Domestic Violence in India: You are Not Alone

[MAITRI]

Domestic Violence in India: You are Not Alone


I was molested several times at the age of 8 or 9 by my older brother,
who was then 16, and I didn’t tell my parents out of fear. It’s been
14 years and I still remember every detail. I haven’t been able to
forgive my brother nor forget it, even though he is now married and
lives away from me.

He is extremely close to my parents and they love him a lot. I come
from a typical Indian family, and since I am a girl and the younger
sibling, my parents don’t care for me and show love and affection only
for my brother. I hate my parents because I can see the different
attitudes they show toward us in everything thing they do, and I hate
my brother too. I still live with my parents, and they don’t even talk
to me. On the other hand, they call up my brother and his wife every
day. They send food, money, etc. for my brother, yet expect me cook
for myself and manage with the least amount of money. I am suffering
from a lot of health problems too, like bronchitis and uterus related
problems, none of which concerns my parents. I’ve had many failed
relationships which have added to my problems. An ex-boyfriend of mine
used to insult me and even hit me. I am extremely depressed, and I
feel like crying all the time. Whenever my brother comes my blood
boils with anger. Because of him, I am suffering, and he is living a
nice life with no guilt and no problems.

I have been suppressing all my problems all these years, and I just
feel I can’t do it anymore, and that one day I may just not be able to
put myself together again. My parents are also making my life
miserable, and I know that if I tell them about what my brother did,
they will never believe me. I don’t know what to do.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply


By Dr Jim Bierman, PhD | 9 March 2011 (Please read our Important
Disclaimer.)
A:
First, remember you are not alone. According to recent data from
India’s National Family Health Survey, 35% of women in India
experience domestic violence. Yet, only 1-2% of those women ever seek
help from an institution or the government. Women seek help from their
families, which, as you’ve described, doesn’t always help. What are
you to do to help yourself?

No doubt, it’s hard for you to ask an outsider for help. It could
embarrass you and your family. The consequence of not seeking help,
however, is worse: tomorrow will be the same as today until you take
action to change it.

You are not to blame for the abuse you suffered. However, you can do
something for yourself and for women across India who suffer as you
do. I encourage you to educate yourself about the advocates against
domestic violence in your area. When you feel up to it, approach them.
Ask them about your situation, let them break the isolation you’re
feeling. Maybe having someone to talk to will be enough to help you
move on with your life, if not on with your family. If you need more
help than that, they may be able to offer such things as relocation
and financial assistance until you can get on your feet.

Should you feel the need and have the energy, you can do even more.
After you get help for yourself, consider this: victims of domestic
violence are looking for you to add your voice to this important
cause. You may be able to find strength in yourself by helping others.
As an advocate you really can help. At a time when so many countries
are protesting against their governments, you have a chance to rally
your government to intervene effectively and quickly to stop this
plague of domestic violence from spreading.


http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2011/03/09/domestic-violence-in-india-you-are-not-alone/