Laurelin and the Kobolds

[Jim Roberts]

[Feb 7 AM – The Upwinder HQ]

> Ignoring all of the makework below, Laurelin made for the RV point
> they’d used the past couple of days. At the beginning of the morning,
> Tramma had sent a number of magical Sendings out, one of which
> directed here to the Foreman so that the elven priestess would be
> expected. She was, and the grizzled kobold with the guardwolf
> approached cautiously through the undergrowth. The wolf, in contrast,
> perked its ears forward at a familiar scent. Pilinde had offered the
> priestess a discarded shirt, and this had certainly caught the wolf’s
> eager attention. The guardwolf was wagging its tail enthusiastically
> when Laurelin offered it a wolf-treat, again recommended by Pilinde.

Following the kobold guide’s lead, soon afterwards Laurelin was under
the hinged guardwolf-house portal to the tunnel systems, and not long
after that, she was in the presence of the Foreman in his HQ. This time,
a number of other kobolds were ringed around, looking excitedly as they
held various hidebound tomes, skin parchments, and other bits of Arcane
treasures. From the commentary that the priestess’ Tongues spell could
translate, it was clear that there were a NUMBER of kobold Arcanists,
all hoping to make the same sort of deal that the OTHER wizard had made
with their quartermaster.

Laurelin was hardly an expert on kobolds, but she didn’t need to be to
quickly get a good impression of the overall opinion the Upwinder
wizards had developed based on their observations of the settler
adventurers. Some of the comments they made to each other made them
fairly clear; apparently they had not yet figured out just how good her
hearing was.

“Remember,” one kobold wizard squeaked conspiratorially to another.
“Show big dumb Tall People good spells, and they give us LOTS of shinys.”

“Yeah,” came the reply. “Insanely powerful, stupidly brave, just not
real bright, but really good people. I *love* these Tall People.”

“Ya know,” cautioned a third in the barest whisper. “Kobold is sure
their wizards expecumally can’t REALLY be as dumb as they act. I bet
they think WE are dumb, expecumally if they see YOU two in action.”

Laurelin winced a little internally, though in all fairness and with not
a little chagrin she had to concede the kobolds had a point. Some of the
whispered asides seemed to indicate that Jeyshann’s guess the Upwinders
had been observing the adventurers while they fought to clear the
Waterworks had some basis in fact. It made sense that these wizards
would have been among those maintaining the surveillance if it happened.

She quickly noticed that each wizard wore a prominent medallion on a
light chain around their neck, engraved with a crescent moon symbol and
letters in Tengwa that she could in fact read, not the Iokharic script
that was used for their own Yipyap dialect of draconic. Rather to her
surprise, each of the first several medallions she was able to get a
good enough look at had the name of a wizard from one spell or another
she had heard of. Even stranger, the metal of both the medallions and
chains seemed to vary, and some of them seemed to have a single small
gem inset at the top.

The elven priestess could glimpse a profusion of stamped sheet steel
badges worn by the kobolds humbly hanging back or running errands for
the others. Her guess was easily a quarter or more of the kobolds
scurrying around on the edges of the meeting wore steel medallions, and
none of them approached her or dared speak to their visitor and
potential trading partner. Though that was where much of the revealing
chatter was coming from.

Nearly as numerous were badges that seemed to shimmer oddly and shift as
the kobold wizard wearing it moved, which she finally decided were
constructed of steel with a facing of crystal that contained
quicksilver. There were considerably fewer brass and bronze medallions.
After that she could only spot a smattering of copper, a mere handful of
electrum, and in her brief inspection only the two kobolds in front who
seemed to be their spokesmen wore silver and gold medallions.

From that brief inspection it appeared to her that each metal had a
corresponding gem, but not all the badges had a gem. The two
spokeswizards, for instance, wore a silver medallion with a moonstone
engraved with ‘Lastai’, and a golden badge with no gem which said
‘Otto’. To Laurelin they both appeared to be possibly more experienced
and powerful than the others behind them who all seemed to defer to
them. The kobold wearing the gold badge spoke first, and barked in the
usual shrill kobold voice simply, “show us whatcha got, Tall Person!”

Laurelin nodded respectfully to the gold badged kobold. “I will be glad
to.” Her eyes narrowed as she confirmed that she’d read the name on its
badge correctly, and added, “Otto.”

“Otto Gold!” the kobold repeated rather emphatically.

“Otto Gold,” the priestess repeated. “And as for what I have, I have a
good selection of spells, primarily buffs and booms, and hopefully, they
are something you can use. When the political types get a new home for
you sorted out, your spell needs may change.”

This led to a considerable amount of fervent discussion among the
various badge wearing kobolds. And like some of the Tellics from her
seminary days, the kobolds seemed more than a little fractious, and
entirely willing to squabble among themselves. However, at the barked
commands of the two spokeswizards, no actual brawling broke out, and the
discussion lurched back, perhaps a bit unevenly, back to spelltrading.
Lots of glaring, finger pointing, and quietly hissed promises of future
mayhem on the far edges of the gathering, but that seemed to be normal
for any gathering of kobolds.

During the discussion, Laurelin could determine two themes. The first
was that the kobold wizards had a remarkably good representation of
“standard” spells more likely to be found in any wizarding shop. As
such, they were not particularly interested in any of the more common
spells in Laurelin’s books. The second was that they were less
interested in “booms”, preferring spells of subterfuge and misdirection
over more prominent spells of overt destruction. That meant that she had
a limited number of spells that were of particular interest to the
assembly of kobold wizards.

The closest the discussion got to any sort of unpleasantness was when
Laurelin conveyed an offer from the not present Laquendi to add the
spell “Tiny Hut” up for trade, if the kobolds wished it. One bronze
coloured badged kobold registered a fervent protest. “That MY spell!”
the wizard shrilled indignantly. “How did Tall People steal it?!?”

Otto sighed. “Tall Lady should never mind Leomund Bronze. Has not yet
learned to beware of nasty SJE menace who HUNTS kobolds who insist THEY
own certain spells.” Leomund Bronze looked abashed, but still unhappy…
but grudgingly held his peace.

The gold badged kobold shrugged. “At least Tall Lady is not asking about
particularly problematic spells of contested ownership, like Aura.” Otto
Gold then slapped his forehead with a claw, regretting his last few
words… but it was too late to take them back.

“That MY spell!” a quicksilver badged backbencher squawked.

“No, it MY spell!” another kobold with a quicksilver badge protested.
Now, it really did almost come to blows, and only the surrounding
kobolds were able to pull the two kobold wizards apart. In the struggle,
Laurelin could make out the names on the badges, at least briefly as
they occasionally vanished underneath kobold restraining arms. One of
the offended parties was named “Nystul”, while the other had the rather
unlikely name “Magic”.

Finally, the list of Laurelin’s spells that interested the kobolds was
agreed; the assembled wizards were clearly believers in the “greater
good”, and were, with only a few stridently vocal exceptions, content
with collective bargaining. “Now, Tall Wizard,” Otto Gold stated after
reviewing a chalk boarded list of what the kobolds wanted, “what are YOU
wanting in trade? What sorts of spells does Tall Wizard want?”

Laurelin did not have to think for long. “Something that will make it
harder to be damaged in combat.”

Otto nodded. “Kobold can see that. Tall People wizards behave VERY
strangely for wizards. Always running INTO battle, when wizards should
be letting OTHERS do the fighting. You and other Tall People wizard were
getting far too chewed up; should be sensible and let meat shields take
the aggro. Not that your meat shields appeared much smarter. Kobolds
have decided Tall People all have racial Intelligence penalties and
mostly use that as a dump stat. Makes kobolds wonder how any of you
survive and get intelligence high enough to make 6th list, poor things.”

The elven priestess grimaced. “I did get a bit nibbled upon,” she
admitted. “But I do not recall Finfin taking anything like the damage I
did.” This may have been, perhaps, a bit of a sore point with her,
leading to her renewed desire for defensive combat magics.

Otto merely shrugged. “Kobold not know what a Finfin is,” the wizard
confessed. “Kobold meant other silver hair, the one with pointy wings
like YOU.”

“Ears,” Lastai corrected. “Wings is the flappy ones for flying, ears is
what Tall People plug up to keep from hearing sensible ideas.”

“Ears,” Otto agreed. “Pointy EARS like you. Kobold still thinks wizards
have no business running TOWARDS battle, but if that Tall People way,
who is kobold to judge.” Otto gave an indifferent shrug, and then added,
“But you are not the MOST gung-ho of Tall People group, maybe not rush
in and get kilt where kobolds can’t salvage spellbooks. Very bad. So
what spells does wizard want?”

Attentively, a junior wizard whose badge said ‘Bigby’ stood by the
chalkboard, ready to take notes.

“Dragon scales would be nice,” Laurelin began from the top of her list.
That spell name sent a hiss of consternation among the collected kobold
wizards.

“How does Tall Person KNOW about deep dark sekrit kobold spell?” Otto
asked, his voice full of suspicion. His question seemed to echo the
concerns of all the other chattering among the kobolds.

“Tall Person knows sekrit spell,” squeaked one kobold indignantly.

“Doesn’t that mean we have to kill it,” another asked doubtfully. “That
always bother kobold, seems kind of unfriendly and Mother would not like.”

“Maybe Tall Person has dragon blood,” a kobold suggested. Laurelin found
herself the center of attention for a moment as the kobold wizards
considered this, many of them sniffing doubtfully.

“Doesn’t SMELL like dragon,” one finally commented, and a chorus of nods
agreed.

“That mean nothing, lots of spells to cover up scent,” pointed out a
kobold whose medallion said ‘Fool’. “Besides, dragons mostly know
polymorph.”

“That no polymorphed dragon, Fool Amethyst,” noted a kobold whose
white-gold medallion glowed softly and read ‘Tenser’. “I know a bit
about transformations, after all. So how does Tall Person know about our
heritage top sekrit dragon blood spell?”

“It is on a list we wizards consult,” Laurelin replied evenly.
“Maintained on something wizards informally call The Web”.

“Damn spiders,” Otto growled, but made no effort to deny the spell’s
existence. “Kobold hate spiders,” agreed one of the others among the
crowd. At his gesture, the note keeping kobold Bigby chalked the spell’s
name to the top of what would be a growing list.

“Fiery shield would be nice,” Laurelin continued.

“Waaaaah!” several kobolds exclaimed from the back ranks, and Otto
explained, “Kobolds allergic to fire.”

“Crustacean carapace would be good,” Laurelin added.

At Otto’s gesture, this spell was added to the list. “Kobold learn this
one observing big mean crawdads in the river. Next?”

Laurelin did not need to refer to any external notes, and proceeded to
mention the next spell on her memorized shopping list. “Dragon skin,”
she said simply.

Otto nodded sagely, gesturing for this spell to be added to the list.
“Funny, Beekin just promised to teach bard version of this to nice
silver hair with pale skin and no death wish,” the gold badged
spokeswizard mused. “Every kobold spellcaster wants this spell. Kobold
not surprised crazy elf lady want this spell.”

The kobold wizard blinked, and added, “Or wait, that was a different
dragon spell kobold is supposed to die before revealing. Sorry, spell
trade may be delayed while kobold does the honorable thing…”. He made a
slicing motion with one claw near his throat before reconsidering.
Sidling up closer, he whispered, “Unless we all just make this our
little sekrit.”

“All those spells are supposed to be sekrit,” ‘Tenser’ nodded. “Maybe
simplest to declare this Tall People honorary kobold?”

“Keep sekrit like kobold, and it’s all good,” declared Lastai. All the
kobolds nodded eagerly, pleased with this elegant solution to a thorny
problem. “Tall Person will need amulet of achievement, and must choose a
callsign.”

Laurelin nodded her agreement, and went on to the next spell on her
mental bucket list. “Spider skin.”

Otto shook his head sadly, and explained in slow, simple words to the
Tall Person that, while undoubtedly a genius, was suffering from some
cultural blindness. “Kobold not DO spiders,” he explained as if to a
hatchling fresh from the egg.

“Earth shield?” Laurelin asked. “No spiders involved.”

This certainly had Otto’s attention. “Kobold think that sounds like a
great spell,” the spokeswizard admitted. “Bring kobold a copy when you
find it.”

“The next would be Draconic might,” Laurelin continued.

Now, Otto truly did look impressed. “Kobold can teach you this, for a
high price, because it’s another one of those big sekrit spells we have
cuz kobolds has DRAGON blood. But since you is now honorary kobold, iz
all good.” For all that it was a sekrit, the spell name was added to the
chalkboard list with the others.

“Nezrams sapphire screen of shielding,” Laurelin next stated.

“Dat MY spell!” an electrum badged kobold exclaimed excitedly. As
expected, the spellcaster’s name, according to the brass badge with a
clear crystal, was indeed Nezram. “Only,” the kobold admitted sadly,
“kobold has never heard of spell. What it do? Kobold only know two
Nezram spells, and one of them too powerful to master yet.”

Laurelin explained, and both Nezram and the spokeswizard were clearly
fascinated. “Kobold is impressed,” Nezram admitted. “Kobold has never
heard of this, but kobold WANT.”

“The next,” Laurelin continued, “would be Iggaria’s Demonic Resistances.”

“Aaaaaack!” a number of the junior wizards yelled. “Demons! Run away!!!”
This spell, like those involving spiders, was not added to the list,
even after the induced panic died down.

“Cloak of the sea?” the elven priestess/wizard asked hopefully.

Otto nodded thoughtfully. “Kobold has read about sea, but did not know
it had a cloak you could loot after defeating it. Let kobold know how
that works out for you.”

Laurelin shrugged; it had been a long shot. “Chain Lightning?” she asked
hopefully.

The spokeswizard rubbed its claws together eagerly. “NOW we are talking!
Kobold wizard love this spell, but almost never gets to use it. Way too
flashy for top secret undercover kobold resistance to be blowing up SJE
with.”

“Claws of digging looks kind of fun,” the priestess/wizard suggested.

“Ooooooo,” Otto exclaimed. “If kobold trade you this, maybe kobold not
have to do so much digging for Upwinder secret underground base! Kobold
make BIG discount if you sign agreement to dig instead of kobold.”

“That will keep Tall Person busy for a while,” chortled Leomund.

“Not if Prophecy come true and we leaving,” pointed out a kobold whose
medallion said Drawmij.

“Don’t make kobold laugh,” scoffed another who appeared to go by Tasha.

“There is, of course, an old classic,” Laurelin stated, moving down her
mental list. “Contingency.”

“Kobold will make you a special deal on this,” Otto whispered
conspiratorially, “and only rip you off a little since you blowed up
those SJE evil high priests real good. They turn kobold’s family into
zombies, kobold not happy with them.”

“Thank you, I think, and you are certainly most welcome,” Laurelin
replied. “Next would be Contact nalfshenee.”

Otto looked blankly at the priestess until she explained that it was a
divination spell used to obtain demonic guidance. The spokeswizard’s
only answer was to stare back incredulously at the Tall Person wizard.
Finally, he answered guardedly, “Kobold beginning to have serious doubts
about elf lady who keeps asking about demon and spider spells.”

“Then you may not like this next one,” Laurelin predicted. “Decapitate?”

There was again some internal discussion, and the electrum badged wizard
mused, “Kobold wizard thinks that spell sounds kind of sick, and is
betting ‘Mother’ would not approve.” In a quiet voice it hoped would not
carry across the HQ, whispered, “So if you get it and come back to trade
it, we keep it on the down-low.”

“Disintegrate?” Laurelin asked.

Otto Gold looked at the now lengthy list on the chalkboard. “Kobold
would trade this to you, but something tells kobold you have enough
choices already. But if you really want it, kobold can make you an awful
deal.”

“Dragon shape, the lesser variation?” was her next request.

Otto fairly seethed with indignation. “That does it! Kobold filing
grievance with union, kobold was told all these dragon spells was kobold
sekrit.”

“Drake Form III?”

Once again, Otto looked long and hard at the priestess/wizard, and
finally shook his head. “Kobold is beginning to wonder if crazy none too
bright elf lady wizard was a dragon in a previous life. If tall crazy
elf lady wizard wants to turn into dragon she came to the right kobold.
Bad news is it doesn’t last very long, but Upwinder Labs is still
working on that.”

“Glimpse of the Prophecy,” was Laurelin’s next suggestion.

However, Otto shrugged dismissively. “Kobold has never seen the point of
this spell. He can read Prophecy any time he wants.”

“And finally,” Laurelin concluded, “two classics. Legend Lore and True
Seeing.”

“Kobold has those,” the spokeswizard agreed. “Uses the first to figure
out latest wicked nasty items SJE have crafted that fall into Upwinder
hands, but never carries the second, as ‘Mother’ and some of the other
clerics has it.”

“By my mental tally,” the kobold wearing the badge which identified it
as Lastai spoke up. “That’s a total of 60 spell ranks Tall Person with
Pointy Ears but no Silver fur on head and no medallion of achievement
has expressed interest in. We would want 180 ranks in return, plus the
traditional 100 GP per rank finder’s fee, so that would be a total of
6,000 GP.”

“The good news,” announced the kobold with the Leomund badge, flicking
beads on an abacus. “Kobolds can loan Tall Person a workdesk and crash
space while you nerd away for over a week. No extra charge.”

All the kobolds looked toward the kobold scaled writing desks and cots
neatly lined up over next to some shelves built to the same diminutive
standard. “We’re gonna need a bigger bed,” predicted one of the steel
badged kobolds.

“Kobold’s back is sore just thinking about it,” agreed another.

“Ink and writing stuff is no problem,” Leomund continued. “We can throw
those in at standard rates, so that would work out to another 6,000 GP.”

“Or, perhaps,” Lastai suggested gently. “Tall nameless Person might
consider prioritizing and trade only for what they have time for? Not
that you are unwelcome to move in with us for over a week.”

“But, but, SHINEYS,” protested a chorus of kobold voices indignantly.

“I will go with a contingency and dragon scales for now,” Laurelin
decided. “Would it be okay if I came back later for some of the other
stuff?”

“Any time you gots gold, kobolds have spells to trade,” Otto Gold
assured Laurelin, and the other Upwinder wizards enthusiastically echoed
this sentiment.