Cigarettes? One year I gave the kiddies smokes. " Line up!", I say, "
Menthol to the right, regulars to my left!" Thing is, they kept coming
back, days later. Sometimes with their parents.
One of my favorite Halloween pranks is to go to the supermarket and
buy a big bag of apples and a box of razor blades. The looks from the
people are priceless.
Another good trick is to get a pair of sticky gloves those
footballers wear. Pretend to give candy, sticking your hand in the
brats' bags you can come up with several candies and they will be none
the wiser. I've heard of good luck also with candy on a string.
But seriously, there are many subsitutes for candy. Apples, granola,
vitamins, toothbrushes, combs, cans of soup, gift cards with donations
to various charities, poker chips, playing cards with dirty pictures,
foodstamps, beer, cans of compressed air, meat, floppy discs,
firecrackers, non-recylables, condoms and mothballs.
My favorite is religous tracts. Tell them, this is more valuable than
candy, as you hand out each relgous tract. Give them a sincere "Good
bless", as the walk away. Google religous tracts, you can find them
for as little as $0.02 each.
I remember once, as a youngster who was just about out-growing Trick
or Treat, going to the drunk down the end of the block. He answers the
door and after a hearty "Tick O'Treat" from me, he asks, "Kid, you got
room in that bag for a pizza and a six-pack of beer?" "Do I? Sure
Mister!" He then leaned forward and "Blarrrrrfff!!!" he throws up in
my bag. He got the flaming bag of dog shit for years.
If you're too cheap to give out candy just put out a sign that says a
sex offender lives there and is not allowed to answer the door. Works
for me.