http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/articles/partnership_one-upmanship_303.php
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MAITRI
Sep 29, 2010, 6:27:50 AM9/29/10
to Maitri
Controlling Husband - Building Partnership
Over One-upmanship in Controlling Relationships
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
“There’s something I need from you...but I know you probably will mess
it up in your delivery.”
Imagine for a moment that you are on the receiving end of this. Do you
think you would want to even try to deliver? I don’t think so, do you?
Chances are if you know partner abuse, you have stumbled on this from
both ends. That’s right, you heard me. You have probably been on the
receiving end of expecting you to mess up before you’re out of the
gate. And you, too, have communicated the same message to your spouse
("Get ready dear, I'm going to mess up.").
One-upmanship in Battering Relationships
One-upmanship refers to the implied message that “I know better than
you.”...“You are deficient in this that comes so natural to me.” It
says, “No matter what, I assume you will fumble in your delivery
because you simply don’t have the skill, wisdom...or whatever it takes
to pull it off successfully.”
This thinking keeps one party on top and the other on the bottom,
never to come together collaboratively...rather, each to remain
pigeonholed in their respectful corners.
The declared “winner” in this moment is essentially the controlling
party, who already has established the “loser” ranking for the other
person. And since we are blessed with getting what we believe, you
know what happens from here. Both of you will probably get what you
expect.
Partnership in Intimate Relationships
If, on the other hand, I expect you to bring promise and success to
the table, than we each can become winners. There is no winner/loser;
rather, there is collaboration benefiting both of us. There is
communion between us and the accomplishment of something meaningful to
both of us.
How Do You Communicate Partnership over One-upmanship?
Imagine asking for the result you want and holding the belief that it
can be forthcoming. Feel the permission and openness of that to
inspire whatever is to be, while allowing it to unfold.
The focus remains on “how it can be” rather than “how it probably
won’t be.” And the collaboration builds on this pure positive energy.
If you and your partner are stuck in a control dynamic and you long to
break the cycle of abuse, seek to benefit from domestic abuse
treatment in the context of relationship therapy.
http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/articles/partnership_one-upmanship_303.php
Over One-upmanship in Controlling Relationships
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
“There’s something I need from you...but I know you probably will mess
it up in your delivery.”
Imagine for a moment that you are on the receiving end of this. Do you
think you would want to even try to deliver? I don’t think so, do you?
Chances are if you know partner abuse, you have stumbled on this from
both ends. That’s right, you heard me. You have probably been on the
receiving end of expecting you to mess up before you’re out of the
gate. And you, too, have communicated the same message to your spouse
("Get ready dear, I'm going to mess up.").
One-upmanship in Battering Relationships
One-upmanship refers to the implied message that “I know better than
you.”...“You are deficient in this that comes so natural to me.” It
says, “No matter what, I assume you will fumble in your delivery
because you simply don’t have the skill, wisdom...or whatever it takes
to pull it off successfully.”
This thinking keeps one party on top and the other on the bottom,
never to come together collaboratively...rather, each to remain
pigeonholed in their respectful corners.
The declared “winner” in this moment is essentially the controlling
party, who already has established the “loser” ranking for the other
person. And since we are blessed with getting what we believe, you
know what happens from here. Both of you will probably get what you
expect.
Partnership in Intimate Relationships
If, on the other hand, I expect you to bring promise and success to
the table, than we each can become winners. There is no winner/loser;
rather, there is collaboration benefiting both of us. There is
communion between us and the accomplishment of something meaningful to
both of us.
How Do You Communicate Partnership over One-upmanship?
Imagine asking for the result you want and holding the belief that it
can be forthcoming. Feel the permission and openness of that to
inspire whatever is to be, while allowing it to unfold.
The focus remains on “how it can be” rather than “how it probably
won’t be.” And the collaboration builds on this pure positive energy.
If you and your partner are stuck in a control dynamic and you long to
break the cycle of abuse, seek to benefit from domestic abuse
treatment in the context of relationship therapy.
http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/articles/partnership_one-upmanship_303.php
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