Plagiarized Jokes

[Lonnie Clay]

There's an old joke about a guy standing on a street corner blowing a horn to keep the elephants away. When someone challenges him that there are no elephants in the city, he takes credit for keeping them out.

Lonnie Courtney Clay

[Lonnie Clay]

• I’m reminded of a very corny joke from my youth.
  There was a Beatnick (very evil type person), standing on a New York streetcorner twirling a chain. A passerby asked the Beatnick, “Hey man, what ‘ya doin”. To hich the Beatnick replied, “Keepin’ the elephants away”. The confused passerby said, “But man, there aren’t any elephants for thousands of miles.”
  To which the Beatnick replied, “See, I’m doin’ a good job, eh?

  
  

  
  

  Lonnie Courtney Clay

  
  

[Lonnie Clay]

A Duck Walks Into A Bar... 

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. 

The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck." 

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. 

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord. 

"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please? I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. 

Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!" 

"Sounds marvelous," says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call." 

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!" 

"Yeah?" asks the duck. "Sounds great, where is it?" 

"At the circus," says the landlord. 

"The circus?" the duck enquires. 

"That's right," replies the landlord. 

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle," asks the duck. 

"That's right!" says the landlord. 

The duck pauses for a moment with a confused loook on his face and replies: 

"What the heck would they want with a plasterer?"

Lonnie Courtney Clay

[Lonnie Clay]

I heard a funny joke today :

I found a new anti-perspirant brand. The instructions say "Remove cap and push up bottom to apply"

I can barely walk, the itch is terrible, but when I fart, the room smells lovely...

Lonnie Courtney Clay