Preteen Masturbation Video
Karren Katon
For school-age kids, masturbation is sometimes used as self-soothing behavior. When kids feel lonely or rejected by classmates, doubt creeps in. When kids self-soothe in this age group, though, they will begin to hide their behavior from adults.
It is natural for tamariki to express their sexuality and their interest in the differences between the genders through their behaviour. How they do this depends on their stage of development. It is important to understand the difference between normal sexual behaviour and behaviour outside the expected range in each age group.
Children are curious and always wanting to learn. One of the first things they want to learn about is their bodies. They are curious about the function of each part of their body. They are curious about why their body is different from a parent or sibling of the opposite sex. We think of this as sexual because we look at this from an adult viewpoint. For a child, this is just curiosity. It just happens that some of the things that they are curious about have sexual functions.
Understanding the reasons behind a child's sexual behaviour is important. When children do not have the language, experience or ability to seek help, adults must carefully interpret the behaviour to check if the behaviour is out of the expected range.
Masturbation is one of the most common sexual behaviours that parents seek advice about. Children under 5 years of age may masturbate in public because they are not yet aware that this is not socially acceptable. Older children may also do this but it is less likely.
Masturbation is a self-soothing behaviour so it can increase when children are unsettled or feel stressed. Masturbation might become more frequent when parents separate or there is a custody dispute. At such times, parents or others can mistakenly interpret this as a sign that sexual abuse has happened. Although that is a possibility in some cases, it is also important to try and find out what other things might be causing stress for your child.
When frequent masturbation happens in these situations, it is best to provide support for your child and distract them with other activities. You can also ask them to limit the behaviour to when they are in their bedroom in private. Masturbation is of concern if your child finds it hard to stop, or when it is vigorous enough to cause self-harm.
Children and young people expressing the following behaviours need assessment. The goal of the assessment is to reach an understanding about the cause of these behaviours. This will usually need a specialist psychological or medical assessment and may need a referral for investigation by Oranga Tamariki or the police.
The content on this page is based on the Brook sexual behaviours traffic light tool. This tool has been developed for health professionals but may be of interest to parents or caregivers wanting more detailed information about how to tell the difference between normal sexual behaviour and concerning behaviour. The content on this page has been approved by the Clinical Network for Child Protection, Paediatric Society New Zealand.
The 'Sexual behaviours traffic light tool' has been developed for health professionals but may be of interest to parents or caregivers wanting more detailed information about how to tell the difference between normal sexual behaviour and concerning behaviour.
The understanding and coping with sexual behavior problems in children information sheet for parents and caregivers by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network has information on sexual behaviour in children. It includes advice on how to manage this. This is an American resource so may include content which is not relevant to a NZ audience.
The sexual development and behavior in children information sheet for parents and caregivers by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network has information on sexual development in children. This is an American resource so may include content which is not relevant to a NZ audience.
Keeping Ourselves Safe is a comprehensive child abuse prevention programme for schools, run by the NZ Police. It teachs students a range of safe practices that they can use when interacting with other people, both online and face to face.
This page last reviewed 24 May 2023.
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The aim of this article is to review the literature for information that could guide the clinical practitioner in the assessment and management of childhood masturbation. The boundary between normal and abnormal or deviant masturbation in children remains unclear. Besides the link with sexual abuse, other environmental factors and individual factors, as well as psychiatric disorders, are mentioned in relation to masturbation and sexual behaviour in general in children. However, evidence-based information is missing and, therefore, a safety management approach is advised when a clinician is confronted with childhood masturbation. We conclude that normal psychosexual development, as well as environmental and individual factors, should be considered in the assessment and management of childhood masturbation.
Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
Spanish version Masturbation in Preschoolers
DESCRIPTION Masturbation is self-stimulation of the genitals for pleasure and self-comfort. Children may rub themselves with a hand or other object. Masturbation is more than the normal inspection of the genitals commonly observed in 2-year-olds during baths. During masturbation, a child usually appears dazed, flushed, and preoccupied. A child may masturbate as often as several times each day or just once a week. Masturbation occurs more commonly when a child is sleepy, bored, watching television, or under stress. CAUSE Occasional masturbation is a normal behavior of many toddlers and preschoolers. Up to a third of children in this age group discover masturbation while exploring their bodies. Often they continue to masturbate simply because it feels good. Some children masturbate frequently because they are unhappy about something, such as having their pacifier taken away. Others are reacting to punishment or pressure to stop masturbation completely. Masturbation has no medical causes. Irritation in the genital area causes pain or itching; it does not cause masturbation. EXPECTED COURSE Once your child discovers masturbation, he or she will seldom stop doing it completely. Your child may not do it as often if any associated power struggles or unhappiness are remedied. By age 5 or 6, most children can learn some discretion and will masturbate only in private. Masturbation becomes almost universal at puberty in response to the normal surges in hormones and sexual drive. COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS Masturbation does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body. It is not abnormal or excessive unless it is deliberately done in public places after age 5 or 6. It does not mean your child will be oversexed, promiscuous, or sexually deviant. Only if adults overreact to a child's masturbation and make it seem dirty or wicked will it cause emotional harm, such as guilt and sexual hangups. COMING TO TERMS WITH MASTURBATION IN PRESCHOOLERS
- Have realistic goals. It is impossible to eliminate masturbation. Accept the fact that your child has learned about it and enjoys it. The only thing you can control is where he or she does it. A reasonable goal is to permit it in the bedroom and bathroom only. You might say to your child, "It's OK to do that in your bedroom when you're tired." If you completely ignore the masturbation, no matter where it's done, your child will think he or she can do it freely in any setting.
First try to distract your child with a toy or activity. If this fails, explain to your child: "I know that feels good, and it's okay to do it in your room or the bathroom, but do not do it in the rest of the house or when other people are around." By the time children are 4 or 5 years old, they become sensitive to other people's feelings and understand that they should masturbate only when they are alone. Younger children may have to be sent to their rooms to masturbate.
Ask your child's caregiver or teacher to respond to your child's masturbation by first trying to distract the child. If this doesn't work, they should catch the child's attention with comments such as, "We need to have you join us now." Masturbation should be tolerated at school only at naptime.
Some children will masturbate less if they receive extra hugging and cuddling throughout the day. Try to be sure that your child receives at least 1 hour every day of special time together and physical affection from you.
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Finding balance between control and passivity can be tricky. Geoff Steurer offers counsel to check masturbation without shaming in his article, A Neighbor Boy Masturbates in Front of My Kids! A Dad Asks for Help.
Many value systems discourage all self-stimulation - even this developmental type of masturbation. If that's the case, thoughtfully use the recommended responses found below to help your child avoid forming a problematic pattern with masturbation and trust that their development will lead to self-mastery and integrity.
Sexual stimulation is powerful enough to mood-alter. It may make boredom, anger, sorrow, powerlessness, or insecurities go away for at least a brief period of time. Or it may augment a happy or relaxing day.