Why are we immune to wife beating?

[MAITRI]

As the country debates over whether to waive the diplomatic immunity
of London-based Indian diplomat Anil Verma who assaulted his wife
Paromita, the incident brings out some ugly truths about the great
Indian family.

Though domestic abuse cuts across all classes, it seems the crime is
still considered to be a personal matter between couples and men enjoy
a certain amount of immunity when it comes to wife-beating.

Amid reports that India recalled the diplomat only due to pressure
from the British government, the episode also shows how serious we are
about even high-profile domestic violence cases.

Suman Nalwa, additional DCP, special cell for women and child,
Nanakpura, agrees, " Men all over enjoy immunity when it comes to wife-
beating. It's a universal phenomenon." Last year, the Delhi Police
alone received 9,000 complaints on domestic violence.



According to the National Family Health Survey-III, over 40 per cent
of the women surveyed reported being beaten by their husbands at some
point of time.

Over 51 per cent men didn't find anything wrong with assaulting their
wives. More shockingly, around 54 per cent of women and men surveyed
thought that such violence was justified on some ground or the other.

Liyi Marli Noshi, legal officer, Lawyers Collective, says that wife-
beating is a prevalent social norm." Domestic violence is not taken
seriously.

Often women are made to believe that they are wrong and violence
against them is justified. Her self-esteem is too low to revolt
against the perpetrator," says Noshi.

Recollecting a case of how an executive in a blue chip firm abused his
wife for a long time, she says social stigma too acts as an impediment
for victims seeking justice. "The couple has three children and the
husband used to abuse her in every possible way.

He demanded sex thrice a day and the wife had to oblige. He was
constantly demanding dowry, though his inlaws had already paid him
huge amounts.

The wife had to get money from her parents even to buy vegetables. The
husband never spent a penny. Despite all this, the wife didn't want
divorce because she was scared of the stigma," says Noshi.



Statistics reveal an even more alarming trend. A study by the Harvard
School of Public Health with the Indian Council of Medical Research
and the National Institute for Research in Reproductive Health in
Mumbai has linked the deaths of 18 lakh girl children in India in the
past two decades to domestic violence against their mothers.

Neelanju Dutta, who is in charge of the violence intervention team of
Jagori, an NGO, says she has been a rise in the number of domestic
violence cases in the past few years.

She says that out of the 242 cases they received last year, 70 per
cent was related to domestic violence. "Awareness level has gone up
and more women are coming out and talking about it.

There is no class difference when it comes to domestic violence. It's
prevalent across classes," says Dutta.

However, she feels that women from the lower classes are more vocal
about it. Upper middle class women, especially, shy away from seeking
legal help fearing social stigma.

"Prestige issues are stronger among women from upper classes. I have
seen my lady officers coming to work with injuries inflicted by their
husbands. Despite their awareness, they need a lot of counselling to
talk about the trauma openly," says Nalwa.

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