Cyclist Taxonomy

[kevin warren]

Read thru the different cycling types to see if you recognize yourself:

 

 Climber

Body type: lung on a stick.

Distinguishing bike characteristic: single water bottle cage, no valve

caps.

If not a cyclist, would be: runner, supermodel or loincloth-wearing
ascetic.
Favorite conversation topics: weight in grams of cable end caps;
long-forgotten taste of ice cream. In the peloton, likes to: hide.

 

 Sprinter
 Body type: quads the size of beer kegs, elbows sharper than a stiletto,
 multiple road-rash scars. 
 Distinguishing bike characteristic: 11-tooth cog, shredded front-tire
 sidewall from sticking wheel into tight places such as others' cassettes.
 If not a cyclist, would be: street fighter.
 Favorite conversation topics: anything involving smack talk.
 In the peloton, likes to: yell at everyone to "Close that gap!" but
 never takes a pull.
 
 
 Time Trialist
 Body type: flexible enough to join Chinese acrobat troupe.
 Distinguishing bike characteristic: aerodynamic frame, wheels,
 handlebar, water bottle, cable end caps.
 If not a cyclist, would be: computer programmer or engineer.
 Favorite conversation topics: drag coefficients, most recent visit to
 wind tunnel, slipperiness of skinsuit.
 In the peloton, likes to: get on the front and ride, dammit.
 
 
 Commuter
 Body type: N/A.
 Distinguishing bike characteristic: grime.
 If not a cyclist, would be: NASCAR driver.
 Favorite conversation topics: carbon footprints, climate change,
 recyclability of objects not commonly known to be recyclable.
 In the peloton, likes to: ring handlebar bell.
 
 
 Ultradistance Rider
 Body type: all of the above.
 Distinguishing bike characteristic: lights, handlebar bag and/or large
 seat bag, comfy saddle.
 If not a cyclist, would be: "Institutionalized!"
 Favorite conversation topics: food, miles/kilometers ridden, food,
 extreme weather experiences, food.
 In the peloton, likes to: "Peloton?"
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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