NEWS: Right here, right now! The Evolution of Money, Sex, and Power across Cultures and Communities.
Eric N. Best, Ph.D.
questions about the functionality (or not)
of 'normal' monogamous relationships.
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Newsletter |
Evolving Enlightenment via "Real" Community
MONEY,
SEX, & POWER
What do the world's various cultures
offer?
What does science tell us?
What does "Real" Community offer?
Yes indeed.... "Money, Sex & Power" ... (MS&P) ... the three arenas which seem to challenge just about all of humanity in one or more ways. Yet some cultures seem to have an easier time with it than others. They seem to be happier, more content, and life flows easier for them. If we do value flow, happiness, and ease; well then perhaps it is truly worthwhile to take an honest look at what the world's various cultures offer when it comes to "MS&P"... and that certainly includes our own.
The challenge and the opportunity is to consciously "Separate the wheat from the chaff!" Can we honestly inquire and learn from all this tremendous information which is so easily available to us now? And what about science? Where does the exploding amount of scientific information on what it is to be human, fit into this? Virtually ALL cultural stances on MS&P have been developed and perpetuated long before science (functional MRI scans, blood chemistry studies, etc.) was around... including our own USA version of MS&P. We so eagerly pounce upon the latest science when it comes to a new medical advance. Are we now ... you & I .... capable of incorporating the latest scientific knowledge about MS&P into our lives so we can be happier; or are we locked into living out the same MS&P paradigms our parents and grandparents lived through?
The answer is a resounding "YES... we can learn, incorporate new info, and purposely create a much better life for ourselves and our children. Ironically the science is now there on the very process of 'learning' and it can guide us into being able to move into more fully functional, life-supportive, avenues of "MS&P".
There is another irony present. Namely that this need in our world for higher human functioning is so strong now, just as the ability to manifest it is coming into being. Most all of us are aware of the increasingly rapid change process in the world. Do we want to leave our future and our children's future to chance? To the power maneuvers of huge corporations? To the currently oh so inept bumbling of governmental entities? The answer I hear from almost everyone is a resolute " NO ! ". And at the same time I increasing hear a call for more "Community".... even when that subject and its evolution is not fully understood.
Here are some of the "YES" answers which are emerging for us now. Welcome to an extraordinary opportunity, and extraordinary time to be alive. These are some of the current aspects of our global human reality, regarding MS&P and the unfolding creative process in front of us. See what you think.
In Love of Community, Learning, & Sharing, Eric
(PS: MS&P is a large topic. If it was 'easy' to successfully handle it, it would have been done long ago. So here is a fair amount of material here to consider and digest. Give yourself time here to read, honestly reflect and to integrate all of it. Then see the very last web-link here for your action forward.)
An Image ... in our culture.
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If there ever was a 'power couple' in our culture... an icon of what our normal culture would call a couple with "success" & status in Money, Sex, and Power; well it would be Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver !! Arnold the 7 time world champion body builder who then moved into movies and became incredibly 'successful' in a host of films. And after that, he became governor of California...for two terms. Wow! Maria Shriver, part of the politically endowed Kennedy clan with all of its money and inherent power. A young, attractive woman with money, power and status behind her. What can you say?! The conventional media gave us pictures like this one, with the smiling happy couple illustrating everything we might strive for !! "What more could we ask for?" would seem to be implied. |
The reality ....
But how misleading that image was !! Here's the pic of Arnold, head bowed in shame and embarrassment, in official divorce proceedings after it was discovered that he had a sexual affair with their live-in housekeeper, fathered a child with the housekeeper, and the child was raised there under the nose of Maria for years. If their relationship illustrated anything, it was about primitive forces of MS&P being in control while subscribing to a contracted and negative ignorance about male sexuality. Lies, power manipulations, etc. being the only way known to Arnold for dealing with women. Far from success, this relationship was a huge failure for both people involved. Yet remember it was the media good 'icon' presented to us. |
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Another culture's "icon"......
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At
the same time as Arnold was
boosting and bragging as our
cultural icon, yet screwing, and
lying behind his wife's back;
here is another culture's
MS&P manifestation half a
world away. In Afghanistan (Pakistan, India, etc.) there are a number of cultural scenarios where if the male and religious dominance of female activities and/or 'relationships' is not strictly adhered to; then it is perfectly acceptable to throw acid on a woman's face, cut off her nose, stone her to death, or simply kill her if she is raped, in order to salvage the family's "honor".. Remember these are the daughters of a father and a mother, members of a family system where assumedly the children are loved; and yet there is a belief system present which completely overrides any natural loving, protective mechanism and allows... even requires... such atrocities to be conducted on a woman by the family. Such is the power of belief systems shrouded in ignorance and empowered with fear and cultural "should's". It can overcome the natural loving/caring instincts in us humans, with tremendously destructive results and incredible injustices. |
Pope Francis confirms priests' abuse of nuns included "sexual slavery"
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pope-francis-priests-nuns-sexual-slavery-abuse-saint-jean-order-france/And In response he proclaims: "The devil is attacking the church."
The Vatican announced on
Saturday that ex-Cardinal Theodore McCarrick,
once the archbishop of Washington, has been expelled
from the priesthood after being found
guilty of sexually abusing minors for decades.
McCarrick was for decades one of the most
powerful figures in the American Catholic
church.
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/02/pope-francis-mccarrick-catholic-sex-abuse-scandal.html
.August 14th, 2018 300 Catholic Priests and over 1000 victims.
Bishops and other leaders of the Roman Catholic Church in Pennsylvania covered up child sexual abuse by more than 300 priests over a period of 70 years, persuading victims not to report the abuse and law enforcement not to investigate it, according to a searing report issued by a grand jury on Tuesday.
The report, which covered six of the state’s eight Catholic dioceses and found more than 1,000 identifiable victims, is the broadest examination yet by a government agency in the United States of child sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. The report said there are likely thousands more victims whose records were lost or who were too afraid to come forward.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/14/us/catholic-church-sex-abuse-pennsylvania.html
And in case you think this
distortion is limited somehow only to
Catholicism, consider this:
380 Southern
Baptist leaders and volunteers
accused of sexual misconduct
2/11/19 "Ultimately, we compiled
information on 380 credibly accused officials
in Southern Baptist churches, including
pastors, deacons, Sunday school teachers and
volunteers," the newspapers said. "We verified
that about 220 had been convicted of sex
crimes or received deferred prosecutions in
plea deals."
Update: 6/10/19 Nearly 400 Southern Baptist leaders have pleaded guilty or were convicted of sex crimes since 1998, according to a recent investigation by two Texas newspapers.
The "Rapids of Change" in our own culture.
And back in the USA (again at the same time as Arnold's activities) one of our leading magazines jumps out with an image of a woman nursing her 3 year old son, quite openly and contentedly. Image what would happened if she had done this in Afghanistan!? And also ask yourself if you think Maria Shriver could have been completely upfront and at ease to be in this cover picture while nursing one of her children via Arnold?! So here we have several scenarios with humans living on this planet at the same time, yet exhibiting vastly different behaviors when it comes to "money, sex, and/or power". All are humans... just like you and me. Yet what makes for the differences in behavior? And more importantly perhaps, how do we evaluate the outcome of the behaviors? Each in their own context, their own culture, would likely say in one way or another..... "This is fine. This is the way it is supposed to be." Yet obviously the results differ and dramatically so. How do we... you and I .... make sure we and our handling of MS&P is not trapped blindly into some version of "This is the way it is supposed to be."? How can we objectively seek out that which truly supports and uplifts life? |
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A challenging question
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The answer to
searching for the reality of "What
is the best path?" would seem to lie
(ironically, given how emotional,
MS&P can be) at least in part,
in science and rationality. Here Time magazine reports on the medical science which is showing how GOOD it is for us to have an active and fulfilling sex life. The flow of hormones, the experience of tension release / relaxation, the stimulation of our senses, heightened energy, and stimulation of tissue regeneration. All good news if you value healthy living and a healthy body. Now note that their cover title involves the usage of the phrase "LOVE LIFE"... when it really is reporting on our "SEX LIFE". Another cultural distortion? Is love and sex really the same thing? Are we allowing ourselves to have another cultural distortion to be pulled over our heads? It's a difficult question when we are so strongly exposed to suggestions that love and sex are the same thing. Remember the old "Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage." ? (That is "marriage" as the supposed 'right' vehicle in which to be sexual and therefore have children) If "love" and "sex" are the same thing, then why does it not work any time a couple 'falls out of love', for them to simply have sex again and be immediately back in "love"? |
What about reproduction and relationship ?!
Sometimes our media capture some elemental 'truth' about some unresolved, 'sticking point' in our cultural development. Are we're still "stuck" in the model of adolescent and early adulthood "sexual mating & procreating" without more mature & knowledgeable alternatives to use as time passes. This recent cartoon illustrates one aspect (the empty nest syndrome) of our dilemma very clearly.
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A sub-culture within our own
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Here is a reality show, "Sister
Wives", illustrating an apparently
appealing (given
the popularity of the show)
look into a non-monogamous
subculture of ours: Polygamy
While "Sister Wives" is about a real
life polygamous group marriage, it
is not the only such tv series to
become popular. Before it, was "Big
Love", a popular and fictional tv
series about the in's and out's of a
polygamous family in the hidden
areas of Mormon life still operating
in the USA. The picture here is appealing in the sense of the smiles and indeed playfulness of the man and his wives. Yet current reality intruded, in that the family (because of the exposure the tv show gave them) had to move out of Utah to avoid prosecution. Yet even here, the rapids of change, challenge that state's laws. |
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March 2014; 'Sister Wives' family wins Utah polygamy lawsuit..... reads the news article headline.
A district judge in Utah, ruled Friday that key parts of the state's polygamy laws are unconstitutional, a victory for the Brown family, feature on the TLC reality show 'Sister Wives'. There are an estimaged 38,000 fundamentalist Mormons who practice or believe in polygamy.
Kody Brown (above) poises with his wives, from left, Janelle, Christine, Meri and Robyn in a promotional photo for TLC's reality show, 'Sister Wives.' Advocacy groups for polygamy and individual liberties on Saturday, hailed a federal judges ruling that key parts of Utah's polygamy laws are unconstitutional, saying it will remove the threat of arrest for those families.
U.S. District Judge Clark Waddoups said in the decision handled down Friday that a provision in Utah law forbidding cohabitation with another person violated the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which guarantees basic rights, including freedom of religion. The ruling was a victory for Kody Brown and his four wives who star in the hit TLC cable TV reality show 'Sister Wives' and other fundamentalist Mormons who believe polygamy brings exaltation in heaven.
Sexual History.... and Women's power / liberation ...
can you believe "Native Americans" had a good hunk of it !!
Native American Marriage
The debate over
marriage in American society and the fears
expressed by some conservatives that allowing
diversity will somehow destroy the institution
of marriage has been interesting (at some
times amusing) to watch. While there appear to
be some who feel that there is only one kind
of marriage, in reality there are many options
regarding marriage. In order to provide some
additional depth to an understanding of the
complexity of human marriage, I would like to
discuss traditional Native American marriage.First, however, a caution: at the beginning of the European invasion there were several hundred separate and distinct Indian cultures, each with their own view of marriage. I am about to talk about Indian marriage in very broad terms and realize that there are many exceptions to some of the generalizations which I’m about to make.
In American society, part of the discussion about marriage is really about sex. While sex was a part of traditional Native American marriage, marriage was not about sex. Prior to marriage, young people were expected to engage in sexual activities. Sex was not confined to marriage.
The Europeans, and particularly the missionaries, had a great deal of difficulty in understanding that women had power in Indian society and that they had the right to sexual freedom. Indian societies were not organized on the patriarchal, monogamous norms of European society. Christian missionaries were deeply shocked and offended by the fact that Indian women were allowed to express their sexuality. At the same time, many of the European men were delighted by this.
For the full article see: Native American Marriage
Now again, 1/2 way around the world in the other direction....
"No Wars, No Murder, No Rape" reads the 1998 L.A. Times
headline about a female dominated culture.
 "No wars, no murder, and no rape; would indeed seem to be a desirable scenario. Yet the men in this culture are looked down upon, as being next to worthless. How can we separate the wheat from the chaff here? If not 'perfect', what can we take away from this example? |
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Another variation in our own culture
... and its growing!
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These were some casual friends of mine
who developed a group marriage in Los
Angeles. Lyn & Phylis's marriage
nearly ended. But in an effort to
avoid that, they decided to try for a
group marriage, where there would be 3
women and 3 men. A total of 6, they
thought would be ideal. They dubbed
their new marriage "Phoenix".... as in
the phoenix rising from the ashes.
They had another couple join them. So
now it was a 4-some. But Lyn and the
other man butted heads and the other
guy left the scene. His wife Ann,
decided to stay with Lyn and Phylis. I had the opportunity to see this whole scenario play out over some 20 years or so. At one point they invited me to join the three of them. I declined. I had no personal reservations about the sexual connections. What was missing for me was the lack of any 'higher purpose' beyond the multiple sexual partners scenario. Now the fascinating thing here is that the average duration of a 'normal' two-some marriage in the USA is something like 8 years; this Phoenix three-some union lasted for some 17 years! After about the first year, sexual jealousy was definitely NOT an issue between the women. Indeed the two women were incredibly close (without being bi-sexual) and while there definitely were arguments and disputes at times; more often than not, it was the two women united on one side against Lyn on the other side. |
Phoenix's poly relationship above was partially influenced and supported by the "UV Family" and an article the family published long ago in 'IN CONTEXT' journal. Their insights into 'relationships' was extraordinary as one of their beginning statements indicate: "LIVING UNEDITED LIVES Intent on reaching truth, we found that the first door we needed to go through was honesty - absolute honesty." Here's a couple of introductory paragraphs of their article followed by a link to the complete and fascinating story.
The Possible
Relationship
by the UV Family
Basic principles from an innovative relationship
The U.V. Family are a major part of
the guest editing team for this issue. They
travel and live in a motorhome that they
designed and built (U.V. = ultimate
vehicle), and all follow the financial
independence program described by one them,
Joe Dominguez, in the Summer 1983 issue of
IN Context, so they are free to be of
service wherever they travel. In this
article, they more fully describe what they
have learned through their own remarkable
relationship.
SOMEWHERE AROUND 1980 it dawned on us that as long-time explorers of new ways to accomplish the essential human task of forging loving relationships, we might have some responsibility to share our findings. Bv not sharing our discoveries with others we remained simply adventurers, cultural renegades, but by allowing our "private lives to be public knowledge, we could serve as scouts showing others what lies on our particular path and the horizons we now see. Over the past 5 years we've packaged our particular gifts in lectures, workshops, news-letters and just "hanging out" in one-to-one communication. Whatever the form, we are always careful to emphasize that what we share is the truth of our experience. Nothing is included that hasn't been "product tested", and it is all offered in the spirit of service.
To clarify who we are: we are a mobile team of people who have been in a 15-year, live-in, loving relationship. The longer term mobile core is four, and there are several dozen others based in various parts of the world with whom we link up for days, months or even years at a time - either for specific projects or to just celebrate life together. While there are as yet no recognized ceremonies, in our culture that would sanctify an alliance such as ours, we consider our bonds with each other as life-long, total marriage commitments.
One time we added up the number of years of each pairing in our marriage and realized that we had well over 60 years of marriage experience. We offer this "longevity statistic" simply to underscore that we are talking, from experience, not theory. Durability is one measure of the viability of any organism. Can it survive through time and adversity? We have not only survived, we have thrived - through cold winters and blistering desert summers, through major projects requiring every ounce of body and soul and through minor catastrophes requiring only a good sense of the absurd. In short, our relationships one to another, all to each other and us to the larger community - work.
A good friend and futurist
recently asked us, "Is your relationship just
a product of four unique and well-matched
people, or is it pro-evolution, a workable
model for others and a harbinger of things to
come?"
The entire article is here
==> The Possible
Relationship
Like Phoenix and the UV Family above, "poly" relationships are becoming more common and increasing publicized in our culture. Here's a book and a recent magazine article written on the subject. Interestingly enough, both authors are women! With this particular relationship form..... which is definitely containing new and shifting elements of "Money, Sex, & Power"..... some are addressing these MS&P elements to gain more people connection, more financial security, more sex and the stimulation of 'new' sex via a variety of (even if only two) partners. The question is still present: "Is sex ... and its stimulating properties.... the best point of connection between you or I ... and others? Will it sustain satisfying and meaningful 'relationship' by itself? Yet some studies suggest "poly" relationships handle challenges better than monogamous relations. Science to the rescue again?
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 http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/07/multiple-lovers-no-jealousy/374697/ |
Some more informative science !!
| Here is the TRIUNE
brain below where the blue and
brown sections should be
considered together, in addition
to the grey and green; all to give
"three' evolutionarily distinct
(yet intertwined) brain regions. |
And below here is
a new playful (yet accurate)
description which essentially
expands our understanding of brain
development to 4 distinct regions.
The blue, neo-cortex (playfully
called 'Higher Porpoise')
region is indeed the newest region
and one which is increased in size
by meditation. |
(A note of appreciation here to Michael Dowd for this 4-part representation.)
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The "Money, Sex, & Power" impulses we have, come from the ancient reptilian and slightly newer mammalian regions of the brain, which have been with animal life for literally millions of years. They do not come from the cortex or certainly from the neo-cortex. Yet these cortex regions (as demonstrated by the Taliban) can override normally loving/nurturing impulses to the extent of falsely justifying death. And these same higher regions (as demonstrated by Arnold) can be used creatively, in lying, false evidence generation and manipulating ways in order to satisfy a high level of testosterone driven sexual urges.
Here is an interesting notation on our very natural, so called 'human need' for companionship. It actually comes from the mid-brain, the mammalian brain... not from the higher cortex or neo-cortex which is indeed just about unique to us humans. |
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Incredible cultural movement for us.......
(Again, note the author is a woman.)
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The Process of Change within our own culture
The process of changes within our own culture has been increasing over the last five decades at least ... and in general terms, much of it hasn't been good. Quality of life reports (from the Federal government itself) have told us of a decline for each of several decades in a row. Increasing job and financial instability ("House of Cards" references by a conservative President - George W. Bush) along often with increasingly desperate corporate power plays; create increased instability in personal lives as employment (where, when and if) varies tremendously. Increasingly isolated family structures result.... and even this is not news. Anthropologist Margaret Mead noted this decades ago.... AND ... also pointed us in the direction of a solution: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."
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Hints for "Happiness" from other cultures !!
 No life
negative religious belief systems
here.
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When Captain
Samuel Wallis of the HMS Dolphin brought
news of the discovery of Tahiti in 1767
to England, the British believed that
they had truly found a paradise. "We have discovered a large, fertile, and extremely populous island in the South Seas.... 'Tis is impossible to describe the beautiful Prospects we beheld in this charming spot; the Verdure is as fine as that of England, there is great Plenty of Live Stock, and it abounds with all the choicest Productions of the Earth." Tahiti and some of the other Polynesian islands had a combination of qualities that was unique. They had been left entirely alone since mankind first came to live in them, and they had all the needs of human life and comfort. So the people had an opportunity nobody else had ever had. Unthreatened and untaught, they created a society and a religion on the basis that there was plenty of everything for everyone, and nobody had to be either poor or rich. They were perfectly content with what they had, and never yearned for more. The islanders made sure that everyone had what he needed by a custom of mutual giving. It was not trade, because they had no money; nor was it barter. A Tahitian would give anything to anyone who needed it, and expected nothing in exchange except the knowledge that if he was ever in need himself, somebody would do the same for him. As a matter of course, they gave food to anyone who was away from his home and hungry, and with equal innocence they gave the pleasure of sex to anyone who was hungry for that. If a man's canoe was wrecked, his house blown down, or his net torn by sharks, his neighbours would give him their own and set to work to help him build another canoe or house or make another net. Kind and Gentle and Astonishingly Generous The eighteenth-century explorers reported the end-results of this unusual civilization, but never understood how it worked. They observed that Tahitians were kind and gentle and astonishingly generous, and above all that they were happy - always full of fun, always laughing - unless they were frightened or upset by a glimpse of cruelty, when they burst into tears. They always wept, men and women, when sailors were flogged, and begged the officers to forgive the offenders. What a note: ("And above all, they were happy !") http://www.mariposagroup.us/tahiti.htm |
(More Science)
NIH Cross Cultural Analysis of Violence & Kindness
Interestingly enough there is some rather insightful cross cultural work which is also relevant here in the context of examining religious negative thought patterns and violence. A Neuropsychologist at NIH (Institute of Child Health and Human Development), James W. Prescott, wrote "Body Pleasure and the Origins of Violence" first published in The Futurist, April 1975 and reprinted (amazingly enough) in The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientist, in November 1975. Using multiple works by cultural anthropologists, Prescott statistically correlated the presence of violence in a culture (along with negative religious beliefs) with the presence or absence of affectionate human touch (particularly during child rearing, but extending into adolescent and adult life also). The outcome of his work (with a statistical chance of error of 1 in 125,000) was captured by: "We seem to have a firmly based principle: Physically affectionate human societies are highly unlike to be physically violent."
Often the south seas, polynesian cultures such as Tahiti; were prime examples of a non-violent, highly affectionate society without any traces of negative, religious thoughts such as "original sin", "karma", etc.
Japanese Science on
The verbalization of "Love".
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power of creating loving community... as we set our intent to do so.
Statistical Science on current "Relationship Happiness" in the USA.
Here is one woman's note on the need for creating other forms of "relationship": "The American myth of love and marriage is a recipe for emotional disaster. We still pay lip service to the notion that young people will fall in love and meet each other’s physical and emotional needs for the rest of their lives. That’s obviously ridiculous, but we have no other model of a “good” relationship." --- Sirenita |
Relationships: Do We Need Another Model? Regarding marriage relationship "happiness", a study on marriage success done by Lee Lillard, Ph.D. at the Santa  Monica, California
"think tank", The RAND Corporation
in the late 1990's; found that out
of 6 typical marriages in the
U.S., 3 ended in divorce (no big
news there), but of the remaining
3, only 1 rated itself (by both
man and woman) as "happy".
Overall result: approximately
only 1 out of 6 marriages could be
seen as being happy. Not too
encouraging.In 2010, from the Pew Research Foundation: 41% of young Americans believe that marriage is becoming 'obsolete". In just this one year of 2010 the percentage of married couples is down 5%. Now, in 2010, only 51% of American couples are married and the trend line is down. |
Regarding the ending of a marriage or partnership, at least in terms of it being vibrantly alive', and particularly with regard to having children; here is an insightful response from Hal & Sidra Stone, both Ph.D. psychologists in Los Angeles, renown for their effective "Voice Dialogue" therapeutic process; where they eloquently & briefly explain a very, very common answer to the question of "When did your marriage / partnership end?"
 https://youtu.be/EXYi1rbOaWI Why
this common effect of having a
child in our culture? The lack of
real community perhaps?
Compare to the following
article
on the ZOE tribe !!
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More "hints" for us in the quest for happiness, satisfying relationships and community !!
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Here's the youtube video on this aspect of the Zoe tribe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASIOhfk_cuQ
A quick summary might be:
- There are and have been a world wide variety of ways of dealing with "Money, Sex, and Power" for a long time.
- Some seem to be more repressive and violent. Others seem to much freer and happier.
- There
is a deep intertwining between
the elements of money, sex, and
power.... the basic human needs.
- The "happier" cultures seem to have a great deal of "community" present in one form or another.
- The increased flow of information via the web is making all of this more open, observable, and accelerates the rate of change itself.
- Science
is being brought into play as
never before in evaluating the
likely outcomes of living one
lifestyle or another.
- This
rapid change brings both
challenge and opportunity to
us. To the degree that we live
in fear, oppression and
indebtedness; there can be a
strong movement into dogma and
resisting change.
- Women seem in some ways to be leading the process of change in the western cultures, with men somewhat lagging behind. They are advocating more freedom, more open mindedness, more love, and more "community".
Here are some of these women:
 Nikki, age 18, at the 2014 Rethinking Everything conference: Considering community and 'keeping an open mind'. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA93OOJdYe0 |
 Amanda, age 37, at the Rethinking Everything conference: Openness with regard to breast feeding and a lovely 'breast mandala' tattoo, along with an extraordinary idea for a 2nd tattoo. Lactation consultant for many years. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V45vb0_soac |
 Sarah (mid to late 40's) at the May 2014 Integral Living Room conference, on incorporating all perspectives and 'mating with all the peacocks'. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMnsXuiAmvg |
 Helen Fisther, Ph.D, (age 69) a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University. Speaking on the 3 brain systems we have for "love": The sex drive - lust. Romantic love - elation, giddiness, euphoria .... Attachment - feeling of comfort that comes with long term relationship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfOd_1apOfU |
 Robie (mid 30's) on living a "Sex Positive" life style with her partner. From a conventional point of view, her orientation would be mind blowing. ( I plead guilty here regarding.... :-) ) https://youtu.be/ms0l4iNaf0g (2007 video) |
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From
Doctor Sylvia M. (mid 60's) On
the destructive heritage of the
Abrahamic religions.
( Most well
known: Judaism, Christianity and
Islam)
PMH Atwater
(late 60's) is an extensive
researcher into "Near Death
Experiences" (NDE). “To come near to God is to change” is a cryptic Christian statement of a great truth. It's fascinating that approximately 80% of people who have a Near Death Experience, end up shortly thereafter divorcing or breaking off their current relationship.
Regarding "MS&P"we have covered; information from different cultures (differences in both time & location), changes in our own culture, brain system science, relationship 'success' & happiness (or not), increased health and sex, cross cultural analysis of violence and kindness / loving touch, and the increased call for "community". Yet there is more. Here are some observations on spiritual development and "relationships".... with now, some scientific backing. How does this resonate with your own 'Higher Self' or your Soul's callings for you?
Since "community", whether among two or twenty, invariably involves some gender relationships; consider that people can come together on different "levels". And amazingly enough they tend to correspond to the 3 or 4 known levels of development within our own brain system, which you saw above.
| 1) PHYSICAL
CONNECTION / SEX:
A
wonderful, uplifting
element of some
relationships.
Empowering, energizing, at
the same time relaxing and
soothing. Marvelous
stuff. Yet if that is all
there is in a
relationship, it will last
at most about 6 months.
(1 or possibly 2 years if
we are really young, the
sex is red hot and nothing
else comes along to
distract either of us.)
2) EMOTIONAL CONNECTION: The good
side: Snuggling at night,
the best of companionship
in a general sense, having
someone else there,
sharing of laughter, life,
experiences, etc. The not
so good side in terms of
emotional immaturity;
hand in glove, reverse
compatibilities. My short
comings fit right into
your strengths and vice
versa. We are dependent
upon each other in a
clinging sense. If the
relationship fits into
this last category, it
will typically last (being
vital) about 4 to 6 years
at most. The source of
the old phrase: "The seven
year itch." If the
emotional connection is
all there is, the people
may still be there after 6
years, but the vitality
has long vanished.
3) MENTAL CONNECTION: We share
the same values, the same
goals, or we have the same
"purpose". Then the
relationship has the
potential for lasting
(being vital) for a life
time. No guarantee, but
the potential is there.
Many people will have the
same goal of raising their
kids. But when the last
of the kids is out of the
nest, the marriage falls
apart. It's goal has been
accomplished. Others will
run a family business or
support their particular
religious or political
doctrine. These are
examples of mental
connections that may carry
the relationship fully for
a lifetime.
4) BEYOND THE MENTAL : Perhaps this is where the ultimate potential of community really lies with regard to relationship. It's "goal" or "purpose" is the creation of a total environment (physical, social, emotional, and mental) which supports each person in discovering and developing all aspects of themselves. It honors and helps to bring forth the deepest and the highest elements of our being without denying the basic elements; it helps the process of integrating these basic needs such that they support the natural unfoldment of our highest aspects. In this, without any reference to religiosity, it might well be called spiritual. [ Many people will tend to think of a 'spiritual' perspective on or about "love" as necessarily moving beyond "sex" or shared "emotions" for example. That's not the case. A spiritual perspective simply integrates sex and emotions into a larger, more complete arena. And if your focus right now is on shared sexual ecstasy for example, you will find nothing greater than that which is experienced at this last level of interaction where ALL aspects of your being can truly merge and flow with another! ] Your task is
not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and
find
When
soul rises to
lips, you feel the
kiss you have
wanted.
|
July
11, 2002
It's always interesting (and
pleasing) when scientific research
catches up to and confirms a
meditative/intuitive level of
understanding. Here's some
research confirming the validity of
common goals in long term,
successful relationships. [ Perhaps
in another 10 or 20 years (with our
help?) science will be able to
confirm the value of the Level 4: Real
Community type of connection
in relationship success. ]
One of the keys to a
long and loving relationship
may lie in the way you support
your mates' goals.
A recent study found a correlation between the degree of support couples demonstrated toward each person's individual goals and the success of their bond. People who perceived a high level of support for their personal goals were more likely to be satisfied with the quality of their relationship, compared to people who felt little support.
and Collective Efficacy for Collective Goals
Author(s): Marc Kaplan; James E. Maddux
Source: Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology June 2002
Vol: 21 Number: 2 Page: p157 -- p164
Publisher: Guilford Publications Inc.
Abstract: This study examined the role of personal and shared goals in marital satisfaction. Two constructs were investigated. Perceived support for personal goals was defined as the degree to which a spouse views the marital relationship as facilitating or hindering achievement of his or her personal goals. Collective efficacy for collective goals was defined as the degree to which a spouse believes that the couple is capable of accomplishing its shared goals. It was hypothesized that each variable would make a unique contribution to the prediction of marital satisfaction. Results of a survey of 117 married couples supported this hypothesis.
One final notation from psychological science - Being embedded in a dysfunctional system.
Psychology (Freud, William James, etc.) originally started out dealing with the individual. Then back in the 1950's and particularly the 60's, it started to move beyond individuals and to examine groups and their psychological behavior and interaction patterns. One particularly interesting & relevant development occurred in the 60's.. Therapists would have "problem" children referred to them for therapy by the police, teachers, or parents. The child in "acting out" some problem would be brought in to the therapist to be "fixed". In working with the psychologist (particularly if the child was removed from his/her home environment during this time), very often there would be rapid improvement. Now of course the ''fixed" child would be returned home with high praise and expectation, only to find that often in short order he or she would be brought back in with problems again.
The psychologists discovered the problem most often was not with the kid, but with the kid's family and the environment the family created. It was part of the birth source of Family Systems Therapy.
This analogy is being carried out now on and to another level; the level of the culture in which we live. It's hard to live a "normal" community-ish life (our natural social way of being for thousands of years) when the larger system in which we live (our culture) promotes so much separation, isolation, competition and dysfunctional aspects such as financial anxiety over paying the mortgage or "getting ahead" [as if simply making enough money would guarantee our happiness] or maintains a dysfunctional approach to "relationships". It, like the family system noted above, tends to produce damaged / "acting out" individuals, for whom individual psychotherapy does little good. What is required is the creation of a healthy larger system in which to live. That is a "life positive" community culture.
What doesn't work !!
Money: Millions and millions of dollars are not the answer. The research is clear, after acquiring a certain basic
amount, more money does not make us happier.
Sex: Monogamy, non-monogamy, poly-amory, polygamy, polyandry, swinging and celibacy .... ALL are
NOT the "Answer". None of these have ever produced any guarantee of long term "happiness"
for all of us.
Power: Arnold Schwarzenegger is such a brilliant example of a depleted human being, who has been
and in a certain sense, still is very, very "powerful". Yet power without love is sterile and
eventually 'self-destructive'.. Its that simple. Other examples: Al Capone, Jim Jones, David
Koresh, Hitler, and America's own little "strive to be Adolf".... Donald Trump.
What does work:
Transcending "Money, Sex & Power" ... and yet including them into a
larger commitment to LOVE & TRUTH !
Money: Get out of debt... altogether. Develop a system for you where your basic safety & security needs
are truly handled in a secure and stable manner. If you are in debt, getting out of it will give you a
tremendous feeling of increased 'power' almost immediately.
Sex: Forget about any particular sexual style as being 'right' or 'wrong', or the source of happiness. The
greatest INTIMACY... lies in you being able to share your truth of who you are (past and present)
with other humans. This includes your sexuality... thoughts, feelings, desires, experiences, etc.
With Integrity in YOUR own current sexual value system (honestly expressed - without fear),
celebrate your sexuality !
Power: Amazingly larger and larger amounts of "power" are available to us (individually & collectively), as
we move away from competition and more and more into cooperation, collaboration, inquiry, and
synergy. And this power is not sterile, but is extraordinarily "Life Positive". It sustains and
promotes life expression and evolution.... individually and collectively !
"Real" Community is an environment and a way of being within that environment which supports, enhances and uplifts life. It's as simple as that. The Tahiti culture of some 250 years ago and the Zoe amazon tribe only recently discovered; both illustrate this aspect of mutual "life support" for the individual and the group.
The movement into "Real" Community for us, in our culture now, requires something more than what was required for the Tahitians and Zo'e peoples. (They had never been contaminated with life-negative thoughts, such as "original sin" or "karmic debt".) It requires that we develop a strong intent and commitment to 'truth', loving honesty, critical thinking, and analysis... all followed by actions consistent with our discoveries. This takes courage in a culture which is still primarily locked into the lower elements of competition, isolation and fear based systems. This new, required commitment is one of manifesting "Love".
Indeed, another way to understand what "Real" community is really. It is: "Love Made Manifest!"
Some Important Notations about our process of moving into "Real" Community:
We have only three enemies in life: Ignorance, Fear and Guilt.
Fear is the central enemy. Eliminate it and the other two lose their power over us.
Debt, dogma, isolation and the lack of critical thinking; so often are the vehicles for continuing fear.
Truth & Love: There is a deep, deep interconnection between Truth & Love. Ultimately you can not
have one without the other ! To commit to "Love", you must also commit to "Truth".
To commit to "Truth", you must also commit to "Love".
The Leap into "Real" Community:
The leap out of our current culture into "Real" Community can be a scary one indeed, for on a certain level it appears to be a 'leap into the unknown'. Yet the "Real" Community development process has already begun in The Mariposa Group community. We can provide you with a 'soft' landing spot for your leap. With Love, we invite you to inquire with us.
 Eric The Mariposa Group |
 |
| Change
Process |
Tahiti
& Happiness |
Cultural
Kindness |
Love
Verbalization |
| Relationship
Success |
Zoe
Tribe & Happiness |
Summary |
Soul's
Calling 4 Levels |
| Dysfunction
System Effects |
Answers |
Real
Community |
Dr. Dieter Duhm –
Psychoanalyst
Once the
sexual prohibitions are lifted, women
react with shyness in the beginning,
then ever stronger with unreserved joy.
Many women love sex. And they love it
far more than the high laws of human
dignity allow. This is a fact that we
need to accept. Actually, why shouldn’t
it be accepted? Sexuality is a natural
function of the human organism and
generates one of the greatest pleasures
that are given to us in this earthly
life. Sexuality sometimes ambushes us
with such an irresistible power that it
would come close to insanity to
moralistically strike back. We have
lost this fight from the outset; for
“Sexus” is a superpower. Instead of
fighting this power, we should accept it
gratefully. Only then will we be able
to liberate ourselves from its tyranny.
And this is what it is about in a humane
society – humanizing its explosive
sexual powers by accepting and
integrating them into our cultural life.
Tamera Community
Free love means love
free of fear
and pretense.
The universal
communication of future
communities is a
fearless contact between
all beings of creation.
Within such a system it
would not make sense
anymore to block the
powers of love by any
sort of prohibitions.
Especially between the
sexes free love stands
for the central
principle of opening and
truth, be it mental,
spiritual, sexual
or all at once. Free
love is a given of our
existence when lies,
fear, and humiliation
have been taken out of
love. Future communities
without free love would
be a contradiction in
terms, and therefore
would not be capable of
survival.
Here's a fascinating article from Sabine. A celebration of life. https://upliftconnect.com/i-love-being-a-woman/ Sabine Lichtenfels and Dieter Duhm - Partnership as an Ideal
The leap
out of our current culture into "Real"
Community can be a scary one indeed, for on
a certain level it appears to be a 'leap
into the unknown'. Yet the "Real" Community
development process has already begun in The
Mariposa Group community. Combining all of
the best of the above, we offer financial
stability, Love & Truth, joyful creative
expression, the freedom to be really YOU;
all are our goals. The
key: "Tell the truth and support
each other's dreams!"that can't be filled, to a
fullness that can't be contained.