Never attempt to win an argument!!
Narendra Goidani
Dearest Darling friends,
Have you ever attempted to win an argument? Did you succeed? What did you achieve? Did you fail? How did you feel?
Most importantly, what happened to the relationship when you were involved in the argument that you won / lost?
At the end of it all, do you think it was worth it? In hindsight, do you regret the argument? Do you wish you had avoided it?
Quite early in my life I realized, no one ever wins an argument. Most of the times BOTH pretend that they have won. In other cases, when one person becomes tired, they give up telling themselves it is a wasted effort. The other proclaims victory.
Both are pretending, none of them is true. Both have strained relationships waiting for their chance to get even.
NEVER EVER ATTEMPT TO WIN AN ARGUMENT. YOU CAN NEVER SUCCEED.
As we relate to people, there are differences of opinions. Most of us do not have the grace to handle differences of opinions. We, in India, take it very personal when someone disagrees with us. We believe, they are rejecting us ! They are not rejecting us at all. All they are doing is, expressing a difference in opinion.
I might like South Indian food while my wife Bharathi loves to gorge on Continental. My elder daughter on the other hand starts feeling hunger pangs at the mere mention of the word Chinese food. My younger children relish the so called 'junk' food. There is a difference in taste here. When asked, different people of my family express different variety of food. This does not mean one is more right than the other. It just means there is a difference of opinion.
Our sense of self-esteem is so fragile, we need to win an argument to prove we were right.
Instead of arguments, move into discussions. What is the difference?
n an argument, who is right becomes important. In a discussion, what is right stays important.
In an argument, listening is akin to accepting defeat. In discussions, listening is whole hearted and imperative.
In an argument, emotions rule. In a discussion, composure rules.
In an argument, disrespect is a weapon. In a discussion, respect is all pervasive.
In an argument, we defeat other people. In a discussion, we win other people.
In an argument, we want others to understand us. In a discussion, all are willing to understand others.
In an argument, there are no smiles. In discussions, there are often smiles.
In an argument, people claim victory. In a discussion the 'topic' emerges victorious.
In an argument, people are closed. In a discussion, people are open.
In an argument, energy is drained. In a good discussion, energy gets replenished.
Through arguments, relationships can never be nurtured. Through discussions many relationships have been nurtured.
Arguments destroy, discussions create.
Fools argue, wise discuss.
From today onwards, do not attend any invitations to arguments. Decline them with all politeness. They are never productive, always counter productive.
When a person wanting to argue, invites you for a discussion, do go to that party. The moment the color of the party changes, HAPPILY withdraw yourself. Resist all temptations to argue and to invite people to argue, unless you anyways want to lose. Do your best to involve them in discussions. That will be real smartness.
So bite your tongue, go to the toilet, escape to your cell phone, look at the skies, smile, laugh, do anything but do not argue.
As my friend Harmindar says, "Relationships are possible, only when two egos who argue are dropped. Otherwise four people are involved. Two real and two imaginary'"
So my darling relationships and peace of mind valuing readers, NEVER EVER ATTEMPT TO WIN ARGUMENT. YOU CAN NEVER SUCCEED.
With love, prayers and best wishes,
naren
As I live...I learn
na...@lifeschool.co.in
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