The Bro Code Rules Barney Stinson List
Dardo Hameed
"Bro," a term coined sometime in the 20th century, refers to a young man considered to be a "conventional guy's guy." A bro is part of the subculture of young men who are often members of a close group of friends. These young men sometimes belong to fraternities, spend much of their time together, and are often alike in personalities and interests. The "Bro Code" is an unwritten list of "etiquette" bros are "required" to follow. Most of these rules for bros are actually kind of great and encourage companionship, loyalty, and camaraderie. However, there are certain "Bro Codes" I don't want my son to learn. Ever.
The rise in the popularity of the Bro Code came with Neil Patrick Harris' character in How I Met Your Mother, Barney Stinson. Barney, the infamous womanizer, misogynist, and the ultimate party boy, strictly abides by the Bro Code. Barney treats all of his male friends as "bros" and insists they all uphold and respect the Bro Code at all times and regardless of circumstance.
Now, to be fair, many "Bro Codes" are actually quite stellar. Like, a bro should never let his bro drive drunk, bros help each other move, bros console each other after a break up, and bros must honor their parents. However, the rest (which happens to be the majority) of the "Bro Code" is rooted in sexism and bigotry. So, as much as I hope my son has close, true friends, I definitely do not want him to immerse himself in most of the bro culture.
This is the original, and probably the first, Bro Code. "Bros before females" implies that one's friends are more important than one's significant others. Now, in theory, this code has a decent foundation. Friendship is important and we shouldn't ditch our friends just because a cute guy/girl comes along. However, while I do want my son to respect and value his friendships, I do not want him to think that his friends are more important that his significant other. While friendships may be the most important relationships we have when we are teenagers, when we grow up, relationships change, and that mindset must also change. When (and if) my son is married, I hope his family is his priority.
The main problem I have with these codes is the blatant sexism. Women are not possessions and hence they cannot be "off limits." A man doesn't get to tell another man whom he is allowed to date. It's abysmal to believe that the man is in charge in "choosing" his partner. If my son likes a friend's sister (or brother, for that matter), then I'd like him to ask her out. As long as he is respectful to both his friend and his friend's sister, he's good to go.
There is so, so much wrong with this code. I agree that it's a good idea to have a "wingman," in that I hope my son has someone he trusts by his side, someone who makes sure he is safe, and someone who makes sure my son doesn't drink himself into trouble. However, the rest of that code is pure ridiculousness. "Drop all of your initial plans," really? No. If you have plans, you stick to those plans. That's accountability. A "woman he is targeting," really? What's up with this language? "Targeting," like she's an antelope and he's a cheetah? Is this woman his prey? No, do not "target" women. Finally, a bro must "feign romantic feelings" for the targeted woman's friend. I mean what in the actual f*ck? I really hope my son doesn't pretend to like someone just so his "bro" can hook up with her friend.
Why are straight men so obsessed with proving their sexuality? In addition to this code, bros apparently are not allowed to stand next to each other at the urinal or give each other hugs. If my son wants to hug another man, he shouldn't feel ashamed for doing so. I mean, come on.
This is usually in reference to a woman. Apparently, a bro must tell a woman that his bro is the best and the greatest even if that isn't at all true. No, I don't want my son to learn that deception is OK when the end result is for your friend to "get some."
I simply cannot stand it when I hear people tell their sons to stop crying because "men don't cry." Men cry. People cry. Everyone cries. Crying is a natural response to an emotion, whether that emotion is anger, sadness, grief, empathy, or any other feeling that incites a teary response. To tell men they are not "allowed" to cry is ludicrous. If my son is thrown by an overwhelming emotion, I don't want him to have to suppress his tears because his bro thinks it's wrong.
Son, I know I won't be able to dictate your life for too long. I know you'll grow up and eventually stop listening to me and to my advice. You'll make a bunch of mistakes, probably take wrong turns, and likely get yourself into some trouble. You'll hear, and possibly (but I hope not) be a part of, some "locker-room" talk. You may find yourself walking among peers who degrade and dehumanize women and those who think it's "cool" to brag about their "conquests." You may slip here and there and say something out-of-character because your "bros" may think it's cool or funny. However, please know this: you can respect women and respect yourself and be a good friend all at the same time. You can be a bro and a good human simultaneously, which is why I hope you never abide my most "Bro Codes." Honestly, they're ridiculous.
From popular culture, we all remember very well that there are various sets of unofficial and sometimes unwritten rules for different communities of people and various occasions. Let's remember, for example, Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother with his bro code or those strict Fight Club rules (okay, okay, let's not tell anyone about Fight Club...)But in any case, such codes most likely exist in real life. An example of making such a list is, let's say, a recent compilation in the AskWomen community, where the topic starter simply asked: "What girl code do you stick by?"
"'Girl code' is the rules of being a woman, especially with regards to dating," the BBC website quotes Ellen Scott, Metro's Lifestyle Editor. "It's stuff like: you can't date your friend's ex, you also can't date your ex's friend. If you saw your friend's boyfriend cheating on them - you'd have to tell your friend. It's basically just that your loyalty is always with other women - that's what 'girl code' is supposed to be."
However, many people believe that in fact the 'girl code' goes far beyond relationships, and generally concerns the sphere of women's communication and interaction with each other and, importantly, their attitude toward themselves. At the very least, most of the opinions of women in our selection relate to a way wider area than love and relationships.
It's "human code" for me. I'm not covering for any friend who's cheating, or purposely not telling someone something, just because of our biological similarities or differences. It's not "boys vs girls", it's "good people vs shtty people".
In fact, people like to make various sets of unwritten rules and advice. Our entire society is based on such concepts. The thinkers of the Enlightenment a few centuries ago created the theory of the so-called 'social contract' - that almost everything in our world: the state, the economy, private property, and so on, is a product of consent between people. Based on this theory, the 'girl code' is such precisely because women follow similar rules.
Any unwritten set of rules, for any community, is actually debatable, because what, for example, looked completely logical and absolutely correct a few decades ago, today may look strange and silly. Returning to How I Met Your Mother - yes, the series has acquired a cult status, but in our time, many jokes from there, and the very behavior of the characters sometimes look absolutely inappropriate.
And if you find a selection of old women's magazines, let's say, half a century ago, then many of the 'unconditional' rules of conduct of that time (yes, such collections were always and everywhere!) will definitely make us do some facepalming. Who knows, maybe this list will look weird in a few decades as well...
As in any collection of rules and advice, here you will find opinions on what should be done and what not. You will probably disagree with some of the judgments, and some of them look completely obvious. But that's what the Internet exists for, so that sometimes you can argue to your heart's content. So please feel free to scroll this list to the very end, discuss the most interesting and controversive points and add your own ones in case you have something to add.
I'm guessing they mean sharing how much they make with their coworkers, so they know what a fair wage is for their position and to see if there is a gender pay gap at their company, however they would also need to be sharing with men so they know the whole picture. This is something everyone should do.
I always attempt to have a small pharmacy in my purse at all times. Headache? Want Ibuprofen or Tylenol? Got your period? I have various pads and tampons. Allergic to something? I have Benadryl. Need some perfume? I got you. Hair ties? Want a scrunchie or regular tie? Glasses dirty? Here's some cleaner.
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