Fwd: The challenge has become greater still
Patricia Sexton
From: Howard Maltby <hmal...@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Aug 16, 2014 at 7:54 PM
Subject: The challenge has become greater still
To:
Dear beloved family and friends.
Yesterday, August 15, I had a follow up appointment with my New Jersey medical oncologist who has managed my case since June. The treatment plan was 3 weeks of once a week chemotherapy infusions, and the fourth week was the follow up to determine the effectiveness of the chemo medication, and whether or not to continue with the same drugs or change. It was made clear from the beginning that there was no cure for the type of cancer I have. Also, the drugs used for this treatment round would, at best, delay the spread of the cancer.
At my appointment, it was determined that the surface lesions of the cancer spread further on my arm. Some of these lesions are open wounds. What had been painful areas due to shingles, was now cancerous lesions, just as painful. My right hip has become increasingly painful from an unknown cause. One cause may be a pinched nerve, but the more likely reason may be that to alleviate the pain I have on my left shoulder blade, I put more pressure on my right hip. There is no part of the day when I am free of pain. At best, it is a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10, with ten being the greatest pain.
When the other chemo drug option was considered I was reminded that the side effect almost everyone gets, is an acne-like rash over all the body. Also, this other drug, would at best, add four to six weeks to my span of life. This is when I made the most difficult decision of my life. I have decided to end treatments in order to have a higher quality of life that includes the lowest level of pain possible while still retaining a level of awareness and ability to function.
My immediate family supports my decision. I expect to be leaving the rehab facility by the end of next week and under hospice care at my sister and brother-in-laws’ home in New Jersey. This was a decision I knew I would have to make, I just didn’t know when. Like so many aspects of this journey, knowing anything for certain has been an impossibility.
I’m sorry to do this but, I discourage visits and phone calls. A side effect of my pain medication is a dry mouth. This makes it difficult to speak on the phone for long, as well as I have only one arm which moves, so it is uncomfortable to hold the phone with my good arm for more than several minutes. I can’t promise a response to an email, unless it deals with something I feel requires one. Your cards are the brightest part of my day. Plus Hallmark is giving me a commission. ;-) [My address here is c/o The Shlossmans, 9 Whitman Ave. Metuchen, NJ 08840]
Some of you may have read the last couple of emails and interpreted my words as preparation for this one. For those of you caught off guard, I regret the unpastoral method used to communicate such news. For St Albans’ members this also means that I will be unable to return for a “good bye.” I need medical transport just to go back to my sister’s home. Mother Alice Haynes will be working on how grieving happens in a parish setting, and on closure of our relationship.
This is the most difficult message I’ve ever sent. I had no idea the part I’ve played in so many lives. It stinks that it took these circumstances to bring out this information. Likewise, my reserved nature restrained me from expressing the level of love and overall high regard in which I hold you. Well, it’s true. I love you all and think you’re great! I’m not going to guide how and for what I think you should pray for in regards to me. I know there are many different manners used in praying for me. Please don’t change. What is in good order is my spiritual life. I know nothing but comfort and joy in my spiritual life. The pain has not overtaken my relationship with God, because it is God who brings relief. I trust that it will be God carrying me through to the end. I pray that God will be with you through whatever process you need to find peace as my journey ends.
Love, Howard