Clash Of Clans Laptop

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HELPMy husband is on his phone ALL the time playing clash of clans. We have been married 7 years and have 3 wonderful children together. A little over a year ago, we decided to cave and get smart phones. Shortly after we got our new phones, he downloaded clash of clans and was playing it quit a bit. Wasn't too concerned at first. Well, now things have changed. I am VERY Concerned, aggrivated, sad, not happy at all.

He get's on it first thing in the morning, while I get our kids ready for school. Then once he is done checking it or whatever, he will finally make his own lunch for work. Not sure how much he is on it at work, since he is a driver, I would hope not much at all. Once he walks in the door from work he is on his phone playing. Barely says "hi" to me and the kids. And he will put it down, just long enough to eat, then he is back on it. He will stay on it till midnight. Give or Take.

It's frustrating because I do ALL the house chores, laundry, dishes, cook meals, clean house, grocery shop, everything. But now, I am doing outside chores as well. Cuz he is on his **** phone. I used to mow the yard once a year, if he needed me too. Well, this year I mow most of the time. He has maybe mowed twice this year. I pulled all the weeds out the grass. I usually don't do yard work unless it's landscaping. But I feel like our yard is not looking as good because of clash of clans.

Our kids, ask for help for something, and he tells them "just a minute" then totally forgets about them. Or they will be playing outside with neighbors and I'm out front watching. And he will be in the backyard on his phone. Not awhare of anything going on. It's to the point that I cry myself to sleep at night. Once in awhile I will fight with him about it, and he snaps back at me saying that I am always on my phone. Which is not true, I will get on it and browse a little if I'm bored cuz he is on his phone, and it's a commercial on t.v. He will laugh at me and say it's only a game!!!!! Ya, it is and it's taking over his life.

My biggest eye opener was when we were on vacation, we went out to eat and we were all done eating. Kids and I left the restaurant while he was still sitting at our table playing clash of clans. Another customer sitting at a table by ours, saw me stare at my husband and get ****y and storm out with the kids. My kids and I are vying for attention. Anything from him. Help, conversation, laughter, anything would be nice. But instead we see his face glued to his phone.

But you cannot change him. There is literally NOTHING you can do to get him to see he is being a giant, selfish, asshole. After reading your post and guessing you are pretty freaking smart, my guess is you have done just about everything to reason with him. It seems you understand he needs time to decompress, but that's not what we are talking about and we spouses of gamers all totally get that.

It is so easy to be consumed by gaming in this day and age. After a stressful day where a person doesn't feel that "special", a gamer can literally log on to a super awesome fantasy where they ARE special and DO matter. They have friends in that realm of pixels. They create an avatar and achieve great things, not like a "simple driver". Outside of the game, there are dishes to do, kids whining, spouses nagging, boring stuff. Gamers don't fully grasp, or in total denial about how their literal checking out of their "real life" or rl in gamer speak, devastates their families. When they DO come out of the game, it is to the full wrath of their spouse, guilt about neglecting the kids, the home, bills and money spent on pixels. They cannot handle it and run back to the game. It is a vicious cycle.

1. Live your life with the premise that your husband will never stop gaming. Let's pretend that we went to the local psychic who let you look in to her Crystal ball, and that is what it showed. 5 years from now, your couch as a butt imprint from where he sits all day long, gaming. How does that change things for you? Do you see yourself living forever with a gamer? If you aren't sure, that's ok. Many of us stay with our spouses because when we have kids, it changes they dynamic a bit. But.... are you going to want to treat him the same way? Do you keep on doing all the chores by yourself? Do you become Mrs. Fix it, Mrs. Gardener, Mrs. kids' sports team coach? Do you still have intimate relations with him? Do you wash his clothes, serve his dinner, keep it warm for him? Those are some things you might want to think about. The answer to this is different for every couple.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

How are you going now? Did your husband change or gets even more into his game? My husband is addicted to the same game. And I feel like me and my daughter are being neglected. Worse is that we are about to have a new baby and I am worried that things will turn for the worse. :(

exgamergirl777, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I've read your post here and several others that you have written as well. I'm new here, though I've been lurking for a few weeks now. I have yet to write about my own sad story, but I plan to soon.

My wife began playing Clash of Clans about a year ago, but this summer it became an obsession. The i-pad now goes everywhere with her. She will check it during meals. She will bring it into the bathroom. If we are at a restaurant she will be gaming under the table. You get the picture. Recently I've stumbled upon graphic cyber infidelity with another gamer. I've never been a gamer, but from what I understand this sort of thing happens quite a bit. We previously had a beautiful little life together, but now I feel quite lonely and of course very sad. At times I feel like a single parent. Unfortunately, based on my experience you are probably in for a long and lonely road.

I'm very glad I found this site because I realize now that I'm not alone in stuggling with this. There is a lot of good advice on this site, and the best is that you are going to have to detach, then focus on yourself and your kids. That is what I have been doing. I get plenty of sleep. I exercise. I talk to friends, go for walks, go to church, enjoy spending time with my daughter. Try to focus on the parts of my life that are not in turmoil. I always invite my wife to join me in things, but I know she will decline before I ask and I don't let it bother me. She prefers to play Clash of Clans. If it were just the two of us I would never tolerate being treated like this, but of course as you know, when you have kids everything changes.

I still have hope. There are enough success stories out there that I keep hoping for the best, so I hope that one day my wife sees what she is missing in real life but I don't expect it. Believe me, I know from my experience with my wife that your husband honestly doesn't see anything wrong with what he is doing. He is in a fantasy bubble, and talking about it will only make it worse. So take care of yourself! This is NOT being selfish. Never forget - you are not the one with the problem, he is.

Recently I've stumbled upon graphic cyber infidelity with another gamer. I've never been a gamer, but from what I understand this sort of thing happens quite a bit. We previously had a beautiful little life together, but now I feel quite lonely and of course very sad. At times I feel like a single parent. Unfortunately, based on my experience you are probably in for a long and lonely road.

"Both Internet Gaming Disorder (IGD) and Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) manifest hyper-arousal behaviors associated with minimal refractory periods. Things that are pleasurable in life are usually associated with rest periods between events, i.e. the refractory period. For example, sexual intercourse is associated with a refractory period. When male rats were allowed to copulate with a single female rat until 30 minutes had elapsed, they were very unlikely to engage in copulation when a second female was introduced 24 hours later (Beach & Jordan, 1956). On the other hand, when a second female was introduced immediately after the male's 15-minute refractory period, the male rat would rapidly copulate with the second female rat. By continuing to change the female rats after the male's 15-minute refractory period, Fisher was able to double or triple the number of copulations (Fisher, 1962). Fisher stated that, "... there is a critical period immediately following a series of ejaculations during which it is easier to reactivate sexual mechanisms than it will be for a number of days following". This phenomenon is also known as the Coolidge Effect.

The mind prefers variation to both visual and physical stimuli. If we extrapolate the Coolidge Effect to Internet gaming and Internet visual stimuli, it makes sense that these stimuli are arousing, and why IGD and IAD are real problems. The seemingly endless provocative images, stimulating game plays, and engagements via social media, provide brain reward and physiological arousal that can be abused by certain individuals, because these individuals find the reward and arousal irresistible. The stimuli provided through the Internet via gaming and online connections are associated with minimal refractory periods. Similar to the male rat in the Coolidge Effect, the individual is able to provide multiple rewarding stimuli via clicking a technological device in rapid succession with little rest periods between rewards, leading not only to the development of addiction, but also to the physical sequelae of near constant enhanced sympathetic tone seen in IGD and IAD (Chaput, et al., 2011)."

Because of the above research observations, I think cyber infidelity/sexting/porn problems in gamers are common. I am finishing another case report with Dr. Hilarie Cash on a gaming addict who is addicted to porn now.

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