Hello Kai,
These are good questions. A full answer might take more space than I can fill here, though.
The key concept to understand about quotient spaces is that they are abstract spaces, and as a result we need to "do something" to decide upon a good numerical representation of both points on the manifold and of tangent vectors to that manifold.
The relevant concept here is that of "horizontal lift". See Figure 3.8 in Absil's book and section 3.6.2.
If the quotient space is Q = M / ~, then a point on Q is an equivalence class [x] = {y \in M : x ~ y}, where x is a point on M. One obvious way to represent [x] numerically is to store x in memory. Now, at x, M has a tangent space: T_x M. Certain directions in T_x M are parallel to the equivalence class [x] (which itself is a manifold), and the other directions are orthogonal to it. The parallel directions are called the vertical space V_x, and the other directions are called the horizontal directions, H_x. Of course, T_x M = V_x + H_x. The nice thing about horizontal lifts is that they allow one to numerically represent tangent vectors at [x] simply as elements of H_x, which typically are concrete objects (matrices) one can store in memory.
Perhaps, it is best to look at example. One example (certainly not the best one, but the first that came to mind because I was an author):
Cramér-Rao bounds for synchronization of rotations
Go to section 3 and subsection 3.2. The derivation there is explicit.
I hope this helps.
Best,
Nicolas