Lynne Janine Braithwaite- An Ode to Life
Just Once
by Lynne Janine Braithwaite
This peom came to me in snippets in my dreams in the very early days of
"Lynne". They were so vivid in my mind on awaking that I wrote them all
down and finally they all seemed to make sense.Though not published
seperately this poem is published as an intro in the front of "Diaries
of a Transfemale" Book 1...
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AN ODE TO LIFE or TWO INTO ONE WILL GO.
By Lynne Braithwaite
1994.
What a wondrous gift. To be born into the universe in this place of
great beauty.
Of rugged mountains, deep green valleys with wooded slopes and grassy
meadows.
Some, radiating like spokes in a wheel are filled with water and give
this place its common name.
On the water cormorants fish, whilst high above the buzzard mews on
wing, hunting.
The foxes bark can oft be heard as mates communicate, whilst timid
deer, at dawn on foggy grass will browse.
The war is waged. But we are spared such stark reality and give shelter
to the nations youth at risk.
The Spitfires need our aluminium pots and pans. Park gates and
garden-fences overnight do disappear to feed the hungry war machine.
The only link that I can see are the large white birds that on the lake
do roost. When built they lie at anchor in Wray Bay.
>From the shadowy building in the trees across the lake they emerge
seemingly inert.
A day or two and all is quiet.
Then all hell breaks loose as engines roar. The local wildlife goes to
ground.
When all is tested and found OK the great white bird must now be seen
to float.
The day has come! The bird must fly. It has a pressing job to do.
To guard the convoys and save lives is what her life's about.
Nose into wind, the engines roar, ponderously gathering speed she
gently eases her mighty frame from the clutches of the lake.
At last, with feathering wake she's free.
Now in her element, to come and go as man would bid the enemy to break.
The village school below the ancient church upon the hill is where
one's taught the basic skills.
But life requires more than this so onward we must go.
I leave my home, my folks, my lakes and hills and to the south I go.
It breaks my heart, but I must stay in this military place.
I learn about the aeroplanes and what really makes them tick.
To fly is what I really want, but the say I'm medically unfit!
So an engineer I become. A life of fixing snags.
"You break em, we mend em" is our everlasting chant.
I do the things that most men do. In fact a whole lot more than most.
The motor bikes, the racing cars, one could not ask for more.
The lure of females finally takes it's toll and to the church did go.
A wife and family to support became the number one.
So in the service I remained and did what must be done.
In those forty years of service life the pinnacle of joy came when I
got to fly at last.
The mighty "Vulcan" delta was my charge for six most glorious
years.
Around the world where're she flew she always drew a crowd.
Her exploits being legend and agility unbound.
My task was that of maintenance, along with many others.
We often burned the midnight oil whilst others slept profound.
America, Australia, Hong Kong and many more.
There really was no limit to the far and distant shore.
Our height at times, of 10 miles plus, or down to tree top height.
We travelled day or night to exercise our might.
My family thought it Xmas every time that I returned.
The duty free and presents became the order of the day.
If I perchance did not oblige it really caused dismay.
The year is 1989. My contract now complete.
Divorce and demob all come at once.
Another female comes into my life. She really is a treasure.
We have a business making models in silver and in gold.
The first year goes quite well and things are looking up.
The second year was not so good. Recession was the onerous word on
every bodies lips.
The making of "Executive Toys" whilst the country's in recession
is not the best profession.
The savings go to keep the business going.
But alas, in one more year the business is no more.
At the ripe old age of 59 I really do despair, a job for me is really
rare.
They can't employ the younger ones, it really is a scare.
A second split is signalled in my life, my wife is not amused.
She says I've changed. I'm not the man she knew!
She does not want to stay.
In the latter years of my life. But only on occasions.
I've had a feeling all's not well within my inner self.
This latest move it would appear has brought things to a head.
My world has suddenly turned upside down.
I'm really in a quandary.
This eldest child, who, born a male, would appear to be no longer.
A FEMALE now? This is a real dilemma.
What can I do to be myself really is the question.
I must look ahead. Be honest and brave and hope mankind will
understand.
The path I walk is long and very narrow.
On the one side is a lifetime male experience, with its only now seen
gender biases.
On the other, an equally large, but unknown and uncharted area of the
female world.
A softer, more forgiving and understanding world?
I'm pleased to say it is.
My greatest wish is not to let you down.
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