The 2013
Darwins Are Out!!!!
Yes,
it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here Is
The Glorious Winner:
1. When
his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And Now,
The Honorable Mentions:
2. The
chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man
who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After
stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3
days.
5. An
American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.
6. A man
walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems
an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
8. As a
female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back
to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her.
That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
9. The
Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The frustrated gunman
walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When
a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the
man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose
into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever
had and the perp had been punished enough!
In the
interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
family…. unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a
distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they
are distant and hope they remain lost.
*****Remember*****
They
walk among us, they can reproduce