Love creates!
Narendra Goidani
Dearest Darling friends,
I never thought LOVE will become big business. Yet, the truth is yesterday was Valentine's Day and it was big business to so many people. Among the plethora of businesses like restaurants, gift shops, greeting card shops, the florists too had a field day. The florist next to my home was merrily selling flowers even at around 11.30 pm. I was on a walk. I asked him how was his business? He shared today was the best ever. He asked me if I too had given a bouquet to my wife. When I denied, he gave me a look of pity as if my darling wife will leave me tomorrow and go away.
Why to take chances? I asked the rates. When I heard the rates, I did not like the leftover flowers he had. The rates he quoted were more like ransom money some terrorist will demand to release a loved one. When I refused to buy the flowers, he glared at me as if I was the most miser person in this world. Maybe he was right. His look was as if he is saying 'shame on you'. Managing to gather whatever dignity I felt deep inside, with a look of I don't care what you think of me albeit failing miserably, I reached home. I found myself a tad tired. I guess the non-verbal eye duel with the florist made me tired. Like a teenager, I could feel my inner romantic person wanting solace. Hey people, come on! Look at the bright side of things. I did THINK of buying the flowers. That does count, right? It should, right? I know you understand. My readers always understand me !!!
I entered home. My lovely wife was on the sofa in the hall, painting on a canvas. You know what she was painting? A florist !!!
Double blow !!! However, I truly love my wife. Looking at her with all the love my tired eyes permitted me to transmit. I said, "Darling...". My pause was intended to be dramatic. Her response was more dramatic. She said, "You SOUND tired. Go off to sleep". She gathered her paint materials. Only now she looked at me, gave me an encouraging smile, without wasting another moment, she marched off to our bedroom to sleep. Sitting in the hall, for a few moments I lost all my sleep. For the first time in my life, I was tiredly alert and alertly tired.
The best thing about Bharathi, my wife, is that she cannot pretend nor can she stand people who pretend. She saw through me. She knew when I had said 'darling', it was a tired effort, to express what the heart was not overflowing with, at that moment. She knew I was tired. She expressed her love brilliantly by saying, "Go off to sleep". Yes, indeed that was her way of expressing LOVE. She understood what I actually needed. It reminded me how well she knows me, how well she loves me. Next morning on the dining table while we were having breakfast, we had a hearty laughter as I explained and expressed the events of last night.
There were no flowers, but there was LOVE. My wife insists next time it should be with flowers even if they are prohibitively COSTLY. She knows I love her but wants to know it with flowers too. Ahhhhhh, there are certain things in life that I will never understand.
Ok, now let me put things in perspective. I have been fortunate enough to be guided and nurtured by love all through my life. For different people LOVE means different things. Different people LOVE different things. Different people express LOVE differently. Different people expect to be LOVED differently.
Experiences of life has given me my own understanding of this wonderful concept of LOVE. Leo Buscaglia says there is only one word that can explain love properly and that is life. I too firmly believe in it.
To me LOVE includes 'A deep feeling of gratitude'. It remains in centre view and consistently recognizes the presence of goodness. The LOVE I feel with the creator, with nature, with my country belong to this category. The love I feel for various people who helped me by providing me resources, directions, motivations, other forms of help, by being an inspiration are all centered on gratitude. I firmly believe claims of love in the absence of gratitude is not 'Love'. It can be fondness, it can be care, it can be infatuation, it can be attraction, it can be lust, it can be guilt, it can be emotional dependency, it can be anything but it is certainly not LOVE.
Born out of LOVE is a need to create something wonderful. When marks are low, my parents are upset. In those moments they were confused, 'How to create this child now? We thought if he studies well, he will be created, as his future will be wonderful'. Hence, they become angry with me. Not at all because they hate me but because they love me, isn't it?
When I LOVE, I am always thinking of 'How to Create?'. Whether it is a friend, a neighbor, our parents, our children, our spouse, our country or our colleagues. When in LOVE, we are WANTING TO CREATE.
Create wonderful moments. Create an identity. Create a determination. Create self-belief. Create a wonderful future. Create a longing of self-discovery. Create clarity. Create strength. Create time. Create each other.
Love never suffocates, it always rejuvenates. Love never destroys, it always develops. Love never possesses, it releases, unearths, and shares. Love never threatens, it always uplifts. Love can never blossom under pre-conditions, it always blossoms when unconditional.
Is it easy to LOVE? Sometimes it is, sometimes it is very very difficult. When people whom we LOVE co-operate, it is easy to LOVE. When people whom we LOVE doubt, when they make things complicated, when they act selfish, when they behave below dignity, it is indeed difficult to LOVE.
When we make a mistake we expect to be understood. Lets do the same to others. The challenge in love is to ensure when others behave different from our expectations (lets assume they are making a mistake), we should refrain from punishments and hurts. A simple question always guides me in LOVE. What is the BEST way to get the BEST out of my loved ones? I just implement whatever answer comes. Sometimes my silence solves. Sometimes my communication does so. Sometimes it is in listening, sometimes it is in ensuring my loved one listens to what I have to say.
There have been some times when my approaches have not worked. It is because I could not find the BEST approach or I could not IMPLEMENT the BEST approach. With experience, we learn which approach brings out the best and which one brings out the worst.
My quest in LOVE is to pertinently search for the BEST approach to bring the best out of my loved ones. It might take time. But the rewards are worth it.
By they way, tonight when I am returning home from work, I am planning to buy beautiful flowers for my darling wife.
With love, prayers and best wishes,
naren
As I live...I learn
na...@lifeschool.co.in
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