WaL - November 11, 2005
Lumpy
going to end very very soon. That may sound like crazy-talk, but the
next couple of days will be very telling. As a wise man once said,
"You got harvest your nuts when you can."
On to the writing:
Fox 9 is off to a fast start in this month's race to see who can
whore out their news department the most in order to win the November
sweeps. You may not have seen the story, but you've probably heard
the outroar, and the outroar isn't over the content of the story, so
much as the fact that Fox even went after the 'story'.
With the help of hidden cameras and undercover producers they
discovered that some underage members of the Gopher hockey team have
actually had a drink or two. To make this non-story even more
embarrassing for Fox, they called out and identified some of these
kids.
Let's do a quick run down of other possible stories that Fox 9 might
be working on right now:
1. Members of the Gopher crew team relieving themselves in the
Mississippi.
2. Members of the Gopher gymnastics team exceeding the speed limit.
3. Members of the Gopher soccer team failing to move their car before
their parking meter expires.
4. Members of the Gopher track team illegally downloading music.
5. Six members of the Gopher softball team boating on the White Bear
Lake with only five lifejackets on board.
6. Members of the Gopher basketball team cheating on their schoolwork.
7. Members of the Gopher tennis team buying a Sunday paper from a
vending machine, but taking an extra copy for the coupons.
8. Members of the Gopher golf team taking a mulligan.
9. Members of the Gopher cross country team reading books from the
library that are clearly overdue.
10. Members of the Gopher baseball team jaywalking.
Look for all those coming this month, except for number six, that's
been done already.
Nice job Fox 9. If I had anything to do with that story I would be
overwhelmingly embarrassed. If that story had journalistic integrity,
then I'm expecting the National Enquirer to be adding a couple of
trophy cases in their offices. After all they're gonna need somewhere
to store all those Pulitzers.
Lumpy out. Ski-U-Mah!