Help. He's teething and I'm tired!
Wendy S.
I am going crazy with my teething son. His first two teeth made him
a little grumpy and under the weather, but the one he just pushed through
has been a living hell. I've been giving him tylenol and homeopathic
teething pills and cold things to chew on. I've given him teething toys
and cereal and teething cookies and frozen yogurt. I've refrigerated
his food. I've taken him swimming for his fever. I've snuggled
and played with him. I have let the house look like shit, and
I haven't had anything _but_ bad hair days for a week.
He absolutely refuses to give me a minute to myself. I can't even
go the bathroom without him outside the door wailing and screaming
as if I am killing him. Mornings going to work consist of me walking
around him to try to get my clothes on. He clings, sits on and gnaws
on my ankles whining pitifully to be picked up. If I go to get my
dinner, after he's eaten, he wails because I don't have him in the
kitchen with me even if he can see me. If I leave him in the high chair
to eat my dinner, he screams. If I hold him and comfort him a little,
he screams when I put him down. I feel like all he does is scream
and I can't do a damned thing about it, which is even more
frustrating. I've put him in the backpack, but he
has figured out how to stand up on the thing and yanks my
hair mercilessly while trying to lean over my shoulders.
This morning was the most awful. He hollered and I went out to
the kitchen to get his bottle and came into the room to find that
he had taken off his diaper, had a loose stool and then fingerpainted
all over the crib with it. I couldn't hold him until I got him out of
his clothing and he wailed through the whole process. Then when
I wouldn't let him in the bathroom while I rinsed out the sheets
he beat on the door and screamed -- all at 6AM, which I am sure my
neighbors appreciated greatly. Thank God, the guys upstairs moved.
I feel like I am on the edge of sanity here. Nothing pleases him at all!
Changing his diaper is arm wrestling with a gorilla...and the gorilla
seems to be winning. I am afraid of hurting him when I have to wrest
him loose from the changing table, so that I have him on his back to
change him. I can't put him in disposables because he is allergic to
them. More than anything I am afraid of losing my temper and
giving him a spank. My parents used to do that to us, and I don't
want to do that to him. At the changing table, I have a 50-50
chance of getting him distracted with a toy, song or happy talk.
The rest of the time he struggles and screams. (No rash) I feel
like the biggest ogre in the world whenever I have to change his
diaper. He could have the dirtiest butt in the world with BM
burns to match and he will still struggle and scream throughout
a changing. I've tried different places and a variety of tactics,
but none are working. Do they ever stop this?
I know that he's curious and I know that he's in pain, but
I just feel like giving him a good spank. I also feel like the
most horrible excuse for a parent on the planet because I feel
like that. I don't have that much help and that's why I'm writing.
Usually, it seems like things have been just bobbing along. Lately,
I feel like I am having to endure my son versus enjoy him, however.
I feel frustrated and angry and I am not comfortable with the accompanying
desire to smack his butt. What the hell can you do for this? What
haven't I tried? Where do people find the patience? ARRRGH!
Suggestions and support would be greatly appreciated. I feel like
I am at the end of my rope and strangling.
Wendy S. -- only parent to Russell Bear, 10.5 months old and
TEETHING!
You can take me off drugs. You can take me off life support. But you
can't take me off the wall.
__________________________________________________________________________
Gloria Logan
Wendy S. writes:
>I am going crazy with my teething son. His first two teeth made him
>a little grumpy and under the weather, but the one he just pushed through
>has been a living hell. I've been giving him tylenol and homeopathic
>teething pills and cold things to chew on. I've given him teething toys
>and cereal and teething cookies and frozen yogurt. I've refrigerated
>his food. I've taken him swimming for his fever. I've snuggled
>and played with him. I have let the house look like shit, and
>I haven't had anything _but_ bad hair days for a week.
My 1-year old son is currently going through a *bad* teething bout, so
I can thoroughly sympathize with you. He seems to have a worse
time when he gets his upper teeth than when he gets his lower teeth.
It looks like you are trying nearly everything. The only thing that I
can suggest is a topical anesthetic such as "Orajel". It has worked
wonders with my son when *nothing* else did (including Tylenol).
Gloria (mommy to Christopher 7/14/93 -- one year old, wow!)
cfel...@skatter.usask.ca
> HELP!
>
> I am going crazy with my teething son. His first two teeth made him
> a little grumpy and under the weather, but the one he just pushed through
> has been a living hell. I've been giving him tylenol and homeopathic
> teething pills and cold things to chew on. I've given him teething toys
> and cereal and teething cookies and frozen yogurt. I've refrigerated
> his food. I've taken him swimming for his fever. I've snuggled
> and played with him. I have let the house look like shit, and
> I haven't had anything _but_ bad hair days for a week.
>
won't accomplish anything by it anyway. What you desperately need is
a break. Would it be possible to get someone to sit for him for a few
hours a couple times a week or on a weekend so you could take your bath,
wash your hair or just sit and vegetate for a while? That might work
wonders, and don't even think about the screaming you've left behind.
Second, you might try out a kind of fluid filled teether that you put
in the freezer. That might numb the gums enough. Also check out Anbusol
(sp?) or some clove oil based gum anesthetic to relieve some of the
gum pain.
As for the clinging, well, we've had that problem too, in spurts. Don't
know what to tell you except that my husband took over when my nerves
were beginnng to shred. Teething often does spur on one of those bouts,
but once the teeth have cut the gums, the temperament does seem to
improve.
Caren Feldman
Wendy
wonderful ideas
and a lot of empathetic notes. Thank you very much.
Wendy S.
> __________________________________________________________________________
Wendy S.
> From article <wendy-130...@chard.ece.ucdavis.edu>, by we...@ece.ucdavis.edu (Wendy S.):
> > HELP!
> >
> > I am going crazy with my teething son. His first two teeth made him
> > a little grumpy and under the weather, but the one he just pushed through
> > has been a living hell. I've been giving him tylenol and homeopathic
> > teething pills and cold things to chew on. I've given him teething toys
> > and cereal and teething cookies and frozen yogurt. I've refrigerated
> > his food. I've taken him swimming for his fever. I've snuggled
> > and played with him. I have let the house look like shit, and
> > I haven't had anything _but_ bad hair days for a week.
> >
> At 10.5 months he won't understand what a spanking is for, plus you
> won't accomplish anything by it anyway. What you desperately need is
> a break. Would it be possible to get someone to sit for him for a few
> hours a couple times a week or on a weekend so you could take your bath,
> wash your hair or just sit and vegetate for a while? That might work
> wonders, and don't even think about the screaming you've left behind.
I know. Getting a break is hard to come by as a single mom. I have
people I can leave him with, but because I work, I feel hideously guilty
if I do that. He is so happy to see me when I come home from work that
it just seems like I would be too cruel to just get home and then leave
him.
Not to mention, that I miss him, too. I think I will try to find someone
to
watch him on the weekend and then I'll go to see a movie. I also got
some child development videos. I am not sure if that was a great idea
because I was left with the distinct impression that I am not doing enough.
I know that a spank won't do anything, but I am afraid if I don't tell
someone that I will do that. I am a Quaker, so non-violence is my
preference, but not talking about the feelings is too dangerous for me,
because of my past with my parents. Old lessons to be unlearned...
>
> Second, you might try out a kind of fluid filled teether that you put
> in the freezer. That might numb the gums enough. Also check out Anbusol
> (sp?) or some clove oil based gum anesthetic to relieve some of the
> gum pain.
>
I have tried this and he isn't really fond of iced or cold teething toys.
I
will try the clove oil. I can get that at my local co-op and just put some
on
my finger and he'll think I'm playing...Someone else suggested baby
ibuprofen. At this point, I'll try anything...I hate for both of us to
suffer. I suffer because I can't help him much; I have dreams
of being helpless a lot with him in them. I just find this very difficult.
I can't imagine how hard it is for him to have him go from a good-
natured little boy into MONSTER CHILD because of pain. I have
already called the ped and asked about getting baby ibuprofen and I
will get the clove oil on the way home tonight.
> As for the clinging, well, we've had that problem too, in spurts. Don't
> know what to tell you except that my husband took over when my nerves
> were beginnng to shred. Teething often does spur on one of those bouts,
> but once the teeth have cut the gums, the temperament does seem to
> improve.
I don't have someone to take over when I feel at wit's end. I have to pull
on inner resources and resources like you and the many kind supportive
people that have e-mailed me. Most everyone who has written has
suggested that Mom take a night out on the town without bambino
or do something small like wash my hair or give myself a manicure.
I was kind of thinking of a haircut. I haven't had one since before
he was born. I guess it's time.
Thank you all very much! I really appreciated the empathetic responses
and support. I really needed it and will just do my best to muddle
through until the worst is over. About the time I think it'll get better,
he'll be a teenager and I'll be writing again!
Wendy S., Russell's Momma (10.5 months tomorrow! and (groan) only three
teeth through the gums)
marion baumgarten
>haven't I tried? Where do people find the patience? ARRRGH!
>
>Suggestions and support would be greatly appreciated. I feel like
>I am at the end of my rope and strangling.
>
>Wendy S. -- only parent to Russell Bear, 10.5 months old and
>
Hopefully, just writing made you feel better. This does sound extreme for
teething pain however. Have you checked with the doctor? Maybe he has an ear
infection. The other think is Children's Motrin (ibruprofin) is now
available which relives inflammation better than tylenol. It's prescription
only, but maybe that might provide stronger relief. My son (long story) had
the nail of his big toe bent back by an idiot who opened a stoor door in
front of him. I had been giving him tylenol, but he was still pretty crabby.
I took him to thedoctor today- got some of this stuff and it is amazing!!!
Like a new child- he has been so cheerful.
Good luck- you will both live through it.
Marion Baumgarten Mari...@delphi.com
Marjorie Peskin
Wendy,
Have you considered that your son might have an ear infection?
Sometimes the pain of an ear infection mocks teething pain, as they are
in the same region. He may be sick but not have a temperature. I
recommend taking him into the pediatrician, just to ensure that whatever
his problem is, you are doing the right thing for him.
And, if it isn't an ear infection and is just plain old teething pain,
perhaps the doctor can help you decide what to do next.
You have my undying sympathy. Teething in our house was a nightmare
too.
Marjorie
--
Marjorie Peskin (formerly m...@world.std.com)
Mum to Graham and Gemma Topaz, 8/24/92
---Toddlers: Can't live with 'em...
Can't convince them what *NO* means!
bri...@hern.stonemarche.org
In this area, I feel like I know what I'm talking about. At 14 months,
Zeb is getting is 15th tooth in (3rd canine).
You're doing all the things that should make him feel better. (One
quick thought - is he 24 lbs yet? That's the next time to raise the
Tylenol dose.)
Zeb's currently battling an earache and a new tooth, so he's been pretty
clingy lately.
Some ideas for relief -
- a new toy
- a Spot video (for Zeb 30 minutes of running around gleefully laughing,
for me 30 minutes of blessed relief)
- a trip to a playground
- bathtime
- frozen food (nukables) for dinner. Turkey microwaved for a week will not
kill him. You can simply chuck the tray at the end. No yucky dishes to deal
with.
- a babysitter, friend to visit, a 12 year to come over and play - any sort
of new, non-frazzled person to distract him
On changing a screaming child. Sometimes I just do it. Sometimes I let him
stand up. On a bad day, I lay him on a towel/blanket on the floor and sit
down so that my legs pin him (chest/arms/legs whichever). I then change the
diaper. BTW, Zeb HATES this.
On trying hard not to smack him. Think 1) it won't really do any good, he's
too young to associate the behaivor and the smack. 2) You're teaching him
that hitting is OK. Or at least this is what I think. Please, please, please
no flames. It's just my way of dealing.
Put him in a playpen or crib. Go away. Count to 10. Drink some water. Your
child will be angry with you but safe. You will be a calmer person and be
able to parent better.
And most of all, Good Luck! This too shall pass. (parent's mantra)
--
Brighid Wood Mum-mum to Zeb, 14 months (p. 178)
bri...@hern.stonemarche.org
Kate Gregory
[deleted comprehensive list of things that help teething
children that Wendy has done -- btw her boy is 10.5 mo]
>He absolutely refuses to give me a minute to myself. I can't even
>go the bathroom without him outside the door wailing and screaming
>as if I am killing him. Mornings going to work consist of me walking
>around him to try to get my clothes on. He clings, sits on and gnaws
>on my ankles whining pitifully to be picked up. If I go to get my
>dinner, after he's eaten, he wails because I don't have him in the
>kitchen with me even if he can see me. If I leave him in the high chair
>to eat my dinner, he screams. If I hold him and comfort him a little,
>he screams when I put him down. I feel like all he does is scream
>and I can't do a damned thing about it, which is even more
>frustrating. I've put him in the backpack, but he
>has figured out how to stand up on the thing and yanks my
>hair mercilessly while trying to lean over my shoulders.
I think the teething is a red herring. Think instead Separation Anxiety.
He's about the right age for it. It could be that he can handle it
when not teething, but the pain of teething pushes him to where
he can't handle separation.
If you look at it this way, it may be easier for you to keep him
close when you can. IF it is SA, the solution of getting a sitter
and getting out of the house alone is unlikely to work, but you
can still get a sitter. He can sit on the sitters lap, next
to you, while you eat, or cook, or whatever.
I couldn't use backpacks because, as you say, they allow free access
to your hair for pulling. But I did (and do -- Kevin is 12.5
months and has clingy days still) use a sling or hip carrier.
For cooking, dishwashing, etc.
Also, if you don't hate hate hate the idea, how about letting him
sleep with you for a few nights? He would tank up on togetherness
and you would get some sleep. You could sneak out of the bed
once he was asleep and do a little cleaning up if you wanted.
In my experience, when they are that clingy they respond really
well to sharing sleep and when the crisis is past then it's back
to the crib or bed without a hassle. Others report differently.
Kate
Carol Barclay
>In article <wendy-130...@chard.ece.ucdavis.edu>,
>Wendy S. <we...@ece.ucdavis.edu> wrote:
>>
>>He absolutely refuses to give me a minute to myself. I can't even go
the bathroom without him outside the door wailing and screaming >>as if I
am killing him. ....cut... >> he wails becauseI don't have him in the
kitchen with me even if he can see me. If I leave him in the high chair
>>to eat my dinner, he screams. If I hold him and comfort him a little,
>>he screams when I put him down.
>I think the teething is a red herring. Think instead Separation Anxiety.
>He's about the right age for it. It could be that he can handle it
>when not teething, but the pain of teething pushes him to where
>he can't handle separation.
I really, really agree with this!!! I was thinking it when I read the
original post, but was afraid to go out on this limb alone. This kind of
behavior is really common at this age. (I am a family day care provider,
and have been working with this age group for 7 years, and my own daughter
is 17 years old now.) A 10 month old baby who needs to be held all the
time and cries if out of your sight is not at all unusual, hard as it is
to deal with. Is he trying to walk yet? That often makes babies
especially anxious too.
You can still get a sitter and get some time for yourself. It sounds as
if you really need it. I know the feeling, I am a single Mom too. I had
some days when my daughter was a toddler when I literally couldn't handle
it: I still remember one day when she was around 2 when she fought me so
hard refusing to let me dress her that I finally gave up, and never left
the house that day. Talk about feeling helpless and full of anger!
I do think, though, that the direction to go to look for a solution for
this is towards keeping him as close as possible and being as reassuring
as possible. I find it helpful to look at behavior from the child's point
of view: what is he feeling when he does this? What is he trying to tell
you? I think the answer must be that he is feeling very needy and
vulnerable, whatever the cause. In my experience, the best way to get kids
to be more independent is to keep them close all they want, then they will
let go when they are ready. If you try to "make" them be independent,
they are likely to feel it and cling more.
I _know_ how hard this is right now, I've been there. But it does
pass...my daughter is at this moment in France, spending the summer at an
international work-camp! (No, you don't have to wait till he's 17 to get
a minute to yourself.).But this is the hardest age. .I tell my day care
parents that if they can survive till the child is 3, they'll have it
made!
One of the things that is so hard about the pre-toddler to toddler
age is that your previously (perhaps) docile infant changes _a lot_ and
develops all kinds of behavior that he never had before....and you are
left wondering what's wrong with the baby, and/or with you that it's so
much harder now than it was before. The good news is that there's nothing
wrong with either of you. The bad news is that this is what it's like,
and its very hard. The other good news is that it will definitely change.
>Also, if you don't hate hate hate the idea, how about letting him
>sleep with you for a few nights? He would tank up on togetherness
>and you would get some sleep. You could sneak out of the bed
>once he was asleep and do a little cleaning up if you wanted.
>In my experience, when they are that clingy they respond really
>well to sharing sleep and when the crisis is past then it's back
>to the crib or bed without a hassle. Others report differently.
I agree with this too! But let's not start the sleep wars here, ok?
--
Carol Barclay car...@panix.com
Wendy
I just want to say what I've done....
I rearranged and cleaned the entire kitchen to make it child proof so that
he could
come in there with me. If I am cooking I put him in the high chair with
cheerios
and go to it. He seems pretty happy with that. I also am trying more
finger foods
at someone's suggestion. I got a list of finger foods that people try and
have
been trying to cook more things that he can eat off my plate, so he and I
have
our meal together versus the baby first, Mommy next with baby clinging
and whining at her throughout her meal thing. I also got a video that
helped
with some of the developmental stuff of eating, so that was useful to me.
Bathrooms? I carefully move his hands when the reach up to cling to my
knees.
I have littered the floor with toys and I just have to nudge a rattle in
his general
direction and he is distracted enough to let me go in peace.
The changing has gotten better. I find that he is worse when tired, so I
am trying
to get him sooner. It uses more diapers, but I'd rather do laundry than
arm
wrestle him around and feel devastated emotionally afterwards.
The desire to beat him? That varies from day to day, but I keep in
front of me the idea that I do not want him to become a violent
boy and then a violent man. If I teach him how to hit by hitting him,
I will be ashamed of him. I can prevent that, so when I feel like that, I
walk outside and take a breath and leave him somewhere safe...I am
also going out to a movie tonight for the first time in ages and am
going by all by myself! I am a big girl now! :) I have also been
taking him swimming more and wearing him out. Sleep seems to
help the teething-- a lot. Usually, I pat his butt and play the
silly diaper butt game which makes him turn around and play with
me . I pat his butt and say "hey there, silly big diaperbutt. Whatcha
doing big padded diaperbutt? " He laughs and turns around and
starts to touch my face and we play momma/baby games. I'd
hate to lose that response. I also saw on the weekend a woman
tar the hide off her kid because the kid had come to the pool
without her knowledge. Then I realized how bad it looked and
how traumatic it is for kids. I remembered more deeply what it
felt like to be spanked, too. That shored up my resolve even more.
I was in slackjawed shock!
As for the teething,whining and assorted frazzlement. I think that
when his teething gets bad, he gets the separation anxiety bad! I let
him follow me around. In the morning, I have tried to snuggle with
him, but he grumps and whines and pushes away regardless. I
slept with him the first 6 months, and sometimes have slept with
him since, so bringing him in the bed is no big deal and is something
I will try to alleviate this SA stuff. The doctor told me to up
his dosage of tylenol to half a dose more and I got some teething
medicine called "gummies" made by a company that makes,
"Herbs for Kids." It has clove oil and chamomile as its most
prominent ingredients. He likes how it tastes and it appear to help
when he is particularly fussy.
If he had earache, he would cry all night or pull his ears or have a fever.
He has had them in the past and this is not that...He has good days,
but when I wrote this he was just cutting a top tooth and was a grump.
He is cutting another one, so he's beginning to get to be whiny, but
I am going to try the family bed thing again. I find that he wakes up
because I snore, so we'll see how it goes. I can always move him
to his crib in the night. The last time he was in bed with me, he
thought that two AM would be a wonderful time to play with
Mommy in the bed. He was moved promptly to his crib. :)
Thanks for all of your support and kindness.
Wendy S.