Miss Manners on dining out: "Who should get the check?"

[Lenona]

Dear Miss Manners,
Who should get the check? My question is in regards to the etiquette
of getting the check at the end of the meal. I was raised that if it
was not made very clear at the beginning (such as "don't worry we are
taking you out"), to always make an effort to pay. My parents taught
me it is polite to put up a little "argument over it," and I have
always tried to do this when I have the opportunity; whether it is
simply paying for myself or picking up the entire check.

My husband believes if you are out with someone a little more well off
you should simply take their offer, no argument.

I feel like this is rude, but my problem is that I am just out of
college and recently married. I can't necessarily follow through with
the "argument" if I win. We see our parents on a pretty regular basis,
and so tend to eat out with them frequently. The informality of these
dinners means that no one specifies who pays for whom. Should dinners
like these be understood as just dutch, or is it okay to simply accept
as soon as they reach for the bill?

Gentle Reader,
Your husband's theory that those with more money should subsidize the
entertaining of those with less is doomed. Miss Manners promises you
that eventually, the perpetual hosts will feel that they are valued
only for their ability to pick up the bill.

Yes, sometimes even parents. The long habit of paying for their
children often remains; many parents prefer to continue to do so and
will make sure they win any such polite arguments as you mention. But
even they will be flattered if you occasionally make a point of
issuing a clear invitation at which you are the hosts -- at a place
that you can afford.

(end)

Lenona.