deep in depression
brian trondson
I am married for three years and now pregnant with uor secnd child.
This pregnancy has been especially tough for me phiscially I feel very
weak and tired all of the time and I often feel very sick. Sometimes I
sit and cry for no apparent reason, not to mention my husband has not
been very supportive for me and dismisses my sleepiness to laziness. I
am writing this tonight because after I put my son to bed I have been
crying all night and cannot stop. I have often thought of suicide but
cannot becuse I know that there is another life in me that deserves a
chance at a hppy life. I attribute my pregnancy to my still being
alive. I am so puzzled by this because i am usually a very strong willed
person who can handle almost anything. I want to be happy again but I
seem to sink deeper and deeper. I need some support and my husband seems
not to care for me anymore. I dont know what to do I feel so lost .
Barbara MacRae
Please call your local suicide prevention hotline. They will refer you
to somewhere you can get the support you need. You're not alone, and
you'll find there are many other women who are having the same kinds
of feelings you are. Do you have an ob/gyn or midwife? If so, you
can talk to them and they should be able to put you in touch with
a counseling group. There is a LOT of help out there, you've made a
big step in starting to look for it, don't give up. A lot of how you're
feeling is hormonal, but that doesn't make it "not real" or "all
in your head". Your feelings are real, and your fatigue and sadness
are totally understandable. If your husband cannot support you, there
are people out there who can and will. Hang in there.
-Barb
Christy
Sleeping while being pregnant is NOT laziness, your body needs that time for
the baby. No matter what your husband is saying or thinking make sure you
get your rest, not doing so can make your depression even worse. Also,
pregnancy hormones are very strong and hard to manage, especially when you
feel alone. Ask your doctor if s/he knows of any support groups. I'm sure
they will find a way to help you and your stress. And if you ever need to
just talk, this group is always here.
Christy
P.S. You said you USED to be "strong willed" ??? I think you are strong.
You are pregnant while trying to raise a son and have a bratty husband.
Please be easier on yourself.
brian trondson wrote in message <6g9mpn$1ua$1...@newsd-111.bryant.webtv.net>...
Christy
Pamela A. O'Keefe
rseddon...@worldnet.att.net,NewsGroups wrote
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>P.S. You said you USED to be "strong willed" ??? I think you are
strong.
>You are pregnant while trying to raise a son and have a bratty husband.
>Please be easier on yourself.
I don't think the husband is bratty. I think he just sincerely doesn't
understand. At least that was the case IME. Although it is better if
he
"gets it" now, it took things getting pretty bad (like my yelling at
the kids
so loud I thought I was going to have a stroke) before my dh finally
understood how severely depressed I was and that I couldn't just "snap
out of
it." For people like him who have the mental tools to "snap out of
it",
those of us who don't really are baffling. BTW, there ARE ways of
learning
to overcome depression-- for me, a book called "The Feeling Good
Handbook"
literally saved my life.
In any case, slamming the husband isn't going to turn him into a
wonderful
supportive person. I'm sure he'd be very supportive-- but just doesn't
understand.
Later,
Pam
--- OffRoad 1.9v unregistered
Pamela A. O'Keefe
First, alert your dr./ midwife to the situation. This is imperative to
getting further help, IMO. Alternatively, set up counseling sessions
ASAP-- first thing in the morning. You need to take care of yourself.
I
experienced a rather bad episode of depression this pregnancy, and
frankly
have been waiting for ppd to hit (hasn't yet, and won't, hopefully!)
and it is tiring in and of itself, never mind being pregnant, too.
Second, you need someone to get through to your husband the seriousness
and
reality of your situation. You didn't mention how old your first child
is,
but I would guess around 2? That isn't easy! And to have a husband
who is
unsympathetic to your plight on top of it is really, really difficult--
believe me, I know! It sounds like not only does he not understand
depression, but he isn't too aware of the changes a pregnant woman goes
through. The good news is that IME, once my husband understood how
badly
depressed I was, he was very supportive of my counseling sessions, and
he has
had nary a derogatory comment to make when I've said that if I do get
ppd,
that I *will* try to get on anti-depressants.
Third, it helped me to read a little on alt.support.depression
newsgroup.
The folks over there are very supportive. Also, I did several web
searches
on depression and pregnancy-- it isn't that uncommon, and there are
anti-depressants that have been used safely in pregnancy.
Fourth, keep posting here. With the exception of the trolls, the
people here
really care.
Fifth, try to remember that, if treated (either medically or with
counseling), depression is far from a permanent state. You will feel
happy
again. It will pass. You hung in there today-- and you only have to
take
things one day at a time. I once read, "I can do for 12 hours what
would
appall (sp?) me if I thought I had to keep it up forever."
TRON...@webtv.net,NewsGroups wrote on 4/5/98 at 11:47 PM
to misc.kids.pregnancy about "deep in depression":
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>I am married for three years and now pregnant with uor secnd child.
>This pregnancy has been especially tough for me phiscially I feel very
>weak and tired all of the time and I often feel very sick. Sometimes I
>sit and cry for no apparent reason, not to mention my husband has not
>been very supportive for me and dismisses my sleepiness to laziness. I
>am writing this tonight because after I put my son to bed I have been
>crying all night and cannot stop. I have often thought of suicide but
>cannot becuse I know that there is another life in me that deserves a
>chance at a hppy life. I attribute my pregnancy to my still being
>alive. I am so puzzled by this because i am usually a very strong
willed
>person who can handle almost anything. I want to be happy again but I
>seem to sink deeper and deeper. I need some support and my husband
seems
>not to care for me anymore. I dont know what to do I feel so lost .
-----------------------------
jw
I agree. It wasn't so noticeable with my first since I don't have to take care of
a 2 years old when I'm not feeling well. This pregnancy seems to be several times
more difficult than the first. My husband also had a hard time to comprehend in the
beginning. I got some books for him about what kinds of changes can happen to a pregnant
women and also have our mutual friends talk to him about it. He finally realized that
I need more support both mentally and physically. It made a world difference to me with
his understanding and support.
Julia
brian trondson
I have tried to explain to him that i am having a really rough time that
is my husband, but it doesnt seem to sink in and i dont know how to make
it. I have a 19 monthold boy who is very sweet but very hyperative. I
cant take my eyes off of him for a minute. another part of the problem
is i have to work nights as a waitress to make ends meet which is
exhusting enough in itself. When my husbands not around I just sit and
cry for hours about the hurtful comments he can make or how insensitive
he can be when i just try to talk to him. I dont know what to do or how
to even begin to get him to understand and stop his hurtful attitude. I
think that if he would understand and treat me like a person again i
could be alot more happy again. I am also worried that my emotions are
having a bad affect on my pregnancy and thats not fair to the baby. What
can i do to make him understand.
heather
Julie Loaker
HI,
You sound like you are having a really horrible time. PLease don't give
up! There might be a pregnancy crisis centre nearby that you can talk to
about how you feel to someone, and there are lots of chat forums on the
web for pregnant women where people are really supportive and sweet. One
I read is http://www.thelaboroflove.com/boards/pregnant/7to9/.
As for your husband - it doesn't sound like he'll listen to what you
say, so have you tried leaving literature or pregnancy magazines with
articles about depression in so he can learn for himself? I felt low and
exhausted in my first three months, and my husband kept saying 'you
should be blooming' and 'it's a shame you are so miserable' because he
just didn't know (he's learnt more since from my pregnancy mags.)
What you need is some encouragement and support, so try to grab it from
the internet or midwife, or somewhere!! Don't let yourself sink down
lower on your own.
Jools
Christy
You're right. Bratty was the wrong word. I do hope that you realize I meant
nothing personally against the husband and that I wish the best for you.
Christy
Pamela A. O'Keefe wrote in message ...
Jessica or Mitch
Pamela A. O'Keefe asks:
> Does your husband make hurtful comments regularly, or is it just right
> now
> that you're overwhelmed with life and he's not understanding it?
I just wanted to comment on this question. I wasn't the original
poster, but maybe my experience could be of some help to her. I was
extremely depressed during my first pregnancy, gained a lot of weight,
hated the way I looked and what I saw as a lack of self-discipline and
lots of other things that I can't really put into words. My husband
didn't seem all that interested in the pregnancy (ie he wasn't reading
the books I was hauling home by the dozen) and IMO wasn't doing
everything he possibly could to make life easier for me and thus was
making me more miserable. In other words, he wasn't part of the
solution, so he was (again, IMO) part of the problem. With aftersight I
realize my expectations were just way out of line, and he had to have a
life, too. I think it's just harder for some men to see the reality of
pregnancy until that baby is crying (or cooing) there in front of them.
Now I'm on my second pregnancy and he's a lot more involved... on the
other hand, I'm a bit more distant, so we seem to have reached a middle
ground. :-) My whole point is, the original poster's husband might be
a jerk (as some have suggested) or he might just be having a hard time
adjusting to the pregnancy himself. It's also possible that the
depression is making his behavior seem a lot worse than it is. I know
when I feel really miserable I tend to look for someone to blame... and
unfortunately my husband is usually the closest someone. :-(
Sorry to ramble. I didn't mean to discount anyone's feelings, just
remember feeling this way myself and hoping it gets better for you.
Hugs,
Jessica
Pamela A. O'Keefe
Heather, is there another man that your husband really respects that
you can talk to? There have been times when I've approach either a
friend, or my
dh's father with a problem and asked that man to talk to him about it.
That has helped a lot.
Does your husband make hurtful comments regularly, or is it just right
now
that you're overwhelmed with life and he's not understanding it? If
it's all
the time, then the problem runs a lot deeper than his just not
understanding that you're exhausted and depressed. However, it is
something that seems to have coincided with the onset of your
depression and exhaustion, keep in mind
that your emotions are pretty raw right now, so even the smallest
slight is a
huge insult right now. :-( That's just the effect that being really
tired
and depressed has on a person, at least for me.
Hang in there! Remember that at least once upon a time, your husband
loved
you-- likely he still does (of course he does!) but really just needs
to know
that you are NOT lazy, just pooped!
TRON...@webtv.net,NewsGroups wrote on 4/7/98 at 12:37 AM
to misc.kids.pregnancy about "Re: deep in depression":
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