Some Keys to Successful Biblical Marriage from the Bible,

[R]

Some Keys to Successful Biblical Marriage from the Bible,
Ethnology and Anthropology

COPYRIGHT © July 2, 2008; 08/03/'10 All rights reserved.
by R. L. Tyler olds...@gmail.com, oldse...@aol.com
San Diego, CA 92162-0763
This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of
computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so
inclined AS LONG AS IT IS NOT CHANGED.

In Memory of Joy Lynn Risker and Carol Lynn McIntyre

[1] Biblical principles of being successful in one's godly Christian
marriage
[2] Biblical, anthropological and sociological principles of being
successful in one's godly Christian marriage
[3] Critical relationships and individual needs in a marriage
[4] The relationship of the husband and the wife
[5] A wife's dilemna, staying in a difficult marriage or separating
herself.
[6] The essentials of a godly Christian marriage
[7] The significant differences in the will of God for husbands and
wives
[8] *******The Bible on Adultery and Women********
[9]>>>>>>>The Bible on Adultery and Men:<<<<<<<<
[10.] Marriage, separation, divorce and remarriage with the saved
married to the saved
[11.] Marriage, separation, divorce and remarriage with the saved
married to the unsaved
[12.] Another marital option


[1] Biblical principles of being successful in one's godly Christian
marriage

Please note that I propose to show you keys to successful "Biblical"
marriage, not just successful marriage. This document is most helpful
if used along with my document "Keys To Loving Unity In Marriage"
where
many basic and practical principles are covered for those who have a
"born again in the Spirit and Jesus" relationship with God. Here I
will
just deal with the basic principles for experiencing godly success in
your Christian marriage. The married Christian needs to believe,
recognize and accept the fact that on his/her own and by his/her own
efforts he/she is completely unable to successfully and daily live the
life of a married Christian that Jesus instructs them to live.
The person who has believed Jesus and what Jesus says in the Bible,
and has called on Him to save them from his/her basic incompatability
with God, The Most High Father, has called on Jesus to save her/
him from the penalty, power and presence of all that is ungodly in
her/
his life. Being adopted by the Father by Jesus, the believer has
received
the Holy Spirit who enters the believer and lives the Life of Jesus in
the
believer as the believer learns to yield to the Spirit. The believer
is not
Holy Spirit possessed, but Spirit secured and Spirit indwelt, with the
Spirit able, ready and willing to work and will in the believer the
work
and will of God, as the enabled believer turns over to Jesus her/his
body,
soul and spirit to be used and worked by God's Spirit to do the work
and will of God. It is a learning process, this yielding to the
Spirit, and
to our own hurt and loss we so often take back into our own hands
the reins of our life, getting in Jesus way and to often messing up
His
work in and through us. Our hope and confidence is that He who began
the good work in us will complete it in us before we see Jesus again
face to face.
Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will
carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Colossians 1:22
But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through
death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free
from accusation—
Jude 1:24
[ Doxology ] To him who is able to keep you from falling and to
present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great
joy—

Now we know that naturally on our own our lives and our marriage
will be characterized by sexual immorality, impurity, indecency,
idolatry, sorcery, drug abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, bad
temper, selfishness, divisions, dissensions, party spirit, factions,
sects with divisive opinions, heresies, envy, drunkenness, carousing,
vainglory, self-conceit, competitiveness, challenging and provoking
and irritating to one another.. (Gal 5:19-21). When Christ comes to
Live in us, His Spirit produces "fruit", the good works to which Jesus
has called His own children/disciples. He Lives in us by His Spirit
and
since it is His Life, He is the One who has to Live it in us,
producing
His fruit in us. The "fruit" He works and wills in us is gentle, kind,
patient,
humble, respectful, well behaved, forgiving, enduring, optimistic,
compassionate and hopeful Love; joy, gladness, peace, an even temper,
forbearance, goodness, benevolence, faithfulness, meekness, humility,
self-control, self-restraint and continence. (Gal 5:22-26)

It is His Life and He is the only One who can Live it in you. He
created humans
and ordained their marriage. Marriage comes from God and only He can
enable
us to experience it in the Way He designed. We have to call on Him for
His
help, literally "Please help me Father for Jesus' sake!" Then we have
to trust Him
to keep His Word and work and will in us His work and will, His Way of
being married.
We literally have to trust Him to put His thoughts in our minds, His
words in our mouths
and His deeds/actions in our bodies. Our part is to present ourselves
to Him and offer
our bodies, souls and minds to Him for Him to use as His instruments
of His righteousness
to play on and in us His wedding and marriage song in our lives. His
strength is made
perfect in our weakness, and the more perfectly we know our weakness
the more
perfectly He can perfect His strength in us, the stength to live out
godly marriages.
Here are key passages that show this principle:
***" [Jesus said] 1 I AM the True Vine, and My Father is the
Vinedresser
. . . .4 Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me, and I will
live in
you.] Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in
(being vitally united to) the vine, NEITHER CAN YOU BEAR
FRUIT UNLESS YOU ABIDE IN ME. 5 I am the Vine; you are
the branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant)
fruit. However, APART FROM ME [cut off from vital union with Me]
YOU CAN DO NOTHING [good and of eternal value before God]. John 15
***"13. [Not relying on your own strength] for IT IS GOD Who is all
the while
effectually AT WORK IN YOU [energizing and creating in you the power
and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and
satisfaction
and delight." Phil 2
***" 20 I have been crucified with Christ [in Him I have shared His
crucifixion]; IT IS NO LONGER I WHO LIVE, BUT CHRIST (THE
MESSIAH) IS LIVING IN ME; and the life I now live in the body I live
by faith in (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in)
the Son
of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me" Gal 2 AB
***"8 For it is by free grace (God's unmerited kindness) that you are
saved
(delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation)
through
[your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own
doing, it
came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; 9
Not because
of works [not the fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man
should boast.
[It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can
pride
himself in it or take glory to himself.] 10 For we are God's [own]
handiwork
(His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may
do
those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us
[God
working and willing in us to take paths which He prepared ahead of
time],
that we should walk in them [God living, working and willing in us the
good
life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]." Eph 2 from
AB
***Romans 6:1 ¶ 6 KNOWING THIS, that our old man has been crucified
with him, that the body of sin might be annulled, that we should no
longer serve sin. . . . 9 KNOWING that Christ having been raised up
from among the dead dies no more: death has dominion over him no
more. . . . 11 So also CONSIDER YOURSELVES dead to sin and alive to
God in Christ Jesus. 12 DO NOT LET SIN THEREFORE REIGN in your mortal
body to obey its evil desires. 13 NEITHER YIELD YOUR MEMBERS [AS]
INSTRUMENTS OF UNRIGHTEOUSNESS TO SIN, BUT YIELD YOURSELVES TO GOD
as alive from among the dead, and your members [as] instruments of
righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not have dominion over *you*,
for you are not under Law but under grace. . . . 16 Don't you know
that to whom you yield yourselves bondmen for obedience, you are
bondmen to him whom you obey, whether of sin unto death, or of
obedience unto righteousness? . . . . 12:1I beseech you therefore,
brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your
bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your
spiritual service.
***"20 Now MAY THE GOD OF PEACE [Who is the Author and the Giver
of peace], . . . 21 STRENGTHEN (COMPLETE, PERFECT) AND MAKE
YOU WHAT YOU OUGHT TO BE AND EQUIP YOU WITH EVERY-
THING GOOD THAT YOU MAY CARRY OUT HIS WILL; [WHILE
HE HIMSELF] WORKS IN YOU AND ACCOMPLISHES THAT
WHICH IS PLEASING IN HIS SIGHT, through Jesus Christ (the Messiah);
to Whom be the glory forever and ever (to the ages of the ages). Amen
(so be
it)." Heb 13

[2] Biblical, anthropological and sociological principles of being
successful in one's godly Christian marriage

Every family and society practicing marriage must overcome the problem
of how the husband and wife get along, and the problem of how they
get along with their relatives. Social Anthropologist Paul Bohannan
Ph.D
declares that the "most successful instances are those in which the
content of both sets of relationships is firmly structured and where
only
a minimum is left for the individuals playing the roles to work out on
a
personal basis. A satisfactory structural relationship to fall back on
if the
personal relationship fails seems to be vital.” <SA p. 110>

Jesus is the primary creator and sustainer of the structural
relationship
in a godly marriage, and He works and wills His work and will in and
through the godly husband, who is given the responsibility of leading,
and in and through the godly wife, who is given the responsibility of
following and supporting. Jesus has established the basic content of
the marital and parental relationships. In the Biblical context,
the husband leads and teaches the family, having no right or authority
to make the wife submit, while it becomes the responsibility of the
wife to examine her husband’s lead and teaching to see if it is in
line
with the Word of her King Jesus, and then if it is, her part is to
willingly and voluntarily submit herself to and follow his lead, he
being
one of the authorities He has placed over her (Rom 13:1-5; Lk
22:20-30; 1 Pet 3 and 5; Ephes 5; 1Thess 5:21; Ac 17:11). The child's
responsibility is very much like that of the wife/mother. Without
these
partnerships in the marital structure and content Jesus has provided,
the success and well being of a godly and Biblical marriage
is doomed to frustration or failure or both.

“Even in societies in which marriage is a working part of the social
structure,” the marriage of the wife usually is not always a
pleasant one. As with the Way to the Father through Jesus, many
are involved but only a few find the way to have a pleasant marital
experience, even though Jomo Kenyata maintains that there are quite
a few among the Gikuyu of his Kenya who have a pleasant marital
experiences< see 3 & 4>. In primitive and tribal societies the wife
has far
fewer rights and privileges than men, especially husbands. Even though
the husband must share himself and his things with members of the
family,
the wife usually lands up having to share and give up even more.
Whenever
the husband is required to be away from her, she knows that SHE ISN’T
WITH HIM, and that while she has to go without marital intimacy during
that time, the husband seems to be doing better than her. The natural
wife will respond to all of this naturally, with bitterness,
resentment,
anger and aggravated selfishness. The burden on the godly Christian
husband here is for him to live above and beyond his earthly culture
and
behave as He is, a citizen of the City and Kingdom of God, who has
been
renewed to live in the Way of Jesus, to be kind, impartial, unbiased,
equitable, fair and just in his relationship with his wife and family,
lest
his prayersbe hindered (1 Peter 3:7), or he become weak, sick or dying
(1 Cor 11:30-32). I believe that is impossible for the natural man to
live
and experience godly marriage without Jesus.

“Even in societies in which marriage is a working part of the social
structure,” the marriage of the husband usually is not an easy
experience. His wife can make life miserable for her husband,
making life Hell on earth for such a husband. In primitive and tribal
societies this is the price a man may have to pay to give birth to
and raise his own “social security” for the last part of his life,
looking
to his children to support and care for him in his old age.<SA p. 108>
When the disciples heard Jesus' standards for marriage, its
permanence and the perils of divorce, they said, "If that is the only
reason a man can divorce his wife, it is better not to marry." (Mat
19)
The thought of not having the easy divorce option given by the
Jewish elders' misinterpretation of Deut 24 was enough to make
them not want to marry, the fear of being stuck with a difficult or
contrary wife for life was more than they wanted to handle.
Furthermore
in today’s reality a wife’s infidelity can introduce STD death into
the
marriage, so the wise husband’s need to diligently meet his lady's
needs
becomes a matter of life and death for the family.

[3] Critical relationships and individual needs in a marriage

In Paul Bohannan's Social Anthropology (1963), he indicates that there
are three critical relationships that must be right for marriage to
work:"
1.) the relationship of the wife with other female relatives;
2.) the relationships of the siblings and half-siblings; and
3.) the relationships of the siblings and half-siblings with
the members of the family [SA p.106].
Kenyata wrote that extremelyimportant to these relationships is the
idea that "sharing everything is
strongly emphasized in the upbringing of children, so when they grow
up they find it natural to share love and affection with others, for
it is
said that 'To live with others is to share and to have mercy for one
another, . ."<4 p.291ff>

The 20th century marriage of the Indian aristocracy<1> had an
excellent
way of handling these relationships. The home making wife filled her
time
with her children, family duties, education, job experience and/or her
favorite activities. Siblings and half-siblings were made to
understand that
any half-sibling was a full sibling as far as the father was
concerned. Of course
favoritism poisoned these waters whenever it occurred. Half-siblings
were made
to understand that the other female relatives were to be treated as
"Aunties"
who were always to be shown respect, and were to be obeyed when the
half-siblings found themselves under an "Aunties" care and authority.

Jomo Kenyata and Bohannan agree that there is great importance
for "women" to have their own kitchens, rooms and/or houses/huts,
as in the Indian and African models. A wife needs a house, dwelling,
or even just a hut that is hers and hers alone<4, p. 290>. This is
especially important if there are any conflicts between her and other
female relatives. A wife needs her own separate dwelling
giving her a safe conflict-free zone to which she can retreat or in
which she can feel safe and free of harassment. The wealthier the
family, the larger and more comfortable their dwellings. The husband
either eats a meal separately with his wife, or he eats the meal with
the whole family, the wife preparing the family's meal. <SA p. 107>

Kenyata indicates that the husband should have his own space, in
which friends and casual visitors are entertained. The wife should
have her own private place where she keeps her personal belongings.
"While collective ownership is a fundamental principle of the family
group,"
the wife's private space is considered as the private property
of the wife and it is entirely under her control. A wife should have
her
own space where she can do her own work and projects <4 p. 290,293>
"But the duty of looking after the husband" and the house and family
chores,
especially if he working full time and she is at home as full time
homemaker,
should be the responsibility of all the post puberty members of the
family who are not
working outside of the home.<4, p.292>

Kenyatta continues: The "wife is held responsible for what she
produces
from the land and can distribute it as she pleases, provided that she
has reserved enough food for the use of herself and family until the
next
harvest."<4 p. 291>. In the Christian family, 2 Cor 8 & 9 would be the
guiding principle in the distribution of the income/crops. "While the
division
of personal property exist between the [family members], the husband
is
the head of the family and the one who contributes his labor power to
all equally;
he belongs to all and all belong to him. This brings the division [of
personal
property] to one collective ownership under his guidance." <4 p. 291>

A wife having her own dwelling and play area for her own children
greatly
reduces one of the biggest problems that has often doomed families
with
relatives living nearby. That problem is the conflict that arises
between the
children, who have the strongest loyalty to their own mothers, a
strong loyalty to the relatives of their mothers, and lastly a loyalty
to their father and his family. It is best if the wife lives so far
away from the
other family members that it is too far to walk to se each other. I
believe it
is best if the wife's children go to different schools than the
children of close
relatives, all with the aim of avoiding sibling rivalry and conflicts
in loyalties
and authority.

One of the most divisive forces to attack a marriage is when
the husband’s children of his current wife are in adolescent conflict
with
the children of another of his ex-wives. This conflict can seriously
alienate
members of a family, and even drive some to leave the marriage and
return
to their parents’ people. It is for this reason that when children
become adolescents that they begin to find work that supplements the
family income enabling them and their mother to get a larger area at a
greater distance from the adolescent children of the ex-wives. Harmony
between the husband and wife is far more important than harmony among
the half-siblings. The more personalities in the mix the more
difficult it
is to maintain the families’ harmony.<SA p.109ff> Even though the
husband and wife/wives may have been renewed in Christ when they
married, there is no guarantee that they will have godly children.

Adam and Eve had Cain. David had Absalom. Israel had 10 sons that
betrayed and sold their brother. The sons of Samuel were a mess.
So since some of the children might be unsaved and under the harmful
and disruptive influence of the evil spirits (Eph 2:1,2), their own
natural
minds, their body and its hormones, it wisest for a wife to live and
raise her school age kids away from the school age kids of the
ex-wives or meddlesome relatives. The wife should live out of walking
range of ex-wives or meddlesome relatives, preferably
in different communities, suburbs, town or etc. so that there kids
will go to different schools. All the kids might be together
for a weekly family outing/picnic and potluck meal, preferably at
a place where they could be hassle free form outsiders.

[4] The relationship of the husband and the wife

Bohannan indicated that for a complicated marriages to work well there
had to be positive or at least constructive relationships between the
husband and wife. Expectations of wives and husbands need to be
clearly stated and understood well by all involved. Ideally these
expectations
would be discussed at length before the solemn commitment.There is a
need for
clearly understood boundaries, turf, duties and obligations to prevent
misunderstandings and conflicts. A husband and wife are considered a
good couple if they both abide by and fulfill the agreed upon"rules"
of
the family. [Bohannan p. 106] The Christian family can be very
successful
if they all accept and agree to Jesus' rules for their interaction and
relationships.

When marriage works, the couple develop a set of "wife rules" that
become
the norm for the family. If the wife lives up to the "wife rules", she
is
esteemed by the family as a good wife, usually whether or not she is
liked by the other family members. The relationship between the wife
and the husband are commonly characterized by hostility, or
cooperation,
friendliness or a combination of these.<SB p. 106> It is important
to note that hostility, jealousy, cooperation or friendliness or a
combination of these characterize most marriages, especially if there
are
children involved, and especially if there are step-children. If the
wife doesn't
live up to the "wife rules" of the family, she becomes the object of
verbal fights
and arguments because she is seen as being a bad wife, not because she
IS a wife.<SA p. 106>

Of primary importance is the fact that wives usually are NOT jealous
of other
family members if they have a good, devoted, impartial, fair, and just
husband, treating all involved equitably/equally in the matters
"considered important by them." It is a wise husband who
finds out what matters are "considered important by" his wife, and
acts
accordingly. Secondly, the division of labor supports good and
effective marriage, when the wife is aware that the burdens are
lightened when shared with others in the family. <SB p.107>

The husband belongs to his wife, and she belongs to him. She is his
own woman and he is her own man. This belonging is found in the Bible
in 1 Cor 7:
"3 to the wife the husband should render the due benevolence, and in
like
manner also the wife [should render the due benevolence] to the
husband;
4 the wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own body, but the
husband
[has that authority]; and, in like manner also, the husband does not
have [sexual]
authority over his own body, but the wife [has that authority]..

It is critically important to "retain the quality or content of the
relationship". <4, p.292> The failure to do this is what dooms
many marriages.<SA p.108> Consider the standard given by
Jesus/Jehovah to Israel in Ex 20 & 21:
***Ex 20:22 And Jehovah said to Moses, Thus shalt thou say to the
children of Israel: Ye have seen that I have spoken with you from the
heavens. . . . 21: 10 . . . her food, her clothing, and her conjugal
rights he shall not diminish.
***1 Tim 5:8 8 Now if anyone does not provide for his own relatives,
and
especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse
than
an unbeliever.

The quality of the intimate, marital and sexual content of the
marital relationship is given structure and content by God Himself.
***" Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of
your vain life which He has given you under the sun--all the days
of futility. For that is your portion in this life and in your work at
which you toil under the sun." Eccles 9:9
***"18 Your fountain/genital should be blessed,
and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful fawn—
her breasts should always satisfy you;
lose yourself in her loving forever.
20 Why, my son, would you be infatuated
with a forbidden woman
or embrace the breast of one who doesn't belong to you?
Prov 5 from HB
***"2 But because of sexual immorality, each man should be
[sexually] having his own wife, and each woman should be
[sexually] having her own husband. 3 A husband should fulfill his
marital duty [Ex 21:10] to his wife, and likewise a wife to her
husband.
4 A wife does not have [sexual] authority over her own body,
but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have [sexual]
authority over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not [sexually]
deprive one another— except when you agree, for a time, to devote
yourselves to fasting prayer. Then come together again [sexually];
otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
1 Cor 7 HB

So we see that the husband is commanded to have blessedly happy
sex taking pleasure in his wife, to satisfy himself with his wife's
breasts,
and to keep on losing himself emotionally in her sweet and sexy
loving.
We see that both are to be sexually having each other on an ongoing
basis to avoid sex sin. We see that they both have sexual authority
over each other's bodies, and that they are not to deprive each other
sexually except by mutual agreement to devote themselves to fasting
prayer, that after the agreed upon fasting prayer is completed they
are to resume ongoing sexual relations. In marriage the husband might
be so exhausted that he is able to do no more than
present his body to his wife for her to do with him what she wants.
He may be completely exhausted and unable rise to the occasion,
but he is expected to joyfully present his body to her and it is still
her right and responsibility to bless his genital, present her breasts
(prepared with edible oils and scents) for his satisfaction, and let
loose on him her sweet loving even if she has to be on top and
provide most of the action. The word for an exhausted husband in
such circumstances is the Word in 2 Cor 8:12
***"If you want to give, your gift will be accepted. It will be judged
by what you have, not by what you do not have."

[5] A wife's dilemna, staying in a difficult marriage or separating
herself.

One might ask "Why should a godly Christian wife make every effort
in the Lord to make her marriage work and not exercise her celibate
separation option given in 1 Cor 7:10,11?" Cosider the following:
On the average in the world today there are 98.6 women for 100 men
(Sources: Wistat, United Nations). Sounds good for the women, right?
Due to war, violence, gangs, disease, incarceration and homosexuality,
there are far fewer men than women interested in and willing to commit
to marriage in many of today’s countries and societies. This is
especially true in societies ravaged by these plagues, like S. E.
Asia,
Japan, Korea, Sudan, Congo, Uganda, Kenya, South Africa and parts of
Europe. Statistically the single woman alone is far more vulnerable
than the single man alone, and the single mother is doomed to the
deepest poverty and hardest life of all, especially in poor and/or
tribal societies, i.e. most of the world. It is no surprise that many
more
women are abused or killed by their men, than men abused or killed
by their own women. So for the sake of survival
in such conditions, marriage with a good, kind and loving man is a
better option for the woman than prostitution, sex slavery, sexual
perversion, rape, abuse, and living on the edge of starvation.

My friend Lua, had to prostitute herself to over 100 men to be able to
feed and clothe herself and her children while they were refugees and
in the Vietnamese refugee camps. There was no work available, and the
stronger men got more of everything than the weaker women. This left
the women in the position of having to submit to relationships with
those men on the men’s terms. She and her children finally made it to
America miraculously by the grace of God.

If marriage is chosen to be used to deal with a situation where there
are more women available for and willing to commit to marriage than
there are men who are available and willing to commit to marriage,
it needs to be examined and understood well if it
is to be practiced well. This situation is being found not only in war
and disease ravaged Africa and SE Asia, but also in countries like the
USA, where this imbalance between marriageable men and women is most
noticeable in the Afro American, Native American and Christian
communities. It is sobering to visit most American churches,
especially
Afro American churches, and see that by age 25 there are two women for
every one man who is interested in and willing to commit to marriage.
By age 35 the average ratio has changed to three to one. By age 45 the
average ratio has changed to four to one. At one well attended and
supported Southern Baptist church full of middle class EuroAm people
in
Southern California, there were five such women for every one such
male by age 55. It was embarrassing to see the desperate loneliness of
the women and arrogant cockiness of the few males for whom they were
contending. Consider the following statistics.

From http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml, we learn that
**31.3% of males over 15 have never married
**25.1% of females over 15 have never married
Since more men than women never marry, that clearly shows
that there will not be one John for every Jane, and the only
hope of every Jane having a John is not in the American way
of marriage but in Jesus and His ways as opposed to our ways.
**9.2% of all households are run by single moms, and are therefore
bereft
presenting the ministry need of James 1:27.

Even in pseudo Christian organizations like the UU the ratio is
Male 43.1% 1999 -2003
Female 56.9% 1999 - 2003

Many Christian singles ministries have a ratio of
38% male, 62% female
[http://www.creativeye.com/singles/stats.htm].

Throughout the Presbyterian Church (USA) 59 percent of
members are female and 41 percent are male. ...
[http://www.pcusa.org/research/compstats/hendrick-r.htm]

"Podles cites a deluge of statistics: in 1986, church-growth
expert Lyle Schaller observed 60 percent female to 40 percent
male churchgoers, a split that has widened since. Jesuit
theologian Patrick Arnold says he has found a female-to-male
ratio ranging from 2:1 to 7:1, and "some liberal Presbyterian or
Methodist congregations are practically bereft of men." Even in
churches that have an all-male ordained leadership, the inner
circle of laity who actually run things is likely to be mostly female.
Sociologist Edward H. Thompson states that "throughout all
varieties of black religious activity, women represent from 75 to
90 percent of the participants." These are observations based on
attendance, but the last time a census of membership by gender
took place was 1936. Even back then, women outnumbered
men across denominations, with Pentecostals almost 2 to 1."
[http://www.ctlibrary.com/ct/1999/may24/9t6070.html]

Because the Scripture have not been taught accurately, most of
these marriage seeking women fall into the sins of adultery, sex
outside of marriage, sex outside of THEIR own marriage, sinful lust,
sinful self-stimulation using pornography, and the sin of bisexuality
and/or lesbianism. There are obviously not enough "Christian" men
for Christian women. That being the case, Christian women who want
to marry too often choose to do one or more of the following which
are clearly sinful:
1. Marry the unsaved (2Cor 6; Malachi 2)
2. Marry carnal "Christians" snared in sin (2 Thess 3:6-14; 1 Cor
5:11)
3. Have sex outside of marriage (Ezek 23; Prov 5; 1 Cor 6)
4. Become lesbians (Rom 1:20-30)
5. Lust, i.e. desire what is forbidden by God, and do sex sin
in their minds or with pornography (Matt 5:28; Ezek 23)
6. Self-stimulate thinking of sex sin (Mat 5:28; Ezek 23)

Christian women wanting marriage who are snared in these sins,
like the younger widows of 1 Tim 5:14, are under God's command
to be married, according to 1 Cor 7:
"1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for
a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.", 2 But because
of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality,
each [man] should be having his own wife and each [woman] should
be having her own husband. . . . 8 But to the unmarried people and
to the widows, I declare that it is well (good, advantageous,
expedient,
and wholesome) for them to remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if they
have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should
marry.
For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured
continually with ungratified desire]." from AB

Since so many "Christian" women who fall into one or more of the
six sex snares listed above, it is no surprise that they don't have
the abiding joy of the Lord in their hearts and on their face. When
a "Christian" sister becomes snared in one of the six listed above
the Word tells us that her prayers are hindered (Isa 59:1-5) and
that her prayers are not answered (1 John3:22). We can be sure
that if the Lord chastened/disciplined with weakness, sickness
and even death (1 Cor 11:20-32; Malachi 2:8-12) the rich Christians
who offendedand grieved the poor Christians, then we know that
He who haspromised to chasten/discipline His children (Heb 12) will
also discipline His daughters who become snared in one or more
of the six snares listed above. It is hard to have the joy of the
Lord in your heart and on your face when you are aware that you
are estranged from Jesus, your prayers are unanswered, you are
weak or sick or dying. Surely it is better to obey the Lord and marry
a genuine godly Christian even if it is not with someone your prefer.
***"8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them
to
remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not exercise self-control [to
abstain from sex sin], they should marry. For it is better to marry
than to burn with passion." 1 Cor 7

What if a "Christian" woman sinned by marrying an unsaved man
or carnal "Christian" who was walking in their flesh? Like Jonah she
will experience being in the "belly of a whale" with all its
discomfort
and unpleasantness, as the Lord chastens/disciplines her for
disobeying
Him and marrying such a man. Divorcing such a man is not an option
for a genuine Christian woman as long as he wants to live maritally
with her, and temporary separation is an option (1 Cor 7:12-14). Once
she repents of her sin of divorcing her unsaved husband, who never
stopped wanting to maritally live with her, in godly sorrow,
renouncing
and abandoning her rebellion and disobedience, agreeing with Jesus
about
her sin, then she is restored to full fellowship and reunion with
Jesus and
her unsaved husband who still wants to maritally live with her, and
the fruits
of the Spirit return, including the joy of the Lord. Her renewed
relationship with
Jesus finds her in a very difficult and demanding situation, married
to an
unsaved man or a sinning "saint". Her life now is that of 1 Peter
2:13 -
3:6 and the only way she can do it right is by calling on Jesus to
work and
will it in and through her, for surely it is a superhuman calling and
walk with
success made possible only by Jesus.

[6] The essentials of a godly Christian marriage

Marriage in and of itself is not a godly solution. It is a given that
vices and
bad behavior can make any marital relationship bad/worse, while virtue
and good behavior can make any marital relationship good/better. A
marriage characterized by "love, joy, peace, unselfish generosity,
patience
towards others, kindness, benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-
restraint"
will be successful and a blessing to those in it and those who see it.
A marriage characterized by “extra-marital sex, favoritism,
partiality,
unkindness, impatience,impurity, indecency, idol-worship, sorcery,
drug
abuse, enmity, strife, jealousy, outbursts of passion, intrigues,
dissensions,
factions, envyings, hard drinking, riotous feasting” [Gal 5] and
bitter selfishness
is doomed or Hellish. Since these are the natural behaviors of humans,
it is no
wonder that so many marriages are Hellish or miserably doomed.
A human marriage needs to be redeemed and transformed by and in Jesus
as much as the people who are in it, if it is to characterized by
kind,
compassionate and unselfish cherishing Love.

Jesus declares that He who is Love, Truth, Light and Life can Live
that
Life of "love, joy, peace, patience towards others, kindness,
benevolence, good faith, meekness, self-restraint" [Gal. 5],
impartiality and generous unselfishness in any person or marriage that
is willing to give up their own life and accept His Life in their
lives
and marriages. The good news is that Jesus, who is Eternal Life,
offers
to Live His Life through and in anyone who comes to Him relying on and
trusting in Him alone to make him/her fit to see and live with God the
Father, the Almighty Most High Consuming Fire (Deut 4:24; Heb
12:28,29,
in Heaven and eternity. He can do so because He is God, who was
revealed in a human body and He suffered the death penalty so that all
our
sin and failures, which are consumed when exposed to He who is the
Almighty Consuming Fire, may be forgiven justly and removed. It is an
issue
of compatability and incompatability, seen well in the experience of
Shedrak,
Meshak and Abednego in the Book of Daniel. The three were declared
righteous by faith so when they were cast into the fire, they had been
made
compatible with the fire and were unhurt. The soldiers that threw them
into the fire, having no faith in Jehovah, were incompatible with the
fire
and were consumed by the fire. We need to be made compatible with
Him who is the Almighty Consuming Fire, and Jesus is the only One
who can make us acceptable to and compatible with the Father.

The godly Christian goal in Biblical Christian marriage is
experiencing
the unity of the Spirit in the bond of Peace:
***"1 I THEREFORE, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to and beg
you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you
have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to
God's service, 2 Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of
mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness),
with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because
you love one another. 3 Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and
keep
the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the binding
power of peace.
***"Psalm 133
A Song of Ascents. Of David.
1 BEHOLD, HOW good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell
together in unity! 2 It is like the precious ointment poured on the
head, that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first
high priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his
garments [consecrating the whole body]. 3 It is like the dew of
[lofty] Mount Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for
there the Lord has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon
the high and the lowly].

FOOTNOTES, REFERENCES and More

<SA> Social Anthropology, Paul Bohannan; Holt, Rinehart and Winston,
Inc.; 1963

<1> A Princess Remembers, The Memoirs of the Maharani of Jaipur, by G.
Devi of Jaipur and S. R. Rau; 1976; J.B. Lippincott Co., NY.

<2> Three in Love, Ménages á trois from ancient times to modern times;
by B. Foster, M. Foster, L. Hadady; HarperCollins;

<3> Facing Mount Kenya, Marriage System, by Kenya's Jomo Kenyata, Chap
8;
Secker & Warburg, London 1938 pp. 163-185

<4> Peoples and Cultures of Africa, An Anthropological Reader; Edited
by
E. P. Skinner; Doubleday, Garden City, New York, 1973

When you have no joy or peace of mind about your marriage and you are
not aware of any other sin in
your life that would cause this lack of peace and joy, then maybe you
should consider the following:

[7] The significant differences in the will of God for husbands and
wives

Please open your heart and mind to see what the Bible - not the
priests, the pastors, the church, the culture, or your neighbors -
says about the difference God makes between male and female as to
adultery, marriage, divorce, separation etc. Some say "The same Bible
Laws apply to both male 
and female. This is an issue of principle,
not role. 
Therefore all are equal: male and female." Some Bible
interpreters are more zealous for unisex doctrines and 
practices than
the bleeding heart liberals who 
encourage unisex restroom and coed
dorms. God 
made males and females very different for a reason, 
and
we miss the mark when we fail to recognize the 
differences He made
and instituted for those differences. Look some clear examples:

[1.] In 1 Cor 7:10,11 we see that the genuinely saved wife has the
second best option of celibately separating from her genuinely saved
husband that she was free to marry when they married, abstaining from
intimate genital contact with
anyone else, recognizing that she is maritally bound to her husband as
long as they both live (1 Cor 7:10,11,39). On the
other hand the Word to that husband is "a [believing] husband/man is
not to forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, divorce [Strongs
863] his wife/woman (1 Cor 7:10,11,39). No exceptions, no exemptions,
no other options.
[2.] The wife is never explicitly and specificly commanded as wife to
1 Cor 13 Love and show respect to her husband, but the husband is
explicitly and specifically commanded as husband to 1 Cor 13 Love his
wife (Ephes 5).
[3.] The wife is commanded to affectionately and fondly love (with or
without sex) (<5362> fil’-an-dros; "fond of man, i.e. affectionate as
a wife: — love their husbands). There is no such command for the
husband. The wife is commanded to be sexually having her husband,
simply. On the other hand the husband is commanded to be sexually
having his wife and be abundantly satisfied, satiated, ravished,
enraptured and or be made drunk with his wife's affectionate loving.
Prov 5:18 . . . rejoice with the wife of your youth, 19 the loving
hind and pleasant roe; her breasts should abundantly satisfy, make
drunk, and satiate <7301> you at all times; and be ravished,
enraptured and unclean <7686> always with her affectionate love <160>.
(1 Cor 7:2,3,4,5; Prov 5:18,19; Song of Solomon)
<7686> one becomes unclean under the Sinai Law by body fluids and
excretions (Leviticus 5, 11,14,15): {Strong's 7686} "hg;v; — shagah,
shaw-gaw'; to stray(causatively, mislead), usually (figuratively) to
mistake, especially (morally) to transgress; by extension (through the
idea of intoxication) to reel, (figuratively) be enraptured: — (cause
to) go astray, deceive, err, be ravished, sin through ignorance, (let,
make to) wander.
[4.] In Ephes 5:22-33 we see the wife specifically and explicitly
instructed to submit herself in everything to her own husband as she
submits herself to Jesus. There is no such specific or explicit
instruction for the husband, only a general command that we all should
submit ourselves to each other (Eph 5:21). In 1 Tim 2 the wife is
specifically and explicitly instructed to not "teach or to exercise/
use authority over a husband." The husband is instructed to teach
everyone (Colos 1:28; 3:16; 1 Tim 3:2; 4:11). Then there are Ephes
5:23 "For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the
head of the church, his body, . . ." and 1 Cor 11:3 . . . the head of
every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband . . ." where
the husband is declared to be the head of the wife. In that 1 Cor
11:1-9 passage we are told that Father is the head of Christ and in
John 5:19,30 we see Jesus' total submission to His Father. The body
submits to the head.

Matt. 5:32 and 19:6-9; Mark 10:1-11; Luke 16:18; 1 Thess. 4:4-6 and
Romans 7:1-3>143 plainly state the double standard 
in the definition
of adultery. There really are 
different scriptural laws for men than
for women 
governing adultery marriage and remarriage, and there are
different scriptural laws for men than for women 
in the defining of
adultery. In the Scriptures given next we see Spirit of God reaffirm
His Word, that in a marriage where a genuinely saved person is married
to a genuinely saved person, and both were free in the Lord to marry
when they married, the wife is maritally bound to the husband as long
as they both live (1 Cor 7:10,11,39; Romans 7:1-3), or in the case of
the saved wife maritally bound to an unsaved husband, the wife is
maritally bound to the husband as long as he wants to maritally live
with her (1 Cor 7:10-15).

[8] **************The Bible on Adultery and Women***************


{W1.} "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced 
commits adultery">1.
The reason being that the believing woman is 
still bound to her
believing husband as wife as long as both live (Romans 7:1-3; 1 Cor
7:10,11,39). The Spirit added through Paul that the believing woman is
free from her unbelieving husband as soon as he no longer wants to
live with her maritally, and maritally separates himself from her>2.

[Footnote: >1 Mat. 5:32; 19:9; Luke 16:18; 1 
Cor. 7:10, 11, 39;
Romans 7:1-3; 1 Tim. 5:14. >2. 1 Cor. 7:12-15,39]





{W2.} The husband "causes her to commit adultery" 
when he
divorces her for any reason other than 
sexual immorality>3. The
reason being that the believing wife is 
still bound to her believing
husband as wife as long as both live.>4 In 1 Corinth. 7:5 
we see
that her husband "causes her to commit 
adultery" because her husband
is failing to meet her 
marital needs and the enemy of her soul tempts
in 
her burning need. (On the other hand: The wife is not 
said to
cause her husband to commit adultery when 
she divorces him for any
other reason than sexual 
immorality. Ever wonder why? Ask me.) In the
case of the unbelieving husband divorcing his believing wife, he does
NOT cause "her to commit adultery" because as soon as he no longer
wants to live with her maritally and separates himself from her
maritally, she is no longer maritally bound to him in the Kingdom of
God and is free to marry a disciple of Christ (1 Corinth 7:1-15).

[Footnote: >3. Matt. 5:32; 19:9. >4 1 Cor. 7:10, 
11, 39;
Romans 7:1-3.]

{W3.} "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries 
another, she
commits adultery.">5. The wife has the second best option of divorcing
her husband and living in celibacy, not remarrying (1 Cor 7:10,11).
The adultery consists of both divorce AND remarriage. The reason
being that the believing wife is still bound to her believing husband
as wife as long as both live; or in the case of an unbelieving
husband, the believing wife is still maritally bound in the Kingdom of
God to her unbelieving husband as long as he wants to live with her
maritally, as long as he hasn't separated himself from her
maritally.>6.
 If a believing woman divorces her unbelieving husband
after he no longer wants to maritally live with her, after he has
separated himself from her maritally, she DOES NOT commit adultery
because as soon as he no longer wants to live with her maritally or
separates himself from her maritally (1 Corinth 7:10-15).
[Footnotes:>5. Mark 10:12; Luke 16:8. >6. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 
39;
Romans 7:1-3.]

{W4.} "if, while her husband lives, she marries another 
man, she will
be called an adulteress; but if her 
husband dies, she is free from
that law, so that she is 
no adulteress, though she has married
another 
man.">7 " . . . . It is adultery "if any man's wife goes
astray and is unfaithful to him," >8
 If a believing woman divorces
her unbelieving husband and marries another man, after her unbelieving
husband no longer wants to maritally live with her, after the
unbeliever has separated himself from her maritally, she DOES NOT
commit adultery because the unbeliever no longer wants to live with
her maritally or separates himself from her maritally (1 Corinth
7:10-15).
[Footnote: >7. Romans 7:3; Luke 16:18. >8. Numbers 5:10-12]

Adultery for the believing female is sexual intimacy with 
anyone else
besides her own believing husband/mate who still lives, or besides her
own unbelieving husband as long as he wants to live with her
maritally, has not separated himself from her maritally.

[9]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>The Bible on Adultery and Men:<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

{M1.} "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery">9,
obviously because the believing wife still is bound to the believing
husband from whom she is divorced, or she is bound to her unsaved
husband as long as he wants to maritally live with her A believing
wife, from who an unbelieving husband has maritally separated himself,
is no longer maritally bound to him in the Kingdom of God and is free
to marry in the Lord>9
[>9.. Mat. 5:32; 19:9; except in the cases of 1
Cor. 
7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14.]

{M2.} "The man who commits adultery with another's wife, even his
neighbor's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put
to death." Leviticus 20:9-11
"You shall not covet your neighbor's
wife.">10. 
"You shall not have genital contact with your neighbor's
wife">11. "For this is the will of God. . . ..that no one 
should take
advantage of and defraud/cheat his 
brother in this matter.">12. A
genuine Christian 
wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives
and 
she becomes an adulteress when she marries another 
while he
still lives. A genuine Christian 
wife is bound to her unsaved husband
as long as he wants to maritally live with her and she becomes an
adulteress when she marries another while he still wants to live with
her maritally>13.

[Footnotes:>10. Exod. 20:17. >11. Leviticus18:20. 
>12. 1 Thess.
4:3-6. >13. 1 Corinth 7:10-15]

{M3.} "Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual 
immorality, AND
marries another, commits adultery.">14 
The adultery consists of
divorcing his wife for 
something else besides sexual immorality AND
then 
remarrying. If he stayed married to his wife and 
married
another, according to this passage he has NOT 
committed Biblical
adultery according to this passage , although he may have become a
criminal by violating the
law of the land. SNIP What does all that mean? Ask me. IF YOU WANT
TO KNOW MORE OR READ THE REST, GO TO http://biblicalmaturity.yuku.com/topic/23
AND READ THE FILE "Marital Repentance, Reconciliation, Reunion After
Marriage, Separation, Divorce and Remarriage #2- - - Controversial
Solutions". Or go to http://www.shtyle.fm/topic.do?cid=41190&tid=515010;
or http://www.kirkal.com/view_forum_topic.php?topic_id=195&group_id=561;
http://groups.google.com/group/maritalrepentanceandreconciliation/browse_thread/thread/897291917151658b?hl=en;
or
http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/cBNOTHWIRp9Qv-zkmbUfc_o5v3AIR-FOjIqmEk8-28J3OOycj2HnbQ3TuxYdGBh2XlBivldhfQ56P-YkcmdOjg/SexualMorality%26TheBible/PMaritalRepentanceReconciliation2P.html.
[Footnote: >14. Matt 19: 9: Mark 10:11; Luke 
16:18.]

{M4.} "Matt 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his
wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, commits
adultery: and he that marries her when she is put away commits
adultery."
It is implied here that if he divorces his 
wife for sexual immorality
and marries another, he 
does not commit adultery. His divorcing her
does not 
cause her to commit adultery because she is already
immorally and sexually involved with someone else. His 
refusal to
meet her sexual needs (1 Cor 7:2-5) does 
not cause her to be immoral
because she is already 
being immoral. He is commanded not to be
intimate 
with her (1Cor.5:11) but his lack of her intimacy will
cause him to be tempted (1 Cor.7:5). If the 
temptations overcome him
and he is failing to control 
himself, burning with marital desire, he
comes under 
command to marry (1Cor.7:2,39) and so remarries in the
Lord.

{M5.} "Whoever divorces his wife AND marries another woman commits
adultery against her." Mark 10:11 Luke 16:18 
Pretty clear, right? But
please note that nowhere in the Bible does He say "Whoever remains
married to his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against
her." Why is there not one Scripture in the Bible that declares it to
be adultery for a man to remain maritally bound to his wife, even if
only in the Kingdom of God in case there has been a divorce, and have
another wife, a woman who is free to marry him in the Lord?
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE OR READ THE REST, GO TO http://biblicalmaturity.yuku.com/topic/23
AND READ THE FILE "Marital Repentance, Reconciliation, Reunion After
Marriage, Separation, Divorce and Remarriage #2- - - Controversial
Solutions" or go to http://www.shtyle.fm/topic.do?cid=41190&tid=515010;
or go to http://www.kirkal.com/view_forum_topic.php?topic_id=195&group_id=561;
http://groups.google.com/group/maritalrepentanceandreconciliation/browse_thread/thread/897291917151658b?hl=en;
or
http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/cBNOTHWIRp9Qv-zkmbUfc_o5v3AIR-FOjIqmEk8-28J3OOycj2HnbQ3TuxYdGBh2XlBivldhfQ56P-YkcmdOjg/SexualMorality%26TheBible/PMaritalRepentanceReconciliation2P.html

[10.] Marriage, separation, divorce and remarriage with the saved
married to the saved (Mark 10:1-12; Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinth
7:5,10,11,39):

So often in America, a genuinely saved wife, Mishra, separates herself
and divorces her genuinely saved husband, Shoval, and fails to do it
in the manner of 1Cor 7:1=15,39. Shoval goes on in obedience to 1Cor
7:5,9 and marries another genuinely saved wife, Shumati. Time passes
and Mishra marries Eglon. Then Mishra realizes she is still maritally
bound (Mark 10:1-12; 1 Cor7:10,11,39; Rom 7:1-3) to Shoval, and that
her marriage to Eglon is adultery. In 2 Corinthians 7 godly sorrow
Mishra diligently seeks to repent of her sin of adultery and her sin
of leaving Shoval. She respectfully but decisively tells Eglon that
their relationship is adultery and she has to leave and go back to
Shoval. Mishra chooses to return (1 Cor 7:11) to her "ex" husband who
is living with his new wife, Shumati. Shumati doesn't want her to come
back or to live with them.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE OR READ THE REST, GO TO http://biblicalmaturity.yuku.com/topic/23
AND READ THE FILE "Marital Repentance, Reconciliation, Reunion After
Marriage, Separation, Divorce and Remarriage #2 - - - Controversial
Solutions" or go to http://www.kirkal.com/view_forum_topic.php?topic_id=195&group_id=561;
http://groups.google.com/group/maritalrepentanceandreconciliation/browse_thread/thread/897291917151658b?hl=en;
or
http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/cBNOTHWIRp9Qv-zkmbUfc_o5v3AIR-FOjIqmEk8-28J3OOycj2HnbQ3TuxYdGBh2XlBivldhfQ56P-YkcmdOjg/SexualMorality%26TheBible/PMaritalRepentanceReconciliation2P.html

Then there is the situation where the genuinely saved wife, Saria,
chose her separation option (1 Corinth 7:10,11) and left her husband,
Demetrius who claims to be genuinely saved, to whom she understands
she is bound maritally as long as both of them live (Mark 10:1-12;
Roman 7:1-3; 1 Corinth 7:5,10,11,39). Demetrius claims to be genuinely
saved by reliance on Jesus alone to save him from his sins, but
Demetrius has had a bad streak in life and has become verbally and
physically abusive, addicted to porn, greedy, drug abusing and drinks
til drunk in order to fall asleep. She has told him that he is
offending her, grieving her and breaking her heart (Gal 6:1; Luke
17:3; Romans 14:13-19; Matt 18:15). She asked some elders/deacons at
her church to do Matt 18:16 and 2 Tim 2:24-26 to Demetrius. She is now
up to asking the church to do Matt 18:17 and 1 Corinth 5:3-5.
The guiding Word here is:
***1Cor 5:11 but as it is, I wrote unto you not to keep company,
if any
man that is named a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an
idolater, or
a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one no,
not to eat.
5:3 For I verily, being absent in body but present in spirit, have
already, as though I
were present, judged him that has so wrought this thing, 4 in the
name of
our Lord Jesus, you all being gathered together, and my spirit,
with the power
of our Lord Jesus, 5 to deliver such a one unto Satan for the
destruction of
the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord
Jesus.

If Demetrius responds to the promised chastening (Hebrews 12, the
weakness and sickness of 1 Corinth 11:30-32) and repents effectively
with genuine godly sorrow (2 Corinth 7:8-11), he is restored to the
church fellowship and restored to Saria to be her godly husband (2
Corinth 2:5-11). On the other hand, if Demetrius continues on for
months or even a year being verbally and physically abusive, addicted
to porn, greedy, drug abusing and drinks til drunk in order to fall
asleep; then the absence of genuine godly repentance and God's
chastening make it clear that he is not genuinely saved and is lost
and dead in his sins (Hebrews 12; 1 John 3:3-9). Then the Lord's Word
is "he should be unto you as the Gentile and the publican," as an
unbeliever. Then she finds herself in the Lulu and Bubu situation
described below, where she is a saved woman still maritally bound to
Demetrius as long as he wants to maritally live with her even though
she has used her separation
option :
***1Cor 7: 10 I command the married —not I, but the Lord—a
[believing] wife is not to leave, depart or separate from [Strong's
5563] her [believing] husband. 11 But if she does leave, depart, and/
or separate [Strong's 5563], she must remain unmarried or be
reconciled to her husband—and a [believing] husband/man is not to
forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, divorce [Strong's 863] his
wife/woman. . . . 13 Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband/
man, and he is willing [consents, would like] to keep on [maritally]
occupying a house, residing , cohabiting^ and/or dwelling [3611] with
her, she must not forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, and/or
remit [Strongs 863] her husband/man. . . .15 But if the unbeliever
leaves, departs and/or separates himself from her [Strong's 5563], he
should go away/depart/separate/leave, [he should separate himself from
her].. A brother or a sister is not [legally, morally, maritally]
bound in such cases [in the Kingdom of God]. God has called you to
peace. . . . . .

So often in America, a genuinely saved man, Yitre, leaves and divorces
his genuinely saved wife, Yafia, in disobedience to the unqualified
command not to do so (1 Cor 7:11; Malachi 2). Yitri goes on in
obedience to 1Cor 7:9 and marries another genuinely saved wife,
Fatyah. Then Yitre realizes that he is still maritally bound (1
Cor7:10,11,39; Rom 7:1-3) to his genuinely saved "ex" wife, Yafia. In
godly sorrow Yitre diligently repents of the sin of having divorced
Yafia and now in repentance seeks to be reconciled with her and resume
their marriage, even though he is now legally married to his new wife,
Fatyah. Scripturally he must serve Yafia according to 1 Tim 5:8; 1 Cor
7:1-5 and Prov 5:18,19.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE OR READ THE REST, GO TO http://biblicalmaturity.yuku.com/topic/23
AND READ THE FILE "Marital Repentance, Reconciliation, Reunion After
Marriage, Separation, Divorce and Remarriage #2 - - - Controversial
Solutions" or go to http://www.shtyle.fm/topic.do?cid=41190&tid=515010;
or http://www.kirkal.com/view_forum_topic.php?topic_id=195&group_id=561;
http://groups.google.com/group/maritalrepentanceandreconciliation/browse_thread/thread/897291917151658b?hl=en;
or
http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/cBNOTHWIRp9Qv-zkmbUfc_o5v3AIR-FOjIqmEk8-28J3OOycj2HnbQ3TuxYdGBh2XlBivldhfQ56P-YkcmdOjg/SexualMorality%26TheBible/PMaritalRepentanceReconciliation2P.html

[11.] Marriage, separation, divorce and remarriage with the saved
married to the unsaved (1 Corinth 7:10-15):

So often in America, a genuinely saved man, Ofir, separates himself
and divorces his unsaved wife, Eifah, and fails to do it in the manner
of 1Cor 7:1-15,39, because Eifah never wanted him to leave her, still
wanted to maritally live with him. Ofir goes on and marries another
genuinely saved wife, Avida. Then Ofir realizes that he sinned in
leaving and divorcing his unsaved wife, Eifah, who still wanted, and
still wants, to maritally live with him.
***1 Cor 7:11 . . . and a [believing] husband/man is not to
forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, divorce [Strongs 863]
his wife/woman. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any
brother has an unbelieving wife/woman, and she is
willing [consents, would like] to [maritally] continue on occupying a
house, reside , cohabiting^ and/or dwelling [3611]> with him,
he must not forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, and/or
remit [Strong's 863] her.

In 2 Corinthians 7 godly sorrow Ofir diligently seeks to repent of his
sin of leaving Eifah, who didn't want him to leave, and still wants
him back. His new wife, Avida, doesn't want Eifah to live with
them, . . . . .
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE OR READ THE REST, GO TO http://biblicalmaturity.yuku.com/topic/23
AND READ THE FILE "Marital Repentance, Reconciliation, Reunion After
Marriage, Separation, Divorce and Remarriage #2 - - - Controversial
Solutions" or go to http://www.shtyle.fm/topic.do?cid=41190&tid=515010;
or http://www.kirkal.com/view_forum_topic.php?topic_id=195&group_id=561;
or http://groups.google.com/group/maritalrepentanceandreconciliation/browse_thread/thread/897291917151658b?hl=en;
or
http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/cBNOTHWIRp9Qv-zkmbUfc_o5v3AIR-FOjIqmEk8-28J3OOycj2HnbQ3TuxYdGBh2XlBivldhfQ56P-YkcmdOjg/SexualMorality%26TheBible/PMaritalRepentanceReconciliation2P.html

So often in America, a genuinely saved Lulu separates herself and
divorces her unsaved husband, Bubu, and fails to do it in the manner
of 1Cor 7:1-15,39, because he never wanted her to leave him, still
wanted to maritally live with her. Lulu goes on and marries another
genuinely saved man, Abdul. Then she realizes that she sinned in
leaving and divorcing her unsaved Bubu who still wanted, and still
wants, to maritally live with her. Lulu realizes that she is living in
adultery with her new husband, Abdul, (Roman 7:1-3) because she is
still maritally bound to Bubu, her unsaved "ex", because he never
wanted to stop maritally living with her (1 Cor 7:12,13,15).
***1 Cor 7:***1Cor 7: 10 I command the married —not I, but the
Lord—a [believing] wife is not to leave, depart or separate from
[Strong's 5563] her [believing] husband. 11 But if she does leave,
depart, and/or separate [Strong's 5563], she must remain
unmarried or be reconciled to her husband— . . . . 13 Also, if
any woman has an unbelieving husband/man, and he is willing
[consents, would like] to keep on [maritally] occupying a
house, residing , cohabiting^ and/or dwelling [3611] with her, she
must not forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, and/or
remit [Strong's 863] her husband/man.

In 2 Corinthians 7 godly sorrow Lulu diligently seeks to repent of her
sin of adultery with Abdul and her sin of leaving her unsaved Bubu,
who didn't want her to leave, and still wants her back. She
respectfully but decisively tells her new husband, Abdul, that their
relationship is adultery and she has to leave and go back to her
unsaved man, Bubu, who never stopped wanting to maritally live with
her. If Bubu has gone on in her absence and married another woman,
Beulah, never having stopped wanting to maritally live with Lulu, then
the best Lulu can hope for is to be . . . . . .
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE OR READ THE REST, GO TO http://biblicalmaturity.yuku.com/topic/23
AND READ THE FILE "Marital Repentance, Reconciliation, Reunion After
Marriage, Separation, Divorce and Remarriage #2 - - - Controversial
Solutions" or go to http://www.shtyle.fm/topic.do?cid=41190&tid=515010;
or http://www.kirkal.com/view_forum_topic.php?topic_id=195&group_id=561;
http://groups.google.com/group/maritalrepentanceandreconciliation/browse_thread/thread/897291917151658b?hl=en;
or
http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/cBNOTHWIRp9Qv-zkmbUfc_o5v3AIR-FOjIqmEk8-28J3OOycj2HnbQ3TuxYdGBh2XlBivldhfQ56P-YkcmdOjg/SexualMorality%26TheBible/PMaritalRepentanceReconciliation2P.html

Then there is the situation where the saved wife, Safronia, left her
unsaved husband, Brutus, when he still wanted to maritally live with
her. Brutus was and continues to be verbally and physically abusive,
drug abusing, vulgar, unkind, bossy and openly hostile to anything
that has to do with Jesus. The guiding Word here is:
***1Cor 7:10 But unto the married I give charge, yea not I, but
the Lord, that the wife
should not depart from her husband 11(but should she depart, she
should remain
unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband); and that the
husband should not leave his wife. . . .
13 Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband/man, and he is
willing [consents, would like] to keep on [maritally]
occupying a house, residing , cohabiting^ and/or dwelling [3611] with
her, she must not forsake,
lay aside, leave, put (send) away, and/or remit [Strongs 863] her
husband/man.

Brutus is still a brute but wants to maritally live with Safronia.
Safronia left the man she is under God's
command not to leave, God's command to not terminate their marital
relationship. She is still maritally
bound to Brutus in the Kingdom of God. Having departed from Brutus
while he still wanted to maritally
live with her, Brutus still being a brute and a bully, and she being
able to successfully and continuously
abstain from sex sin, Safronia chooses the option to remain unmarried
and separated from Brutus. The
Word makes it clear that the instant Brutus no longer wants to
maritally live with her, separating himself
from her emotionally and maritally, then she is maritally free from
him in the Kingdom of God and in the
Kingdom of God she is free to marry another (1 Corinth7:15).

======================================

[12.] Another marital option

There is another marital option for godly single Christian women who
want to marry but consistently are unable to find godly men
to be their husbands. It is never condemned in Scripture, and is
never declared to be sin in Scripture, while all of the sins listed in
the
preceding paragraphs are clearly, specifically and explicitly
condemned
in Scripture. So when they have come under God's command to marry,
they don't recognize what the Bible indicates to be an acceptable
option.
Well have “religious” Christians made of no effect the Word of God in
the
lives of these “Christian” women by teaching their own doctrines and
traditions about Biblical marriage as if THEY were the Word of God
(Mark 7; Matt 15).

The "Christian" church has failed tragically to meet
the needs of the bereft women, and the church's rejection of marriage
has made it almost impossible for these bereft women to have their
needs met in a godly and Biblical way. Let me explain.

If you haven't already noticed, most "Christian" churches have failed
to practice James 1:27
***" 27 External religious worship [religion as it is expressed in
outward acts] that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God
the Father is this: to visit, help and care for the bereft, orphans
and widows, in their affliction and need, and to keep oneself
unspotted and uncontaminated from the world."

In chapter 6 of the book of Acts you see the early church carefully
and diligently visiting, helping and caring for the bereft. 2 Cor 8
indicates how believers are to meet the needs of such needy people,
much like the way they did it in Acts 2 and 4.
***"12 For if the [eager] readiness to give is there, then it is
acceptable and welcomed in proportion to what a person has, not
according to what he does not have.13 For it is not [intended] that
other people be eased and relieved [of their responsibility] and you
be burdened and suffer [unfairly],14 But to have equality [share and
share alike], your surplus over necessity at the present time going to
meet their want and to equalize the difference created by it, so that
[at some other time] their surplus in turn may be given to supply your
want. Thus there may be equality, 15 As it is written, He who gathered
much had nothing over, and he who gathered little did not lack."

The Lord's instructions in Deut 25 regarding meeting the needs of
widows are
found again in 1 Tim 5:14 and 1 Cor 7:8,9; where we see the younger
widows
under command to marry.
"14 So I would have younger [widows] marry, bear children, guide
the household, [and] not give opponents of the faith occasion for
slander or reproach." 1 Tim 5 AB
"8 But to the unmarried people and to the widows, I declare that it
is well (good, advantageous, expedient, and wholesome) for them to
remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if they have not self-control
(restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to
marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with
ungratified desire]." 1 Cor 7:8,9 AB

Many Christian men have seen the need and are aware of the fact
that there are far more Christian women willing and available for
marriage than there are Christian men who are willing and available
for Christian marriage. Yet seeing the need of the needy women
they fail to meet it, in part because of the "church's" ungodly
rejection
of Biblical marriage, which is a tremendous deterrent to meeting the
needs of the bereft women and their children.
So many Christian men and the Christian "church" not only fail to meet
the church's responsibility for taking care of the bereft women, but
they
effectively discourage the men of the church from enabling the bereft
women
to be married where marriage is the only way it can be done, due to
the lack
of godly Christian men who are willing and available for marriage. So
it is no
surprise to see so many churches where the Love of God does not live
and remain, where they neither lay down their culture for the needy
sisters,
nor lay down their lives in the sacrifice of marriage for the needy
sisters.
If there were many sickly, weak and even dying in the Corinthian
church
because they offended and shamed the needy among them <1 Cor 11:30-
32>, is it a surprise to see so many weak, sickly and even dying in
the
church today for their failure to enable the bereft women to obey
Christ
by marrying, even if it means marrying someone who is not their first
choice
or preference?
***"16 By this we come to know (progressively to recognize, to
perceive,
to understand) the [essential] love: that He laid down His [own] life
for us;
and we ought to lay [our] lives down for [those who are our] brothers
[in
Him]. 17 But if anyone has this world's goods (resources for
sustaining life)
and sees his brother and fellow believer in need, yet closes his heart
of
compassion against him, how can the love of God live and remain in
him?
18 Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech
but in
deed and in truth (in practice and in sincerity). 19 By this we shall
come to
know (perceive, recognize, and understand) that we are of the Truth,
and
can reassure (quiet, conciliate, and pacify) our hearts in His
presence, . . ."
1 John 3 AB

If you want information about this other controversial Biblical option
for godly Christian
women who want to marry but can't find a godly husband who will marry
them, and they
have come to the place that they will accept whatever godly man (even
if he is fat, old,
bald, blind, deaf, crippled, poor, etc) that Jesus provides, then
request it by email at
oldse...@gmail.com, oldse...@aol.com; or go to one of the
following:
http://biblicalmaturity.yuku.com/topic/23 AND READ THE FILE
"Marital Repentance, Reconciliation, Reunion After Marriage,
Separation, Divorce and Remarriage #2- - - Controversial Solutions" or
go to http://www.shtyle.fm/topic.do?cid=41190&tid=515010; or
http://www.kirkal.com/view_forum_topic.php?topic_id=195&group_id=561;
http://groups.google.com/group/maritalrepentanceandreconciliation/browse_thread/thread/897291917151658b?hl=en;
or
http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/cBNOTHWIRp9Qv-zkmbUfc_o5v3AIR-FOjIqmEk8-28J3OOycj2HnbQ3TuxYdGBh2XlBivldhfQ56P-YkcmdOjg/SexualMorality%26TheBible/PMaritalRepentanceReconciliation2P.html

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MarriageDivorceRemarriageJesus2
http://www.flickr.com/groups/marriage-divorce-remarriage/
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/MarriageDivorceRemarriageInJesus
http://groups.myspace.com/ChristianMarriage
http://groups.msn.com/MarriageDivorce-Remarriage-Jesus/http://groups.msn.com/CarolLynnMcIntyreLossRecovery/

The Eternal Father of Love gave His only Son born of woman to die for
your failures so that you do not have to be lost to Death but can Live
with Jesus forever, by trusting Jesus alone to save you from Death and
failure and make you right to Live with the Eternal Father of Love
forever. Abortion is the murderous shedding of innocent blood. Neither
racists, nor bigots, nor those who enjoy pornography, nor those who
have sexual relations outside of their own marriage, nor catamites nor
homosexuals shall inherit Jesus' Kingdom, according to Ac17:26; 1Jn2&3
Rom1;1Co6;Is59:7;Ez23; Rev 21; Rev 22

Keys2SuccessfulBiblicalMarriage