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Is my 4 year old gifted?
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Virginia
Dec 3, 2002, 10:45:02 AM12/3/02
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I see glimmers of a gifted child in my 4 year old son but am not sure
what to think. He said his first sentence at 5 months old, we were
shocked and scared. I think he took our reaction as it was a bad
thing to be smart. He stopped talking until he was almost a year old.
At 18 months he taught himself his alphabet on a kids computer we
bought him. If he didn't know I was watching he would get 100% every
time. If he saw me watching he would go to the right key and then
press the key next to it. He learned to count to 10 by the time he
was 20 months. His daycare lady was utterly shocked when he started
reading her t-shirt to her around 24 months. Again, he took her
reaction and acted on it. I read an article in Time that said let
kids be kids, don't push school education until they start school. My
son was definately displaying a desire not to work on anything with me
by this time. One day when he was just under 3 years old I tried
working with him on his numbers. It had been a long time since I had
heard anything from him. He couldn't count to 10. I got frustrated
and said come on, I know you know this. He counted backwards from 10
and then looked at me like, are you satisfied, can we do something
else now. He used to play with the other kids very well. Now he is
showing aggression to kids his age. He is not doing well in
preschool. The teachers cannot get him involved. I am putting him in
a private school next year. He will turn 5 just before school starts.
I am afraid he will not do well on his kindergarten screening with
his refusal to show intelligence and that they will not be able to
pull him out either. Your suggestions please. I am at my wits end.
what to think. He said his first sentence at 5 months old, we were
shocked and scared. I think he took our reaction as it was a bad
thing to be smart. He stopped talking until he was almost a year old.
At 18 months he taught himself his alphabet on a kids computer we
bought him. If he didn't know I was watching he would get 100% every
time. If he saw me watching he would go to the right key and then
press the key next to it. He learned to count to 10 by the time he
was 20 months. His daycare lady was utterly shocked when he started
reading her t-shirt to her around 24 months. Again, he took her
reaction and acted on it. I read an article in Time that said let
kids be kids, don't push school education until they start school. My
son was definately displaying a desire not to work on anything with me
by this time. One day when he was just under 3 years old I tried
working with him on his numbers. It had been a long time since I had
heard anything from him. He couldn't count to 10. I got frustrated
and said come on, I know you know this. He counted backwards from 10
and then looked at me like, are you satisfied, can we do something
else now. He used to play with the other kids very well. Now he is
showing aggression to kids his age. He is not doing well in
preschool. The teachers cannot get him involved. I am putting him in
a private school next year. He will turn 5 just before school starts.
I am afraid he will not do well on his kindergarten screening with
his refusal to show intelligence and that they will not be able to
pull him out either. Your suggestions please. I am at my wits end.
Rick Merrill
Dec 3, 2002, 1:49:31 PM12/3/02
to
A rapid start can be hard to live with - for the child. For a child
to "show" intelligence it must be their motivation, not yours. When
they love to read to themselves or love to solve puzzles or love to
paint or do any creative enterprise, then they will be happy to be
sharing that with others, even with parents.
Show him something that you may think is too advanced, like how to
count window panes by multiplication, for example. At the same time
let him learn to enjoy competitive games from card games to soccer.
Remember, it's not about your satisfaction, as much as you will be
proud of his accomplishments, it's about his being glad he did it.
Rick
Merrill
mark talmont
Dec 6, 2002, 4:37:18 PM12/6/02
to
"If he didn't know I was watching he would get 100% every time." There is
the essence of your problem, the collision between intellect and affect.
Depending on how you and your school authorities handle this (and also how
other children treat your child) you can wind up with either a 16 year-old
university graduate or a self-destructive Youth Authority inmate.
You are on the right track by noting how he reacts to perceived pressure
from you. All you can do at this point is make options available to him
without being perceived to be "pushing" anything. Here are some things to
try: get a chess set with instructions or a basic introductory book, set
it up somewhere and let him choose--or not--to explore it. Similarly,
acquire a Jr. high or high school chemistry or math book and leave it
where he can choose to look at it. (Often such books are available from
free as discards from public school districts--don't worry if the books
aren't brand new.) See if your local PBS affiliate shows "The Mechanical
Universe" video series.
Do some web-searching for "Asperger's syndrome" and see if the
symptoms remind you of anything you've seen. The experts won't say it this
plainly, but it's just "obsessive-compulsive" behavior at a child's level;
this isn't necessarily bad, because what's a Mozart, Bobby Fischer, or
Bill Gates but simply obsessive behavior channeled into a progressive
activity? (A lesson for the ages: Mrs. Gates hired an expert when Bill was
13 and she was worried he spent too much time by himself--the lady PhD
said, "leave Bill alone!")
The best move you could make is to seek out others in your situation.
Just one good friend he can relate to could solve all your problems
without you ever having to resort to expensive (and frequently
ineffective) "professionals". Unfortunately, our universities are loaded
with people who have a tremendous ideological agenda, usually from the
point of view that forced equality is the solution to everything. (Dylan
Klebold was a gifted individual subjected to megadoses of this kind of
social programming.)
You are in a great position to obtain the best outcome for your son
by getting on top of the situation this soon. Should problems arise as he
goes through school, the best solution is always going to be talking to
him in plainly rational, adult terms; NEVER let him feel that he is being
excluded from any decisions. (This is why the juvenile justice system is
such a mess, they treat the kid like he's being dangled on a string.)
the essence of your problem, the collision between intellect and affect.
Depending on how you and your school authorities handle this (and also how
other children treat your child) you can wind up with either a 16 year-old
university graduate or a self-destructive Youth Authority inmate.
You are on the right track by noting how he reacts to perceived pressure
from you. All you can do at this point is make options available to him
without being perceived to be "pushing" anything. Here are some things to
try: get a chess set with instructions or a basic introductory book, set
it up somewhere and let him choose--or not--to explore it. Similarly,
acquire a Jr. high or high school chemistry or math book and leave it
where he can choose to look at it. (Often such books are available from
free as discards from public school districts--don't worry if the books
aren't brand new.) See if your local PBS affiliate shows "The Mechanical
Universe" video series.
Do some web-searching for "Asperger's syndrome" and see if the
symptoms remind you of anything you've seen. The experts won't say it this
plainly, but it's just "obsessive-compulsive" behavior at a child's level;
this isn't necessarily bad, because what's a Mozart, Bobby Fischer, or
Bill Gates but simply obsessive behavior channeled into a progressive
activity? (A lesson for the ages: Mrs. Gates hired an expert when Bill was
13 and she was worried he spent too much time by himself--the lady PhD
said, "leave Bill alone!")
The best move you could make is to seek out others in your situation.
Just one good friend he can relate to could solve all your problems
without you ever having to resort to expensive (and frequently
ineffective) "professionals". Unfortunately, our universities are loaded
with people who have a tremendous ideological agenda, usually from the
point of view that forced equality is the solution to everything. (Dylan
Klebold was a gifted individual subjected to megadoses of this kind of
social programming.)
You are in a great position to obtain the best outcome for your son
by getting on top of the situation this soon. Should problems arise as he
goes through school, the best solution is always going to be talking to
him in plainly rational, adult terms; NEVER let him feel that he is being
excluded from any decisions. (This is why the juvenile justice system is
such a mess, they treat the kid like he's being dangled on a string.)
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