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Though Mad Men is on hiatus, that doesn’t mean it’s off my mind. I adore the show and I’ve come to love the deeply flawed Don Draper, they way you still care for an ex boyfriend. After seeing all of his bedside exploits, here are some things Don Draper taught me about sex.

It’s okay to be kinky.

Don is a man who may not know what he ultimately wants in life, but he definitely knows what he wants in bed. He’s not afraid of letting his kink flag fly, as when he challenged a prostitute to slap him, and then, slap him harder. And all on Thanksgiving Day! Draper really knows how to do it. He gives us the freedom to let our own kinks show. As long as you’re not forcing your kinks on someone else, it’s totally okay to be a little “weird” in the bedroom. You gotta do you.

No matter how ridiculously attractive you are, sex can still be awkward, and that’s okay.

There have been some awkward Mad Men sex scenes, specifically between Don and his second wife, Megan. It’s refreshing to know that even for someone as ridiculously attractive as Don Draper, sex can still be awkward, and that’s okay. Sometimes that’s just how it is. If you really break sex down and really think about it, it’s kind of an awkward premise to begin with: let’s get naked and put body parts in each other. Embrace the awkwardness; it will soon pass. And if it doesn’t, don’t beat yourself up — everybody, even Don, has their off days.

Role-playing can be totally hot.

Again, this is the kind of thing that both people have to be into to some degree — don’t ever force anything when it comes to sex, that’s bad news bears. But when Don instructed his mistress, Sylvia Rosen, to get undressed and get into bed (and more), it was the hottest thing ever. I totally wouldn’t mind a stately gentleman like Don telling me what to do. Sometimes it’s nice to give up control. (AGAIN, THIS HAS TO BE CONSENSUAL, HOPEFULLY THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.)

Sex with an ex is all about timing.

I never thought Don and Betty would ever “hook up” again, but it happened, and it was so hot. It happened because the timing was right. They each had grown enough to reunite, if only for one night. And true, Betty was married to Henry Francis at the time, so it’s not like the timing was ideal overall, but for them, it worked. Sometimes, when you least suspect it, you and your ex will get one last chance to sex it out, and it can be thrilling and even provide closure. But the timing’s gotta be right — you both have to feel that you’ve come to a place where you can do it and not have it ruin you.

Sometimes fantasies are better left as fantasies.

When Don had a threesome with his wife and her friend, what was supposed to be hot turned into one of the most awkward Mad Men moments ever. Sometimes, fantasies are better left as fantasies; the reality of the situation can spoil everything. This is good to keep in mind when I think about something like that one guy I’ve got my eye on even though I know it won’t work out — it could never be as hot as I imagine, and would probably instead be very uncomfortable and awkward.

So to Mr. Don Draper, I say thank you. Thank you for teaching me your sexy, sexy ways.

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