aptitude install --without-recommends lxdethen i ran
update-alternatives --config x-session-manager
Mine's .Xsession, works well.
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No offense, but you've misunderstood how it works:
1) xdm is started (by a script in /etc/init.d/, or whatever else)
2) you login at xdm
3) xdm reads your xsession/xinitrc and uses *that* to launch your
session manager (the xinit manpage has a working example based on twm,
but the idea is that it's just a shell script that launches lxde or
whatever else)
4) You got a working session :D
5) google for more examples if you're still unsatisfied