Dolphins vs. Jests: Primetime Home Opener!

[Zach Binney]

I just whacked myself on the foot to make sure I wasn't dreaming, and
it's true: our Dolphins are 2-0 after winning two games in hostile
road environments to open the season!

Now we get the Jests. Dirty Sanchez scored 3 TDs last week, but if you
put ME up there behind their O-line against what passes for a pass
rush in New England, I'd have thrown at least three...nah, FOUR dozen.
'Course then I'd have to kill myself because I'd be a...ye Gods, I
can't even say it. Fortunately, our pass rush looks much more like
Baltimore. I hope Wake doesn't eat too many burritos, 'cause he's
gonna get a mouthful of Mexican QB this week.

Point is, let's run these scumbags into the ground! Sure it's a
nationally televised game, but you know it just won't be the same at
home on your couches, where your spouses and children will call the
shrink when you start coloring yourself orange, howling like a wolf,
and repeatedly spelling the word "Jets" followed by a triply-repleted
expletive.

Pat Surtain, Sam Madison, and ZACH THOMAS are honorary captains for
Sunday night's game. Join them and us and let's make those Jests fans
turn the green they inexplicably adore.

Braylon's gonna need a drink after gettin' draped by Vontae all night.