Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

[Tamara Evans]

Hello All,

 

I have had a few conversations with friends in regards to the way they or others treat family members or those they call family.  Now, bear with me for a moment.. my question may come out convoluted. 

 

We all have very close friends, the ones we may even consider to be "like" family.  Then we have those are not close, maybe just acquantinces, or people we may have ran into just once or twice but we are FB friends.  LOL!! You know we all have people on our facebook pages that we may know through other people or that we met once or twice. 

 

For those of you who know me... Ya'll know that I consider myself a "ride or die" friend or family member.  Meaning if you have beef, then i have beef.  If you aren't going then I am not going.  Yes, I know this philosphy is not the smartest way to live life but hey what can i say... I have attachement issues.

 

So, with that being said how many of you have remained friends with or still communicate with people that those very close to you may have had a fallen out with? 

For instance let's use FB as an example... If your close friend or family member had a fallen out with someone that you both were FB friends with but you weren't really close to the other person, as of a matter of fact, you never speak to the other person and you only know them through your friend or family member, and your Friend or family asked you to remove that person from your FB list would you remove them?

 

Or, if you knew that your sister or brother had a few enemies or people that disliked them for whatever reason.  Would you also stay away from that person even though you do have any beef with them?

 

Now, i know first hand that some of us have friends that are closer than a brother so those friends may actually come before your actual family members.  But is blood really thicker than water, figuretively speaking of course. Or are people too busy trying to play politics and keep the communication lines open with people that they really shouldn't care if they have communication with at all? 

 

How does if effect a person to have a "ride or die" attitude? 

 

I hope  you all caught my drift and i am looking forward to opinions and responses. 

 

[jai...@gmail.com]

Well...I've been the same my whole life. If you have a problem with someone I love then I have a problem with you. That may be the reason I've had the same few girlfriends my entire life. But then again that's probably why they never doubt my loyalty and I never doubt theirs. We show up for each other. Cry with each other. We've fought for each other and bailed each other out of some sticky stuff. That's the only way I know to operate.

A while back a good friend of mine got divorced. I deleted her husband from fb immediately. She didn't ask me to. It just made sense. He was very upset and let me know about it. But I explained to him...look I only bothered to get to know you because you married someone I love and care about. Ya'll broke up on some foul terms and I have no intention of maintaining a relationship without disconnected from her. When I told her about the conversation she laughed and agreed that he was clearly clueless. I was her friend. Apart from her, he was no one to me.

Some people may be of the belief that that blind loyalty limits a persons network. But I cultivate and nurture a small honest circle of friends. Work relationships are that and have their limits. Social networks are that and generally expendable. But my true friendships are more like family. They require all of me, and that's what they get.

I do have friends who are closer to me than some family members. But if a choice has to be made its family first. Every time.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

---

From: Tamara Evans <tamara...@gmail.com>

Sender: life...@googlegroups.com

Date: Wed, 22 Dec 2010 17:25:23 -0500

To: <life...@googlegroups.com>

ReplyTo: life...@googlegroups.com

Cc: Greg Arnum<gregor...@gmail.com>; Grier Zipporah<zgr...@teamster.org>; sadie lang<sweets...@yahoo.com>; sweetsadie79<sweets...@gmail.com>; Jen<moml...@gmail.com>

Subject: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Life Talk" group.
To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to life_talk+...@googlegroups.com.
For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.

[Tamara Evans]

Jai, you have mentioned two points that i think make the differences in friendships or family bonds... LOYALTY AND LOVE.

 

I mostly feel the same way you do and i too only have a few close friends that I have known for years.  There is one thing that I question.. i am not sure if i would take a family members side just because they are "blood" related.  Hence, the reasoning for my question. 

 

Let's say that family member has dogged you, never been there for you, and just really doesn't act like they are family, but that friend, that friend has laughed with you, not at you. Cried with you, supported you through the good and bad, ya'll are like two peas in a pod.  And you know that the family member did something foul, would you honestly say that you would choose them over that true friend?

 

Who are we or who should we be more loyal too.  And does the amount of love we have for the person determine what we would and would not do for them?

 

I mean the whole FB situation, clearly, her husband meant nothing to you, so it didnt mean anything for you to delete him.  And if the friend says to you "please delete them because i don't bang with that person anymore"  then what's it to ya to get rid of them... hmm

[Paralee Knight]

Hmmm… is blood thicker than water?

 

First let me say that I know I haven’t been able to respond to the other topics of discussion from this group.  However I have found them and the responses very interesting and insightful when I have gotten the opportunity to review them.  I promised someone that I would respond to this topic, but I just wanted to make it known that it wasn’t because it was of more interest or concern to me than the other topics that have come up.  Maybe this disclosure wasn’t necessary, lol…but in any case here we go, I’m going in.

 

 

Is blood thicker than water….

 

As we know the statement that blood is thicker than water typically refers to the thought that family relationships are superior to regular friendships and acquaintances especially in regards to disputes.  It refers to the opinion that family relationships are the most trustworthy and should be regarded more important when a problem arises.

It also is said to refer to the notion that family should always have your best interest at heart and would be invested in helping you. 

 

However some have argued that the statement “Blood is thicker than water” has lost the nature of its original meaning which has been said to be covenant-related.  “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" meaning "My relationship with those to whom I am joined in covenant is to be considered of more value than the relationship with a brother with whom I may have shared the womb."  

I did a little searching and found that its been said that during the ritual of ancient covenant making, the two parties involved would divide an animal in half, and stand together in the blood, with their right hands clasp, and swear a mutual oath binding them to each other. In some cases, each party would cut their respective hands, bind them together with the other party, allowing their blood to mingle. The resulting union of this blood oath was never to be broken. In effect, the two participants in the covenant would become "blood brothers," and thus become one flesh.  The relationship born of this union was so knit, that brothers made through the blood of covenants were closer to each other than brothers who were born from the same womb. Hence, blood (of the covenant) is thicker than water (of the womb).

For those who may be religiously inclined, I’ll make mention of the scripture where Jesus was talking to a crowd of people (Matthew 12:48-50), and his mother and brothers wanted to speak with him.  When someone told him that they desired to speak with him, Jesus responded by saying, “Who is my mother? And who are my brethren?”  Then he stretched his hands towards his disciples and said, “Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.”

 

So in regards to some of the questions presented by Tamara (I’ll get to the facebook part in a moment) the first issue is how does one define family for themselves?  And if in fact, you have friends or loved ones that are in your eyes equal to “family” how do you choose between the two if a conflict arises? 

There have been countless issues of people having to choose sides or loyalty between blood related family members vs. spouses, significant others, friends, etc. 

My first reaction is that I would love to be one of those people that say my family comes before all.  But unfortunately I’m one of those people who have had experiences where my friends have sometimes been the loyal ones whereas some family members have done me dirty.  I admire and wish that I had (not that I don’t have some loyal family members) a complete blood-related family unit that I could trust without question like some do.  But that’s just not my reality.  I love my blood-related family with all my heart, but my loyalty is equally given to blood family and non-blood family based on my relationships with the individuals.  When conflicts have come up between a blood-related family member and non-blood related (i.e. loved ones, and very close friends) family member that happen to both be close to me, I’ve chosen to not pick sides.  If anything, I’d like to be a peacemaker if at all possible.  But if not, I definitely have not severed a relationship with the non-blood related family, to appease the person that I share a family name with.  In one situation a non-blood related loved one has been there for me through thick and thin, sacrificed, and raised me just as much if not more than some of my actual family.  So I can’t make a general statement that I’d always side one way.  In those situations I make the decisions on how to interact on a case by case basis.    

That being said, I have to add that this is a bit of a wish-washy subject for me.  Because even though my loyalty may be distributed evenly in the midst of conflict between other parties, I’ve realized as I’m thinking it through that my patience is not distributed as evenly when directly wronged.  Meaning the family that I’m actually related to, regardless of the negative situations that may occur, tend to get the typical countless rebuild and start over chances that we usually give to family no matter how much they/we mess up.  But some of the non-blood related people that I currently do or have at one time considered equal to family, may get forgiveness, but may not have gotten/get the same amount of opportunities to rebuild and start over when/if a conflict has came about between them and myself.

SO, does this mean that as much as I’d like to think I hold certain people equal to family, maybe I hold them close but not really as family?

OR is my patience limited with ones that are “like family” because in actuality they are closer to me than blood, and tend to be the ones that I’ve shared my experiences of the ups and downs of situations with life, my blood-related family, every day occurrences, etc. and therefore have an expectation that they should know what lines not to cross because I’ve confided, and shared experiences with them in many cases more than I have with my blood family? Hmmm….

Finally, in regards to the facebook question:

If I have a beef with someone I don’t automatically expect a mutual third party to cut off that person just because I had beef with them on or off of Facebook.  I know some people choose to do so, and I can’t knock how someone else chooses to operate.  That’s their prerogative.  And of course in some cases, if a person is only on your page to cause trouble or they’re somehow sabotaging another through your connection with them, then yes I feel like I’d sever ties.  But just because my friend says so?  Sorry, but no.  A friend of mine asked me to delete a person my from my page.  I told them no.  I love that friend dearly. And to be honest my answer was more about me feeling like my friend has control issues with her friends (that started before facebook) than it was about the person she asked me to delete.  I don’t even talk to the other person that I was asked to delete.  Do I hold less loyalty now because of facebook?  Sometimes just as we have control issues that need be dealt with in romantic relationships, the same can occur in plutonic/family relationships.  When you love/care about someone you want to see their love reciprocated towards you. And often times, if they don’t express it in the exact way that we tell them to then we take it as if their love/appreciation/friendship isn’t equal to ours.  And that’s not necessarily always the case.  I do believe that love and loyalty need to be shown, and sometimes that requires giving what is requested.  But sometimes when we do abide by the request its not because of loyalty or love. Its just to prove that I’ve done what was demanded.  And depending on the person and situation, that doesn’t always help matters, but instead perpetuates a negative habit of “if you don’t do everything I say and expect you to do then you don’t care.”  That’s a slippery slope.  But I’ll stop with that right here, because that can turn into another whole conversation in and of itself.

But anyway if I’m a true friend, I will be that regardless of FB connections.  And if I’m not a true friend, the depth of my lack of loyalty is not going to be able to be completely measured by a person being on my facebook friends list. 

 And I have to add…I mean no disrespect to my gender, but I have yet to hear one guy in my age range complain about a friend of theirs who is still friends with another guy on facebook that they have beef with, LOL.  I know that both guys and girls delete people from their page, because sometimes it’s called for.  But it seems to be that if the mutual friend deletes them by their own decision, fine.  If they don’t, fine.  But in regards to them getting uptight about their friends still having that person still on their page…I never hear it.  I’m not saying it doesn’t happen with men, because maybe somewhere it has.  But every time I hear about this issue directly or indirectly from people and situations it is always females who have issues with it.  And once again, no disrespect to my gender, but I sometimes feel like some of the things we get twisted about can be catty and juvenile.  I’m guilty of it too.  Let me be clear.  I’m NOT calling anyone on or off this group catty or juvenile, I’m saying that I personally feel if I was to say to my friend “don’t be FB friends with Jane Doe, because I’m not FB friends with her” I’d feel like I was right back in high school having those conversations with my friends like I did back then, lol!  But that’s just me.  Jai gave the situation of her friends ex, and how she chose to handle it.  And I respect her way of handling it cause that’s her.  I know a couple of my friends if they were reading this would completely disagree with my opinions on this matter, and that’s ok, cause that’s them.

As the sitcom, theme song from back in the day said, “Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, What might be right for you, may not be right for some… …. Because it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world. Yes it does. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world”

 

It's late, and I'm tired so I hope some of what I rambled on about makes sense.

Much love to everyone!

[jai...@gmail.com]

Para, your response was REALLY interesting to me. The 2 main points I found myself re-reading were 1. About giving family infinite chances when they wrong you versus friends; and 2. About control issues.

As for the first. I think that is an absolue truth. As the saying goes you can pick your friends but family is family. I think myself and most people are resolved to the fact that there's no point in tallying wrongs because they are still your family so you forgive. By the same token I believe family will take extreme liberties with how they mistreat or disregard each others emotions because the know that they will ultimately be forgiven just because they are family.

As for the issue of control, I think that goes both way. I will readily admit that I prefer to actively control who has access to my life. If a person entered my trusted circle and immediately began wreaking havoc I would set out to have them removed. A lot of that is born from my own past experience and recognition that not everyone trying to be all up under you has good intentions. There is an element of control present in the desire to protect my relationships, there is an equal level of control in the refusal to comply with a request (however silly and catty it may be) to remove someone from an arbitrary friends list who means little or nothing to you. In essence, resisting the request is only telegraphing to the requestor that they should not mistake you for the type of person that would let their feelings influence any decision you make. While that sentiment may be great to some, its the kind of relationship I'd avoid like the plauge. A friend who can disregard your feelings isn't really the type of friend I'd break my neck to have. Imagine telling a boyfriend that it makes you uncomfortable that his ex still spend the night at his house sometimes and his response being " I don't care how you feel. Your feelings don't dictate my actions" You wouldn't exactly be running to the altar to bind yourself in union to that type of guy. The same is true of my friendships. If my feelings are of little importance to you...then I'd prefer we weren't friends. And while a return to highschool is not desired, I didn't really have "don't be her friend" issues in highschool because even then I stuck with one or 2 folk and minded my own business. And that's how I like it.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

---

From: Paralee Knight <paralee...@gmail.com>

Sender: life...@googlegroups.com

Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2010 00:41:36 -0500

To: <life...@googlegroups.com>

ReplyTo: life...@googlegroups.com

Cc: Grier Zipporah<zgr...@teamster.org>; sadie lang<sweets...@yahoo.com>; sweetsadie79<sweets...@gmail.com>; Jen<moml...@gmail.com>; Greg Arnum<gregor...@gmail.com>

Subject: Re: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

[Faunya Estrada]

I pretty much agree and feel the same way as Jai.....and I feel pretty strongly about it.  That is all.

"Do what you can, with what you have, from where you are."

- Theodore Roosevelt

[Frankela Albury]

I concur with Para's statement. I couldn't said it better myself

>>> ------------------------------
>>> *From: *Tamara Evans <tamara...@gmail.com>
>>> *Sender: *life...@googlegroups.com
>>> *Date: *Wed, 22 Dec 2010 17:25:23 -0500
>>> *To: *<life...@googlegroups.com>
>>> *ReplyTo: *life...@googlegroups.com
>>> *Cc: *Greg Arnum<gregor...@gmail.com>; Grier Zipporah<

>>> zgr...@teamster.org>; sadie lang<sweets...@yahoo.com>; sweetsadie79<
>>> sweets...@gmail.com>; Jen<moml...@gmail.com>

>>> *Subject: *Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

>>> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>

>>> .
>>> For more options, visit this group at
>>> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>>>
>>> --
>>> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
>>> "Life Talk" group.
>>> To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
>>> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to

>>> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>

>>> .
>>> For more options, visit this group at
>>> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>>>
>>
>> --
>> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
>> "Life Talk" group.
>> To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
>> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to

>> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>

[Faunya Estrada]

Franky,

 

Not to get personal, but.....

 

Are you saying that if one of your close friends did something really foul towards me, rather than choose sides, you would remain neutral and try to smooth it over?

[Frankela Albury]

Yes I'd try and smooth things over. Especially if its my really close friend. I don't have a rob of friends. I have 2 that I consider close I don't really don't want to choose. I would need full details of what happened.  My 2 friends are like family to me & honestly speaking they've had My back when I've had no one around. That's not friendships I'd easily let go of.

>> <life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%252Buns...@googlegroups.com>>

>>
>>
>> >>> .
>> >>> For more options, visit this group at
>> >>> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>> >>>
>> >>> --
>> >>> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google
>> Groups
>> >>> "Life Talk" group.
>> >>> To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
>> >>> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
>> >>> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>

>> <life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%252Buns...@googlegroups.com>>

>>
>>
>> >>> .
>> >>> For more options, visit this group at
>> >>> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>> >>>
>> >>
>> >> --
>> >> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google
>> Groups
>> >> "Life Talk" group.
>> >> To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
>> >> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
>> >> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>

>> <life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%252Buns...@googlegroups.com>>

>>
>>
>> >> .
>> >> For more options, visit this group at
>> >> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>> >>
>> >
>> > --
>> > You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
>> "Life Talk" group.
>> > To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
>> > To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
>> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>
>> .
>> > For more options, visit this group at
>> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>> >
>>
>> --
>> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
>> "Life Talk" group.
>> To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
>> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
>> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>
>> .
>> For more options, visit this group at
>> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>>
>
>
>
> --

> "Do what you can, with what you have, from where you are."
>
> - Theodore Roosevelt
>

[Faunya Estrada]

Good to know.

[Frankela Albury]

I don't think that's a negative thing. I have 2 best friends. If it were an acquaintance or someone I'm not so close to I would dead them without a second thought

If Donnie did some foul stuff to me, would you choose sides or try to remain neutral or find out what happened & smooth things over.  After all I'm your blood

On Dec 23, 2010 10:28 AM, "Faunya Estrada" <faunya....@gmail.com> wrote:

[jai...@gmail.com]

Oooo wait. That's new territory. Marriage trumps family. In my humble opinion.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

---

From: Frankela Albury <girlsgr...@gmail.com>

Sender: life...@googlegroups.com

Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2010 10:36:16 -0500

To: <life...@googlegroups.com>

ReplyTo: life...@googlegroups.com

Cc: Jen<moml...@gmail.com>; Greg Arnum<gregor...@gmail.com>; Grier Zipporah<zgr...@teamster.org>; sweetsadie79<sweets...@gmail.com>; sadie lang<sweets...@yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

I don't think that's a negative thing. I have 2 best friends. If it were an acquaintance or someone I'm not so close to I would dead them without a second thought

If Donnie did some foul stuff to me, would you choose sides or try to remain neutral or find out what happened & smooth things over.  After all I'm your blood

On Dec 23, 2010 10:28 AM, "Faunya Estrada" <faunya....@gmail.com> wrote:

[Faunya Estrada]

Yes, I agree that marriage trumps family.  It's almost like that covenant (without the blood) Para spoke about...but then again, it depends on the situation and how foul it actually was.

 

If my husband did some foul stuff to one of my family members, I would hope (and kind of expect) that he would rectify that situation.....and I would try to assist in that, if need be.

[Faunya Estrada]

K. I off-lined the convo with my sister for a little bit, so we could get some clarity *screw face*.....as this is a very touchy subject for me. 

 

The consensus is that if the family member and close friend didn't like each other for no reason or some petty reason, then yes, she would try to smooth things over and/or remain neutral.

 

However, if the friend did something foul to the family member, she would require the friend to rectify that situation.  If the friend refused, then the friend would have to be cut, because a friend that acts that way is clearly not the person she thought she was and is not the type of person she wants in her inner circle.

[Frankela Albury]

Exactly thanks for allowing me to clarify

On Dec 23, 2010 11:12 AM, "Faunya Estrada" <faunya....@gmail.com> wrote:
> K. I off-lined the convo with my sister for a little bit, so we could get
> some clarity *screw face*.....as this is a very touchy subject for me.
>
> The consensus is that if the family member and close friend didn't like each
> other for no reason or some petty reason, then yes, she would try to smooth
> things over and/or remain neutral.
>
> However, if the friend did something foul to the family member, she would
> require the friend to rectify that situation. If the friend refused, then
> the friend would have to be cut, because a friend that acts that way is
> clearly not the person she thought she was and is not the type of person she
> wants in her inner circle.
>
> On Thu, Dec 23, 2010 at 10:47 AM, Faunya Estrada
> <faunya....@gmail.com>wrote:
>
>> Yes, I agree that marriage trumps family. It's almost like that covenant

>> *(without the blood)* Para spoke about...but then again, it depends on the

>> situation and how foul it actually was.
>>
>> If my husband did some foul stuff to one of my family members, I would hope

>> *(and kind of expect)* that he would rectify that situation.....and I

>> would try to assist in that, if need be.
>>
>> On Thu, Dec 23, 2010 at 10:37 AM, <jai...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>> Oooo wait. That's new territory. Marriage trumps family. In my humble
>>> opinion.
>>>
>>> Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

>>> ------------------------------
>>> *From: *Frankela Albury <girlsgr...@gmail.com>
>>> *Sender: *life...@googlegroups.com
>>> *Date: *Thu, 23 Dec 2010 10:36:16 -0500

>>> *To: *<life...@googlegroups.com>
>>> *ReplyTo: *life...@googlegroups.com

>>> *Cc: *Jen<moml...@gmail.com>; Greg Arnum<gregor...@gmail.com>; Grier

>>> Zipporah<zgr...@teamster.org>; sweetsadie79<sweets...@gmail.com>;
>>> sadie lang<sweets...@yahoo.com>

>>> *Subject: *Re: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

>>>
>>> I don't think that's a negative thing. I have 2 best friends. If it were
>>> an acquaintance or someone I'm not so close to I would dead them without a
>>> second thought
>>>
>>> If Donnie did some foul stuff to me, would you choose sides or try to
>>> remain neutral or find out what happened & smooth things over. After all
>>> I'm your blood
>>> On Dec 23, 2010 10:28 AM, "Faunya Estrada" <faunya....@gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> --
>>> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
>>> "Life Talk" group.
>>> To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
>>> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to

>>> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>

>>> .
>>> For more options, visit this group at
>>> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>>>
>>> --
>>> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
>>> "Life Talk" group.
>>> To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
>>> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to

>>> life_talk+...@googlegroups.com<life_talk%2Bunsu...@googlegroups.com>

>>> .
>>> For more options, visit this group at
>>> http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> "Do what you can, with what you have, from where you are."
>>
>> - Theodore Roosevelt
>>
>
>
>
> --
> "Do what you can, with what you have, from where you are."
>
> - Theodore Roosevelt
>

[Faunya Estrada]

Lol! Sorry!

[Tamara Evans]

Wow!! I have been missing a lot.  I would like to go back to Para's statement for a moment.  She has added a new and interesting concept to the discussion, CONTROL....

 

I personally don't think that with friendships control of each other is a factor.  True friendship is not about control.  I think it's more about the expectations of the friendship.  Just like on a job, the boss expects for their employees to act in a certain manner or do certain things.  It's not a control issue its the expectation of the job. 

So, in friendships, one friends expect for their friends to uphold a certain level of loyalty to them.  The same goes for family members... Family expects that no matter what they do, the other family member will always be there for them.  Regardless of how foul they have been.  Your family and that's what is expected. 

 

And yes, i do agree that some friendship bonds are stronger than family ties.  But even in that case the question is Where does your Loyalty lie?

 

In the instance of the FB examples... It seems as if the person who refuses to delete a non-important acquantince is actually the one with control issues.  It's as if they are saying "you are not the boss of me"  so i will not delete anyone.  And like Jai said it's as if you would be disregarding the feelings of your friend. 

 

I remember a time when a couple of friends of mine did not want me to hang out with their boyfriends, they did not feel comfortable with my relationship with their men.  I didn't say screw you, "you are not the boss of me".  Those men were friends of mine, but I had to fall back because my loyalty was too the girlfriends.  If i still chose to talk and hang out with their men regularly that meant that i disregarded their feelings.  I would have totally been telling them that "i don't care what you say.. i will be cool with who i want".   Just food for thought...

 

In the instance of family and remaining neutral, I guess remaining neutral is necessary when dealing with two very close friends that have a falling out and you are equally as close to the both of them.  I have been in that situation as well. 

Now, someone bought Marriage into the equation.  When you get married doesn't your husband then become your family... you become 1 flesh.  You have a bond with that person.  So should a persons husband or wife come before their brother or sister?  hahahaha... i am laughing becuase i had issues with this as well.  When my sister was married, me and her husband did not get along, we went at it.  At times we physically fought, well he didn't hit me but i hit him.  It disturbed my sister, she would go into a room and cry.  She wanted us to get along, but when it came down to the nitty gritty.. I was her sister.  So she told him to fall back and leave me be.  Now don't get me wrong, my sister did tell me that i had to go stay at another family members house that summer just to keep the peace. 

I am now learning as an adult that there are some relationships that just shouldn't be interfered with. 

 

Anyway, i am beginning to ramble now... I have a lot to say regarding the marriage, or boyfriend/girlfriend thing. 

[jai...@gmail.com]

LoL tammy...you were out of line for that. You can't hit anybody's husband. I have dressed my BEST girlfriend down for her TONE talking to my fiance, so I would have put you on the street. LoloL.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

---

From: Tamara Evans <tamara...@gmail.com>

Sender: life...@googlegroups.com

Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2010 12:40:37 -0500

To: <life...@googlegroups.com>

ReplyTo: life...@googlegroups.com

Cc: Jen<moml...@gmail.com>; Grier Zipporah<zgr...@teamster.org>; Greg Arnum<gregor...@gmail.com>; sadie lang<sweets...@yahoo.com>; sweetsadie79<sweets...@gmail.com>

Subject: Re: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

[Tamara Evans]

I was a teenager then... I know better now. :-)

[Frankela Albury]

I have strong feelings toward boyfriend/girlfriend/marriage & family.  Family not friends.  To me in that case, the subject becomes very touchy. Because when you have immediately family members of whom you are very close too, and you come upon a problem between them & your relationship.  That party needs to do all that they can to resolve the matter.  Because I feel, I'll always be your sister & have your back. They may not always be your husband or wife.  And if you sever our relationship for your spouse & one day your spouse does you wrong or leaves you, its your close relative you'll need to lean on in that time of trouble & they not being there for you will as much if not more than what your spouse has done.

I've seen people choose spouses over mothers/sisters/brothers & children.  And end the end blood is blood & spouses don't have to stay & looking at divorce rates usually don't.

On Dec 23, 2010 12:58 PM, <jai...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Faunya Estrada]

This is true that family will always be your family (who said anything about sister, hmmm.....).  But, just like the fact that they are your family doesn't mean that they will always have your back, like there's no way to guarantee that your husband will always have your back.

 

However, if you choose to commit your life to someone in marriage, commit your life to that someone in marriage. Living in fear and acting like that person will not be around forever is setting yourself up for failure before failure even happens. A family member who has your best interest at heart will not make you choose.  If that spouse has done something scandalous to a family member, then that is a different story.  However, if that family member has an issue with the spouse because she thinks they are not enough good for you or doesn't have the type of attitude they like or thinks you deserve to be treated better....get over it.  Love that family member enough to encourage, hope and pray they are not a statistic, instead of helping to make them one.

 

I am not suggesting that you turn your back on your family and focus only on your family.  You try your best to bring them all together, but when it comes down to it, priorities are priorities......and after God, my marriage comes next and then my family.

 

 

--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Life Talk" group.
To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to life_talk+...@googlegroups.com.
For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/life_talk?hl=en.

[Nia Marie]

I really don't have 2 many TRUE friends but the ones I do have are my
FAMILY & I treat them as such although they are not my blood. I
consider myself a "ride or die" person. I am all about LOYALTY. If a
friend of mine needs me I am there. If they get into an altercation &
I am present, that becomes my beef as well. Just as with my BLOOD
relatives, I would do ANYTHING for my friends that is in my will & I
kno in return they will do the same. "Keep it real w/ those that keep
it real w/ u"!! I DEFINITELY live by this!

[tamara...@gmail.com]

I agree with you Nia.

BTW - Welcome to our group. I hope u find the topics of interest to you. When did you join?
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

-----Original Message-----
From: Nia Marie <deedee...@gmail.com>
Sender: life...@googlegroups.com
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2010 11:28:01
To: Life Talk<life...@googlegroups.com>
Reply-To: life...@googlegroups.com
Subject: Re: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

[antonia parker]

thank you! I joined 2day.

On Dec 23, 2010 2:58 PM, <tamara...@gmail.com> wrote:

I agree with you Nia.

BTW - Welcome to our group. I hope u find the topics of interest to you. When did you join?
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

-----Original Message-----
From: Nia Marie <deedee...@gmail.com>
Sender: life_talk@googlegroups...

Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2010 11:28:01
To: Life Talk<life...@googlegroups.com>

Reply-To: life_talk@googl...

I really don't have 2 many TRUE friends but the ones I do have are my

FAMILY & I treat them as such ...

[Donnie estrada]

This a girl topic today! But I will say, 1. How old are we? 2. We are talking about Facebook Friends! Men typically don't have these types of issue, so we typically don't worry about this or that stuff. But I would much rather keep peace and smooth things over. But its really no reason for us all to lose a friend when that did anything to me. Sure what they did or didn't do was bad but I wasnt directly affected. So I just have to learn to keep two worlds separate.

[Faunya Estrada]

Yeah, sounds a little selfish, fearful & disloyal to me.

So, it doesn't matter if a friend hurt or did something foul to your family member or spouse.....as long as it wasn't you they hurt, you'll just pretend they never did anything wrong & keep the two relationships separate?

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

---

On Dec 23, 2010 4:07 PM, Donnie estrada <estra...@gmail.com> wrote:

This a girl topic today! But I will say, 1. How old are we? 2. We are talking about Facebook Friends! Men typically don't have these types of issue, so we typically don't worry about this or that stuff. But I would much rather keep peace and smooth things over. But its really no reason for us all to lose a friend when that did anything to me. Sure what they did or didn't do was bad but I wasnt directly affected. So I just have to learn to keep two worlds separate.

On Dec 23, 2010 2:58 PM, <tamara...@gmail.com> wrote:

[tamara...@gmail.com]

Ok, enough of the jokes... Everyone knows that I don't like foolishness and I am sick. Half conscience...

Who is Nia or antonia or whatever ur name is? U are responding with different names under the same email address.

Who are you? Reveal yourself!!!

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

---

From: antonia parker <deedee...@gmail.com>

Sender: life...@googlegroups.com

Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2010 16:02:14 -0500

To: <life...@googlegroups.com>

ReplyTo: life...@googlegroups.com

Subject: Re: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

--

[Frankela Albury]

okay that's a question that needs to be offlined.  I was talking to a friend about our group talk over the phone and they asked.  If I were in a relationship/marriage with a guy and my sister told me that my husband made a pass at her, who would I believe and who's side would I take, and instantly without a second thought, I said my sister, I'd believe my sister.

 

Because I know the character of my sister and I would never believe she would lie to me.  Also confronted with that situation I'd confront my husband and ask questions and probably more than likely cut him off. 

 

I say this to say, you know the character of your husband, your best friends and your family.  And if you allow certain types of people into your circle then you know the type of people you are dealing with.  So most times if you have to choose, you basically (even if you give one party the benefit of the doubt) know who you are dealing with.

[antonia parker]

My name is AntoNIA but my friends call me NIA & a member of this group invited me 2 join. NE MORE QUESTIONS POLICE???!!!

On Dec 23, 2010 4:47 PM, "Faunya Estrada" <faunya....@gmail.com> wrote:

Yeah, sounds a little selfish, fearful & disloyal to me.

So, it doesn't matter if a friend hurt or did something foul to your family member or spouse.....as long as it wasn't you they hurt, you'll just pretend they never did anything wrong & keep the two relationships separate?

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

On Dec 23, 2010 4:07 PM, Donnie estrada <estra...@gmail.com> wrote:

This a girl topic today! Bu...

--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Life Talk" group.

To...

[jai...@gmail.com]

LoL omg!!! No fights no fights. Tamara has a stomach virus and a high grade fever. She was confused. No beef in the group chat. (Plus she's family so per this thread of conversation I would have to take her side :p ) all is well

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

From: antonia parker <deedee...@gmail.com>

Sender: life...@googlegroups.com

Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2010 18:44:54 -0500

To: <life...@googlegroups.com>

ReplyTo: life...@googlegroups.com

Subject: Re: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

[tamara...@gmail.com]

Yes, I do have 1 more question... WHO invited you??

Don't get me wrong. We welcome new people and different opinions, but no one seems to know who you are or who invited you.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

From: antonia parker <deedee...@gmail.com>

Sender: life...@googlegroups.com

Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2010 18:44:54 -0500

To: <life...@googlegroups.com>

ReplyTo: life...@googlegroups.com

Subject: Re: Group Discussion: "Is Blood thicker than Water?"

[antonia parker]

Its not wat u say its how u say it!!!! Wat she said came off as offensive. No beef though! Its nice 2 meet everyone

On Dec 23, 2010 6:52 PM, <tamara...@gmail.com> wrote:

Yes, I do have 1 more question... WHO invited you??

Don't get me wrong. We welcome new people and different opinions, but no one seems to know who you are or who invited you.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

________________________________

From: antonia parker <deedee...@gmail.com>
Sender: life...@googlegroups.com

Date: Thu, 23 Dec...

My name is AntoNIA but my friends call me NIA & a member of this group invited me 2 join. NE MORE QU...

To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.

To unsubscribe from this group, sen...

You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Life Talk" group.

To post to this group, send email to life...@googlegroups.com.

To unsubscribe from this group, sen...

[Faunya Estrada]

Sorry, Nia!  We are not trying to be rude.

Tammy- Will invited her. I told Donnie to ask, but he never did.

:-) All is well.  We welcome your input, as well as everyone else's.

-- Sent from my Palm Pre