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Dearest Darling friends,
The person who learns
EVEN from ‘criticism’ rules the world and the
hearts of people.
 I would love to be such a person.
Earlier when I was criticised, my
initial response used to be deny, counter-attack or defend. This
lead to arguments, aloofness, disgust, anger etc. It always lead to
misery and left me drained of vitality.
I used to see criticism as a personal
attack. I was wrong. The wonderful truth is, Criticism has elements
of truth that otherwise escapes our scrutiny.
When my wife Bharathi once told me I am
moody, my curt response was, “Who? Me? Not at all!” I was upset why
she sees negatives where none exist?
Whenever my daughter Jo said, "Popy, you
are driving too fast." I would respond with pride, “But I am in
total control.” I would be silently upset, why she interferes in
things I do, the way I do?
When someone would suggest an
alternative to my methods, I would be indignant, sometimes harsh too
and whole-heartedly justify why my methods are better. I would be
upset - can’t they see the results I have produced?
When someone would point to my dress
sense and its color combinations, I would comment people should like
me for what I am and not for what I wear. I would be upset why
people think about my clothes and not about their own
development?
When my student and friend Sagar Thavare
commented that one part of my public program was not deep enough, I
countered by saying you were not listening well. I got upset and
asked myself (seeking self sympathy) why people are always
judgmental and so eagerly finding out faults of others?
I got along very well
with people who told me good things about me. I subconsciously
started staying away from people whose comments went against what I
was!!!
When I observed a few
good friends uncomfortable and not being as open in discussions as
they used to be, I enquired. All of them denied such a thing except
one of them, my daughter. She said I am not open to FEEDBACKS. I was
stunned. Till now I was thinking I am an open person who loves
feedbacks. My spontaneous response was denial. But before I could
convert my thoughts of denial into words of denial, I saw the
anguish in her eyes. I immediately felt yes, my first response was
DENIAL. I decided to understand the truth by observing my behaviour.
My observations told me the truth that I was escaping all through
out. This is when I realised all my above written behaviours.
I was humbled. She was right. I thought
I was open but I was not as much as I wanted to believe. I felt the
swing of my moods. I was indeed speeding riskily and felt stupid
about it. I realised some alternative methods were awesomely
brilliant. I felt more comfortable by dressing better. I also
realized my program could have been better if I had shortened a
particular discussion and detailed another impactful point.
I found to my amusement, people are appreciating my thoughts more
when I am dressed better.
There have been times
when my well-wishers and my critics were not right. But
incorporating their observation truly helped me to become better and
to do better. I am grateful to all of them. From that day onwards,
whenever people have criticised me (softly or harshly) I give them
the benefit of doubt. This means I assume they ‘might’ be RIGHT.
Then I analyse. I do not DEFEND straightaway. I do not JUSTIFY
straight away. I analyze.
When they are right, I
improve. When they are wrong in certain assumptions, I find what led
them to think this way. I invariably find some corrections can be
done at my side and correct their perspectives. Some times, they are
closed to inputs from me. So I accept this reality and continue on
my path with determination. I am learning so much by this approach.
It is indeed amusing.
Experientially I have realized the person who
knows how to handle criticism and grow out of it, develops
exponentially. I have!!! A few of my harsh critics have
already become my friends. I am eagerly waiting to conquer the heart
of others too.
I think I will make a Loud T-Shirt that
says, “Criticisms Welcome”. Do
you want a print?
If you have a point to make about Life
School Messages (LSM), please do so. They are welcome! However
uncomfortable the truth is…I am ready to face them. After all they
will help me and our readers. And yes,
words of appreciation are also welcome! Lets "KEEP MOVING".
Yes, yes, yes. As I live…I learn
With love, prayers and best wishes,
naren
As I live...I learn
na...@lifeschool.co.in
Visit us:
www.lifeschool.co.in
 
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