Hello Jamie,
The (orthogonal) Stiefel manifold, that is, the set of all nxp matrices with orthogonal columns, is a submanifold of R^{nxp}. If we use the standard metric <A, B> = Trace(A^T B), it is a Riemannian submanifold of the Euclidean space R^{nxp}. This means the formulas in Absil's book apply:
equations 3.37 and 5.15
Section 4.1 in this paper by Absil gives the details:
An extrinsic look at the Riemannian Hessian
See section 4.1.
For the Grassmann manifold, it's a bit more tricky, because it's a quotient manifold, and things depend a bit of how you look at them. There are also formulas in Absil's book (close by the ones I referenced). You can also take a look at the explicit (but somewhat expedited) deriviation in this paper:
Low-rank matrix completion via preconditioned optimization on the Grassmann manifold
See section 2.
I hope this helps. Don't hesitate if this leaves unanswered questions.
Best,
Nicolas