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RULES OF LIFE
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Jeffrey Meyer
Jan 13, 2003, 8:17:08 AM1/13/03
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RULES OF LIFE
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one that you haven't
tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit and die anyway.
14. Men are from earth, women are from earth, deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before
you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when
you make it again.
22. By the time you've figured out how to make ends meet, the ends move.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than the refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make
them
all yourself.
26. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment,
and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
--
Jeffrey
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one that you haven't
tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit and die anyway.
14. Men are from earth, women are from earth, deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before
you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when
you make it again.
22. By the time you've figured out how to make ends meet, the ends move.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than the refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make
them
all yourself.
26. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment,
and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
--
Jeffrey
Iffy Adventures
Jan 13, 2003, 10:04:40 PM1/13/03
to
rolf
- Iffy -
"Jeffrey Meyer" <mer...@icon.co.za> schreef in bericht
news:3e22abf1$0$2...@hades.is.co.za...
PSmith9626
Jan 14, 2003, 5:17:11 PM1/14/03
to
Here are two more:
Anything you say that is negative or critical on the internet will produce a
long nasty thread. You can praise nearly anything without incident.
Anything you say that is negative or critical on the internet will produce a
long nasty thread. You can praise nearly anything without incident.
No good deed goes unpunished.
best
penny
bill heimiller
Jan 17, 2003, 5:08:48 AM1/17/03
to
> 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
> in a garage makes you a car.
A person belongs in church like a car belongs in the garage. You can keep> in a garage makes you a car.
your motor clean and prevent rust if you park in a garage.
rian
Jan 17, 2003, 9:34:01 AM1/17/03
to
that is as good an answer as is: the weather is fine. Completely besides
the point!
the point!
--
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant.
The population is growing.
Rian
"bill heimiller" <bil...@twmi.rr.com> schreef in bericht
news:INLV9.75670$GF.21...@twister.columbus.rr.com...
Message has been deleted
Bill Vajk
Jan 17, 2003, 9:58:28 PM1/17/03
to
Danshawen wrote:
> I used to think that standing in a garage made me a mechanic, too. Apparently
> not.
But were you playing with your tool?
Steven L.
Jan 18, 2003, 2:34:01 AM1/18/03
to
>I used to think that standing in a garage made me a mechanic, too.
>Apparently
>not.
>
>Apparently
>not.
>
Naah, if that was a possibility cars could be mechanics, mowers, rakes,
shovels, too.
Steven L.
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