WaL - July 21, 2005

[scott.l...@gmail.com]

Hey kids, Lumpy here.

Thanks to everyone who made the trek down to NU to make Bocce another
success. Congratulations to Chad Schmidt & Chad Roeder on their second
Bocce victory. High marks to them as well for being good sports and
wearing the jackets out to Fest, although one has to wonder about
Schmidtty's disdain for sleeves, the kid is a mullet and a Trans Am
away from being Joe Dirt.

I do have one matter of business that I need to get out of the way,
right away. Since the inception of the team I have been a season
ticket holder for the Minnesota Wild. I can still remember skipping
class in order to call in the second the team took deposits for
tickets. My devotion that day paid off in the form of four of the best
seats in the house, but priorities have changed and my feelings towards
the league have changed as well, so I'm planning on giving up my
tickets. With that said, I would like to offer the tickets to anyone
of you that might be interested. If you want them straight up, I would
be more than happy to transfer them. If you want to put together a
partnership to share them, I would even be a limited partner in that
type of venture. It's with mixed emotions that I've made this
decision. Let me stress that the Minnesota Wild been an extremely
classy organization and it has been a joy to work with them. Their
professionalism has definitely made this a much more difficult decision
than I initially anticipated.

If this possibility interests you please e-mail me
(scott.l...@gmail.com). With that said, anyone having an extra
Wild ticket this winter please let me know. Also I plan on investing
the money I had set aside for the upcoming season in a good big screen
HDTV, so the Festgrounds (new name for my basement) will be open for
all football & hockey games on television.

Okay on to the rest of the writing on the WaL:

I'm trying to figure out what the most incredible thing I've seen
recently is, here's your choices:

>From two Sundays ago to last Friday, in the span of five days, Monk
shaved 34 strokes off his golf game. He claims to have had a sore back
on both occasions, but he was drinking during one & not the other, but
contrary to your first instinct, it was the 90 in which he imbided
rather than the sober 124.

I'm still a little unclear on this one due to a couple of Schell's, but
at Fest closing on Saturday there was a girl named Amber who was openly
challenging any guy to a leg wrestling contest. She walked right up to
me, explained how it would work and asked if I wanted to. In leg
wrestling the two combatants lie side by side on the ground on their
back facing different directions with their waists parallel, they then
kick their legs up three times and hook up on the third one and the
winner flips the other opponent. I'm more than a little troubled by
how much her explanation turned me on (I had no idea I was a
submissive.) Well I correctly declined the invitation because I was
quite certain that I would get my ass kicked, but Schmidtty took her up
on her challenge. For those of you not familar with Schmidtty invision
a man that has two chuncky five-year-olds for legs. His calves are
full grown cows. I'm sure you're seeing where this is going. He of
course got flipped like a rag doll. Let me know if anyone knows this
Amber, I'm interested in challenging her supremecy outside the glare of
a hundred drunk fest-goers, but it worked for you Schmidtty.

Incredible thing number three. Monk has set the bar very high as far
as his Bocce day antics go. Last year he mistakenly dropped or body
slammed (depending on your angle) his wife after seeing her at H-Fest.
Her delicate state this year ruled a repeat of that out so instead he
streaked the winner's celebration. Actually it was a semi-streak since
he still had on his boxers, and better yet, his socks. There is video
of that coming to a computer monitor near you soon.

The next thing is probably more incredible to just me. I can't even
remember how long I've been playing with my softball team, the
Smooth-Talking Letharios, but I recently got promoted to the #4 spot
due to my team leading batting average. Now I'm not one to question
the moves of our skipper Ken Athmann, but my game is much more similar
to Ichiro's than any power hitter. In addition to that I'm not leading
the team due to my prowess at the plate as much as the diminished
number of my comrades. I'm like fine wine.

Lastly, I now cannot try to pick up women using the line about being a
racehorse owner. Uncle Brother ran last Saturday and finished fifth,
but more importantly was claimed by a different owner. It was a little
stunning, but after reflection, I think it was ultimately a good thing.
Our syndicate will now focus on getting a little better horse that
fits more of the criteria of our ideal horse. We may get a horse next
week, maybe next month, or maybe next spring. Regardless I'll keep you
posted and try to get some more of you out at the track.

That's all for now, let me know if you're interested in the tix, gotta
run,
Lumpy