Japan Dating
Alfonzo Liebenstein
Unlike Japan, California is a true melting pot of cultures but since I had so little dating experience back home, I was nervous about getting into the dating scene in America. Mostly because I had no idea how the American dating culture worked.
I was young and nave so it was a little scary in the beginning and I soon discovered the dating process in America is quite different from the one in Japan. In this article, I want to talk about a few major differences I saw between Japanese and American dating cultures.
If you continue to read the article THAT YOU POSTED, you will also come across stories in which younger Japanese men want to split the bill and as a result, their partners get upset. (Please read) If you continue to read you will also find two more stories of Japanese women, one whose boyfriend paid for everything and another one who did not. (READ THE POST)
Me and my boyfriend have been dating from a long time and i am so happy with him as he treats me like a princesses. I found him while online dating and i am really happy with him. its love that matter weather you pay for dating or not.
Hi Mieko, I was talking about the beginning of dating..of course american guys tend to offer to pay for drinks and even food on the first day nowadays as it seems to be the norm..otherwise you can be considered a non-gentleman and many women would not feel comfortable seeing you again for the next date,,but once they enter into a relationship, things are much more equal here. I used to pay most of our expenses for my boyfriend (in the past) and we cover equally and these days he picks up much more as things are better. ?
Yes I was mainly talking about young jerks who live in Southern California. ? Unfortunately, dating seems rather complex and stressful as men tend to ask women out here but then they tend to have ultra motives.
Sorry to hear that you feel that way about yourself..women are becoming more shallow in modern American society and I can see how stressful it is for men to have to ask women out, pick up initial bills and good guys seem to be screwed in many occasions especially when they are young.
Lol had the same problem at home. I went from 0 real girlfriends to like 6 and finally found a wife. She isnt even Japanese. Being a good man is not enough in America. You have to be cool and look be the right fit with charisma.
this reminds me the culture shock I learnt from dating a Japanese girlfriend in college days in Canada as I was raised in Hong kong, she asked me out and insisted to pay my dinner. How lucky most Japanese guys are LOL
In my opinion Japanese people are far more interesting than American people. The thing which I like about Japanese people is that they are very nice people and give much more warm welcome than any other person can give. I may be wrong bt Japan is better than America.
i think the Japanese one would be better excluding the cheap dates and paying only your own bill , the male should pay for the entire date in my opinion and the girls should be liberal enough to ask a boy out !
I learned the Japanese dating customs from watching anime so I copied them back in high school when it came to my crush, I pushed myself to confess to him even if my friends were already telling me I dont have to which ended badly since the guy wasnt interested in me. My country follows the American dating customs so my parents frowned upon my actions of confessing to my crush as well ask asking him out because they feel that it would make me a cheap girl if i do those and they believe its the guys job to confess to the girl and ask her out.
While these traditional approaches are still commonly observed in the Japanese society, many of the younger generation nowadays are finding them hard to keep up with. Japan is undergoing a big change in perception and practice of dating and marriage, so if you take a close look, you will be able to find a diversity of opinions among themselves.
Casual dating?2007/8/28 11:11 I'de appreciate a Japanese opinion please...I've been trying to date online recently & every Japanese guy I meet only wants to be casual dating partner. My ex husband (also Japanese) never dated that way & neither did my friends.So many nights I didn't know if I was on a date or not.Minasan wa chigai (nihonjin to gaijin) demo zen zen wakaranai. If this is common then I'de like to know what J-men like about this style of dating. Arigato ne!by Native
Deaikei?2007/8/28 11:53 Native,
I'm not sure I understand your question either, but maybe the problem is not so much with Japanese men in general but with the fact that you are looking for potential partners in the wrong places?by Dave in Saitamarate this post as useful
.2007/8/28 12:18 What do you mean by ''many nights I didn't know if I was on a date or not''? Causal dating partners can mean many different things. Can we please have a bit more information?by Miki-chanrate this post as useful
further info2007/8/28 13:25 I live in NY, many Japanese here. I've met some guys & gone out to dinner, hand holding, & being driven home (big deal in the big apple, everybody takes the subway). Sweet emails & text messages but nothing ever happened (Like a kiss) or anything & I never know if that was a date or not. Or did they have a different idea of dating. To me that's just being friends & nothing else. My Japanese female friends don't have any idea, they don't date that way either. Thought I should try to get some more Japanese perspectives. Arigato!by Nativerate this post as useful
.2007/8/28 22:54 It IS dating. Dating doesn't necessarily involve romantic feelings.
I am not sure how many times you went out with each man. Are you expecting a romance right from the begining? If you dated several times and started developing a feeling for him, perhaps you should tell him how you feel.by Miki-chan (a J-girl)rate this post as useful
Dating a Host ?2007/7/31 07:29 I know the question has popped up from time to time in other people's post, but I'm curious as a 1/2 British 1/2 Japanese female (practically raised in Las Vegas) who may come off as very naive as I go on...would it really be common for a Host to want a girlfriend when he is surrounded by so many women all night or could it possibly be that he just wants to recruit me as a client?
There is a guy who my friend knows well personally and goes at with on many occasions as friends and she let me talk to him by way of e-mail. He has never seen me but my friend gives him this whole bs that I'm so beautiful, something like a Leah Dizon (Ha!), I look like dogshit compared to her, I'm like 53 kg, tan skin (my dads Black from London), Japanesey/Asian face (like Kimura Kaela or Tasha)...so I'm nothing extraordinary....
I just want everyone's opinion, he seems cool and I guess I like him (but internet dating is so weird but trendy amongst teens and mid-20s. I'm 23 btw. And it's also been such a short time, don't ask just believe me when I say SHORT) but is his persistency something to admire and take lightly or should I just say no to all the things he ask: I really want to see your picture, I wanted to see your picture, Can I please see your picture, do you have a boyfriend, when are you coming to Japan?
Or am I overreacting and should wait for some actual substance? ha...
Oh, has any female dated a host? (Not guys dating hostess, my friend is a hostess so I already know!)
Glad for your input.by Eri
same problem2007/8/2 16:30 Actually i kind of know one guy online too...He works in some bars in Tokyo. Whenever i tried asking for more info relating to his job, he seems kinda reluctant to reveal more. Thus I didnt question further. But Im suspecting that he maybe working as a host...for his age he seems to earn quite alot. He always goes home late..N he told me he do everything in the bar. Im kind of lost too. I keep imagining that hes some kind of gigolo / what...& this is bad......by Xinderellarate this post as useful
I did...2007/8/2 18:19 I dated a host for a while, and while a lot of my friends were jealous he was so good looking, it was really hard. He was always tired from work, our schedules were hard to match up, and he had to take client calls and e-mail even when he was out with me. The job itself is really brutal with regards to how much alcohol they end up drinking- some of them even become bulimic to deal with the binge drinking- so I worried a lot too.
He was a really sweet guy and I liked him a lot, but I couldn't deal with it.
However, a lot of the host guys are really fun- they wouldn't make much money if they weren't fun to be around! Great to party with, not so great to be in love with.by Krate this post as useful
About hosts2007/8/2 20:13 I recommend watching the documentary ''Great Happiness Space.'' It's about the host industry, and it's really well made and interesting. You can watch it for free on Google Video.by .rate this post as useful
Host2007/8/3 12:11 By the way, how is 'host' pronounce in japan? So they use the same english word? I was talking to my japanese friend about 'hosts' and he doesnt seem to understand this word well... Is there another name for this?by Xinderellarate this post as useful
Host2007/8/3 12:37 Xinderella,
how is 'host' pronounce in japan? So they use the same english word?
It's "hosuto" in Japanese, with the vowel sound rhyming more closely with the English word "cost" than "host".by Dave in Saitamarate this post as useful
The first topic we agreed to write about is dating. Specifically, dating Japanese people in Japan. Kayo wrote her piece from the perspective of an outgoing, independent, and overall badass Japanese lady. Be sure to check it out here.
Then there is language. Japanese language is extremely high context, and the level of mastery you need for a healthy, fulfilling relationship goes far beyond what you need with friends or for business.
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