"Personal Announcement Time" at meetings
Kim Clark
Our monthly cohousing meetings are about 85% business, and 15% community
building. Of course, we see each other on a daily basis outside the
meeting, too. We have just made a casual agreement to include a check-in
period with "personal announcements" at our meetings.This can include
anything that has had an emotional impact on us: difficult or joyful. I am
the person most involved in developing the idea.
As simple as this sounds, it's an exceptional opportunity to practice our
most delicate community values: openness, trust, honesty, acceptance etc..
And at the same time, it poses some risks. Most of all, I don't want to
disenchant our members who are uncomfortable with public displays of
emotion. I'm worried that we will discard this valuable practice if they
have a negative reaction, before we've really seen what it can do for us.
We need to participate concensually in this.
So, I'm looking for ideas:
When you have a membership with a varied appetite for group emotional
sharing, what guidelines do you use to make it rich yet safe for all?
How much structure do I present?
What, if anything do I encourage?
And, What can I expect in these first few meetings???
Thanks!
Kim
To unsubscribe send SIGNOFF GRP-FACL to LIST...@ALBANY.EDU
Francis S. (Frank) Patrick
>...We have just made a casual agreement to include a check-in
>period with "personal announcements" at our meetings...
>When you have a membership with a varied appetite for group
>emotional sharing, what guidelines do you use to make it rich
>yet safe for all?
When I saw the idea of personal announcements put forward, I first
thought it was for something important like the fact that I've got a 1990
Mazda Miata for sale (CD, Air, 3-year old paint, recent major service,
93,000 mi, $6,700)...a convertible just in time for spring. But I guess
Kim is talking about deeper personal stuff.
I've never done anything like "personal announcements" that in my
meetings and workshops, but I was in a large group once that had
participants share with their tablemates something that they might not
know about them, or something they are proud about that might not be
common knowledge in the group. This seemed to provide, for a group that
thinks they know their associates, some opportunity for openness without
pressuring for too much private emotions or feelings. Doing this on an
occasional basis seems appropriate and beneficial, but expecting it on a
regular basis (even monthly) from everyone seems a bit excessive, unless
it's purely voluntary in a sort of "Oh, by the way. This month, I..."
approach.
BTW, sorry about sneaking that Miata announcement in.
;-)
_________________________________________________________________________
Francis S. "Frank" Patrick http://www.focusedperformance.com
Focused Performance - Management Consulting & Training
601 Route 206, Suite 26-451, Belle Mead, NJ 08502
Phone: 908-874-8664 Fax: 908-874-7664
Email: fpat...@focusedperformance.com
Helping organizations focus on and remove the constraints
that limit their potential performance, growth, and success.
_________________________________________________________________________
Robb...@aol.com
<< We have just made a casual agreement to include a check-in
period with "personal announcements" at our meetings.This can include
anything that has had an emotional impact on us: difficult or joyful. >>
Kim...I think your answer is in your post above. Simply take the word
"emotional" out of the last sentence. Emotional can be a trigger
word...positive for some, negative for others. It seems to me that in
"cohousing" you are learning what is important to the people in your cohousing
community. What better way than to "check in with people", than to say"what's
had the greatest impact on you today (or since our last meeting)?"
Good luck
Judy Robb
Robb Group
Performance Consulting, Facilitating and Training
San Francisco, CA, USA
Carl E. Rowe
every group member buys into this level of intimacy. The groups with which
I work (construction, wholesale/retail, medical & legal practices, gaming
etc.), however, would consider this kind of design painfully contrived,
disingenuous, and forced. Personal sharing, even that which is relevant to
the business setting and even in this day and age, is neither practiced nor
valued, still, by many, many people. To set aside time for that kind of
thing, I believe, creates lots of anxiety for certain group members who may
not want to participate in the activity but feel they might be considered as
"less than" full-fledged members if they don't. Having it happen naturally
is fine; those who tend to share on a more personal level will do so and
those who aren't so inclined won't. I like the idea of setting aside some
unstructured time but using the word, "personal" establishes a norm that
feels just a bit too pushy.
-----Original Message-----
From: Group Facilitation [mailto:GRP-...@CNSIBM.ALBANY.EDU] On Behalf Of
Kim Clark
Sent: Thursday, March 25, 1999 8:37 PM
To: GRP-...@CNSIBM.ALBANY.EDU
Subject: "Personal Announcement Time" at meetings
The following was also posted March 23 on the Cohousing-L mail list:
Our monthly cohousing meetings are about 85% business, and 15% community
building. Of course, we see each other on a daily basis outside the
meeting, too. We have just made a casual agreement to include a check-in
period with "personal announcements" at our meetings.This can include
anything that has had an emotional impact on us: difficult or joyful. I am
the person most involved in developing the idea.
As simple as this sounds, it's an exceptional opportunity to practice our
most delicate community values: openness, trust, honesty, acceptance etc..
And at the same time, it poses some risks. Most of all, I don't want to
disenchant our members who are uncomfortable with public displays of
emotion. I'm worried that we will discard this valuable practice if they
have a negative reaction, before we've really seen what it can do for us.
We need to participate concensually in this.
So, I'm looking for ideas:
When you have a membership with a varied appetite for group emotional
sharing, what guidelines do you use to make it rich yet safe for all?
How much structure do I present?
What, if anything do I encourage?
And, What can I expect in these first few meetings???
Thanks!
Kim
To unsubscribe send SIGNOFF GRP-FACL to LIST...@ALBANY.EDU
Bernie De Koven
game. Especially if it's for fun, and kind of pointless, like, for example,
the NUMBERS game. Here is an explanation from my website
<http://deepfun.2cstudio.com/msgReader$87>:
Starting the Numbers Game
One of my favorites is a game called "Numbers."
We used to play it, with some rather bizarre variations, at the New Games
Foundation. Everybody sits in a circle, and counts off, beginning,
naturally, with me. I'm Number One.
As Number One, I get to start the round. All I do is call another number.
And the only thing the person who has that number does is call another
number. And that's how you play the game. Simple?
Well, almost.
The Challenge
See, if someone actually does make a mistake, that person goes to the end of
the circle (to my left) and take the last number. And, just as logically,
everybody who had a lower number has to move up one number. Which of course
means that all those people have a new number to remember. Which of further
course means that they are ever so much more likely to make a mistake.
As the game goes on, it also becomes more incumbent on the person who gets
called on to respond pretty much immediately. Which of course gives people
yet another opportunity to make mistakes, and have to change seats, and
numbers, and get more confused.
When new people come in, they get a new number, take up their position at
the end of the sequence, and, since people rarely call the last number
(what's the point?) they are not really challenged to say or remember
anything until someone makes a mistake. And, by that time, they pretty much
understand what the game's about.
The object, if there is one, is to get to be Number One, because Number One
is the one who gets to start the round. Which means that the lower (closer
to One) your number is, the greater the challenge, because the more often
your number gets called.
Increasing the challenge
The game stops being so much fun if nobody makes a mistake. So, you make it
harder. Decrease the delay tolerance, for example. Especially after a
mistake is made and people have to change numbers. Or, if you have a
multilingual group, play it in, for example, Dutch.
Beyond challenge
Or, if you're into bizarre variations and want to make the game a little
more threatening and a lot more physical, you can try playing it the New
Games way. Everybody gets on the floor and lies on their stomachs. Already
more threatening. And, for the more physical part, when you make a mistake
you have to roll your body over the backs of the higher Numbers. Last time I
introduced that particular variation, we got on the floor all right, but
everybody quit before anyone could really get, so to speak, rolling. It's
really fun, though. Honest.
I guess things have changed since the 70s.
KayHaaland
or not. Why would you impose your "rules" of how we talk together?
Kay Haaland
Lisanne
>When you have a membership with a varied appetite for group emotional
>sharing, what guidelines do you use to make it rich yet safe for all?
>How much structure do I present?
>What, if anything do I encourage?
>And, What can I expect in these first few meetings???
Dear Kim,
With the groups I work with, we often just ask people to say what they had
to "do" to get to the workshop/meeting on that day...this way, people can
share what they feel comfortable with as well as step out of the space they
are coming from, whether that is work or personal space, and into the space
of the workshop. It also gives people a very specific time-frame to talk
about, so you don't spend hours hearing about the whole week (or month, or
year!).Depending on the kind of workshop, we might actually structure this
into a drawing session where people are also getting to know each other in
small groups. This wouldn't work for meetings or perhaps, in some private
sector settings if people feel drawing isn't "business-like" enough.
We usually also end sessions with appreciations, again which can be
expressed at whatever level people feel comfortable with.
cheers,
lisanne
___________________________________________________________________________
Lisanne Baumholz
Oleanna Consulting/WomenFutures CED Society
1980 Ferndale Avenue
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canada V5L 1X8
(604) 215-3738
Cla...@aol.com
<< So, I'm looking for ideas:
When you have a membership with a varied appetite for group emotional
sharing, what guidelines do you use to make it rich yet safe for all?
How much structure do I present?
What, if anything do I encourage?
And, What can I expect in these first few meetings???
>>
From how you described this part of your meeting, it occurs at the beginning?
I suspect that those who don't "appreciate" such a level of emotional openness
would choose to come in just a little later, when this time is over.
This reminds me of a theory from a consultant friend. She frames it in the
context of 'gods/goddesses' of meetings. There's the 'social god/goddess' and
the 'task god/goddess' and both want time from us. If we always jump into the
'business' of the meeting, at some point the 'social god/goddess' gets upset
and intrudes, and the meeting gets distracted away from business. If we give
the 'social god/goddess' some time during the meeting, he/she'll let us then
get on with the business. This is greatly paraphrased, but the image works.
I've generally included time in regular meetings for socializing (especially
if there's food as part of the meeting) and included this as part of the
agenda. There's a specific time for socializing, which people will arrive
early for--and those who arrive late know they have to wait until the
meeting's over to do their personal 'catching up' with folks. It does seem to
help things stay focused.