>circumcised when he has his tonsils out in 2 weeks. The doctor
--
Neal
Note: To contact, remove the ".NS" from address
Tracey
like it is going to remain a secret.
"Lisa" <lis...@hushmail.com> wrote in message
news:3B378E6B...@hushmail.com...
Donna Metler
child know (and having a good reason, one the child will understand) is
rather cruel, at best. I don'twant to get into a pro/anti circ thread, but
by age 8, a child is very aware of their body. At least let him know.
Lisa wrote in message <3B378E6B...@hushmail.com>...
Luminaria
MomAbusive
Wait until he is ready, if ever, and _HE_ wants it done.
QuackAlert
good antibiotics which can easily take care of any infections of
the tonsils.
Sorry, but you need to QUICKLY find a better doctor. Don't delay!
This doctors sounds like he/she is border-line incompetent!
Grace Boockholdt
}Should I tell my son that he will be circumcised? I am a single mother
}with an 8 year old son, Timmy. I've decided to have my little boy
}circumcised when he has his tonsils out in 2 weeks. The doctor
}recommends that I not tell Timmy about the circumcision. Timmy is not at
}all worried about the tonsillectomy. It has been explained to him. He
}isn't in any way frightened. I want to keep it that way. I don't want to
}bring up anything that could possibly frighten him. He looks forward to
}the tonsillectomy. I promised him that he will get some special presents
}after it's all over and he's looking forward to it as much as he looks
}forward to his birthday and Christmas.
Recovery from either procedure will not be
a cake walk. Combining the two--without
telling him about one of them, will be quite
confusing, frightening and painful to the child.
To say the least, he will awaken from the procedure
experiencing post-operative pain both in his throat
--which he'll know about...and one in his groin--
which will frighten him. An 8 year old is smart enough
to know the difference between his throat...and his penis.
He'll see the bandage on his penis; feel the pain there...
and very likely feel betrayed by both his mother in particular,
and doctors/hospitals in general.
}Recently, I read a lot about circumcision. I have read about all the
}pros and cons. I talked about it with the doctor. He feels it is a good
}choice.
A procirc doctor will likely feel good about that choice.
}He said that it would be good timing to have the circumcision
}done at the same time that Timmy's tonsils are taken out. Timmy will be
}put under for the tonsillectomy. So, the circumcision can be done at the
}same time. Timmy is not at all worried about having his tonsils out. I
}want it that way.
While you're at it...will you also subject your son
to a painful appendectomy? Y'know...just in case,
so he won't ever experience appendicitis...or nearly
die from a ruptured appendix? Or how about something
milder: have the big toenail dug out by its root to
prevent in-grown toenails and prevent a painful surgery
for it later in life. I mean you *do* know that in-grown
toenails are common, painful and happen mostly to
males...don't you? I doubt, however, that you would
be able to get any doctor to do a "two for one" surgery
to accommodate any of these. Wonder why?
}There is no medical need for the circumcision. Timmy does not have any
}medical problems that would require it.
And yet you would subject your son to an unnecessary
and painful surgery and painful recovery? You would
do so under deceitfulness? Astonishing...
}I didn't have it done when he
}was a baby. At the time he was born, I just didn't want to make any
}decisions like that at the time. I could have done it a while ago. I
}just never really thought about it and thought it was fine for him to be
}uncircumsised.
And it continues to be fine for him to be intact.
}I asked the doctor how I should handle the circumcision subject with
}Timmy. I asked him if I should tell Timmy that it is going to be done or
}not. The doctor said that the decision was mine to make, either way was
}ok with him.
What a coward. Of course, he'll leave it for you
to decide. You're the one who has to live with
the very probably outcome: your son feeling betrayed
by your deceitfulness.
}He said that if I decided not to tell Timmy, he'd get the
}word out to the nurses and others to make sure not to tell him so he
}won't know it is going to happen.
Which isn't going to do anything about how he
will feel when he sees and feels the result: a bloody
bandage on his penis...and pain. Oh...surely this
is going to nurture "trust" in doctors and hospitals...
ever again...
}I did discuss the possibility of telling Timmy. Suppose I tell him.
}Suppose he gets scared, says he doesn't want it. Then suppose that he
}gets all upset and frightened.
And yet you are clueless as to his upset and
fright when he awakens not only to feel pain
in his throat...which he is expecting, but also
a bloody bandage on his penis...and pain there.
}Then, I might possibly reconsider it if
}he was very much against it. I thought about this. If Timmy gets scared
}or worried about it, and says he doesn't want it done, what good reason
}is that for not doing it?
How about respect for his decisions and opinions?
Is that not good enough?
}I've read through all the literature. I think
}it's best for him to have it done. I want my little boy circumcised.
You sound just like the parents who believe in
female genital alteration. They think it's best
to have their daughters genitally altered. You're
in good company.
}The
}doctor said that I should not make the mistake of letting Timmy decide
}against this. He said something like, "Look, you're his mother. He's an
}8 year old boy for heaven's sake. You decide on his bedtime and most
}everything else in his life. It is best for children that decisions and
}responsiblity be put on their parent's shoulders. He's 8. An 8 year old
}can't make this kind of a decision.
He ought to be able to be left alone to make that
decision when he is capable of making it.
}You have to make this kind of
}decision for him. That's why if it were me, I wouldn't tell him. Telling
}him and possibly frightening him, it isn't worth it for his sake. Why
}unnecessarily upset him?"
Since the circumcision is not necessary in the first place,
it's mind-boggling that you would consider unnecessarily
upsetting him at all--especially in the deceitful way you
outline.
}I am inclined to take the doctor's advice. It is more difficult with an
}older child because things need to be explained to them. If this had
}been done when he was a baby, it would have been easier then. But, I
}have made the decision that I do want to have him circumcised. With
}kids, distraction usually works. I believe I can convince him that he
}should be happy it was done. So if he's mad at first, once I play it
}down, and make light of it, and explain why he should be happy about it,
}he'll be ok. Once it's done, it's done and over with.
Yep. Once it's done...it's done and over with.
Too bad you don't realize that what might be
"done and over with" is his trust in you. I have
spoken with many men who have undergone
"two-for-one" surgeries--either tonsillectomies
with a circ or an appendectomy and a circ. All
of them explained that the circ was not told to
them in advance. The sense of betrayal these men
have felt was deep...and cost the parents the loss
of truly positive trusting relationships with their
sons. They have said that they would have objected
to the circ had they known it was being arranged
in conjunction with the other needed procedure.
Too bad many parents don't understand that
their sons' opinions and choices matter to them
}I am not undecided about having it done. I want him to be circumcised. I
}do have a doubt about whether he should be told or not.
Forcing an unnecessary procedure on an individual
is usurping their freedom of choice.
}I'm pretty decided that he won't be told. I am not totally confident of
}it though. I have a little doubt. What do other people suggest on the
}topic of telling him. Am I right not to tell him?
It is highly likely that your son will feel you are
wrong about having him circ'd as well as not
telling him. Good luck...seems you're gonna need it.
Grace Boockholdt
Luminaria
"Grace Boockholdt" <gra...@wolfclan.corp.sun.com> wrote in message
news:9hb91c$bti$1...@corpnews1.corp.sun.com...
>
> Recovery from either procedure will not be
> a cake walk. Combining the two--without
> telling him about one of them, will be quite
> confusing, frightening and painful to the child.
>
It's a troll.
He's most likely whacking off while reading what you wrote, or giggling
insanely while shrieking "hook, line and sinker!!!!!"
Don't feed the troll.
Naomi Lynne Pardue
> Why are you having his tonsils out? Today, there are many, many
> good antibiotics which can easily take care of any infections of
> the tonsils.
Actually there ARE situations where tonsillectomies are still called
for, though they aren't done routinely as they were a few generations
ago.
As for the original post.... naw, dont' tell him. I'n sure he's never
even looked at his penis before, so he won't notice anything has changed.
If he's a little sore, just tell him that they pull his tonsils out
through the penis. He'll believe you.
{geesh.... what a stupid troll!}
Naomi
Grace Boockholdt
There are parents out there who think just like
"Lisa". There have been...and continue to occur,
"two-for-one" operations like this. You haven't
the wherewithal to know for certain whether this
was real or not.
Grace Boockholdt
***Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed hereinabove are mine
alone and not necessarily those of my employer.
Fragile: Do not bend, fold, spindle or mutilate. Not recommended for
children. Do not purchase if seal has been tampered with. May be too
intense for some viewers. May be hazardous to your health. *** :)
wadi
desperate is she to save every foreskin she can that she consistently makes
a fool of herself. So what is worse than this troll? Grace's skin freak
buddies.
Luminaria <la...@javanetDOT.com> wrote in message
news:9hcje8$fag$1...@bob.news.rcn.net...
Shell
But, if you've gone 8 years without circumsizing, why in the world would you
want to do it now? This is silly. Can you imagine the stress your son will
go through when he wakes up and sees his penis has changed?! Not to mention
the mistrust in Doctors that you will instill in him.
*Why* do you want him circumsized now? Hygene? Convenience? At this point
I would imagine he is cleaning himself.
Think of your son, because only harm can come from this.
--
~Shell
Mommy to Justin born 7/12/00
"Lisa" <lis...@hushmail.com> wrote in message
news:3B378E6B...@hushmail.com...
rblau
<neal_...@rocketmail.NS.com> wrote:
> You don't use
> SuperNews unless you want complete autonomy.
I think you mean anonymity.
Rob Blau
rblau
wrote:
>
> Why are you having his tonsils out? Today, there are many, many
> good antibiotics which can easily take care of any infections of
> the tonsils.
When my son had his tonsils out it changed his life dramatically for
the better.
Rob Blau
Vernon Quaintance
wrote:
> Why are you having his tonsils out? Today, there are many, many good
> antibiotics which can easily take care of any infections of the tonsils.
A course of antibiotics may be fine for a single attack of tonsilitis
but repeated use of antibiotics for persistent attacks of tonsilitis is
counterproductive and only leads to drug resistant bacteria.
Tonsillectomy is the only proper treatment for repeated attacks of
tonsilitis.
yetano...@gmail.com
If you have his outer ears cut off with a circular incision (a circumcision), he'll never have to wash his ears.
Your doctor just wants to make money.
As you said there is no medical reason to do MALE GENITAL MUTILATION on your child. Tell the doctor to leave the healthy skin on your child alone.
Remind the doctor that he's only 8 years old now but, that in 10 years he'll be able to sue for the needless MALE GENITAL MUTILATION of his body.
Having his bedtime set is in no way the same as deciding to MUTILATE his genitals.
darr...@aol.com
> If you have his fingertips cut off at the same time, he'll never have to trim his fingernails or worry about hangnails.> If you have his outer ears cut off with a circular incision (a circumcision), he'll never have to wash his ears.>>
> Your doctor just wants to make money.>>
> As you said there is no medical reason to do MALE GENITAL MUTILATION on your child. Tell the doctor to leave the healthy skin on your child alone.
> Remind the doctor that he's only 8 years old now but, that in 10 years he'll be able to sue for the needless MALE GENITAL MUTILATION of his body. > Having his bedtime set is in no way the same as deciding to MUTILATE his genitals.