why i hate chain mail

[Catherine Ma]

this is what EVERY  chain mail I have ever gotten says but simplified 

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like: Stupid Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of sewerage, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!! Stupid Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his girlfriend. They both died. Their families were so upset that everyone related to them (even by marriage) went crazy and pent the rest of their miserable lives in an institution. This Could Happen To You!!! Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be OK.

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends -A friend is someone who is always at your side, -A friend is someone who likes you even though you have body odor, -A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly, -A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself, -A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life, -A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be attacked by a mad goat and then thrown in a pile of garbage, -A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry- that's the cleaning lady, -A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be eaten by wild goats.

This is the funniest thing in the world! In exactly 87 seconds, you have to send this to 275 people, then if you press (space bar + tab + backspace + page up) a clip will pop up on your screen of a mad goat attacking your enemy and butting him into a pile of garbage! I couldn't stop laughing, even though since I'm typing this I obviously couldn't have seen it yet, and there is absolutely no way to attatch a clip in a way that you have to send the email before you see the clip, it's still true! And you know what else is true? I am Batman! And if you stay online doing absolutely nothing for one hour after sending this, I'll email you a gift certificate for five million dollars to spend at Wal-Mart! Just forget the fact that I have no way of finding the email addresses of people who send this out, and the fact that stores will recognize a fake gift certificate. Just send this out, you'll be glad you did! Wasn't that a fun little anthology? Now, if you don't send this to anyone, guess what'll happen to you--nothing! But if you do decide to send this to some people, you might feel special for helping people to see the light and realize that chain letters aren't magical, they're just obnoxious. Maybe someday we can make all chainletters die the horrible death that some of them threaten us with. Now that a bunch of religious chainletters are appearing, i'm just waiting for one that says that if you don't send this on, God will make lightening strike you, or angels will get sad and cry torrents of rain on your un-raincoated, un-umbrellaed head. So if you get something that's funny and cool (like this ;) ), send it, but if it turns out to be a threat or a guilt trip, just do the world a favor and delete it. Is it that hard?

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

(scroll down) Make a wish!!! Really, go on and make one!!! Oh please.... they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! Not that, you moron!!! Something else! Quick!!! Is your finger getting tired yet? STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be attacked by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of garbage. It's true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes: *Send this to 1 person: One person will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *5-10 people: 5-10 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *10-20 people: 10-20 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. *20 to 674,951 people: 20 to 674,951 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

thanx for reading!