my story about mindcontrol, looking for contact

[alice]

hello, my name is Monika, i'm 42, living in Antwerp, Belgium.
About one year ago, i realized suddenly something very strange was
going on, it started with my computer wich was clearly showing things
that were not usual, and desperedly i started to repair it somehow,
during that first period, i thought of a computervirus or some hacking
tool, slowly i realized aswell this "hacking", was not just messing up
things, but very precise, showing on my screen what i was supposed to
see.
Finally after my mail and personal pictures disapeared, and nobody else
seemed to understand that really something strange was going on on my
computer, i wrote a mail to some mailadres (of the program maker of one
pcprogram appeared, hoping i would reach the people doing this .
I cried and was begging to let my stuff on my pc ect...
finally i recieved an answer:"glad i can finally tell you, this is a
test..."
I stared surprised on my screen, a test i wondered, what for.?
This phrase, was followed with a question about networks, the question
was put together with what i put in my own mails, i read slowly and
highly surprised the long question, summerized from my own
mailconversations with others about the pc, and even more confused i
became, seeing no answer in fact was possible on that question, only
the grammer gave that impression, so it looked like it was not just a
computer puzzle, aswell i could not understand a test of some
computerstuff, would have reason to take my private things away, and it
looked much more like a test of my own behaving, in fact a
psycholigical test, fooling me infact with technical questions about
networks...
i felt cheated, got very scared, didnt understand who was doing this,
what kind of test this could be.
At that moment i only knew i could communicate directly writing on my
computer questions, getting answers over tv, radio and gsm, i was
rapidly changing moods, from laughter, to deep sadness and enormious
fear, and finally a confirmation came again direcly on my computer,
:"those things they are dangerous, they could have enormous pollitical
consequences..."
It slowly became completely clear that my moods aswell, were a part of
the game, i panicked, and let pass all kind of sensations over me, pain
of a tooth, vomitting, sexual pleasure, al kinds of emotions, fine
mixed up to an exact coctail of totally different perception of my
envirement, i did not know what whas real anymore, i wonderdered who
was behind it, searching it in friends , my mother, and realizing
nobody i knew was behind it, my mother saw my acting strangly, looking
for my father who died five years ago, i was even thinking he was the
one joking me....
I do understand my mother is convinced i had a psychotic-like
experience, but it hurts very much though, i can't even ask her
comfort, she simply don't want to hear anything about what happenend
convinced it could not have happened..., it is simply impossible
I wondered desperedly how long this was going on, having the feeling it
explained some other things from before, but not being able to
logically update with my own thinking 42 years of my life in one sudden
moment, this experience is the most tortering, i was fully aware, of
the fact my entire thinking failed to understand what was going on, and
that is aswell in fact the most interesting part of it, but aswell the
cruel one, the past is completely different than in my memories was
linked in terms like cause and consequence, and suddenly all seemed
different, but the thinking ability of a human is clearly too slow to
update and relink those facts, especiallyl aswell in the longterm
memorie, that feeling is awfull and something that normally humans can
only know theoretically (that thinking is a much slowlier process then
reacting, it does not giud behaviour, feeling guides behaviour), but
feeling it happening is amazing, but terrifying.
In the beginning nothing makes sense anymore, even suicide is a
possible solusion, but hope to understand finally what went on, not
believing somebody could do something like this to destroy my person, i
kept as strong i could, for months pretty confusing and bizarr
situations were created around me, and when some time passed by, the
feeling of not understanding anything faded away, and i could start to
draw conclusions.
The main conclusion ofcourse was that mind manipulating technologie
does really exist, and not just causing over all symptoms, but very
finetuned causing so many sensations, a million of nuances, of things i
felt before, aswell things i never felt before, it was like trip of
alice in wonderland, but aswell realizing a painfull truth, this really
went on, and not just now, but in the past, as far i can guess out of
my own experience, end sixties, begin seventies.
A very clear memorie as a small girl, seeing on a walk trough the park
in my head some 3D picture of twisted wires, hair or wool getting thin
and getting thik again, getting big and getting small. this picture was
accompagnied with feeling sick in a strange way i never would forget,
it took just a few seconds. Technical abilities were i suppose not
enough refind for 3D, this problem ten years after did not anymore
exist and 3d pictures apear in colour realistic live experiences,
dreams even while awake. It is like real, and i do now understand how
convincing ufo experiences could be and how terrifiing real, letting
people with a big part of questions, not realizing the experience was
completely brain simulated.
they (the people who are doing this) did aswell explain how it is
possible they can do it, they explained me more about electricity,
electromagnetism, basic chemistrie and biology, and several connection
between them, how rubbing two pieces of kwarts and seeing lightflashes,
polarity of molecules, how it works in celmembranes, about spectometrie
and more of all that.
I did not know some things at all especialli the connection with
elektricity so clear, and it would be strange it would dicover part of
this with having a hallucination, so i hope somebody wil not draw
imidiatly conclusions, but wonder if this really could be really
happening, who realizes that this story, how absurd it sounds, it could
be correct, someone who would ask more details about what happened, and
trie to find out that the total story is too much coherent to be some
hallucination,
Dreams ofcourse are something incredible, not only just dreams by
stimulating some dream area, but dreams with a clear defined content,
like some movie playded over during sleep, those dreams are very vivid,
they all somehow are connected with very deep human emotions, about
life, birt and dead, and ofcourse the instinct of sexuallity ruling
these acts, compromizing dreams, about violence, incest, war and big
ethic questions, those dreams are accompagnied with feelings sometimes,
or pain that seems real, and most people i know, they had those dreams
themselves, but can not imagine it was once electronically induced-dig
in your own very deep personal memories and you will find them aswell,
it looks like your own dreams simply) sleepdeprivation for days or just
falling asleep, hartbeat with trilling movies and getting sentimental
over others, feelings like compassion, rage, and even feelling very
deeply in love, euforic, with music getting shivers, so it seemes that
this is the current state of the art today of mind manipulation
technology .
After looking for information around on the net and some books, i know
now im not wrong in the fact that this technology is for more then
thirty years in use, is develloped and refined during normal life on
people without their knowledge, and if you try to explain, they dont
and cant believe their own fears and dreams are not really theirs,
because adding emotoions to one's life for so long become normal
emotions associated with your own, with your own identity, That is the
most surprising part of it: even after you know somebody makes you feel
and do things,stil it feels as if it is under command of your own will,
movements, needs and exitement, not even your own taste you can trust
in whatever you like, because they make you simply like other things.
Now im desperadly looking for contact with people who do meanawhile
aswell know this is going on, and that is the reason for this mail, on
wich i hope for some reaction, it was a cruel way to get to know i'm in
fact so much different than i thought, it feels releave aswell as it
feels terror.
I hope very much to find more people in my situation, i know there are,
some stories i found confirm exactly what i experienced aswell, but
most those people are not anymore to find over the internet, so i hope
this way somebody will read my story and take contact with me.
Friendly greetings from belgium, Monika.
msn: monika...@gmail.com
mail: monika...@telenet.be
icq:220-647-559
Please realize well the reasons you dont believe this, realize well
those reasons are not rational, but purely intuitif because you can't
imagine, the same way like tv or gsm once was unimaginable.