I can see that my sense of morality has changed over the years along
with my relationship to life. Yet at the core of it, is a sense of
self respect that allowed me to walk away from a couple of decent
incomes and destructive human relationships because of the culture of
war they brought with them. Somehow, expressing truth in the moment
was never enough, the war raged on. In retrospect, I can see that
what I was walking to when walking away was far better, but at the
time, the path was forming as my foot hit the exit doorway in the
walking away. I've never been comfortable in that scenario, but I can
now see it has payed off for me in the long run. It always starts
with listening to my gut.
An interesting time we live in, with our education, political and
financial systems no longer serving us. With eyes blurred from Rome
burning, it is hard to see what is coming for us. What I do know is
we are a resilient lot, and something will. The education system does
suck, my youngest is still in University and has always struggled with
the system. He will get his BA in May with honors, something he never
experienced in the younger grades. Somehow, he made it work out of a
desire for a good life.
Myself, I found a way to make it work while still doing my own thing
in the University, but after being told by the English Dept to find a
different course of study. I was lucky that there was a more creative
"alternative" available or I would probably have quit. I did see
(what seemed to me) the brightest teachers struggling with the
bureaucracy of their profession. But it seems to me we all struggle
with that, even my husband, the Chiropractor, who is in practice by
himself. If we live in community, we adapt to the rules, regs, norms,
laws, while expressing ourselves the best we can. Seems to me that
finding a lasting harmony there is the real trick, no matter the
details of it.