A few days ago I was really frustrated so I tried putting her down drowsy but not sleeping and she fell right asleep! No fussing or anything. I have been doing this ever since and it's like she doesn't like to sleep on mommy anymore but wants her own space. I'm a little sad that she doesn't want me but happy that she is getting more sleep. Any other moms have a baby like this?
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I feel bad complaining about it beause I know that so many of the moms on here want their babies to sleep on their own so they can get something done. However I also think that this time is precious and all to soon she won't want mommy cuddles. I was hoping to get more of them.
lol My mom said that I was like that as a baby. My ysis was a terror though. Crying every minute that she was awake and not being held. Every baby is different and it is pretty convenient that she sleeps on her own. My house is looking like less of a disaster area now.
I know everyone says that putting baby in the same room as parents is important, but my LO does best in the crib by herself in her own room. She sleeps like a rock this way (I check the monitor frequently throughout the night). With her in her own room, we don't accidentally wake her up, and she doesn't wake us up with her little mumbles and sleep noises. But with the monitor, if she really wants us, she lets us know.
I think some babies just like sleeping on their own. My mom told me that with me, she got the message when she would try to rock me to sleep and I would lunge for the crib. She said I never was a cuddly baby, and my LO is the same way - she's not a cuddler. Unless she's sick of course, then she sure is! I think my baby is just so active that she likes the space to wiggle around on her own. I think I've got a future athlete on my hands!
A relaxing routine can help signal to the brain that it's time to go into a restful state of sleep, she says. As part of a function ga4_link123() window.dataLayer.push(JSON.parse('"event":"click_inarticle"')) nighttime routine, she suggests reading a book, listening to calming music, or meditating before climbing under the function ga4_link124() window.dataLayer.push(JSON.parse('"event":"click_inarticle"')) sheets.
Taking a function ga4_link129() window.dataLayer.push(JSON.parse('"event":"click_inarticle"')) bath before bed can help calm you since the hot water causes your core body temperature to rise, Troxel says. When you leave the bath, your body temperature falls. This mimics the decrease in temperature that occurs during sleep, which sends a message to your body that it's time for bed.
I should also admit that I raised my kids to sleep alone. At the time, there seemed to be no reasonable alternative. But in fact there are economic, environmental and emotional benefits of sleeping together. Spreading out requires large homes that are expensive to build, to heat and to power with electricity. Our sleep, in other words, has a large carbon footprint. Far from being a backward practice, co-sleeping, or at least sleeping in close proximity, may be a more enlightened, sustainable use of space and natural resources.
The Goodnight Worry program is designed to help school-age children (5-12 years old) learn to sleep alone. By developing their capacity to soothe themselves, our children master their fears. This mastery and independence will spread to other parts of their lives, adding to their sense of confidence and strength as they engage their world.
I developed the Goodnight Worry program in 2001 because I kept encountering this problem in my practice as a clinical psychologist. Over the years, I have refined this straightforward behavioral approach to solving the problem. By applying well-validated behavioral techniques, listening carefully to parents and kids, and lots of trial and error, I have discovered the specific strategies that children need to establish a habit of independent sleep.
The parents grow weary. They lie down with her on her bed until she sleeps. Later, in the middle of the night, she awakens and cries and again needs her parents to help her fall asleep. Despite their misgivings, the parents allow the child to sleep in their bed every night.
We want our children to feel confident and secure, able to relax knowing they are safe, able to seek help when they feel bad, yet able to soothe themselves when bothered by minor worries. We want our children to know their own feelings, identify anything wrong, and talk about problems. We want a balance of independence and closeness. When it comes to sleep, we want them to feel okay about coming to parents occasionally on an anxious night, yet comfortable sleeping alone on a regular basis.
Does anxiety at bedtime indicate some deep-seated insecurity? Does the fear mean there is some deeper psychological problem? Sometimes bedtime fears can be part of a bigger problem with anxiety that might need professional attention, but often, the answer is no. Every child is afraid to sleep alone sometimes. Many kids who develop chronic anxious sleep patterns do so because a habit starts and gets perpetuated, but the problem is limited to bedtime. In the rest of their lives, they are confident, no more anxious than typical children.
For other children, bedtime anxiety is just one part of broader challenges with anxiety or difficulty self-regulating emotional reactions. The child might have separation anxiety, a tendency to worry a lot, fears about illness, a lot of temper outbursts, or difficulty managing transitions. Or the child might have ADHD or a learning disability. But that does NOT mean that the sleep problem cannot get better until all those other problems improve. Fixing the sleep problem can give everyone the energy and confidence to work on the other problems.
The core of the program is getting your child to fall asleep without a parent present. You can be nearby, but your child must be alone when making the crucial transition into sleep. You will no longer be the signal that tells the child that now it is safe to sleep, so your child will stop needing you there to make that transition. Once your child gets started falling asleep without you, it will become a habit through simple repetition.
The Standard Plan sometimes needs to be modified. Some kids are just too anxious to tolerate separation from their parents for even 10 minutes. These variations are appropriate for kids who immediately get very agitated when you signal that you are about to leave them alone.
The Special Tickets Plan. This plan is best for kids who seem to get activated by the anticipation of check-ins. Instead of quietly relaxing and really trying to sleep, they stay alert and count the minutes until the next check-in. Sometimes kids stay awake for hours, frustrating everyone.
2. Set the goal. We want you to be able to sleep in your own bed the whole night. We want you to feel safe and be able to fall asleep on your own without Mom or Dad in your room. Be definite and direct. Your child can make suggestions on how best to achieve this goal, but the goal itself is not negotiable.
6. Convey your attitude that your child is able to succeed and will succeed. Your child has the capacity to sleep on his own and master his anxiety. You convey to your child through word and deed that you believe he is safe, that he has the capacity to calm himself, and that his anxiety will not hurt him. You believe that sleeping alone will help your child become a strong, confident and secure individual. Remember, when you act with confidence, you are giving your child a clear message that all is safe and there is no need to worry. I feel really good about this new plan, honey. I know you can do it! This is going to feel so much better.
The first session is usually just with the parents to provide background information. Then there is a meeting with the parents and child together. Then up to three visits with the child alone or with the parents. The total number of visits to resolve the sleep problem is typically 6-8, often fewer, rarely more. Additional visits might be needed to deal with other issues.
For families who do not live in the San Francisco Bay Area, I offer consultation for sleep problems via Zoom sessions. Feel free to call or email me to discuss options.
925-256-9696. da...@ogradywellbeing.com
If nothing is working, or your child is really upset, talk to your doctor. There may be more going on, and the two of you can work together to figure things out and help your child. Both of you deserve a restful night's sleep.
The Mother-Baby Behavioural Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame, a leading American research university, has carried out a number of studies into co-sleeping. Cosleeping.nd.edu has this to say about kids in the bed: Co-dependence is not a nasty word; indeed, co-dependence and interdependence in general is indispensable to maximize healthy human development and is especially critical for human infants, born so neurologically immature at birth.
In the case of teenagers it's good to try and find out why they still want to sleep in your bed, but tread very carefully in trying to find out. They may retreat into a shell or accuse you of being selfish, not loving them; hating them even.
Learning to conquer their fears is an important step in developing self-confidence and independence that will spread into all aspects of their lives. That's why, as a child psychiatrist with over 30 years experience, I created a method to help your school-aged child learn to sleep alone feeling confident and happy.
It started innocently enough .. Your child was too afraid to sleep one night for some reason, perhaps a nightmare, or perhaps an anxiety-producing event at school, perhaps a scary story they heard from a friend or on a video. Then, one night led to another and now your child has developed a fear of sleeping on their own. They need you to stay with them until they fall asleep. However, they are afraid to sleep alone and they are uncannily aware of when you try to leave.
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