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And even if punk was supposedly dead, its brutish offshoot, hardcore (punk stripped to its most basic structures and attitudes and played at warp speed), was doing just fine. I went to see as many all-ages concerts as I could from fourteen on. Eventually my old flared corduroys and airplane collared shirts were abandoned in favor of army jackets, jeans and combat boots.
The prickly individualism of the best of the punk bands was was something that seemed to me to be in direct contrast to being Jewish at that time in my life. By adolescence I had begun to associate being a Jew with being a spineless wimp. We were always being hen-pecked by our mothers. Woody Allen was the only famous Jew I knew of for a long time, which was not exactly comforting for a teenage boy. And there was the constant portrayal of Jews as victims. Two mini-series I remember vividly from childhood were Holocaust and something about modern day American Nazis marching in Skokie, Illinois. Even my closest friend in junior high, a flabby gaming geek who later became a flabby computer geek, was hardly someone I wanted to be like.
Over time, the skinhead cult split between those who remembered and celebrated their roots in Black culture, and those who had been seduced by the dark power of extremist politics. Both factions argued that the other was irrelevant, and both groups and their various permutations have thrived and brawled worldwide. Then, as now, there were Jewish skinheads as well as Black skinheads, Puerto Rican and Hispanic skinheads, and Asian skinheads. But there was no denying that entering the subculture brought some built-in conundrums. I was never sure whether to embrace everything about the cult or carefully pick and choose what fit best with my own sense of ethics and background. I steadily downplayed my Jewish upbringing, though few were asking.
The early 1990s were some of the worst times of my life. By then I was in my mid-twenties and the stakes were getting higher all the time. Friends of mine were dying of drug overdoses, losing themselves to alcohol or going to jail. Music and style seemed to have very little to do with it by now. I started reflecting about what was happening around me rather than simply reacting to it all the time. I needed something that encompassed that reflection and I found it from an unlikely source: Krishna.
I was first introduced to Krishna Consciousness in the late 1980s by a friend of mine who was a skinhead girl. She took me to the ISKCON temple on Commonwealth Avenue in Boston for a free vegetarian meal. Although I enjoyed the food, I had little interest in the religion initially. To my way of thinking religion and spirituality were still the preserve of those geeky yarmulke wearers.
Punk and skinhead gave me a chance to find myself in the material world. Hare Krishna was what I needed to transcend that world, and bring me onto a spiritual plane. From there I could rediscover all the things worthwhile in my background without the prejudices and blinders of youth. Although I never acted on the ideas and sentiment of the racist bands, I do sometimes regret ever listening to them and can only cite the pain and confusion of adolescence in my defense.
Today, my young daughter often likes to sift through my CD collection, which incorporates Krishna Chants, songs from The Jewish Partisans of World War II and of course large amounts of punk and all its variants. It all makes sense to me. I hope one day it will make sense to her as well.
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